₭Đ-𝕃

Jonginnie,

To be honest, my heart is impatient as I type this. I feel like a mother, worrying for her child, and I'm younger than you, imagine!

At first, I was of the opinion that you should enlist fast, with the thought that in doing so you will come back to me faster. To be honest, now, I just want to stay with you forever. It was a sudden overwhelming feeling of anxious thoughts I suppose. Jonginnie, my heart is not ready to let you go, but I am certain it will never be prepared enough.

Probably, two years later, I will read this and remember how much you cried on your Instagram live, and how I took a break from my job to cry with you in the washroom of my office. That was a lot of crying for someone who claims they don't cry; no I'm not talking about myself when I say this. Although, I'm glad, and I feel honored that you trust us enough to show us your vulnerable side. I cannot even imagine your frustration when you received the sudden news. I just felt sorry for you, for me, for EXO and us.

Believe it or not, I always knew that you're the member that I will worry about the most because of how sensitive you are.

I have so many thoughts I want to put down, but I don't even know where to begin.

Actually, after the aKaive live, I came back home and I thought a lot about what I know about the person Kim Jongin. I realized I have lived learning a lot from you. My sweet Jonginnie, sometimes I wonder; how do you still maintain your child-like innocence, when you've experienced so many harsh realities of the world?

Kim Jongin who lived diligently for 20 years, I cannot be more proud of the person you have become. You embody such a perfect balance of personality and stage presence that it's hard to not fall in love. I most especially admire your passion for your art. You are a perfect example of practice makes perfect. You're so hardworking and diligent, I remember you saying "practice until it's still fun, not until you get tired." While other idols looked to sneak out of the practice room, my Nini loved to sneak in at night to practice his dancing and singing. I'm still surprised at how you managed to not get in trouble for that. But that's what makes Jongin, Kai isn't it? I've had the pleasure of seeing you perform live, and it is undoubtedly one of the best performances I've had the pleasure of experiencing. On the same note, why are you such a perfectionist? It makes me go crazy when you get frustrated over tiny things when it comes to your performance. I can recall all the times you've cried in ments over a misstep or a mistake. It just makes the performance more unique my Nini. While thinking about this, its making me worry. Please promise me you won't stress about tiny things in the military Jongin ah.

Of all the things, my favourite characteristic about you is your benevolence, selflessness, genuine character, and empathy. It makes me want to wrap you in a baby blue blanket and protect you from the world. You have such a befitting name, Jongin, which means to "spread kindness."

My precious Jonginnie whose heart is always full of warmth, and who cares about everyone and everything around him. I could see the love you have in interaction with your family. Taking care of your mom and sisters, playing with Rahee and Raeon (Kaichun is the best), and let's not forget Monggu, Jjangah and Jjangu. You are not one to always show your love through words but your emotions speak through your actions. There is a thousand examples I can give, but one comes effortlessly to my mind. It is of the time when you would carry Junmyeon on your back up and down the stairs of the practice room when he had injured himself.

As a fan I can always feel your love when you tease and make fun of us, or when you take extra efforts to communicate with us, be it threatening the company for aKAIve, sharing pictures of your vacation on creating challenges (like the one where you ranked the bear fanarts some 8 years ago and presented awards) on EXO-L app, making vlogs or doing Instagram lives and most importantly your silly bubble messages.

What's beautiful is how this extends towards not just your loved ones but everyone in general. One instance I can think of is when the Big Issue magazine where you worked for free because 50% of the profit went to the homeless vendors. I absolutely love that you believe in the greater good and live by your father's principle of "being human above all."

Jonginnie who has the most love to give, I hope you will protect that generous heart of yours the most while we are apart.

How did you grow up so much? I remember your highschool graduation, now I'm sending you off to military. One day you're on knowing brother saying panty oppa, and the next moment you're a variety show king with a blue dragon award? I remember the days when you would burn toasts and spill coffee in electric sockets, but now you're having cooking competitions with Kyungsoo? That reminds me, I've not heard positive reviews about the food in military, so don't be a picky eater there. Have 3 meals a day, besides, it's just for the first few weeks, then you can have your favorite meals at home.

Today, as you take a turn around the corner, there is a new, different world that awaits you. Take utmost care of yourself Jongin ah. I want my Jongin back exactly as I am sending you.

I want to assure you, that even if everything changes; at the end of the two years, you will see me waiting for you.

My clumsy jongin ah, I hope you don't break things there, don't mess with electrical appliances, don't leave your phone unattended, don't forget your apple ID, actually, just get a Samsung please.

My shy Jonginnie, please make a lot of new friends in the army. On the weekends, don't forget to eat chicken. Take this opportunity to go out with friends more. Go dance in the studio, maybe pick up ballet again. Oh, and build lego, do things that will make you happy, okay?

You said I should make my dream come true, but my dream is vague and very far away. So instead, I promise to work hard towards it until you come back. It's crazy to think I will already be working somewhere for two years when you come back. Time will fly, hopefully.

Six hundred and forty days seem like a lot, and they are, speaking from past experiences. Can't you just teleport us all ahead in time?

No matter how much of a Rover you pretend to be, I hope you don't feel Blue. Come back soon to perform for me.

Until I see you again, take care and serve with pride, my Pride.

Love,

H

Baekhyunnie,

Firstly, I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday. Its 30 sexy indeed.

Although it's a happy occasion, today has approached extremely quickly for my liking. I'm still finding it difficult to wrap my head around not being able to see you for the next two years.

I am never happy when I sit to pen down these enlistment letters, but I am having an increasingly difficult time while I'm addressing yours. I've repeatedly written and erased so many words because I can't find the right words to express my heart.

When I first got to know about EXO in 2014, I remember falling hard for the charms of Byun Baekhyun. People know you today as a Genius Idol, but for me, I remember the BaekHyun in his twentys who practiced with EXO from morning to dawn right from pre-debut and continues to do so till today. Baekhyun who is always shining bright on stage, who is the most kind and humble person who always tries to bring a smile on everyone's face be it on stage or offstage even now.

My youth is spent with EXO, and naturally there have been moments in my life so far when I was at my lowest, I was feeling down, gloomy or just angsty in particular, in these times I always sought comfort from your voices. I will never have good enough words to express my sincerest gratitude towards you.

It was not until recently I realized I have been so selfish. You've always shined so bright Baekhyunnie that your light blinded all your struggles and long time sufferings. Although I do realize I couldn't have done anything even if I had known, it pains me immensely to think about how hard this journey must have been for you. All I can do, is say "Thank You for Singing for me BaekHyun-ah. You always do well."

The Baekhyun I know is a very open person, very carefree and enthusiastic; Someone who is an introvert by nature, who doesn't like to go out and strip himself of his energy by socializing, but instead he loves to stay indoors and play computer games for hours on end. The Baekhyun I know has a lot to tell us and so he does on his Vlives, he isn't particularly concerned about his image when he plops down on his couch and acts like he's alone when a million people are watching, be it short stories about his new air fryer or pictures of his favourite Mc Donald's meal. He isn't cheesy but will always send heart fluttering messages on bubble, especially when he drinks alcohol. The Baekhyun I know loves his family, friends and fans equally and will not shy away from defending them, especially from Mosquitoes.

The Baekhyun I know has never backed down from educating us, may it be calling out Sasaengs or encouraging us to fill petitions to help a cause. I admire Baekhyun as a person beyond comprehension.

Baekhyun-ah you're truly the light of our lives.

When I grew up looking at Baekhyun I learnt a lot. BaekHyun-ah, your words have always touched my too-vulnerable heart. The most important lesson I learnt is that not every day has to be a good day, but I must live anyway. We must live life at the fullest but also at our own pace and with our own terms. So until you come back from the military, I will try my best to live my life diligently. I hope to go to college and take the first steps towards my dreams, even if that means I will be getting further away from home. I wonder if we're equally scared about new adventures?

You've always been so chatty with us, how are we all going to survive without your impromptu messages and lives? I know you're just as affected by this as we are but from the way you've been talking recently, so I will diligently give you updates about my days on twitter with #백현아오늘은 in hopes that you will not keep on worrying about losing us now because we have already come so far together. I won't even be able to count the number of memories we have lived together in the past and I cant wait to make hundreds more so I can promise you I'm not going anywhere. So far you have been our light, but now allow us to be your light.

Bakekhyun-ah, take care of yourself please. I know you will be quick to make friends and acquaintances in the military because you're a literal ball of sunshine but I'm extra worried because of your health condition.

When you feel Lonely, when you want to cry, when you want to smile, don’t just embrace yourself alone alright, in a flash, just wish upon a star and my your voice will reach us passing through a sea of Moonlight. Believe in our bond and when we say Saranghaja, we truly want to be with you forever. Lets make a promise under the stars to meet soon and greet each other with smiles and stay together for a long time, we are one after all.

The Six Hundred Forty days countdown hasn't even began yet and it already feels like its going to take forever. Just know that my heart is always concerned about you, no matter how far away you are. I really am looking forward to the day I see you perform again.

My words are overflowing but I'll end this here. Baekhyun-ah until now, I've been drawing strength from you, but now I hope the thought of us waiting for you gives you nothing but strength.

Serve with pride and I expect to see my Baekhyun with his irreplaceable smile in the winter when the stars will fall like snowflakes to welcome you back.

I will see off my Genius Idol now, go do your duties as Byun Baekhyun.

Take Care, Stay Healthy and Come back Soon.

I love you, always and forever.

Love,

H

Suffering ends today.

P.S. : The Selfies are so cute!! Did you even change Baekhyun-ah??

get some gross sicko pals to be a gross sicko with. having at least one or two who you can be a hater with too is a must. helps you save face from airing your grieviances in public. and honestly nothing more satisfying that sending some stupid shit into the group chat being like “lmao u seeing this???”.

stay away from anybody who acts like fandom is serious business/activism

never feel like you need to justify your likes/dislikes to some dumb cunt on the internet

something making you uncomfortable isn’t the end of the world & often it’s actually quite good to examine your own discomfort/disgust and what it stems from. builds character.

block/mute/unfollow at the drop of a hat

Chanyeollie,

This is the fifth time I'm writing such a letter, but I'm still so unprepared, yet it is getting longer each time I sit to write one. I will try not to cry, but no guarantee.

My introduction to Park Chanyeol was he's a Happy Virus. I was amazed at how true it was, how contagious your happiness is.

I've been with you for long enough to have seen you grow so old, and so tall, I still remember the time when you and Kyungsoo were almost of the same height. Yes we're never going to forget that.

You're so passionate about everything, if you see one thing, you want to try it, and not just give it a try once but actually make it your hobby and give your all to it. I'm envious of your zeal.

But I also know how sensitive you can be. You might not show it, but I've seen you cry so many times, 2014 for instance, I remember you kneeling down beside the stage, you've broken down into sobs due to stress and exhaustion without a single soul hearing about about it, I hated it, and I hated it more when you couldn't share it with us.

Chanyeol ah, sunglasses aren't supposed to protect your tears. It hurts me that you cried when we were treated unfairly at some unwothy award show.

You tirelessly think of us, always strived to show us your happy side, always spreading positive energy to the point I felt the pressure of it all will weigh you down someday, and I wish for that day to never come.

I haven't heard your boisterous hand-slapping-the-ground-or-the-unfortunate-soul-next-to-you laughter in months and that made me feel so uneasy but I know for sure that you're not unhappy at the moment. My only wish for you is that you become willing to share your happiness again, to see you always smiling like before.

Chanyeol ah, up until today I was happy that you'll be enlisting soon, because that means you'll come back soon, but now I'm extremely upset about sending you off.

It's because you're too nice to the point of stupidity. You're too considerate.

You still take permission of your mom before everything you do.

You're too soft hearted. I worry you'll get hurt because of it.

Its because you're passionate and tough but you're still scared of bugs.

It's because I realized EXO members won't be there to be your alarm anymore.

Chanyeol ah, I'll wait for you to come back, five hundred and fifty days will fly by and I won't even notice, because I'm going to get so busy with catching up with life, but I will miss you, so much.

I know this minor bend on your road right now can cause you a little inconvenience at some point, but remember that we're always there with you, I hope in tough times your tattoo of us gives you strength to go on and endure the difficult days. Today, tomorrow and all the days that follow will be ours.

It's spring now when I'm sending you off. A lot of flowers will bloom soon, with that I hope all our love blooms in your heart like beautiful flowers and stays there until the rain drenches it in summer with our care again to flourish it more. In the autumn, they might start to dry out, but don't worry, it's so you can use you power to light them to keep yourself warm when the snow falls. We only have to wait until you come looking for us after these seasons pass.

There is no rush, I promise, I'll wait right here.

I will watch the seasons change too, and I'll try to make my life a bit better, I'll try to break my box and achieve things that I have planned for myself and for that I will borrow your zeal, so the next time I see you, I hope I will be enjoying my life as much as you will be enjoying yours.

I will anticipate hearing new music from Loey, Chanyeol, Park Chanyeol or PCY, whatever you want to bless us with.

Until then, Chanyeol ah, wake up on time, eat healthy food, and don't make us worry you softy. I know you are really excited for this and I have no doubt you'll excel in your duties so serve with pride. I will wait for you, forever and always. I love you.

2022 doesn't look too far away.

Be back soon.

Lots of Love,

H

P.S: Forgive me in advance if I laugh at your bald head.

I love you so much!! 😭💙

Just 2⅕ more to go. We can do it! 😭

Attaching the cutest selfies till date!

Chennie,

I have been fighting back my tears since your last Hello.

I've cried each time I've had to send one of you guys to the military, and today is no different.

Minseok is already on his way back home, Kyungsoo will be back soon but it will be a while for Junmyeon; what I learnt from sending them is, they will get busy with their duties, serve their countries and work on themselves, they'll come back more matured and better prepared to face the world.

I hope it's the same with you, and in the mean time, I won't sit and wait, I'll work on myself, so when we meet again, I'm not the same person, but someone who has become hardworking, diligent and more mature just like my Idols.

It's been over a year and I can't stop crying everytime I listen to Beautiful Goodbye, and now I have Hello. I know I'm just going to listen to these two on an endless loop, when I miss you a lot.

Until the spring in April, brings you back to me, take care of yourself. Don't make me worry for your well-being too, Junmyeon is enough, and not to mention your other two best friends who will soon join the list, so please make sure to eat well and rest adequately.

If you ever feel tired, just remember we share the same sky, the wind you feel is the same that flows by us, the same one that will carry our hand picked dandelions laden with our sincerest well-wishes addressed to you. Whisper your worries to it, blow them in the air, and watch your worries disintegrate. Then smile and make the sun jealous.

My Dear, I'll wait for you until when Flowers bloom again. I'll wait until you come say Hello again, because my love, Sorry, Not Sorry, it not a Beautiful Goodbye just yet. To me you're Amaranth; Unfading. You Never Know how much I wanna Hold You Tight. I have this beautiful Portrait Of You in my heart, that will keep me from missing you too much. I will still try to send you my genuine Love Words in hopes of it helping you endure tough days and have Good Nights. I'll Be There. I promise. We will get through this together, let's enter this yet another new phase in your life together. Shall We?

Kim JongDae, serve South Korea well. I will be waiting for you to come back as My Chen.

It's going to be a long time, some five hundred days, but I'll work hard and endure each one of them till you come back.

JongDae when I see you next, I want you to greet me with the brightest smile, unafraid of this world, with no regret in your heart, say Hello and don't stop at that, speak your heart out to me, with your words, your letters and with your songs.

Until then, I hope the thought of us gives you nothing but strength.

Serve well, and be back soon my Soldier, as healthy as you possibly can.

I love you, forever and I will miss you always.

I'll anticipate to hear from you again.

Soon,

H

Hello again, My Chen. 💙🥰

Myeonie,

To think that sending off Minseok and Kyungsoo would've prepared me for this, oh boy, was I wrong. I can't believe its already time to send you off as well.

As I read your letter on LYSN, I immediately went and put Self Portrait on shuffle, and while listening, I could feel all these memories, small and big coming back to me.

I remember the time in the initial days when you used to feel slightly annoyed when the members called you at odd hours, but you still attended and helped them all you could, countless things you've done that have created infinite beautiful memories since then, I remember the day you went up on that stage alone, to pick up that award on behalf of all of them, the way you stayed firm on your ground as the leader, picked us all up from the shambles we were all left in; you earned my utmost admiration and the highest degree of respect.

You've practically raised us, you've acted so self less time and again and proven the extent of your love towards EXO and EXO-Ls alike.

My love for you is limitless so when I'm letting you go, I am expecting you to take best care of yourself, especially considering the current world situation. It's really weighing hard on my chest, to send yet another one of you out there. I sound like a mom, but it's just genuine care and emotions springing up from the deepest part of my heart.

For while you're gone, think of it as me following your back and slowly trying to match up with your footsteps until we can walk together comfortably, 9 of you and all of us. If you miss us, do the L sign, I hope it gives you strength, I know it will, because words aren't necessary between us, just the handsign is enough, right?

I'll be honest with you, I could barely imagine the condition of the dorms without you. I'm glad the order can still be maintained even now.

Your Nike's and shoes were another thing that I thought of, luckily you won't have to part ways with them either, aren't you glad.

It's truly an emotional day for me and six hundred and forty sounds a lot, a lot more than five hundred something but it can't be helped, I understand.

Thank your for protecting EXO so far, now it's time to protect SK.

Kim Junmyeon, go be Junmyeon until you can be my SUHO again.

I promise to wait for you, you also have to promise to come back to us as I'm letting you go. Stay healthy.

I will quietly cheer for you and be of great strength.

We are one, EXO SARANGHAJA!

Love,

H

Attaching the cutest selfie just because 🥺

Finally I arrived home yesterday! I was very excited to comeback and tell you guys all my experiences at the EXOrDium in Mexico. Unfortunately I did not record a lot because I wanted to enjoy the concert 100%. This gonna be my kaisoo post, if you want to read my entiere experience I’ll update it soon. And I’m very sorry if this a little bit late, I wanted to post it ASAP but I was so tired. TT And thank you so much for all  of you wishing me fun!!

So first things first, yeah Ksoo have the best ass and thights in e.xo like man he has the perfect body ¡his shoulders are so narrow! He’s very cute and JI is a ball of happiness and very handsome! TT They look the same as in TV. 

Well how you already saw in some photos or fancams they whispered into each other ear at the first ment, Ksoo literally was kissing JI’s ear, like he whispered REALLY close, I was in shook because I watched in the past a lot of photos/fancams of it (whisper is something very common for them) but watching it live is really something else, Ksoo and JI really get REALLY close to each other to whisper more close than necesary in my opinion lol.

They smiled at each other A LOT through all the concert, like if they saw each other at any moment they would smile ASAP.

At the acoustic part JI were staring at Ksoo almost all the time he were speaking or singing but it’s so unique, he stares at him in this way in particular, I can’t describe it but when someone says JI have this special stare for Ksoo is true 100%. But it wasnt one sided, if you could see with how much pride and fondness Ksoo stares at JI when he’s dancing, like everything disapear for him when JI is doing his solos, Ksoo couldnt stop staring and have like this little secret smile just reserved for him.

At Unfair meanwhile Ksoo were inside the TVBox JI went and pretended to knock the door (idk what was he thinking like come on JI thats a tv wtf) trying to get ksoo attention then there were a part where Ksoo, JI and Mseok disapered for like 1-2 minutes inside of the refigerator box. 

Ksoo walked by and pat JI’s back. I don’t really remember in what song this was but they were wearing the outfit they wear for overdose in concert (black shine jacket?)

I don’t quite remember when this moment happen if when Ksoo and JI found each other in the middle of the stage or they were standing side by side but i’m pretty sure it happend because they smiled at each other with so much emotion and fondness, like they were so happy and enjoying of sharing the same stage. I was smiling like a fool the entire time it was happening so that’s why i remember it.

They stand next to each other when signing Angel and were waving at the fans.

These were all the Kaisoo moments I can recall and that I saw but now I want to add something really interesting I want to share with all you guys. So you can skip this is you just want just know what moments happened at the concert.

Final Part  ❤

Happy Valentines Day