✫ ━ 𝕤 𝕦 𝕡 𝕖 𝕣 𝕟 𝕠 𝕧 𝕒.

[ HOLLAND MITCHELL. 28. FEMALE. SHE/HER.] is here! She’s lived in Silver Lake for [ ONE YEAR ] though she is originally from [ SILVER LAKE ]. She is currently working [ AS AN ASSISTANT DIRECTOR ] and in her downtime loves [ WATCHING HORROR FILMS ] and [ AVOIDING CONFLICT ]. She looks a lot like [ EMMA STONE ] and lives on [ SILVERWOOD TERRACE ]. 

“It’s okay,” Jimmy whispered against Holland’s lips. “You’re here now, that’s what matters. You’re here with me now…” Jimmy kissed Holland again, rocked her in his lap, his hands on her back, moving down to slip under her clothes, touching her warm skin.

“We’re together, we’re here.”

That’s all he wanted. Every night he had spent away from Holland, Jimmy wished that he had been here. Every night he had been alone was worth it for this now, here, with Holland telling him everything he wanted to hear, with her kissing him, on his lap.

Jimmy moved them again, twisting them around, laying Holland onto her back so he could rest on his knees above her.

“Do you want to–?” Jimmy started, not wanting to push too hard, or too far. They had to do this right. He couldn’t screw this up again. But he wanted to sleep with her. He wanted to make up for lost time, slip right into her like he had done so many times before, hear the way she moaned his name.

Holland laughed when Jimmy flipped them over, and immediately stretched out her arms, both hands reaching for his shoulders, so she could pull him down and attach her lips to his again. Pausing wasn’t an option, not even for a second, not even to answer a question. They had so much time to make up for. 

“Yes,” she answered, nodding her head. “Yes, I want to. Jimmy, I miss you so much. I want this. I want you.” Her grip loosened on Jimmy’s shoulder, just enough so Holland could slide her hand up to rest on his jaw. With one hand she comforted him, assured him, and with the other she moved to push up off the mattress, hoisting herself into a seated position and Jimmy back up as well. From there, Holland pressed their bodies together again, knees knocking into knees. 

“Do you want to?” Holland asked breathlessly, eyes widening to take in every little twitch of his face. She had to ask, even though she had a strong inclination Jimmy wanted this just as desperately as she did. 

As soon as Jimmy answered, Holland’s hands went to the bottom of her shirt, grabbing it quick, ready to rip it right off over her head. But the second she started moving, Holland stopped again, breath caught in her throat. It took her that long to remember. She was different now. 

Every inch of her body had been reshaped by pregnancy. She had been stretched and curved and plumped until her body felt unfamiliar to her. Holland had scars -- multiple, now -- some visible, stretching low and thick across her abdomen, and some not, stuck deep in her head. Holland was grateful for her body, for what she had been able to give, but it all felt different. She felt different. And no one else had been welcomed in to be a part of that, not even Jimmy. 

Holland knew she had no reason to be -- it was Jimmy, Jimmy who knew her and loved her and fathered her children -- but she was nervous to be seen again. Even in the dark. 

↳ INSTAGRAM: @hollybgood added a new photo with @thehankmitchell 📍GREENWICH VILLAGE

This is the last picture I have of you. After eight years apart, you came to see me in New York. It felt like the start of something better. It felt like we were on the same page for the first time since Mom was around. It felt like you were proud of me. I think you were. And I was proud of you. Last time I saw you, we were okay. I still can’t believe that’s where the story ended. I wish we had time to get to know each other better. To apologize, and laugh, and learn from each other. I wish you were here. Every day. But I’ll always be grateful that we got back to okay, even just for a weekend. And god, I’m so grateful I have this goofy fucking picture to show for it. Happy Father’s day. I’ll miss you forever. 🤍

↳ INSTAGRAM: @hollybgood added a new photo with @jimmyshore     SILVERLAKE, CALIFORNIA

couldn’t think of a more fitting day to have us all together.  happy father’s day, @jimmyshore. we really lucked out. 💖💖💖 

“You should’ve come in before,” Jimmy whispered back, a shiver going down his spine as she whispered in his ear, kissing him all over, telling him how she wanted to tell him just how much she missed him. They could easily go from one step to another here, they could fall into each other, get lost in their desperation, their lust, their need for each other and comfort.

Holland left Jimmy breathless, and he stared up at her in the dark, surrounded by her hair as she stayed on her hands and knees above him. His lips parted, and then he closed his mouth again, rolling his tongue in his mouth, mulling over what the right thing to do was.

Jimmy wanted her. He wanted to do everything, he didn’t want to wait.

“When was the last time we did anything traditionally?” Jimmy asked with a smile before taking in a breath as she pressed her knee against his erection. “Come here…” He said, pulling Holland down again, his hands coming to her hips so he could move her to sit on his lap. Jimmy managed to sit himself up so Holland was straddling him, and he kissed her again.

“Let’s just… see where it goes?” Jimmy suggested, brushing hair away from Holland’s neck, peppering kisses on her skin. “We don’t need to make any decisions just… go wherever we want to go.”

Holland moved as Jimmy encouraged her, the leg she had between his pulling back to leave them both cold. It wasn’t long until she was met with warmth again -- and better than before, now that she was sat perfectly in his lap. Jimmy lifted himself into a seated position and Holland only got closer, flush against him from her hips up to her head. God, how she missed this. 

She smiled, and let her head tilt back, allowing Jimmy access to the skin of her neck. Go wherever we want to go. Holland liked that. For so long, they’d been limiting each other and themselves, going against every instinct they had. Not anymore. Holland would take what she wanted, without fear of being greedy. Jimmy wanted her, and she wanted him, and nothing was going to stop that from happening. 

Holland squeezed her legs tighter against his hips, and let her eyes flutter shut. Jimmy’s mouth felt so good on her skin, warm and wet and soft, and she wanted more, to feel him everywhere. She wanted to remember every second of this moment, just in case it really was a dream. She wanted to press her hips down against his, to create enough friction to drive them both wild. Holland wanted everything from Jimmy. And she fucking had him, right there, under her. 

She let out a shaky breath, arms unravelling only so she could take hold of Jimmy’s face and lift his lips back to hers. Holland kissed him gently, letting her mouth melt against his from corner to corner. She kissed him again, then again, each time deepening it, tightening her grip, asking for more. 

Jimmy let out a happy hum, his eyes fluttering closed as she kissed along his jaw, down his neck. She was touching him, kissing him all over and he was melting into her touch like an ice cube on a hot day.

“That feels so good…” he murmured. It felt amazing to be touched again, to be kissed like this, to be loved on the way she was peppering her lips over his chest, her hands on him. “We will, we will do this right.” They wanted to do this right, they both did… but the way Holland was kissing him, and touching him, and telling him that she trusted him…

He kept his fingers on her, digging into her skin as she continued to love on him.

“I missed you so much,” Jimmy whispered, “I missed how you make me feel… you make me feel so good…”

She could probably tell just how good she was making him feel by the growing, hardening bulge in his underwear that she was pressed against.

Each time Jimmy told Holland how good she felt or how much he missed her, Holland was only encouraged further, her tongue darting out to taste his skin. She moaned on contact, nails pressing hard into his soft skin. It did feel good -- so fucking good. He was right about that. 

Holland moved up to kiss his ear, her mouth pressed right up against it. “I know,” she whispered, her breathing shallow. “I missed you too. I thought about coming in here every fucking night, just to tell you how much.” Only now did she have the confidence to do so. Something about tonight just felt right, and Holland didn’t care to question that feeling. Only to trust it. 

It was painfully obvious that Holland was working Jimmy up. She could feel his growing erection pressing against her thigh, feel his heartbeat quickening under her palms. Holland didn’t mind. She liked it. She wanted to be the reason he couldn’t breathe, or think, or focus on anything but loving her. And she wanted to be just as lost, every sense clouded by him. Her body was reacting in kind, chest heaving, stomach fluttering, her cheeks flushed -- God, he felt so good. Holland didn’t know how she ever managed to let Jimmy go. 

He knew his actions were wrong, even when he was doing them, but he never imagined he’d get caught. That was how Jimmy acted: it was fine as long as no one found out. But people did find out. They always found out in the end. It was something he was slowly learning, from the reasons for Julia divorcing him, to Aubrey breaking up with him, to Holland ending their relationship. People found out your secrets, found out the lies you were telling no matter what.

The truth always came out eventually.

Jimmy lay on his back, vulnerable and open to Holland, waiting for whatever she was going to say. She apologied, she was telling him every single thing he wanted to hear the day she broke up with him, the day they had that awful fight. She didn’t want to go anywhere, she wanted him. She was scared before… Jimmy had done awful things before, he’d lied and kept things hidden and gambled and tried to pretend he didn’t. He wasn’t in therapy then, wasn’t on medication, wasn’t desperately trying to turn his life around before he lost just about everything.

And this could work, with him that way, with him trying. They could work, if he just let himself be hopeful again.

“I know… I know…” Jimmy nodded. Holland had said that before, said that she wouldn’t leave him… but Jimmy had given her plenty of reasons to go. He had pushed her to her limits, expecting her to take whatever he threw at her just like Aubrey had for 25 years until she had enough. Once upon a time, Aubrey had said she wasn’t going anywhere.

“I love you too,” he murmured, reaching up to touch the side of Holland’s face, brush fingertips over her cheek. Jimmy leaned his head up and kissed her lips again. “I trust you. If you can trust me after everything I put you through this year then I can trust you…” He kissed her once more. “I don’t want anyone else. Usually when my relationship ends I go straight to the next person but… with you… I couldn’t do it.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want anyone else. I don’t want anyone else. We’ll do this, and we’ll do this right.”

Jimmy couldn’t stop kissing her now. His arms brought Holland down, pressed against his chest.

Holland let Jimmy kiss her, each time reciprocating with the same intensity, the same need. “I know,” she told him, her breath hitching. “I know -- I don’t want anyone else either. This is where you should be. Here, with me.” 

Holland worked hard to get herself closer, shifting up Jimmy’s chest until she had easy access to his lips, her hands stuck on either side of his face.  Any existent space between them was squeezed out. Holland’s legs were tangled with his, and her body was flush against him, t-shirt dragged up her abdomen, stuck between them. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d been that close. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so calm. 

“I trust you,” Holland whispered, turning her head to trail kisses along Jimmy’s jaw, down towards his neck. “I do. I know you’re working so hard for us.” He was. Over the last year, Holland watched Jimmy turn from a man in total denial to one who was willing to accept himself, flaws and all. One who was willing to grow and learn and get better, no matter how uncomfortable the process may be. Holland loved Jimmy for how hard he tried, for the kindness that existed in him even when the world turned bitter. Even more, she trusted him to keep trying, no matter what. And she would do the same. 

Holland wanted to tell him that. After months of separation, she had so much to say. Holland wanted to sit and pour her heart out, to fill Jimmy in on every single day they spent apart. But there would be time for that later. What she needed more than any of that was connection. Closeness. It wasn’t about sex -- Holland just wanted to be there with him, tangled together, for as long as they possibly could be. She wanted to feel Jimmy breathing, and re-familiarize herself with his heartbeat, and his smell, and his taste. Three months was too long to be apart. 

"Honestly, that is incredibly sweet. And honestly, I've still got a fucking long time to fuck it up."

"I don't know -- you'd have to find someone delightful and ask."

"I think it'd be its own, different kind of fucked up. My mom wasn't happy. My parents weren't happy together. And if she lived, either they would've kept on with the fucking facade, or they would've gotten divorced. Either way, it would've been messy. And I probably would've tried to run away anyways ... Sometimes things just happen, no matter what proceeds them. I think I would've made a lot of the same mistakes, you know? Just for different reasons."

"Overwhelmed. Tired. But mostly hungry."

I missed you. It was all Jimmy wanted to hear, despite the voice in the back of his head that kept telling him that not only 3 months ago Holland was telling him how much she fucking hated him, that he was a mistake, that they never should’ve been together. She’d called him a pig, and she was right. Jimmy had done so many things wrong that he needed to get this right. He kissed her back happily, easily falling into the façade that this was perfect, that everything was going to be okay. And then Holland said we’ll do everything else right and his stomach squeezed again. He couldn’t stop the anxiety from plaguing his mind.

He pulled back for a moment, looking up at her. She wanted him, and he wanted her. But he was scared.

“Please…” Jimmy started, quietly. “Please don’t hurt me again…” Like he hadn’t hurt her. He had, he’d done awful, horrible things, kept secrets from her, said nasty things… but she’d broken his heart the minute he stepped out of rehab without time to catch his breath. She’d thrown him out of the house as soon as he’d stepped over the threshold and everything he had worked so hard for over February had been put at risk. He couldn’t do it again. If this didn’t work out, Jimmy didn’t know what he would do. He’d gone from being optimistic about everything to being overwhelmed by a tsunami of anxiety and it terrified him. Those thoughts repeated over and over.

“I’m scared,” Jimmy admitted. As much as he wanted to melt into her right now, as much as he wanted to sweep her off her feet and tell her how much he loved her and missed her, Jimmy was so fucking scared of screwing everything up again, of being hurt, of disappointing and making bad choices. He’d only felt heartbreak a few times in the past and he couldn’t do it again.

“I miss you, and I love you, but I’m scared you’re going to leave again.” He pushed Holland’s hair from her face again, looking up at her in the dark with vulnerability he only afforded her.

When Jimmy pulled back, Holland knew it was the right call. Whatever his thinking was, even if it was just to stop for a beat and catch his breath, Holland agreed with it. She would follow his lead. Full stop. 

Please, he said, and Holland melted. Her face softened, brows pulling together over her wide eyes. “What is it?” She asked, the hand left resting on Jimmy’s cheek now shifting up his face. What he said next knocked the air out of her chest, leaving her still -- stuck like a deer caught in headlights. Please don’t hurt me again. 

How many times had she thought just that, looking right at Jimmy? How many nights did she spend awake, hoping that Jimmy would keep her safe, that he’d hold her trust, only to wake up disappointed? He broke her heart again and again, and Holland wasn’t sure if it’d ever mend quite the same way. Even worse? Holland knew all too well that she hurt Jimmy just the same. She was bitter. Resentful. Mean. She punched at his ego, and his heart, and didn’t stop until Jimmy was on his knees begging for mercy. They destroyed each other. No one party was at fault. 

The road back to trust was built slowly between them, laid brick by painstaking brick. They fortified it with conversation and honesty and a fuck-ton of therapy, but Holland knew that there was pain that existed still within them both. Pain that had no place being swept under the rug. 

Holland nodded her head at Jimmy, thumb brushing over his skin. “I’m sorry,” she said, short and simple. “I know. I’m so sorry.” Her voice broke over a pathetic little laugh, one she never intended to let out. “I fucked up. I was -- I was scared. And I didn’t know what to do. But I hurt you. And I know that didn’t help, it didn’t do anything good.” She moved in closer, curling up into his side again.  

“I’m sorry,” Holland repeated, turning Jimmy’s face to make sure he was looking her right in the eyes. “I know it doesn’t help, but I didn’t mean it. I never meant it. I don’t think I could hate you if I tried. It’s just -- it’s not in me. I love you too much to hate you. And I mean that ... aside from all this,” Holland said, meaning their relationship. She loved Jimmy no matter the circumstance. 

If there was one thing that terrified Holland, it was the idea of permanence. She never had it, and didn’t understand how it was possible, not until recently. She didn’t know why people bothered -- nothing ever lasted. Not relationships, or households, or people. Not even art. But it was possible. At least for a lifetime. Looking at her kids, Holland knew it was possible. The way she loved them would exist permanently. No matter where they were, or where she was, or what happened, it would stay the same. She would be their mother permanently. She would love them permanently. 

Holland knew with Jimmy it was just the same. It didn’t even scare her anymore. What scared her was the opposite: a life without stability, without certainty, without the one person that knew her better than anyone else. Losing it all, missing even a day -- that’s what scared Holland now. 

She took in a long, deep breath, then settled in to rip herself open. “I don’t want to leave again,” Holland said, shaking her head adamantly. “I don’t want to go anywhere. This has always been what I wanted, Jimmy. But I got scared. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to deal with how much I loved you, or what was coming. I was scared to be a mom. I was scared to do anything. I just  ...” Holland sighed. “I wanted to stop everything. I was just trying to hide,” she quietly admitted. 

With Holland half on top of him, kissing him back, Jimmy pulled her onto him properly so she could nestle between his legs, rest her weight on top of him. She was tiny compared to him. Jimmy wrapped his arm around her, his hand splayed across her spine as they kissed. Finally. Finally. His heart was pounding, thudding so hard he could feel it in his ears and he was sure Holland could feel it too. It was knocking on his ribcage, desperate to break through to Holland’s, hold on and never let go.

With her tongue against his bottom lip, Jimmy’s mouth parted, allowing access, his own tongue coming out to meet with hers, to slip into Holland’s mouth as their kiss deepened. He could hardly breathe, breath shallow, shaking. He was trembling beneath her, unable to believe that this was happening again. This was happening again. Jimmy didn’t want to stop. He knew they needed to go carefully, go slowly, but Jimmy also knew there was no chance Holland could get pregnant if they had sex now… and that was tempting enough…

No, they had to go slowly. He had to exercise self-control and so did Holland. So he just kissed her again, pushed her red hair back behind her ear and melted into her.

Jimmy laughed too, bringing his arm tight around her as she shoved him, his fingers tickling into her side. “What?! I’ve got to have a plan B so I don’t look silly if you say no!” He replied, joking still. They were so close. They were laughing together, joking, planning a date. Jimmy was just in his underwear. Things could go from one thing to another very easily… especially with the kiss Holland pressed to his chest. It made Jimmy’s heart jump, his breath hitch and he held his breath for a moment, wondering if that was an invitation to do something else… to do something more…

Her head was buried in his neck, she was breathing him in and Jimmy’s stomach fluttered with butterflies. Do things right this time, Holland had said… yet here they were in bed together. They didn’t have to have sex, did they? They could just share a few innocent kisses, cuddle each other and fall asleep… Couldn’t they?

“Right…” Jimmy murmured, lifting his head up to look down at Holland, at the way her eyes glistened in the dark. If they agreed to a date, if Holland wanted that first date, if she got into his bed and kissed his chest and buried her head into his neck she must want more. Right?

He moved slowly, carefully, watching for any sign of rejection before he pressed his lips gently against Holland’s. It was different from their kiss in the hospital. It was gentle, tentative, Jimmy was hesitant to kiss her deeper in case she said it was too much. He would be humiliated,  of course, but he’d accept it if he had pushed too far.

.

Do things right. Do things honestly. Do things with the intention of sticking to them, with the knowledge that their actions impacted far more people than just them. That’s what Holland wanted. She wanted to do this consciously -- sober -- with both of them awake, and aware, and there for every second of it. But Holland realized she didn’t care so much if they did things in order. There was no point in stressing over that now. 

“Right,” Holland repeated again. She could see it in Jimmy’s face, feel it in the tightening of his grip. He wanted to kiss her. And she wanted to kiss him. It was only a matter of time, a matter of seconds, before one of them would snap. 

It was Jimmy who moved first, but Holland was close behind. His head moved in towards hers, and Holland slipped a hand behind it, fingers spreading out over the nape of his neck and the end of his hair. She pulled herself closer by him, and met Jimmy halfway. They snapped together. Enough was enough. The facade had to be dropped. 

Holland moved herself closer, half of her body landing on top of his so she could reach his mouth properly, without having to crane her neck. Their kiss was slow, almost lazy, but they lingered forever, just reacquainting themselves. Holland’s fingers curled and her mouth opened, a content little sigh getting stuck between them. She wanted more, and asked for it, her tongue tentatively tracing along his bottom lip. 

“Well I figured if we’re going to do it, we should do it right. Blair’s is a great first date place.” He smiled, his touch still soft and gentle on Holland’s back. “I already have a reservation. Call me optimistic but I booked it after we spoke when Albie got out of the hospital. I called in a favour or two. Besides, I could always have cancelled if you said no. Or taken someone else.” Jimmy teased. He looked at her as Holland looked down at him. God, he wanted to kiss her. That’s all he wanted to do.

“I’ve already sorted it out. My Mom said she’d have him.” Jimmy held her tight as she lay her head back onto his chest, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head again. That was what he’d do now… if she lifted her head back up again, though, he might kiss her on the lips… if he felt brave enough. Maybe.

“Burgers and baby names happened at 3am. You can’t get a reservation at Blair’s for 3am.” He laughed. “You can for 8pm, though. Hopefully we’ll be awake enough for it.”

It was difficult for them to be awake too late now. Jimmy found himself falling asleep at 8pm, but maybe coffee would be helpful with that. “I think it’ll be nice… trying again from the beginning.”

.

“No!” Holland insisted, playfully shoving his arm from where she lay. “That’s not funny,” she laughed. “Don’t you dare take anyone else. That’s my first date. I’m pretty sure I deserve it at this point.” Holland scrunched her face up at him, then turned to look forward again, just in time for Jimmy to plant a kiss to the top of her head. She could feel the warm of it right down her spine, spreading throughout her limbs. Holland wanted those lips on her lips. She wanted him to warm her up all over. 

“Eight sounds perfect.” It all sounded perfect, every little detail. “We’ll just pre-game with a few espresso shots before we go,” Holland joked. “That should give us a couple hours, at least. Hopefully enough to make it through dessert.” 

Holland turned her head and pressed a quick, apprehensive kiss to Jimmy’s chest. She wanted him to know: I’m here, I want this too. She lingered a little too long, the taste of him still the same after all the time they spent apart. Holland looked up slowly, heart now pounding sporadically in her chest. She’d done it to herself, really, but Holland couldn’t stop herself from thinking about how badly she wanted to kiss him again. Anywhere. 

Being so close to each other, now nothing but a tangle of limbs and sheets, it was impossible to ignore that thought, or the feeling that rose in her with closeness. Holland wanted more, but she was terrified to ask for it. They’d agreed: one step at a time. They were going to take things slow. So fucking slow. Asking for more was the opposite of that. 

“I think you’re right,” Holland said quietly. She landed her head in the crook of his neck, trying to breathe herself into a state of calm. Her forehead pressed into his skin, and then her nose followed. Every breath she took in, it was of him. “Do things right this time. Keep it all above board.” Holland’s eyes turned up, focusing on what part of his face she could see if she turned just right. 

“Right?”