๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ a different collective of nerve endings each time the wrapping rustled. fett focused on his breathing. his knees ready to buckle, tossing him to the ground like one of those filth-sucking bastards who treated everywhere outside their car like a bin.
ย ย ย ย ย ย measured in, measured out wouldโve worked better if his own blood wasnโt playing drums on his skull.
ย ย ย ย ย ย fett was terrified to look at her, to witness firsthand her reaction. even a positive yield horrified him, because what was boba to do with retribution? at first it was just his eyes darting back and forth, peeking only the ghost of her outline in his periphery. his spying grew more desperate. fingers trembled, a pulse throbbed in a finger each. his stiff neck felt like itโd crack like an egg as morbid curiosity slowly maneuvered his chin in her direction.
ย ย ย ย ย ย โ goddammit. โ
ย ย ย ย ย ย fuck. eyelids squeezed shut, brow creased. that was exactly what he didnโt want to hear. what was the plan if she purposefully dropped it? truthfully, he might ship himself along with it.
ย ย ย ย ย ย as fett just about collapsed in on himself. more of his weight nursed the railing. a comforting foray into the macabre spared him for a fraction of a second from the real life soap opera he willingly casted him in. fett was an imposing man, but not a big one. still, he wondered if the woodwork was more decorative than defensive. if he leaned any deeper, would the life insurance be split between his daughter and replacing the fucking balusters?
ย ย ย ย ย ย to his horror, tano joined him on the snow capped perch, the parasaurolophus precariously presented mere meters from the abyss. saliva swallowed in self-soothing cut like serrated daggers down the dry innards of his throat.
ย ย ย ย ย ย โ what possessed you โ โ
ย ย ย ย ย ย you. always you. iโm selfish. i hope you are too.
ย ย ย ย ย ย โ beautiful โ was a hot knife to the heart. he felt more fragile than the glass in her hands. โ i understand better than you think. โ he spoke to the midnight blue. the same shade as the ocean that separated him from the brachiosaurus he betrayed. who died alone and afraid, swallowed by the violent abandonment that was the magnum opus of all his evils. he saw her now in the swirling void beyond the 60-watt halo. not as a phantom, but a solid morph. a gentle titan boba knew all his life. a landmark he navigated by as he fumbled and fumed into manhood.
ย ย ย ย ย ย like many of her sisters and resurrected counterparts, sheโd seen humans as a promise of comfort and care. they made illness go away. made it so she never tasted hunger or thirst or fear. these much smaller beings migrated several times in her life, but always, no matter how many sunsets and rises passed, they returned to keep her safe.
ย ย ย ย ย ย until they didnโt.
ย ย ย ย ย ย until he didnโt.
ย ย ย ย ย ย the matriarch of nublar reared in an attempt to raise her head above deathโs grasp. boba listened to her scream as she was entombed in a pyroclastic coffin. a final, sorrowful plea to the sight and scent of a human she recognized as a constant throughout her own life. a guardian she knew protected her in the past, moving further and further away.
ย ย ย ย ย ย bobaโs eyes were on fire. the accusation he thought belonged to a vengeful eidolon was instead the routine nightsong of a surviving sister.
ย ย ย ย ย ย forcing the treasonous emotions blurring his vision back whence they came, boba cleared his throat and did all the bullshit within his power to avoid sniffling. fettโs monstrous willpower wasnโt enough to accomplish such a feat, so he played it as if it was the cold getting to him.
ย ย ย ย ย ย now what? what could he possibly say that justified unearthing this particular fossil. fett wasnโt a gambler. he calculated every step, planned for the ambush of variables, and loaded contingencies like bullets, primed to keep him alive.
ย ย ย ย ย ย so why, as someone who tamed risk into guarantee, did he not plan this far ahead? no, that wasnโt true. boba had imagined what this minefield would look like, but when it came to what it might sound like, any speculation turned to a crescendo of ringing in his ear.
ย ย ย ย ย ย once boba got it in his head that this was how heโd start his amends, he agonized over the incapacity for prediction. when he wasnโt toiling over his project, boba was stretching his already long work hours thin since he wasnโt getting anything done, torn between dedication and distraction.
ย ย ย ย ย ย the parasaur. glancing at it, boba steeled himself against the twinge in his chest. heโd been so particular about the exact shade of amethyst glow. countless hours spent with it, now boba struggled to look at it. his eyes trailed back to the hidden horizon. it was a gift he had every intention of following up with a proposal once upon a different lifetime.
ย ย ย ย ย ย โ i considered an olive branch, but i thought you might beat me to death with it. โ a joke, mostly.
ย ย ย ย ย ย sighing much louder than intended, bobaโs hands slunk into his pockets. back his neck arched till the bottom of his skull touched the top of his spine. he savored the dark behind closed eyes, his breath a ghost in the freeze. buying time he didnโt have, collecting hieroglyphic thoughts. unable to decipher his own reasons, how the hell could the man offer tano a semblance of adequate.
ย ย ย ย ย ย โ weโre colleagues, again. weโve kept it civil. watched each otherโs backs. guaranteed this place stays a step ahead of disaster. itโs just like old times, except . . . it's all changed. iโm not asking for forgiveness. iโm not an idiot, i know i donโt deserve it. but it wasnโt right, how things ended. deep wounds need real sutures. closure, i reckon thatโs the word. โ
ย ย ย ย ย ย โ iโve never been good with words. i needed to find a way to say iโm โ โ regret spread like a disease. infecting his iron fortitude, blistering his stomach lining. nausea clawed like a rotten hand at his insides. the sierras crumbled beneath a stygian tide that rushed around his peripherals. the solosโ manicured deck was a glorified raft, bobbing beneath unsteady legs.
ย ย ย ย ย ย โ sorry. โ
ย ย ย ย ย ย thirty years mustโve passed since boba last uttered that insignificant word. probably to appease a very upset mother. โ so sorry, โ it dissolved on his tongue, leaving him breathless. โ but that wordโs just not good enough. โ
ย ย ย ย ย ย what worth was a sorry weighed against the bodies of terrified creatures driven into the sea. or the six kids he could have spared months of duress if he disobeyed the shadowy cheques that fed his bank account.
ย ย ย ย ย ย sorry didnโt spare the matriarch the anguish of her flesh melted from her splintering bones. devoured alive by molten terror and tephra, returning her to stone.
ย ย ย ย ย ย โ crush it or keep it, i needed something stronger. and even that doesnโt cut it. but i owed you that much. โ he sought the support of the railing again, suddenly drained. somewhere in the indigo treetops, a spotted owl hoohooโd, mercifully filling the empty air. to snow glistening in the lowlight below boba whispered, โ my mistakesโll bury me before the dirt does. โ