i’m not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon. a planet with one dense, root beer scented atmosphere blocking out the sun and choking all life. 

i consider this a sort of prose poem to be honest

last supper but jesus left the room to take a smoke break outside and now we’re all sitting around feeling uncomfortable because he was the mutual friend and we dont know each other

the power of christ compels YOU. im ok though

Whenever I meet a weird girl with an unnatural haircolor im like ‘hm yeah ok’ but when I meet a weird girl with natural hair color, or godforbid blonde highlights you know that bitch is fucking nuts 

Blue haired girls will bitch about you on twitter but girls with natural hair colors will sabotage your car brakes

once your post hits 5k people will start tagging it as shit like "oh my god bumbo wexler absolutely wrote this" and you google him and it's like. a disgraced ex member of AC/DC