when it comes to love i don’t choose sides

“You seem distracted.” Ellaria teased, pulling you out of your state as you both rode your horses into the city.

“Just in awe.” You clarified as your eyes danced across the bright colored buildings and the jubilant people welcoming back their prince. “Your homeland…it’s beautiful.”

Ellaria smiled softly, a smile that would have looked out of place on someone with a razor tongue. But you knew her, and you hoped she would always smile at you like that.

“For as much as Oberyn and I love to travel, Dorne will always be my favorite place. Sunspear agrees with you.”

You couldn’t argue with that. It was as if the land itself had opened up to you.

But you saw the people among the streets, saw them whisper as they looked at you. You normally did not care about the judgement of others, but whispers could be dangerous to a foreigner. If word of an assassin sworn to obey the command of Tyrion Lannister, the Martell’s sworn enemy reached the ears of the people, you knew your presence would create an uncomfortable situation for House Martell.

“Don’t worry. The people simply do not know you, but they will.” Ellaria assured confidently.

“I hope you’re right.”

It wasn’t long before you reached the palace. You dismounted your horses and walked up the luscious water gardens until you were inside the palace. It was as if the palace had built by the very sand that it rested upon. The many columns and archways were more impressive than they were foreboding, unlike the Red Keep.

You thought you were being received in a throne room, only to find Doran Martell waiting comfortable in a small parlor, a man behind him which you could only assume was his guard judging by the size of him. You imagined most people thought of Dorne’s ruler as weak and feeble given his condition, but Doran seemed every bit as stoic and strong as a king should be.

“This is my brother, Doran, Prince of Dorne and head of House Martell.” Oberyn introduced, like he was proud to be by your side, proud to introduce you to his brother.

You hoped you were worthy of all that.

“Welcome to Dorne, Silver Hawk. I’ve heard many a great stories about you.” Doran greeted warmly. Strong, stoic…and incredibly kind.

“It is an honor, your grace. I am very fortunate to be received by such a beautiful land and by such a kind family.”

“A land that has only been made more beautiful by your presence.”

Were all the Martells just inherently charming?

“Be careful, brother. I had my eyes on her long before you and even then she did not take so kindly to my…compliments.” Oberyn teased, making you roll your eyes.

“Your grace, it was a much more complicated situation.” You defended before flashing Oberyn a look that was anything but pleased.

But Doran simply chuckled. “Nothing with my brother is anything less than complicated. As I said before you are very welcome here. Should you need anything during your stay do not hesitate to ask it of us.”

You smiled softly. When was the last time you liked someone so quickly?

“Your grace is too kind. Thank you for your generosity. I will do what I can to repay you for it.”

Doran shook his head. “Not necessary. You are a guest, I demand nothing. Please, simply enjoy your stay. You are welcome to join the rest of the family for dinner, however, if you are overwhelmed by your travels and prefer to be alone we will happily send some to bring you food.”

“Oh that won’t be necessary.” You quickly intervened. Most of the time you hunted your own food, food being prepared for you was strange let alone having being brought to you. “I’d be happy to join everyone at dinner. Oberyn and Ellaria have spoken so highly of their family and I’m eager to meet them.”

“Wonderful. I will see you this evening then.” And with that, Doran was assisted out of the parlor and out into the water gardens.

“He liked you almost as quickly as I did. Though you were much friendlier and obliging than you were upon our first meeting.” Oberyn teased, almost like he was wounded. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you prefer my brother.”

“I don’t prefer anyone.” You retorted sharply, glaring at him disapprovingly. “However, your brother never asked if I would consider fucking him.”

Ellaria didn’t even try holding back her laughter.

Oberyn smiled devilishly. “I simply made our desires known litse riñe.”

“Litse riñe?”

Oberyn smirked, but didn’t elaborate. “Come, we will show you to your quarters.”

You looked to Ellaria, hoping she would explain the meaning of her lover’s words, but she simply cupped your cheek gently and smiled before following Oberyn.

The room was better than you could have imagined. A huge open archway allowed sunlight into your room, and led to a small balcony that overlooked the city. But doors were attached, she you could close them at night and keep yourself safe, or to at least feel protected. The bed was huge, it encompassed the middle of the room, yet there was still space for more things. The wall opposite the balcony was lined with books, maps, and scrolls that you were sure would be well-read by the time you left this place.

“This is too much. Would you rather save this space for an honored guest? I’m perfectly fine in a-“

“You are an honored guest.” Ellaria cut off. “And you should be more than just comfortable. Who knows how long it will be until you are able to return to Tyrion? This place should feel like home, even if it’s just for a little while.” She chided, but somehow you got the feeling she wouldn’t mind this being your room permanently.

“It’s just so…big.” You had never had anything this nice, not even in the Red Keep.

“If you don’t like it we can-“

“No!” You cut off Oberyn quickly before calming yourself. “I mean, if you need this room for another guest or for any reason at all I should be happy in a smaller quarters. But this room is perfect. I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful…I’m just not used to such….luxury.”

Because that’s what this was, a luxury that you weren’t quite sure you deserved, or even knew what to do with.

Oberyn chuckled and glanced around the room. “You should join me in the library sometime if you wish to see true luxury.”

“Or our bedroom.”

Both you and Oberyn shot Ellaria a surprised look, both of you thinking talk like that was out of the question, especially since you had made your feelings of discomfort known when it came to flirting.

But Ellaria was far more observant than her lover. You let Oberyn call you a sweet name without too much questioning, even though you could easily get the explanation out of him. You let Ellaria touch your cheek without even flinching.

And you had kissed their knuckles aboard the ship. A simple gesture that should have seemed like nothing, but was everything to the three of you.

“As soon as I am settled I’d love to see everything.”

“We hope to see you there soon. Until then, get settled and join us for dinner. I will send Syrene in to help you unpack.”

“Thank you….both of you.” You said simply, though you knew there were not any words you knew of that could have expressed your gratitude.

They both simply smiled at you before taking their leave. You began to unpack, which really just meant you took off your sheath of arrows. The rest of it was already there. A large dresser was already full with pretty gowns that you were sure you would never wear. But Ellaria and Oberyn knew you better than that. In the lower drawers were cotton pants and loose shirts. Different from the heavy woolen shirts you wore under your armor in the North, even different from the tight under-armor you wore in the capital. Still, Dorne was a blistering hot country, and although the clothes still didn’t exactly suit your tastes, they were certainly the most logical for the climate.

But you didn’t have the slightest clue what to wear to dinner. Normally you wouldn’t care, but you’ve never been a guest of a great house before, especially not as just another assassin. Did they expect you to dress nicely? Or did they expect you as you always were, with arrows strapped to your back and armor covering your body.

As if she heard your thoughts, Syrene knocked at your door.

“I’m so glad Oberyn and Ellaria sent you. What am I expected to wear to dinner.”

Syrene thought for a moment. “Well…you aren’t on duty as a guard or anything now, and you have no reason to wear your armor, so…” she opened your drawers, luckily the ones that weren’t full of dresses.

“Here.” He laid out a…you weren’t quite sure what it was.

“How do I get in it?”

Syrene laughed. “You step in it, silly. It’s all one piece so it somewhat gives the appearance of a dress, but still gives you the freedom to move as you do in trousers.”

It wasn’t the worse thing you had ever seen. It was a brown color, but it had orange hues that matched the Dornish colors. In the middle was a think brown belt that would easily let you hide your dagger (not that you knew how to use it well, or that you even thought you needed it, but you could never be too careful). Your arms would be exposed, but you supposed you could deal with that for tonight, especially in such a hot climate.

If you were being honest with yourself, you actually really liked the design.

“Thank you, this is perfect.” You knew you would be indebted to your friend by the end of your stay in Sunspear

“Do not mention it. Would you like me to do you hair?” She offered kindly.

Your hair, when was the last time you ever cared about your hair?

“No, I think I will just put it up in a simple braid, but thank you.” You could change your ways a little in a new land, but somethings you wanted to control. Your hair was always up or in some sort of braid, you didn’t want to change that now.

“Certainly.” Syrene smiled. “Are you nervous about dining with them? I mean, the Martell’s are a good family, but I think I would be scared to dine with such highborn people.” She admitted.

But you simply shrugged.

“They’re just people. I don’t believe in people being born higher or lower than others, just those who were born into better circumstances. The Martells have flaws, they will live and they will die as everyone else will.” Goodness, you did not expect to reveal so much of your thoughts to her, you made a note to keep them in check. Syrene was a friend, but she was still someone you barely knew. “Like you said, they are good people. I’m not afraid of good people.”

Syrene smiled. “If I were half as intimidating as you I don’t think I could be afraid of anyone.”

You shrugged. You had always known what people thought and expected of you, but it wasn’t nearly as fun as it sounded. Sure, you could be a threat to those that challenged you, but sometimes…you just wanted friends. Tyrion had befriended you easily, but he saw through you, better than most. Not everyone was as clever as him, even Bronn and Shae had trouble trusting and connecting with you. You hadn’t blamed them, it was just…difficult.

You made a mental note to work on that.

When you were fully changed, you were shocked by the image in the mirror. It wasn’t often you were without your armor, and even now the idea of it made your heart race. What were you thinking? This was a strange land, and although you trusted the Martell’s, you couldn’t expect the whole land to be fine with an ex-guard for one of the Lannisters roaming about their homeland. If word got out quick enough, you knew there could be a bounty on your head.

You can never relax, can you?

Even when he was away Tyrion was a nagging voice in your head.

“Do you like it?” Your new acquaintance asked as she adjusted the necklace she added.

It was a hard question. Truthfully, you would always feel on edge without your armor. But otherwise….it was comfortable.

“It’s perfect.” You settled on, not wanting to hurt Syrene’s feelings nor make a big deal out of something as trivial as clothing. You could deal with being armorless for one night.

The dining hall was impressive, much larger than you expected. The the table stretched the length of the room, but everyone was gathered at one side and close together to allow easier conversation. Oberyn, Ellaria, and Doran were there, but then…four younger girls that no one could have doubted to be Oberyn’s daughters.

But when you entered, all eyes fell on you.

“Who’s the pretty lady?” A girl, you had to guess was only slightly older than the little girl next to Oberyn, asked so sweetly it could have turned even you soft.

Ellaria smiled and booped her daughter’s nose. “The pretty lady is The Silver Hawk your father and I were talking about.”

“But where’s her armor?”

“Take a good look, because this might be the only time you see me without it on.” You laughed while Oberyn stood to pull out a chair for you. “You’ll have to see me when I’m out shooting sometime. It’s better to see in the sunlight anyways.”

“Can you really shoot apples off people’s heads?” Asked another, slightly older than the other.

“Don’t be stupid, no one is that good.”

“Girls.” Oberyn cut off sharply. “Elia, that wasn’t kind, apologize to your sister.”

“But-“

“Elia.”

The girl groaned, but did as her father instructed.

“I apologize on behalf of my daughters. They have curious minds and I’ve been telling them about you in my letters. I’m afraid the tales of your talents have reach their ears and there’s no quelling their interest.”

You never did care for all the far-fetched stories about your talents, but somehow you didn’t mind Oberyn telling his girls. In truth, it was sweet. You flashed a quick smile to Oberyn before smiling softly at the little girl next to you. “I can shoot an apple off of someone’s head. I did it in King’s Landing, your mother and father saw it.”

“It’s true.” Ellaria interceded. “She saved his life too. Won a whole archery competition in front of the queen regent and the king. We have a true talent in Sunspear.”

While it was true, you didn’t know if you wanted so much attention on yourself. “All this talk about me, and I don’t even know any of your names!”

“I’m Dorea!”

You smiled, already liking the little girl who had called you pretty first thing when you walked in.

“My name is Obella. It’s a pleasure to meet your acquaintance.”

She was very articulate for so young a girl. She looked sharp, smart and clever as her father, but beautiful like her mother, showing more of her mother’s features than her sisters did. “The pleasure is all mine.”

The oldest of the four was quiet, crossing her arms in defiance. Both Oberyn and Ellaria shot her a glare, and the girl knew she wouldn’t be getting out of this.

“Elia.” She replies curtly.

“A beautiful name.” You tried complimenting, remembering that it was Oberyn’s late sister’s name.

But the girl was not so easily charmed, she remained quiet.

You didn’t know what you did to her, but you didn’t press. Even then, you liked her. You didn’t like very many people upon first meeting them either.

So this is what Oberyn and Ellaria felt like when they first met me….

Oberyn nudged the little girl sitting between you and him. She was the cutest little girl you had ever seen, but you could tell she was still shy.

“It’s your turn little one, can you tell our guest your name?” Oberyn asked, giving his little girl an encouraging nudge. But the little girl just hid her face in her father’s arm and cuddled close to him.

“She’s shy.” He mouthed to you over her little shoulder.

“You have a very pretty dress.” You complimented, hoping to get the little girl to look at you. “Very fitting for such a beautiful princess.”

The girl eventually did peek back at you, but then quickly turned back to her father. “Is she a princess?”

You weren’t even wearing a gown, so the girl’s assumption took you by surprise, but you were flattered all the same, even made you laugh a little.

“No, but she certainly looks like she could be, doesn’t she?” Oberyn smiled, ruffling her curls before lifting his head to smile at you. “I’m sure she would still love to know your name, little one.”

“I would.” You agreed.

The girl barely peeked back at you. “Loreza.”

And suddenly you liked children.

You didn’t think you had before, but your heart was already melting at all these sweet girls. Elia still needed some encouragement, but even then you liked her spunk. You had never really seen what a good, healthy, relatively normal family structure looked like, you had chosen your family after your father died, and even then it’s was just the two of you. But here were four girls lucky enough to have two parents and a luxurious home…you thought they would be entitled rich kids…only to find that Ellaria and Oberyn were the best parents you had ever seen.

And it made you softer than you would ever admit.

————————

Dinner passed by quickly, it was mostly filled with tales of your misadventures with Tyrion and the others, even some of the trouble you got up to by yourself. The girl’s hung on your every word, even Elia seemed interested, though she hid her enthusiasm far better than her little sisters.

But soon enough, Lorena gave a few quiet yawns, signaling the girl’s bed time. You smiled softly, ready to excuse yourself to let the parents tuck in their children before you felt a tug on your pants.

The little girl didn’t say anything, just lifted her hands in the air, like picking her up and carrying her was expected of you. It made you smile, but you looked to her parents for permission. They nodded and you didn’t even hesitate to scoop her up once they both gave encouraging nods. You could already see her eyes getting heavy as you let her head rest on your shoulder.

“You two will have to show me the way, I’d get lost trying to find my way by myself in this place.” You joked.

“Come on girls, I’ll tuck you in while your father and our guest take care of your sisters.” Ellaria chided, taking Elia and Obella while Oberyn scooped up Dorea.

“Good night girls, it was a pleasure meeting you both.” You smiled. Elia still seemed unimpressed, but Obella gave a sleepy wave goodbye before following her mother. You’d take the small win, even if you were determined to convince Elia that the two of you could at least be acquaintances.

A mission for another time.

Right now you needed to get the sack of potatoes in your arms to bed.

“Follow me.” Oberyn whispered, Dorea already out in his arms as quickly as Loreza fell asleep in yours.

You took quiet steps to reach their shared room. You placed the sleeping girl in her tiny bed and brushed away a few of her raven curls from her face. It was a sweet scene, almost instinctively you wanted to give both girls a goodnight kiss on the forehead, but thought better if it. They weren’t your daughters after all…

“Thank you for entertaining their imagination. My girls are strong, they have dreams of becoming warriors like their older sisters. It’s exciting for them to hear of other female warriors outside of their homeland, makes it feel all the more possible for them to achieve their dreams if they have other women to look up to.”

Look up to?

You had never thought of yourself as someone people would look up to. You didn’t do what you thought was right, you always did what you did to keep yourself alive. Their own sisters were more of an appropriate roll model, strong women who fought for their country, not for themselves.

“I’m not quite sure ‘warrior’ is the word, and I’m not sure I can inspire them as much as their own sisters probably already do, but I’d do anything to encourage them to learn how to at least protect and defend themselves. They’re strong girls, they get that from their parents.” You complimented with a small smile towards the girls’s father.

“That’s all a father can hope for. I want everything for them, I want them to be able to do anything they put their minds to. I’d do anything to help them with that.” Oberyn spoke as if you weren’t there, he was focused on Dorea, brushing her hair back from her face with careful fingers. You didn’t mind being forgotten, it was sweet. You still felt like you didn’t know everything about Oberyn, but the one thing you could be certain on was that he was a fantastic father.

He pulled himself out of his musings and returned to you. “Forgive me, I’m afraid my daughters can make me rather sentimental.”

You shook you head. “Never feel like you have to apologize for loving your daughters. I’ve never seen a man feel so blessed to have daughters, most men want sons.”

Oberyn shrugged. “Perhaps I had wondered what it would have been like to have a son, but I wouldn’t change anything, not for the world. I am too content with my daughters to change anything. Happiness is a rarity, when you have it, don’t wish to change any part of it.” He smiled before coming to stand next to you and kiss Loreza’s head as well.

And then…he was so close to you.

So close that you saw the specks of amber in his deep brown eyes, and the way his hair was much curlier near the nape of his neck, the way his chest heavily rose and fell with every steady breath.

So close that you could have touched him.

But you didn’t.

“I hope that you will find happiness here, even if it is for a brief time. I know your happiness lies with your chosen family but-“

“It’s not.” You interceded, to both of your surprise, but you had meant it all the same.

“Tyrion, Shae, Bronn, they make me feel safe, they are my family, but they’re not what makes me happy…or at least not the happiest.”

Oberyn looked at you with narrowed eyes and you just realized how cold and unfeeling you sounded. “I had a life before all of them, and I knew happiness before them. I found happiness in the trees…in using my arrows to defend myself, but to also provide for myself, whether it be from offering my services or hunting for food. I found happiness in choosing my own path. I’m not a princess or a lady, I don’t have luxury, but I also don’t have to prepare for ruling a kingdom or building one. I just…live. And nothing in the word makes me happier than that.”

And you didn’t even realize how much you were telling him. You supposed you had nothing to lose now. Your family was already in harms way and there’s was nothing you could do about it, you were in a strange land, and he was the only person you knew other than Ellaria. In truth, it was amazing that he didn’t know more about you, you felt at his mercy.

But Oberyn just looked interested in all this. You couldn’t even be surprised. You couldn’t even bring yourself to tell him about your father aboard the ship and here you were telling him your secret to happiness. Of course he would be interested, this was the most you had given him in months.

“You value freedom.” Oberyn nodded. “As do I, I just supposed I always had it. There are certain expectations as Prince, but not as many if I had been named king. It is fortunate that I was not named so.” He laughed, and while you liked Oberyn, you knew he would be a terrible king.

“You would have had a powerful queen at your side, she would have helped you…but then you would have never had the pleasure of having me threaten you in a brothel.” You teased.

“Truly the highlight of my life.”

“Naturally.”

“Naturally.”

You both chuckled before Oberyn ushered you out the door, not wanting your laughter to wake his sleepy daughters.

“Thank you for helping me get them to bed. Trying to carry both of them would have been nearly impossible and I know one of them would have been upset about trying to walk. Loreaza is shy, but she doesn’t let just anyone pick her up. She likes you, even if she doesn’t know how to say so.” Oberyn deciphered, leading you back to your room.

“I’m not sure Elia feels the same.” You laughed. Oberyn looked back to you with concern, but you shook your head. “I’m not offended, I’m the last person who had any right to be offended. I don’t like anyone I meet the first time either…except your daughters.” You added as an afterthought, realizing you took to them quicker than anyone else.

Oberyn smiled softly at the ground. “It warms my heart to hear it. Elia will come around. She is difficult at times, but she’s a smart girl. She knows more about the world than her sisters so she’s more guarded, but she will come around with time.”

You nodded, but somehow you wondered if Oberyn was making the task of winning her favor seem easier than it really was. “I’m not worried, I think she’s right to have her guard up. An archer who was previously employed by the Lannisters, marching into Dorne, their greatest enemy…I think the bigger problem will be preventing someone outside the palace from murdering me.” You tried laughing it off, but the people of Dorne were fierce people, they felt everything strongly. If there seemed to be a threat in their homeland, they would do something about it.

“Then we will have to show them that you are not our enemy.” Oberyn was apparently king of confidence. Everything seemed so simple to him, he had more faith in you than you had in yourself.

“And how do you purpose we do that?” You asked, because things were not so simple to you.

Oberyn stopped, and before you even realized it you were back at your door. He looked deep in thought, his strong brow furrowed. “I don’t know…but we will find a way. I will talk to Ellaria tonight as well. These people will not hate you. I know them as if they were of my own blood. You have too much goodness in you for them to dislike you.”

It were as if his words stole the air from your lungs. What were you to say to that? Goodness? When had anyone ever called you good? You were an assassin for hire, your job was to kill. Your goodness was a lie that not even Tyrion could pass off.

“I think you think too highly of me, Prince Oberyn.”

“I don’t think I do.”

Was he getting closer? His eyes never left yours, they burned a hole right through you. You wondered how it could suddenly feel even hotter in this desert, but the warmth flooding your cheeks was proof of the change.

Then his eyes moved to your lips.

You parted them.

Then he took your hand and placed a soft kiss to your knuckles. “Good night, Silver Hawk.”

You wanted to say something, anything, but everything felt like too much; his eyes, his warmth, his sweet kiss. You looked to him to try and convey some sense of a reply, but it seemed impossible. You scrambled into your room, only having enough control to not slam the door in his face. He had seen it, your cheeks and the look in your eye.

For the first time he had seen you look truly afraid.

Because you wanted to kiss him, but something told you you couldn’t.