grace in exile

✧ "atheist" / nonspecific angel; I don't believe in the existence of a main god, nor heaven or hell, but I believe in the existence of other individual divine spirits and creatures like demons or cryptids. I know for sure I've lived among actual deities because I used to serve multiple of those higher beings, but they weren't the classical gods that are worshipped by mankind. I say I'm atheist because it's easier. And if anyone's curious, I look like a mix of those two pictures:

(art cr: kociamieta)

This is a little hard to explain because I know the one on the right is supposed to be a Cherubim, but if you ignore the animal heads, I look like a mix of those two pictures. Basically the one on the left, but with many more wings and an eye on my chest, and no animal characteristics. I also have a few eyes on my wings but they aren't that noticeable as far I recall.

Still, I'm not the kind of angel that humans view as "scary"; I remember being gentle and also pretty "chill", if you will. I respected the divine creatures around me and they respected me. I was just there (and am here right now) to spread love.

✧ I go by Aeven because it sounds so right, though i can not remember my real name

PLEASE DNI

- obviously, people who don't support otherkins of any kind

- basic criteria

- radfems

- transmeds

- zionists

- ableists, and that includes people who stigmatized mental illness

- neopronouns + xenogender antis

TAGS ! ꒱

#aeven talks (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) : just me yapping

#angel rants : self-explanatory; will put TW's for certain things !

☆

- Sunburns - even the slightest, least noticeable ones. I'm a radiant being who embodies light.. yet the sunlight is burning me? Hello??

- Having to Google things or learn about them at school. It's not about learning how to cook, how to bake or tie my shoes, because those are human things; but not knowing everything about the stars, the universe and its past and future? It feels so wrong, because my gods have worked really hard to create me and teach me things. I like to imagine that all I learn about science or history or philosophy is just a memory being "brought back" to me.

- Tight clothing. I don't wear most tight things because of their textures which give me BAD sensory issues (I'm autistic), but I also avoid them because they take away the sense of freedom which was already taken away from me.

- Not being able to soothe people when they're upset when I'm the definition of love and harmony. It's technically the reason why I was sent to earth; so that makes me feel useless, like I'm betraying myself.

- The sound of my voice. It used to be much more beautiful, and the fact that I'm bad at singing doesn't help. It's only a reminder of the fact that this body simply isn't mine.

They are one with my body - I'm aware that they're there, and they aren't numb, but there's no muscle or tissue to them. They feel warm, though.

If I ever start feeling them while I'm lying on my back, they don't really hurt or anything - but it's uncomfortable because they take up too much space, so that's why falling asleep become pretty hard lol. If they brush against something like a wall, I noticed it kind of tickles. And as for when i sit down, it's not really a problem, I can just tuck them in and they dont really get sore at all.

I used to identify as a winged therian (i went from a butterfly to a dove and more), because my first shifts mainly consisted of vague phantom wings and a weird feeling that my body was lighter and floating. The thing is, I became aware of my divinity when I almost vividly remembered the gods I served. It felt like they were calling out to me because I was ready to awaken, and I did not reject their signs, because I always knew deep down that I was protected by higher beings - and that, even when I thought I was an animal, it always felt mystical and holy. An immortal owl, a butterfly who could fly a little too high for it to be realistic, a dove meant to spread peace and protect creatures. Do you see what I mean?

-> This is definitely very personal. I also understand that it can be of little help to questioning angels who don't worship any gods; however, as some in the community have said, you ARE a certain creature as long as you can say, for sure, that you identify as it. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and say you're an angel, that's enough. You dont have to rush to discover all the details about your memories, your past or your home.

About not acknowledging a kintype because it feels morally wrong:

Yeah, it took me a while to get rid of that mindset. But personally, for me, the problem was the religious settings in which I grew up in; they weren't strict, but even so, the way I had to approach Christianity wasn't healthy. So even if I strayed from it with little guilt, it made me feel like I wasn't allowed to have beliefs of my own. I felt a connection with gods that nobody around me worshipped, gods that had their own rules, their own followers and servants; I realized no one could tell me that my beliefs were wrong. They were not, because only I knew how they worked, and I wasn't going to give them up. You, too, are allowed to label yourself as an angel according to your beliefs and definitions of an angel. Things have changed; some modern sources view angels as spiritual guides and beings of all kind, not just servants of a god.

And if you're worried about being "cocky"... well. That basically implies that you're worried about how others might perceive you, but you know that your identity isn't about claiming superiority, right? If you know you don't want to appear cocky, it's clear that you don't mean to be. You can't control how people interpret your intentions, but you shouldn't let that keep you from accepting yourself as you are.