i've wanted to blog about this for a long time. not quite sure exactly how to approach the matter, but will do so one word at a time. some babies are born with a lot to say!!! when we went from no babies to one, let me tell you, it was the shock of a life time!!! zealand's name means "passionate for a cause" and boy does he live up to that definition. to this day, he is passionate about any and every cause. having barely any experience around newborn babies, i initially assumed "hmm, this is just life with a newborn, i guess." and what was "life with a newborn" like? never putting the baby down. if you put the baby down, the baby cries. if you just hold the baby, he cries. if you don't want the baby to cry, you bounce on a ball. if he's still crying, you nurse and bounce. once he's done nursing, you keep bouncing. when you need to eat, you wear him. oh, he cries cause you're doing something other than bouncing. better keep bouncing while you eat. he's hungry too. nurse him while wearing him while bouncing while eating. sleepy time. try to put him down. nope. he instantly wakes up crying. nurse him back to sleep. sneak away. nope. he cries. wear him so he can sleep. wake up every hour when he wakes up crying to nurse. bounce him back to sleep every time. wear him for every nap. he has a dirty diaper, put him on changing table while he cries the whole time getting a new diaper. all clean now, bounce him back to contentment. haven't showered in awhile? shower with him. wanna put lotion on your legs and freshen up? nope. baby cries when you bend down while you're holding and bouncing him so you never wear lotion again. time to get in the car. baby hates car seat. baby cries the whole time on every driving occasion. to the grocery store, to church, to mommy functions.. unless hubby drives, in which case i sit in the backseat and do the ABITMCM. (acrobat boob in the mouth carseat maneuver). oh, so this is just how it is when in the car now. this is life with a newborn, right? when we had some people come over to meet him, a friend said "wow, you have a fussy baby." i did not like that statement. though it made me wonder, is he harder to care for than most other babies? maybe this is unusual? as i attended some la leche league mom groups and had other various encounters with new moms and new babies, i'd observe that their baby fell asleep in a car seat, or that they could carry on conversations with friends and their babies would sit in their laps while they were perfectly still. WHAT?!!! how is that POSSIBLE?!! your baby just sits there?!! for me, any conversation with any human was strained and distracted cause my attention was on soothing my baby. i literally think there were months of 24/7 soothing. nothing was wrong with him. he was a high needs baby. i knew that this type of attention and soothing was what he needed. i wanted to give him the love and affection that he was crying for. and for whatever reason, he seemed to need more than the average baby. i accepted that fact. i had my fair share of overwhelming tears and prayers and at a certain point, i accepted my life as a mother and i accepted his need level and i was OK with it. i wanted to know my son. and getting to know him at that age meant knowing how to soothe him and being willing to do it... no matter the demand. zealand also has BHSes regularly. (breath holding spells). not the kind when you hear the baby crying a big cry into silence and then they catch their breath... he would cry into silence and turn blue and pass out from not catching his breath, resulting in mouth to mouth on a daily basis. yeah, the first time that happened i freaked out! he was 6 months old and i was in an airport bathroom changing his diaper and it came out of nowhere. from that point on, he started having a BHS about once a week which increased into several times a day and now he does this once every few days. i was a zombie for 18 months and still am recovering from the season (he'll be 3 in november). at 18 months is when i night weaned him.. until that point he was still waking up about 5-7 times a night to nurse. i'm a nurse on demand kind of mama and the increments just never decreased. people would ask about number "2" and i thought that was crazy. people have 2 of these? well, i found out i was pregnant when zealand was 20 months old. i weaned him at 22 months. at the time, he was still nursing about 8-10 times a day. we did cold turkey. his papa took him on a 5 day trip. that was hard. and then baby amélie comes around. i knew on day one that her demand level was completely different. the whole constant soothing the baby lifestyle is non-existent. she still has needs. she poops, and i change her diaper. she gets hungry, so i feed her. she can fall asleep by herself. i can just sit and talk to friends with her in my lap, completely still. i maybe spend 5-10 minutes in a 24 hour period soothing her. taking care of her doesn't feel like much work. my children are amazing and two of the hugest gifts in my life. i know the "difficult" element of zealand's infancy will be honed into such an incredible strength in his adult character. i am so thankful to be a part of his life journey and honored that God trusts me to mother such a spirited, life infused force. amélie is the sweetest, calmest, smiley being and her presence is one of peace and balance in our household. the question "is she a good baby?" doesn't quite phrase well because no matter the difficulty level... high needs baby, low needs baby... all babies are good babies!!!
