Why would he do that?? Why would he show us this side of him???
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Why would he do that?? Why would he show us this side of him???
*just act normal, just be natural, casual*

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Holy shit, I am depressed
I saw them today and all my plans changed. Plans?
A pang like a slingshot rock on a metal trashcan from my youth. 4 years ago when I planned to walk to NY in search of Jacob's life.
A dent? Or just a scuff? They were wearing a mask but I could it was them and knew they were smiling. My own mouth so dry and tasting like toothpaste at 4. I walked to the park and bought a guava drink that is my go-to comfort treat. The same flavor given to me by my first gay crush on a soccer field. Before I knew what a crush was or how to describe my desire.
I'd texted 2 friends near 2 different borders. I'm in the middle and on the fence about responding. I didn't.
34 messages to open. People reaching for me but I can't tell if they're pulling out or pulling me under. The waves thrashed and I dont know which way is up. I've run out of air but wont die.
Why wont I die?
I protest with the hope of a fight. A cause I believe in, but a recklessness for cowards who are too weak to take the stand that suicide is.
I'll be alive in 5 years. But a 5 year plan isn't just to be alive. Where do I want to be? All I know is it's a place, not a state.
I want to move because my family doesn't.
I'm trying to reconnect with people I want to avoid. We disagree on life, but i haven't found anyone i agree with. ANYONE.
Am I wrong?
Probably.
I hope that I'm wrong. Relying on my family would be so much easier. Hating my family would be so much easier. But I can't do either.
I can't register for classes because they aren't the exact ones I want and I can't make the decision.
I lay in bed and think and worry and can't even masterbate.
I do nothing and am completely exhausted.
I dont shower. I shower too much. I can't masterbate. I jerk it too much. I can't eat. I eat too much. I'm so lonely. I dont want to talk to anyone. I want to be happy but I only look at the depression.
That's not true.
That's not true.
I told her I'm worried I have multiple personalities. I treat people based on how they make me feel. I treat people based on how they want to be treated. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I.
I need more in my life so I can get out of my head. I thought I was doing alright.
I need to eat and drink water and sleep.
I need to reply to those friends.
I need to have another crush that is emotionally, mentally, and physically available.
I need to get out of bed.
I'm glad I recognized my problems and came up with actionables.
Every step
“It takes a huge effort to free yourself from memory.”
— Paulo Coelho
Dark Academia Books for Students of Politics and International Relations:
I mean, heck, I am no expert but my need to see this niche ass post is a lot so here goes.
The Prince: Machiavelli- do I NEED to explain this one. Its a seminal text in politics and political philosophy and when you listen to the ideas described in it they can sound a little crazy but once you read it you realise they are still crazy but grounded in something very real. Also its short as heck and an easy read.
Politics among Nations: The Struggle for Power and Peace- Hans J Morgenthau. I had to pick this one up for my coursework last semester and I thought it would be a snooze fest but no. I was drawn in and I haven’t finished it since but I do plan to get back to it at my leisure.
The End of History and the Last Man: Francis Fukuyama- YES, I fundamentally disagree with Fukuyama on so many points. YES, it is still one of my favourite books of all time. it is a very riveting discussion of political philosophy, history and international relations. If you are interested in any of those topics, pick it up. You won’t regret it.
How Democracy Ends: David Runciman- captivatingly written, great arguments, and a very unique voice. Super relevant in today’s international political atmosphere and if you are interested in studying the rise of right wing authoritarian governments across the globe, this is a great place to start.
Thomas Hobbes: Leviathan- another one that I just feel like i don’t need to explain. Again haven’t read it fully yet, but its quite chill inducing and the basis for most of the contemporary discussion on state, liberalism, authoritarianism, rights and so forth.
These were just my recommendations, and I by no means claim that they cover the entire gamut of the field. In fact, I would consider myself a noob still where texts relating to politics or IR are concerned, so feel free to give your recommendations and opinions as well!

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Chumy Chúmez
The last 30 mins is RTT hypnotherapy

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If you are finding that prolonged isolation and confinement to a single living space are having a a severely detrimental effect on your mental and physical health, perhaps I can interest you in some PRISON ABOLITION
Do I agree?
Coverage of tribal natural resources is supported in part by Catena Foundation
As health officials urge us to wash hands to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, 2 million Americans without access to clean running water have become some of the most vulnerable. On Tuesday, the Navajo Nation reported 49 cases of COVID-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus.
About 40% of Navajos must drive several miles to haul their water and many still use outhouses. Shanna Yazzie, who lives in Cameron, drives 50 miles for her drinking water, groceries, and other necessities.
“My mother was asking ‘when are we taking the trash out?’” Yazzie said. “We have four bags of trash and we have to drive into Tuba City. To do that and to do laundry, I’m scared to go do laundry right now. We have a small laundromat here in the community kind of risky for us right now, so our laundry is getting piled up.”
With H1N1 in 2009, American Indians and Alaska Natives had mortality rates that were four times the rates of all other racial and ethnic groups combined. That’s according to a study by the National Institutes of Health.
Keep reading
If you are finding that prolonged isolation and confinement to a single living space are having a a severely detrimental effect on your mental and physical health, perhaps I can interest you in some PRISON ABOLITION

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
via weheartit
“…how very little she had changed all these years. She had been a gloomy boy, in love with death, as boys are; and then she had been amorous and florid; and then she had been sprightly and satirical; and sometimes she had tried prose and sometimes she had tried drama. Yet through all these changes she had remained, she reflected, fundamentally the same. She had the same brooding meditative temper, the same love of animals and nature, the same passion for the country and the seasons.”
— Virginia Woolf, from The Complete Works; “Orlando: A Biography,”
She or me?