eat cookies, read books, bingewatch TV series 📚

“Context I was playing a barbarian in a solo campaign and had just made it to a silver dragons lair and wanted to make a dramatic intrance.”

Me: “I'ma gonna knock”

Me (ooc): “I try to kick the doors open”

DM: “ok roll strength”

*fails roll*

DM: “doors don’t budge”

Me: (ooc): “I try again”

DM: “ok it’s still strength ”

Me (ooc) : “nat 20”

DM: “ok the doors make a loud cracking noise the slightly open a bit a get stuck you can try to squeeze through opening if you want.”

Me (ooc): “WHAT? HOW? WHY? BUT NAT 20!!!”

DM: “it’s a set of pull doors”

Me: “screw this”

Me (ooc): “I’ll just go through the wall”

DM: “ok roll strength ”

Me (ooc):“ fine” *rolls a 29*

DM: “ok you easily fine a weak spot in the wall back up a little the run straight through there is now a you shaped hole next to the door.”

Me (ooc): “good now cam I see the dragon from here?”

DM: “roll perception ”

Me: “ok” *rolls a 10*

DM: “that’s enough you see the dragon sleeping in front of you.”

Me (ooc): “really after all that?!!”

Captain Janeway: Vito Corleone. I’m going to a Mob Costume party.

Chakotay: A Mob Costume party?

Captain Janeway: Yeah. And this is a statue of Jimmy Hoffa. Tuvok made it for me. I bring one every year.

Chakotay: What for?

Captain Janeway: At the end of the party the mobsters blow it up. There’s a little fuse in his head. But I think we need to change the design.

Harry Kim: Why is that?

Captain Janeway: Because people are always re-doing the fuse to make it shorter. That way it blows up right when they light it.

Harry Kim: But that’s not safe.

Captain Janeway: I know. That’s why I’m changing it.

Harry Kim: What are you gonna do?