Hollow-Cheeks

If I had it my way, I’d always be covered in glitter.

I pull up my hair in a pointy tail.

A cool breeze hits my neck,

And I shudder at the wind’s hand caressing

As small bumps rise upon the tender of my skin.

I remind myself that I like the cold.

I walk down the street and catch a glimpse of myself in the near by window

Reflecting all my imperfections.

I quickly adjust my shorts, suddenly wishing that my skin wasn’t so visible

And I know that no one is looking

But you trained me so well to believe that all eyes are on me.

The cool feelings return

But I like the cold.

She stands there with glossy hair and slender long legs

She is everything that I am not,

And now I understand why you prefer her to myself.

Who wouldn’t want a girl that embodies sunshine and light.

I can picture the warmth she brings

And as I bask in her glow,

I am too quickly reminded that my hands will always be cold

I used to think that I liked the cold

I am too weak to finish my coffee.

I am so used to feeling empty

That when the hot liquid hits my stomach,

I remember how warm your hands were on my waist.

I tell myself that I enjoy the dizziness.

I wonder how it feels to be full of light,

As if my body could expand to fit all the happiness in my heart.

You used to tell me that you loved how cold I am

A “cooling oasis” to the heat radiating off your body.

You told me you liked the cold

You told me you liked me

You told me so many lies,

That now I can only repeat them back to myself over and over and over

I like the cold.

I’ve had a bad week ):

What I have: thighs that touch and crippling anxiety