Unrequited love. Breadcrumbing. Stringing along.
Name it whatever you want, but it all sucks.
I had my heart broken three days after my moms funeral, all because I cancelled a date because my brother attempted suicide. How messed up is that? That was a little easier to get over than this, because, how big of an asshole are you to break up with your best friend after you won’t be getting any loving?
This though, this unrequited love.. is it unrequited if he told me he wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with me first? That we would go for walks, and hang out, and talk for hours but never anything more?
First it was a very serious relapse with MS, I had to use a wheelchair practically full time, I was choking on everything, and I had spasmodic dysphonia, he wanted me to be “okay first, before we started anything like a relationship” Alright, I get that.
Then after I had two straight weeks of torture and I started feeling better, I could walk and talk and not choke when I tried to eat or drink anything, and you know what the next excuse was? “Well, me and my ex rushed into things and now I’m single and I don’t want to do that with us, I want to be friends and see where it goes”.. Okay.. This is MONTHS after he straight up told me that he wanted more with me. I get going slow, but not progressing at all?
Did I mention that I was spoiling him with money when he was struggling and gifts for Christmas? I also bought he two pairs of new casual shoes, winter boots, and the top of the line work boots? I easily spent $700 on him. All because that is the type of person that I am, when I care about you, I love you, and I will take care of you.
It all came to a screeching halt on Christmas eve, know why? Because his SON asked me out. I went straight to this guy and demanded answers because I thought him and his son were trying to bait me into showing disloyalty. He told me to “go for it”. Seriously? I just spent months chasing you and you tell me to go for it with your son?
Of course my answer was a solid no, BUT, the very next day I asked him if he knew his son was going to do that, and he looked me in the eyes, and told me he had no idea..
Except, his son showed up at my place with the receipts. He showed me the text messages of him telling his dad to “Ask her out, or stop leading her on or I am going for it.” Know his response? He liked the way I gave him attention and bought him things.
So I went for it. I went for it with his son, and he did not like that. I got the silent treatment and straight up ignored. Thats okay because I went on with life acting like he didn’t exist in this world.
But why do I still care about him and want his friendship?! What is this crap? I hate feelings. My feelings are hurt. I was open and very vulnerable with him. I actively stopped myself from having feelings for him in the first place before he inserted himself in my life, and really, it takes a special kind of asshole to lead somebody on when they are grieving the death of a parent.
I wrote him a letter. I simply said that I was very disappointed that he was my first lesson of 2023, and that I was sad he felt the need to lead me on in order to get the things he wanted, when I would have done EVERYTHING I did for him, as a friend, without getting feelings involved but instead he broke my heart, and even after everything I only wanted what was best for him.
I guess that hit him where it hurts because he has been asking mutual friends about it left and right. Good.
That Keith Urban song, Stupid Boy, that has been on repeat this past week. I’m just done with relationships. Its not worth the heart ache.