Parents: We provide you with food and shelter, all you have to do is study, still you can't score well, still you can't get the first position, still, you are not able to achieve or qualify any examination why so?
An Adult: I feel sometimes low, depressed, emotional and a lot many emotions instead of motivation to study for 12 hours straight because I don't have any reality to hold because I got betrayed so many times with my own friends, relatives and people whom I trust once, that it's hard to trust them again which makes me weak to accept the reality around me and trust myself too.
I feel guilty of many of my mistakes and lies that I have done and told out of sudden situations which I was really not intended to do at that time but I do it anyways and hurt many people and I feel sorry for that too at night when I am not able to sleep but now I can't even accept what I have done because it's too late for me, neither they will listen nor I can tell.
I do fear sometimes that what if I am not able to succeed like my other friends or from SHARMA JI KA BETA OR BETI *because so many times it happens and they score better than me and then you people say that look that person got selected and you can't make it up. Though later, you people forget that thing but it creates toxicity in me which never allows me to be faithful to my friends or anyone close to me and that too makes me more guilty of my own behaviour.
You know I used to love someone, but I don't know whether you people are going to accept that person or not that's why I think a lot and my mind get distracted with one of these reasons and I can't focus . so, I keep a safe distance from that person because you told me that if I ever do something like that then it will be bought shame to you people and family.
Also, The Image that I have to make and think before what I speak to everyone I met, either my cousins , friends or my relatives haunts me because I was conditioned to behave nicely even on their taunts and misbehaviour since childhood and I am enough of it now. I can't pretend what I am not. I just want to embrace my mediocrity, like the way, I am..half complete, half puzzled or total confused whatever it is.. I just want to accept and walk without fear.
The lines that I used to listen regarding ambitions, goals are alright but you never ask what I exactly want because all you give me food and shelter and in return, I have to study and excel whatever I do or whatever you tell me to do.
It's not possible, it's really not possible because the kid in me still cries aloud and maybe I am not right always but so do you. I only want you people to just trust me so that I can trust myself. I am ready to take all risks, failures in my life and will cherish all success and qualify whatever exam I wish to give but I only want to trust me, to believe me, to love me without thinking about anybody's reaction on my ups and downs.
I promise you, I am strong and I am gonna make you all proud with whatever I have Mom and dad and to every relative who set their eyes on me. That food and shelter are important but this time I want more than that because you people are important and I need you ,not only want you. The support matters especially when emotions are not stable with the mind ,of course.
