la fantaisie

Without knowing you lifted both corners of your lips upwards upon looking at his sleeping face, he looked so peaceful in his chamber of reverie. His mouth was slightly opened and you could hear the sound of his snore as you leaned closer to him.

He must have been so tired, you thought to yourself.

Jungkook had been working very hard for the past few weeks as he was preparing for his comeback with his band mates, he had told you the difficulty of their new dance choreography which sometimes got him so frustrated. And knowing Jungkook, you knew he must have been so hard on himself which made you feel sorry for him because you felt like there was nothing you could do aside from giving him words encouragement to help him.

You lifted your hand up to give a gentle caress onto his cheek, your hand moved gradually up as you softly brushing his fringe, and with your index finger you lightly stroke the sharp line of his eyebrows, down to his nose and stopped at his lips. You curled your lips inwards to halt the giggle that was about to slip out of your mouth. You brought your face to get even closer to his face and slowly brush your lips on his.

The moment you were about to pull yourself away from him you felt a strong muscular arm wrapped around your waist and soon afterward you found your body pressed against his built chest. “That was a nice morning kiss.” Jungkook teasingly said, nuzzling his forehead against yours.

You giggled upon hearing his words, “C’mon, let’s get up.” You whispered, using your strength to pull yourself up from his embrace while gripping onto his hand to pull him up together with you.

He lazily brought himself up, crashing his body onto yours and placing his chin on your shoulder. You laughed, “What a lazy bum.” You told him, hugging his body close to you. And he just hummed in reply. Even though you could not see him with your position, you were pretty sure he had his eyes closed, while leaning his head against yours, trying to get more sleep.

“Open your eyes.” You nudged him. However, you did not get any reaction for a good two minutes, so you decided to tap him on his back. Jungkook groaned in protest although eventually, he complied and he lazily fluttered his eyelids open, looking straight in front of him.

“Happy Birthday, baby.” You said, the moment you heard him muttered a quiet wow after he saw what you had prepared for him.

One cake was prepared on a small table in front of the bed and the table was decorated with the photos of his baby pictures, and some of them are your picture together with him. There were a lot of helium balloons filling his room as a decoration too and there were also letter shaped balloons with every letter of his name arranged and pasted on the wall at the corner of his room.

“Surprise!” You squealed excitedly, kissing his cheek and you pulled away from his hug to check his reaction. His doe eyes were wide opened, telling you that his sleepiness had completely left him and Jungkook seemed like he could not stop himself from grinning.

“When did you do this?” He asked.

“Just now.” You shrugged your shoulders, proud of yourself for not making too much sound so you did not wake him up.

“Wow. I must be dead in my sleep.” Jungkook snorted, shaking his head.

“I figured.” You laughed, “You must have been so tired.” The changing tone of your voice showed him how concerned you were for him, which he simply tightened the hug around your body to ensure you that he was fine.

“I was but having you right now got me fully charged,” Jungkook said as he tried to light up the mood, making you cackle at his sentence. “Thanks, babe!” He kissed your cheek.

You smiled and leaped up from his bed, walking towards the table where his birthday cake was present. You took out a lighter that you bought earlier specifically for this out of your pocket, and light up the birthday candle on the cake. Then afterward you carefully carried the cake as you walked back towards his bed while singing happy birthday to him.

“Hurry, make a wish!” You told him which he immediately obeyed, closing his eyes he made his wish before he blew the candles off. And without a second Jungkook suddenly dipped his finger on the cake and smeared the cream on your nose while laughing. His action was so quick that you could not even dodge his hand.

“Hey!” You yelled. “Clean it.” You pretended to sulk as you pouted your lips at him and all of sudden he brought his face up and licked the cream on your nose. You scrunched your nose in disgust and he grinned, “Clean.” Jungkook said.

You just shook your head at his childish act as you were heading towards the table to place his birthday cake back. “Baby, come here and cut the cake.” You told him.

Jungkook got up from his bed, dragging his feet to walk behind you and wrapped his strong arms around your body. “I love you.” He whispered. “Thank you for doing this. I’m so blessed to have you around, you know. Thanks for always understanding my hectic schedules and thanks for staying with me even though I rarely can meet with you. But I promise you, soon I will make sure to spend every single day with you. You have to stick with me.” You smiled after listening to his words.

“Stay with me for lunch?” He suddenly asked.

You looked over your shoulder at him, “Don’t you have practice today?” You quickly asked, raising your eyebrows in confusion and continued, “I’d love to but you’re gonna be in trouble if you’re late.” You never wanted him to get in trouble because of you or your relationship which was the reason why you always told him to do his job first because you could always wait and that’s how much you loved him.

“It’s okay, I can stay until lunch. They won’t be mad if I’m late for a little bit on my birthday.” Jungkook said, “Please?” He pleaded while staring at you like a little puppy asking for their snacks, it was his ultimate weapon and there you were, as usual, melting to his request. You still had no idea why but you always had your barrier crushed down whenever the word please left out of his mouth which of course, you ended up nodding your head agreeing with him. His face brightened up instantly, beaming at you after he placed a quick kiss onto your temple.

“But maybe call your manager first and let him know?” You suggested.

Jungkook chuckled, “Always worry.” Shaking his head, he added. “Okay. I’ll let him know later, I’m sure I won’t get in trouble, don’t worry.”

“Fine.” You told him, “Now cut your cake, birthday boy.” You grinned at him.

You handed the knife to his hand after he released you from his embrace and you sang happy birthday to him one more time as he sliced his birthday cake while looking at you with a big smile on his face, as if he was mirroring your own expression.

The two of them were hovering above your head which made you let out a small chuckle, it was still somewhat amusing to you whenever you see the two of them together side by side. Some people said that DNA didn’t lie and that’s probably why they looked like an exact copy of one another, your four years old son was a legit mini me version of Kim Taehyung.

“Good morning, babe.” Taehyung said, leaning down to press a soft peck on your lips. A small affection that made the corners of your lips automatically curved upwards. You slightly moved your head to your side and faced your little boy. “Where’s my morning kiss?” You asked and he giggled as he immediately placed his little lips against yours with a cute smack sound he always created when he was told to kiss something. You grabbed your son’s tiny body and hugged him close against your chest, brushing your own lips against the crown of his head.

“What are you two laughing about earlier?” You asked, reaching out your hand to gently stroke Taehyung’s cheek who was still lying on his stomach beside you. You could see him hesitating to answer as he was glancing at the little guy who’s lying on top of you, exchanging gazes upon hearing your question before your son started making a face while trying to suppress his laughter.

“What?” You asked again one more time. You started to get a little bit suspicious after seeing their reactions because you remembered the last time you occurred in a similar situation, they painted your entire face green.

“It wasn’t my idea. It was daddy’s.” Your son said as he untangled himself from your embrace in a rush, getting ready to crawl down from your bed. “Hey!” Taehyung snorted, glaring at his son who innocently broke their alliance and exposed his dad. Taehyung reached out his hand as he was about to pinch his nose, yet his mischievous son was successfully dodging his daddy’s hand, leaving Taehyung’s hand grasping the empty air which made the four years old burst into laughter while sticking his tongue out at his sulky dad.

You, on the other hand, also could not hold back your laughter as you watched the whole scene before you. It was somehow hilarious to see a four years old winning against his old man.

As the laughter died down you turned your gaze at Taehyung, and upon meeting his eyes you raised up your eyebrows in confusion, silently asking him to explain. As if he understood your son started to laugh again, “Daddy said it was big so-“ he could not finish his sentence as his dad lunged forward and started tickling him until his tiny body rolled over and fell into the empty space on the bed next to you. From the tiny spot in between Taehyung’s body who’s now stretching over you to reach your son, you could see the tiny hands that were trying to block Taehyung’s big hands from attacking his ticklish spot. And at that point, you decided to be the rescue team of your son as you pinched the side of Taehyung’s waist.

“Ow!” He exclaimed, letting his son off and turning around to face you. “Why did you pinch me?” Taehyung asked, laughing, which only caused you to laugh along with him.

Taehyung casually moved his body and dropped his weight on top of you, burying his face in between your neck and your shoulder. "It's a large garden..." He whispered. "..on your forehead...with two mountains..."

"And a smiley sun!" Said your son, finishing it for his dad. "Daddy said to draw uncle Jacob because you like him." He continued as he crawled back at you and pointed a certain spot on your forehead which you guessed that's where the Jacob smiley sun was drawn.

"It's J-Hope, honey." You corrected it for him. It was kind of funny how your son always said his nickname wrong, probably it was still difficult for a four years old to say it.

"Um... So I have a freaking garden in my forehead and a smiley Jacob, huh? Kim Taehyung you're such an as-" Taehyung instantly placed his palm against your mouth, stopping you from saying things you did not want your son to hear.

“Your son was the one who asked to draw. Not me.” You groaned in frustration upon hearing his unacceptable excuse by using your son as a shield.

“But not in my face!” You hissed, rolling your eyes. You nudged Taehyung slightly with your shoulder. "Are you still salty about it?"

"About what?" He lazily replied.

"The whole Jung Hosoek is so cool when he dances thing?" Taehyung did not need to say a word because the way he scrunched his nose while pouting his lips said it all.

"My gosh." You sighed, shaking your head in disbelief.

"At least he's calling his nickname wrong name all the time makes me feel better."

"Oh my god. You're the worst." You said, snorting at his answer.

"You love me anyway." He muttered, pressing his lips together while dragging the corners upwards, flashing your favorite smile.

"I wonder why." You turned your head and placed a kiss on his forehead. Knowing that Taehyung was jealous over things that had passed for months was strangely entertaining to you, hence you decided to add a little spice into it. "But babe, did I tell you that I liked Jungkook more than I like Hoseok?" You could feel his body tensed a little bit before he jolted up, sending his deathly glare at you. "No, actually I dreamt of Jimin few times too." You nonchalantly said, rose up to sit on your bed while leaning your back against the headboard. 

"Aren't they so handsome though?" You asked, smirking.

"Tsk!" He huffed. Somehow it seemed like Taehyung knew, you just wanted to tease him to make him jealous. "Try me." He scoffed before he changed his tone of voice, that was able to catch his son's attention. “Hey! Look, buddy. Isn’t your mom so pretty with our drawing? Should we draw more?” He spoke as he rose up from his position, his tone was almost sounding like a kindergarten teacher that could make any kids excited just by listening to his voice. And being a good son he was, of course, your son agreed to his dad. "Now should we go get your crayons again?" Your evil husband suggested which followed by a nod from the weak-spirited son. "No, baby, no-" You couldn't even finish your sentence when your little kid almost jumped off your bed to get his crayons at speed.

"I must teach him so he would not be so easily affected by you!" You almost yelled at him out of annoyance.

"You can't. He's my son." He proudly said. You swore to God, you loved your husband but you really wanted to punch the stupid victorious grin that was plastered on his face.

"He's also mine! Besides, he's coming from me." Another childish retort flew from your mouth. It always happened whenever it was just the two of you in the room.

Just when Taehyung was about to say something back at you, there was a rushing sound coming from the door. "Oh look who's back with the crayons, mommy." Taehyung said, smirking at you before turning his head back to his kid who's climbing up the bed with his tiny feet. "Are you ready kiddo? Now, what should we draw?"

"No, no, no!" You screeched, hurriedly trying to run away, only to be caught by a strong pair of arms around your waist to keep you still.

"Do it, buddy!" Taehyung told his son who's happily grabbing his crayon and without hesitation started to draw a random pattern on your cheek.

"Oh, my God. Kim Taehyung, you're so dead." You growled at him, which he laughed in a response as he looked at his giggly son drawing random things on his wife's cheek that was trapped in his arms.

And, strangely, you started to laugh too.

His confession awakened various emotions inside you. The weak smile that was plastered on your face was gradually fading. At this moment, it was difficult to cope with everything that Taehyung just brutally said. Even though you could feel his sincerity as he just revealed his true feelings upon you. But somehow it hurt you.

You shut your eyes, turning your head away to avoid his stare, it was so painful to see the misery that laid in his eyes. And you did not want to let him see you were just as broken as he was. You did not want to let him find out how your world was falling apart at his confession.

Taehyung asked you to stay with him and you knew you wanted nothing else but being with him, but why couldn’t you tell him?

Your heart ached, you wanted to say it back to him. You wanted to tell him that you wanted to run away with him, you wanted to stay with him. You wanted to tell him how much he meant to you, you wanted to let him know how much you loved him, you wanted to let him know that he was the one who kept you going, that he was your world.

However, the cruel circumstances stopped you. The cold-blooded real world did not let you tell him. Taehyung was better off without you and you knew it all along. Yet you were the stubborn woman who liked to drag your time to stay longer with him, you were the selfish character who liked to feed her own ego by having him by your side until it turned into a mess.

You knew if you stayed with him, you would only ruin his future. And you could not let it happen. He deserved better, he deserved the world, he did not deserve to be with a girl who stole for a living, he did not deserve to be with someone who had been living in misery throughout her entire life.

And with that reasons, you held back. You kept your feelings hidden, you would never tell him that you wanted to stay with him. You kept your feelings buried because you could not tell him you love him back. You reminded yourself each day to not let your feeling known. At first, you promised to yourself that you should not let your feelings developed towards him, but you betrayed your own promise, you abandoned your conscious and let your feeling take over. You were afraid he might get in trouble if he stayed with you and you were scared he might possibly feel the same way as you, so you acted indifferently, simply because you did not want him to hurt. For God’s sake, all you wanted was just to see him happy, you wanted him to keep all the happiness in the entire planet. And it was obviously not with you. Not with you. You should back away, you could not let him love you.

Because it would be too unfair for him.

You took a deep breath, hoping it would help to calm yourself down and you glided your tongue to wet your lower lip, bracing yourself to speak up. “I can’t.” You said slowly, your voice was shaking, so was your entire body.

You could hear him gasp as you pulled your hand away from his grip. You darted your gaze up to take a short glance at his face and at the same time, your heart was throbbing in pain as you caught the sight in front of you. You had never seen him looking so dishearten as if you just crushed his universe, and as if all of his hopes evaporated along with his happiness.

You dismayed your gaze from his eyes. You could not take it any longer, your chest was extremely aching. It was getting difficult for you to act tough in front of him, not when a doleful Taehyung was standing in front of your sight, not when you knew you caused it all.

You turned your body away from him as you felt the teardrops streaming down from your eyes. You placed the back of your palm against your lips to muffle your sob, you did not want him to hear and you started walking away from him. You walked as fast as you could, wanting to just disappear from his sight and from his life. You hoped he would never have to see you again.

You had chosen to let him go, to let him pursue his dreams, to let him have a better life, to let him chase his golden future without you in the picture.

The sight of you slowly disappearing from his view made his chest tightened. Taehyung felt like he could not get any oxygen inside his lung, his legs gave away beneath him, it seemed like the ground had sucked his entire body in. His shoulders felt thousand times heavier than before, he could not hear the obstreperous noise around him, his mind went blank, his vision became blurry and his lips turned dry.

He started blaming himself. He started blaming his stupid decision for confessing his feelings to you, he should not have. He should not have let his greed take over. He should have been happy with having you around without wanting to claim you as his.

But what did he just do?

He was no better than a fool who just stupidly shoved you away from his life.

Yet ever since that night, there was no day gone by without you missing his presence. You knew you were a fool for missing his scent, but could not lie to yourself that you missed his warmth, you missed his random texts, you missed his affection, you missed the tingling feeling you always had whenever he had his arms around your waist, you missed his broad shoulders where you always laid your head on whenever he’s around.

You missed him.

You had spent your days laying in your bed for days, you did not even bother to fill your empty stomach, you ignored all the calls and texts you received from your office, you probably had lost your job but you could not care less. You were too broken to even get up from your bed to face the harsh reality. The cruel reality that turned you into a bad villain, the cruel reality that turned you into some sort of malicious lady that finally had her life crashed the bottom rock. As if you were the hated antagonist character in a movie, not because you did something repulsive, but because you were for falling for someone else’s love and that was your biggest crime.

The biggest mistake you could possibly make was for being in love with someone who was clearly taken. Another mistake you did was letting yourself in for things without weighing up what is actually involved in it.

On the first time, you saw him glancing at your direction, there was a slight satisfaction running through your veins as you caught the attention of the most attractive man in the room. The first time you caught him staring at you up and down, you knew you made the right decision for spending a little bit more effort on dressing up for the night as you flaunted the curve of your body in your best dress. When he swiftly untangled himself from the conversation he was having and made his way towards you, you knew he was interested in you. When he finally sat down next to you at the bar and started a conversation with you, you knew it was not just his appearance that’s attractive but his personality too. And the moment you let yourself enjoying the atmosphere he created, you stopped thinking about the possibility of him coming to you just for his own pleasure.

You mistakenly thought his sweet actions towards you were sincere, you thought it was his way to express that he also wanted you the way you wanted him. You thought he kept a spare spot for you inside his heart for every time he knocked on your door in the middle of the night, every time he held you close, every time he brushed his lips against yours, every time he left his traces on your skin, and every time he spent the whole night at your place and not in his fiancée's glorious pent house.

It was all your mistake, it was because of you. You could not blame anyone because you were the one who let yourself fall into his trap. You fell for his actions, you fell for his charms, you fell for the little attention he was giving you. You thought he genuinely cared for you and that was enough for you to allow him dragging you into his world.

You felt pathetic, you even let yourself confused by thinking Seokjin had given you the green light for coming into his life and being his solid lover, meanwhile the whole time Seokjin obviously did not love you back.

You were the one at fault.

Why did you let your hope high? Why were you so naïve? Why did you let him break down your wall?

Without you noticing, tears had started building on the corners of your eyes. You closed your eyes to prevent more tears staining your cheeks. You were tired of crying, your eyes were still swollen from the excessive amount of crying you have had for the past few days.

Days were passing by and it was strangely long to Seokjin. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second felt like years to him. It felt so difficult for him to face each day knowing that he would not be able to lay down by your side anymore and yes it’s hurting him.

All the memories passed through his mind like it just happened a second ago. Every moment was vividly flashing in his memory, the moment he saw your lips quivering as you told him your true feelings with the sorrowful gaze that was blazing through your dark orbs, it seemed like he could capture how broken you were that night from every angle.

Little did you know, you were not the only one who was suffering from the separation.

Kim Seokjin should be considered as the luckiest man alive. He was born from a wealthy family, his father was known as one of the powerful men in the country and aside from his wealth his charming appearance seemed like striking it rich for him too, there was not only one or two random passerby who stopped in their tracks just to admire his good looks, as they saw him walking on the street. His amazing body proportion also made him stand out wherever he goes. Being rich and handsome were not his only charms, he was also given with an intellectual brain and glorious talents, his curiosity in music made him able to play various instruments. Seokjin also graduated and earned his title with flying scores and after few months of his graduation day he was engaged to a beautiful heiress. She was the daughter of his father’s old friend.

Seokjin was always thoughtful and selfless, he never wanted to disappoint anyone in his life, particularly his father. Thence, he agreed to the engagement that was essentially arranged by his father. He had never fallen in love in his life, he did not know what it was to be like to fall in love. The moment his eyes met with the girl that was supposed to be his fiancée, he did think she was attractive. Her beauty radiated from her slender body that was wrapped elegantly in her expensive dress. By the time she opened her mouth, he knew any guy in the world would definitely fall under her spell in no time because the way she talks gleamed her loving personality and it also gave off her intelligence which did not fail to amaze the other people in the room.

The numerous time he had spent with his fiancée brought a little happiness to him. Seokjin enjoyed the time they spent together although both of them were busy with their businesses they would always try to find a spare time to just go on dates like normal couples do. He was happy and he believed the feelings were mutual. Even people on the street would always sneak a skeptical glance towards them as if they just witnessed something out of the ordinary and God just did something immoral because they just eye witnessed two beautiful humans walked together hand in hand.

But even so, Seokjin could not lie to himself. Other people who had not walked in his shoes might think he was living a great life and his life was completely perfect, in such a way that he had the kind of life which every man on the planet would die for. Yet in contrast, he felt empty, he felt like there was something missing. He could not comprehend what it was, he tried to bury down the feelings several times only to have it reaching back into the surface. He was thankful for everything he had, but it felt like some part of him was missing, he did not feel complete.

Things had been rough for him at work. He had to face a lot of difficulty in order to save his failing company. His father built the family company from zero, struggling with the uphill battle until it became one of the most powerful companies in the country.

One year ago when his father turned 60 he decided to retire from his chair and he gave Seokjin the honor to replace his position. His father always believed in his ability, he determined that Seokjin was the one. He knew as a successor, Seokjin would be able to spread their company’s wings even wider. Seokjin was delighted to be chosen for the position, although it meant he had to give up on his dream for music. He was okay with it, he completely had nothing against it. Ever since he was a kid he was always foolishly abandoned his own happiness because he simply did not want to let his father down. He loved his father just as much as his father did love him. Therefore he followed and listened to his father all the time. His life choice almost seemed like it was designed by his father for him.

Seokjin was smart and quick witted, however handling a huge company at such a young age was a great challenge for him. It was not easy. Especially with the pressure that he gained from all the workers in the company which brought so much tension to his nerves and not to mention his father’s colleagues who expected a very high expectation from him. They were all having the same mindset, thinking that Seokjin must have inherited his father’s amazing leadership skill, and with the perk of being young, they all predicted Seokjin would be able to work better than his father.

On the other hand, the current condition of the company was not in his favor. Most of his co-workers were starting to talk behind his back as they started to doubt his competence. Ever since he was chosen to be the CEO of the company, the path had been rough. The position was very promising, that’s true, but also very stressful. It was not easy to manage a company with more than ten thousand workers. Every day was like bloodshed for Seokjin.

Seokjin was very reserved, especially when it came to his personal matter. He was the type of person who always spread positivity but not sharing his burden with others, he liked to keep everything to himself. Not even to his fiancée, he had never once talked about his life or his thoughts to her, whenever he met her, both of them only talked about the casual conversation of the present. And it seemed like the two of them avoided to go deeper into the conversation and to learn more about each other. Seokjin thought, making the other person smile and happy the whole time they’re together was enough to be called love. Whenever he was feeling down, he made a call to his fiancée, asking her if he could meet her, most of the time she would reject him reasoning that she was busy with works and the other time when she said she was available to meet, he just couldn’t be able to bring out the topics to her, he could not seek a comfort from her. It just did not feel right to him.

Seokjin was not a man who liked to come to any company’s party. He disliked the atmosphere and he disliked it even worse because he always had to put on a fake smile on his face and be ready to get dragged into a formality conversation whenever his father’s colleagues came to greet him. However, that day was exceptional, his company was the host of the party and he was obligated to come and gave his speech as the CEO.

On that night he had asked his prospective spouse to attend the party with him but much to his disappointment she refused. The attendees of the party at that night were more than his expectation and it was just adding more reason to why he better left the party as soon as he finished his speech. Yet, he changed his mind the moment he saw you standing there at the corner of the room, dressed in your red dress, showing your body shape just right to enhanced your curves, your hair was tied up flashing the alluring neck line that weirdly looked very sexy in his eyes. Seokjin could not stop darting his eyes onto your direction the moment his gaze locked with you. His first instinct was to come you and know your name. Without him knowing, he was already making his way to you. He never thought a word of asking for your phone number would slip out of his mouth. The exquisite look in your eyes somehow made him feel he was absorbed into your world and the enticing sound of your voice brought the excitement that chimes through his spine. Throughout the whole night, he wanted to be just next to you and unfortunately, that was not just the only time he wanted to be with you.

Seokjin called you the next two days after your first encountered. Putting a he got an interesting job offer for you as a reason instead of saying the real reason for wanting to hear your voice. Ever since that night he talked to you, he could not be able to get you out of his head. He was pleased when you gladly agreed to meet him again.

The second meeting with him was far from awkward. He never thought he would feel very comfortable talking to you, someone he just met couple days ago. Seokjin could freely laugh and joked around with you, he was impressed on how you could make him enjoy every second he spent with you.

Things escalated pretty quickly for him and you. To a point where Seokjin dared himself to ask you to be his friends with benefits. He wanted more than just be your friend and he could see it in your eyes that you were also feeling the same thing. No string attached. He could not fall in love with you, that was the rule that he had set. He drew the line for himself.

As time flew by, he realized that you made him experience a significant feeling he never felt before, not even with his fiancée. He knew you were just different and he felt completed whenever he was together with you. He felt happy, relaxed and he felt like the whole bunch of weight that was weighing him down disappeared. With you, he could easily speak up about his mind and he could easily express his feelings.

The only one place that came to his mind whenever he feels down or he needs to seek a comfort was you. When he was having a hard time because of his work, you were the first person he went to, you were the one who consoled him and reassured him that everything was going to be okay. He trusted you, he let you soothe him into sleep, he let you hold him until morning came and he was glad he made the right decision for coming to your place.

All those nights he spent with you were always able to ease his worries away. Being with you constantly helped him to feel loved, with you there was no more stressful night because having you in his arms was enough to make him feel content. It was whimsical and against the rule that he set to himself, this was a no string attached relationship. He could not develop any feeling towards you. Yet it seemed like he was slowly breaking his own rule.

The circumstances that Seokjin let himself banded in was starting to suffocate him. Deep down in his heart, he knew the person he wanted to be with was not his current fiancée, but it was you. But unfortunately, he let the person who completed him go as he chased for the fabricated bliss that was made by another person he did not want to let down.

However, being a coward he was, he could not bring himself to admit it to himself. He was not happy. He was feeling empty. He hurt the person he loved the most and as a result, he hurt himself even worse. He kept denying his feelings for you.

He denied the truth and cultivated the lie.

He lied to you. He lied to his father. He lied to his fiancée. And he lied to himself.

His legs felt as if they were growing heavier with every single step taken. The walk in your apartment corridor seemingly long, the memories of him telling you he would never come back to your place once again arose on the back of his head. He shook his head, brushing off the awful remembrance from his mind.

He stopped his step in front of your door, lifting up his fist to knock on your door. He waited for a response and when he got nothing, he repeated the same action again.

He knocked several times on your door until it was finally flung open. He felt a pang on his chest when he saw your presence in front of his eyes. He could see your eyes were bloodshot red and puffy, you must have been crying a lot, he thought to himself. He could see you must have gotten as much sleep as he did for the past few days, you looked like you had lost few kilos. He could not help but to cease his forehead in concern when he saw your state.

He wasted no time in pulling your body into his arms, engulfing you fully in his wrap. He missed you, so much. And he felt sorry for what he had caused you, he just could not forgive himself for making you like this. He hated himself for what he had done to you. You did not hug him back, you did not say a word, you did not make any sound or movement yet he was glad. He was glad because you did not push him away, it was enough for him as long as you did not refuse his embrace.

As if he had lost his tracks, as if he had lost himself, he once again showed you the most vulnerable side of him as he buried his head in the crook of your neck and let his own tears leaving his eyes.

The sincere apology was yet to be spoken but his actions ultimately spoke louder than every word could ever ring in your ears.

“I’m sorry.” He tightened his arms around your body.

You immediately rose up from his chest, lifting your hand as you tried to reach for your phone, wanting to take it back from his hand. But Yoongi moved his hand away and was obviously not going to let you have your phone back until you answered his question. The look on his face showed how bad the last message you sent to your friend irritated him.

It was just another lazy Saturday where the two of you were cuddling on your couch while watching whatever that seemed interesting on Netflix. Yoongi had his arms wrapped around your middle as you comfortably leaned your head against his chest with his chin rested on the top of your head. Having your body flushed against him was one of your favorites, he would occasionally steal kisses to your temple or your cheek and it had never failed to rouse the dancing butterfly on your stomach.

You turned your face to look at him, let out a small giggle when you saw his serious expression as the movie was totally engrossed him. You placed a soft kiss on his cheek, trailing it down to his jaw and all the way to his neck. Before the hand that came to your head stopped you from doing anything further. “Babe, after this.” He said, eyes were still not leaving the television. You groaned in protest and without even looking he pressed his lips to your forehead, as if he was asking you to stop distracting him.

You huffed in defeat, grabbing your cell phone to keep yourself busy as you waited for Yoongi to finish watching his movie which was not interesting to you. You scrolled through your contact and decided to send a message to your best friend, talking with her was always fun and could help you kill your boredom as the topics always jumped from here to there, sharing your daily activities, celebrity’s gossips, and even your deepest secrets.

2:30 pm: You know I had the weirdest dream a few days ago.

2:31 pm: Spill!

You took a glance at Yoongi and spun around his arms, your back was pressed against his chest, he was absolutely unbothered, still too preoccupied with his movie. You shook your head before putting your attention back to your phone.

2:31 pm: You know Namjoon, right?

2:32 pm: Your boyfriend’s bandmate?

2:32 pm: Yeah him. You remember the other day I told you that he looked super fine on the picture he uploaded?

2:32 pm: And?

2:33 pm: I had a dream of him after that

2:33 pm: LOL couldn’t get him outta your mind huh?

2:34 pm: Oops! Not my fault, plus he looked so damn fine on my dream too

2:34 pm: Omg lol you’re so in trouble.

2:35 pm: I know but it’s not like I could control my dream though

And that was the last message you could send to your friend before having your phone snatched out of your grip by your boyfriend who had been secretly peeking on you.

“Yoongi, you can’t take my phone and read my text like that.” You let out a huff when you saw him completely ignoring your words and kept scrolling through your text messages, as if he couldn’t hear you.

Ting!

Another loud sound of a new chat notification came from your phone. He immediately checked on the text, “Yoongi will flip a table if he knows.” He read the message out loud. “Know what?” He lifted his head to fix his glance on your face, before he continued asking you question to fill in his curiosity. “What are you dreaming about? Don’t tell me… oh my God.”

“What?” You asked back in confusion.

“Don’t tell me it was a wet dream!” He rolled his eyes, you could tell he was so pissed just by thinking about it.

“What, babe! No! Uh, Of course not!” You quickly denied. “We were just going out for a date but we-“

“You dated him?!” He glared at you.

“Yeah but not really we were-”

“What do you mean yeah but not really? What did you do? Did you kiss?”

“No, we were just-“

“Not even a peck?”

“No! I was-“

“Then did he hug you?”

“Oh my Gosh! Can you stop cutting my words? And no, we didn’t hug, didn’t kiss, didn’t do anything intimate, not even holding hands, he didn’t touch me at all. Happy now?”

“Not really. I still don’t like the date part.”

“God. It’s nothing, really, me and him walked around the riverside and that’s it.”

“Still don’t like it. And you said that he looked so damn fine?”

“Baby, it’s just in a picture and a dream.” You told him but sure enough, your words were still not able to convince him. He wet his lower lip with his tongue and heaved out a sigh, you could tell he was trying to suppress his temper, he got up from his seat and made his way towards the bedroom.

You watched his back moving further away from where you were seated. “Why are you so upset just because of a dream?” You raised your voice at him and shook your head. Everything was ridiculous to you, you had no idea that he would be so furious about it. You had imagined his reaction if you ever told him about your dream but you totally did not expect his reaction would be like this. You thought he would just brush it off as a joke. However, you were wrong, since you just woke the sleeping beast inside him up. Your voice was loud enough to be able to stop him in his tracks.

His body tensed up upon hearing your question. Yoongi remained silent for a moment before he slightly leaned his head back and spoke lowly. “Because Namjoon has a crush on you…”

You froze in your seat, doubting your own ears. Even though you knew you had no hearing problems and you clearly heard every word that he said, yet the only word that came out of your mouth was. “What?”

“He has a crush on you! Damn it.” He turned his body to face you, running his fingers through his hair as he continued. “Don’t you realize the way he sees you? Whenever you are around, his behavior changes, whenever you are around, he always smiles like an idiot, talks like an idiot while trying to impress you with his brain! And it pissed me off. I notice everything. Everything. And now you’re talking as if you have a crush on him? What do you think that makes me? Should I not worry? Should I not worry when I know both of you like each other?!”

You leaped up from your seat, dashing your way to where he was standing and immediately throwing your hands around his neck, crashing your body to his. You felt your heart clenched with every word that slipped out of his mouth, you did not know the reason behind of his jealousy was because you made him feel inferior, because of his unspoken insecurity of losing you. “Baby…” You whispered against his stiff body, tightening your embrace, you sighed as you could not hide your disappointment when he did not return your hug.

“Yoongi…” You called his name, yet he still did not give you any response, you were hoping he would at least hum a response or do anything but you knew he would just remain silent, therefore you took it as a cue for you to continue speaking. “I…I’m sorry. I don’t know about it, I really don’t know…” You took a breath as you felt your eyes started to get moist. “I never meant to make you worry because I don’t like him that way. I never had a thought of dating Namjoon or anything. I don’t care if he has a crush on me or whatsoever, don’t doubt me because the only thing that I care is just to have you by my side.” You could feel your throat is getting dry the moment you finished to explain yourself, you were hoping it would be enough to assure him that he had nothing to be worried about.

The silence continued although his body was no longer as tense as before, Yoongi remained quiet and it almost felt like you were hugging a statue. “Yoongi…” You called him again, awaiting his response yet he did not seem bothered.

You pulled slightly away from the hug to look at him, when your eyes met with each other you saw his gaze softened as he saw the dried stain of tears at both corners of your eyes.

Yoongi sighed, lifting his hand up to wipe your tears with his thumb. “Yoon-“ He did not let you finish as he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, the sudden kiss caught you out of the guard, you would fall on your knees if Yoongi did not have one of his arms around your waist. Meanwhile, his other hand was gently stroking your cheek as the kiss deepened.

He rested his forehead against yours after he broke the kiss. “I….” Yoongi said quietly, he leaned in and brushed his lips against yours. “…love you.” He muttered the last two words against your lips before he caught them in between his again.

Those three words from him instantly warmed your heart and you felt like the tremendous weight that was pushing your body down had been lifted off your shoulders, you could not help but smile to the kiss as relief washed over you.

Yoongi was not the type of guy who could easily express his feeling, but when he did, you knew he really meant it. And you could feel the sincerity in his voice amidst each word he said.

“Me too. So much.” You told him once you pulled away from the kiss, giving him the sweetest smile on your face until your captivating dimples came into sight.

“So, don’t get jealous anymore, please. You’re scary when you’re jealous.” You scrunched up your nose with your lips pouted. Yoongi could not stop himself from laughing at you, and soon afterward you find yourself laughing along with him.

“Should we continue what you did earlier?” He said when your laughter died down.

“The fight?” You tilted your head in confusion.

“Tsk! No, the part where you were seducing me.” Yoongi answered with a smirk plastered on his face.

Your cheeks flushed at his words. “I didn’t seduce you!” You retorted back.

“Oh please, stop lying, Princess.” He chortled a small laugh when you lightly pushed his chest, he knew you hated it when he used corny nicknames yet he always did to tease you all the time.

Yoongi moved his hands to grab your thighs and suddenly lifted you up on his arms. You yelped in shocked but immediately wrapped your legs around his waist. 

She stretches her body that is attached like a glue to her bed, she slowly flickers her lids open, blinking a few times to adjust her vision recognizing that her reverie has left her cognizant body in a form of reality. She dislikes the lonely feeling of detachment every time a subtle awareness of who she is flows within her conscious. She closes her eyelids again, earnestly asking for the fantasy to drag her back into her chamber of hypothetical happiness, unfortunately, her attempt only brings an empty void of emotions.

Giving up, she reaches her arm out until it collides with a small rectangular device. The one particular device that she always keeps close and holds first every morning, a routine that she always does right after she opens her eyes is no other than to check on her phone’s notifications. Grabbing the device on her palm, she starts her unlocking the screen, skimming through her notification list and stops when she sees a message from her friend, urgently ushering her to check on her social media account.

As the curiosity haunts her, she doesn’t bother to send a reply yet immediately she is scrolling through her social media’s timeline. Her finger stops moving as she reads the headline of the news and she is pretty sure that is what her friend is implying for her to see.

The pounding heart on her rib cage starts getting faster causes the pain that is throbbing on her chest, her brain suddenly short-circuited and she can’t process every word that she read into her mind as if it needs to be re-booted. Her palms begin to sweat, her eyes are wide in a daze and her mouth starts to get dry.

She can’t tear her gaze away from the pictures that are flashing through her phone. The picture of two of them happily walking arms in arms like they are the only human beings in the world and the other one is taken when the girl who is now titled as his girlfriend leaning against his shoulder to lovingly graze her lips on his cheek.

The painful reality of being a fan washes over her crumpled mind. The truth hurts her badly but she knows sooner or later it will come after her, in a way that is a little too harsh for her to comply like she is just a messy land of grass that means nothing to soldiers to throw their grenades at.

And when the time comes, she promises herself that she should be ready to bear witness her diamond castle in the air erodes into a speck of disheveled dust, she should be ready to accept the arduous blow hammering itself onto her bare chest, she should be ready to grasp the fact that she is just one among the millions of girls out there that are seeking and loving his attention that he gives to keep his career.

Hello there! Thank you very much for dropping by my writing blog! In this blog I mainly write fan fiction of Kpop Idols x Reader. I hope all of you enjoy reading my stories as much as I enjoy creating them. ♡

BTS - 방탄소년단

Seokjin (Jin)

A Mistake: 1 | 2 ⇢ Angst

Yoongi (Suga)

Different Kind of Love ⇢ Angst

Dream ⇢ Slight Angst/Fluff

Sorry ⇢ Slight Angst/Fluff

Sequel: More Than You Know | Mirage ⇢ Slight Angst/Fluff

Overflowing Jealousy ⇢ Slight Angst/Fluff

Hoseok (Jhope)

Just Friends ⇢ Fluff

Namjoon (Rapmonster)

Insecurities ⇢ Fluff

Jimin

Always There ⇢ Angst/Fluff

Misunderstanding ⇢ Angst/Fluff

Sequel: Promise | Enough ⇢ Angst

Taehyung (V)

Can You Trust Me? ⇢ Slight Angst/Fluff

Mischievous ⇢ Fluff

The First Baby Kick ⇢ Fluff

Parenting is Never Easy ⇢ Fluff

Another Chaotic Morning ⇢ Fluff

Pulverize ⇢ Angst

The Confession ⇢ Angst

Sequel: Irony | Loss ⇢ Angst

Jungkook

Denial ⇢ Angst

Nothing Left ⇢ Angst

Birthday Surprise ⇢ Fluff

iKON - 아이콘

Junhoe

Shopping Date ⇢ Fluff

Got7 - 갓세븐

Jaebum

Ease The Worries Away ⇢ Fluff

The fight that broke out this morning between you two was definitely the reason behind Yoongi stopped talking to you. He was obviously trying to keep himself busy to avoid you. He hadn’t moved for the past hour, sitting on the couch with his laptop glued to his lap. You were watching him from behind, waiting for the right time to talk to him. Your ego was too big to apologize to him first after the fight, but after you took your time to think and clear your thoughts, you decided to lower down your shield for him. It was you who started the mess and snapped at him first anyway.

You saw him placing the laptop away from his reach and you wasted no time on sipping in the opportunity to walk over to him. You slowly sat down on the empty space beside him, he acted like he was completely unbothered as he searched for the remote control and casually turning on the TV.

A few minutes had passed and there were still no words exchanged between you two. You and Yoongi were sitting there in silence, yet strangely you could feel the atmosphere was no longer tense. Although you were a bit disappointed when you saw him not giving any reaction, not even glancing in your direction, however, you could sense the rage in him had lessened.

You laid your gaze at him, taking in a glimpse of his sullen face as his eyes were still fixed on the TV screen. You hesitantly shifted a bit closer to him and slowly leaned to his side as you sneaked your arms around his torso. Anxiousness washed over you when you received nothing as a response, it was far from what you had pictured in your head. You had expected him to at least say something to you but in contrast, you got zero reactions from him.

Nonetheless, he did not flinch at your touch, he did not push you away. He just let you casually hug him. And it felt like it was a cue for you to go on and do something to end this cold war.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, pressing one of your cheek flat against his chest. You started to feel like you were sitting on pins and needles when you kept getting no responses from him and the negative thoughts started dancing around your head. However, it was all driven away once you felt one of his arms naturally came to wrap around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

“Me too.” Yoongi sighed and he lowered his head to brush his lips against the top of your head. “Let’s promise each other to never fight over stupid thing again.” You said, reaching for his hand and intertwined your pinky finger with his. One childish gesture that you still do whenever you make any promises. A faint smile formed on your face when you felt the vibration on his chest as he let out a small chuckle.

It was pretty amusing how a good looking person like him was very insecure with himself.

However, after a lot of arguments, thoughts and, of course, your endless encouragements he finally made his move. You noticed everything. You noticed how his eyes kept glancing towards her direction. You noticed the small smile that spread across his lips when she laughed with her friends. You noticed the side glances from the corner of his eyes to her while he was trying to keep the conversation along. And you noticed the reason why you sometimes had to repeat your sentences twice. He was totally falling for her.

The one thing that you were scared the most was finally here. The one thing that you wished it would never happen again had occurred one more time. The broken heart that you struggled to hold the pieces together was once again fragile and broke into ashes.

You clutched your palms into the hem of your skirt while seeing him walking towards her direction. He ran his hand to fix his front hair, looking back at you and he smiled when he saw you lifting your thumb up, gesturing him that he looked amazing. Just when he was a step closer to her, he looked back at you biting his lip as nervousness was still dancing around his stomach. You just nodded your head to him as you were telling him to go ahead, you stupidly still bothered to plaster a faint smile on your face but turned your head the next second as you felt your cheeks burning.

Everything felt like a mistake to you, you were not supposed to be there, you should not have asked him to accompany you to a bar, you were not supposed to encourage him, you should have just agreed with him when he said he was not worthy of her. but you couldn’t, you couldn’t take it when he thought poorly of himself, he was amazing, he was beautiful as he was, he should know that. He must know how wonderful he was.

At times like this, you wished you could stop acting like you were strong. You wished you would have someone to hold you in their arms and let you cry out your pathetic one sided love out of your broken heart.

You knew he would not notice how indifferent your actions were when he came back to you, excitingly showing off his triumph on winning her number. You were no longer pretending that you were excited for him. Truthfully, you wanted to cry right there, you wanted to yell, you wanted to shout how stupid he was for not realizing the deep cut he had caused in your heart. You wanted to swing your hand across his face for not once thinking you were also a girl with feelings, for not once ever showing his concern when your eyes were glistening with unfallen tears. Do your tears have to stream down to your face every time for him to finally display a slight worry on you?

But instead, you told him you need to go home. And without any further questions, he immediately agreed. He still had a big grin on his face even when he was behind the steering wheel, whilst driving you home he could not stop boasting about her, how classy her actions were, how pleasing her voice sounded to his ears, and all the good things about her that you wished you did not have to hear.

You were a little bit fascinated on how much he could talk about her in just after 20 minutes of talk. He had never paid a close attention to anyone, he was reckless but today you noticed he actually paid attention to some people he was really interested with, or in love with, which was obviously, not you.

His bravery moves that night eventually got him to where he was right now. At first, he was happy with just knowing her name and getting her phone number as a bonus. But it seemed like cupid of love was on his side considering he got to ask her out for a date few days after their first encounter. And as things go he got to ask her to be his girlfriend after three months of a constant exchanging texts, calls and also dates.

“Why are you not dating anyone?” He once asked you, sitting on your couch while flipping through the channels on your television. He was in your apartment, waiting for his girlfriend to finish her class before he could come and picked her up for their Saturday date.

“I don’t need a date and besides nobody wants to date me anyway.” You casually responded to him as you flopped to the empty space beside him.

“Oh C'mon! You’re pretty. Have you not loved anyone before?” You turned your face to his direction, his eyes were locked on the television, his cheery red lips puckered forward.

Cute, you thought to yourself.

“I have.” You shrugged, thinking that he wouldn’t really care enough about your answer.

“Then? Did he break your heart?” It seemed like your prediction was wrong this time, suddenly he sounded very curious about your love life. It had never happened before.

You shook your head. The sound of your bitter chuckle didn’t go unnoticed by his ears. “Umm… not really.” You hesitantly said.

“You sure?” He asked again, you swore you wished he would just drop the conversation so you would stop feeling bad about yourself. If he did not ask you further, your fallen heart would not shiver in a wave of acid like right now.

You sighed, contemplating to yourself whether you should tell him or not. You bit the inside of your cheeks and your long silence had finally brought his attention to you. He fully averted his gaze away from the television to your face, moving his body to sit sideways and completely focused his attention on you.

“Just tell me.” His voice sounded serious. The expression he had on his face told you how intensely he concerned about you. It almost seemed like he was ready to blow anyone who dared to put their fingers on you. Just a small thing like this was able to successfully make yourself fall for him again.

You pressed your lips together, the gesture you always did when you were trying to find your courage. You closed your eyes as you slowly let the words passing your lips. “I love you, Taehyung.” You lowered your head, curling your palms into a fist, braving yourself to finish your sentence. “But, somewhere along the way, I broke my heart loving you.” You told him you’re your low and trembling voice.

There was no immediate response coming from him, unlike the usual him. You had expected him to probably shout in a shock or laughing his ass off by now. But you could not hear any of them which brought a slight warmth across your heart, thinking that probably he would give you a chance of hope, or he was probably thinking a way to comfort you, or else he was just too confused to give any response to you.

So, you took a small glance at him. You could see him sucking his lips inwards before he started bursting into laughter shortly after. As you would have expected from him, you should not have let any hope crawling in your heart, no matter how serious your voice sounded like he would always take it as a joke. Well since when he ever took you seriously though.

You jumped out from your couch, walking away to your bathroom, locking yourself inside. You still could hear him laughing out loud even after you almost ran yourself away from the scene of you embarrassing yourself for confessing your sincere feeling. You immediately turned on your faucet and let the sound of the running water muffling the sound of your sobs.

It has been an hour past midnight.

He breaks his promise, again. Is he still in his studio? He probably got caught out with his works. You thought to yourself. As a result of two years living together with him, you know his habits like the back of your hand. The loud sound of notification from your phone interrupts your train of speculations and in a flash, you grab your phone that is lying next to your body on the sofa. You had sent him few texts asking where he is, what he was doing, and if he has eaten or not because you worry he may be skipping his meals again, but the reply never comes. You had tried to call him as well but it went straight to the mailbox.

Your nose scrunches in displeased when you see the sender of the message. It is not from the person you expected it would be. There is not even a single text coming from him yet. It is just one of your friend who claims that she sees Yoongi.

Wait. She sees Yoongi? Where?

You immediately unlock your phone and click on your friend’s message.

01:20 am: I thought you said you couldn’t come because you wanted to celebrate your anniversary with Yoongi? But it seems like he’s celebrating something else.

01:20 am: You had received a photo.

Your heart immediately drops down to your stomach the moment you see the picture. Both corners of your wavering eyes moisten, your mouth is automatically parted from the shock, and you can not think of anything because it feels like your world is churning. Another sound of an incoming message makes you slowly sliding the screen upwards, your finger is shaky as you are nervous to know what the picture may look like. A droplet of liquid eventually makes its way down from your eyes, after the picture of a guy sitting next to a woman with his face way too close to your liking to hers and his arms wrapped around the woman appeared on your phone. You wish you do not know who they are, but in fact, you clearly recognize those two people in the picture.

01:21 am: Seriously?

01:21 am: Leave this fucking cheater, he doesn’t deserve you.

That is the last message you read before you press the locked button on your phone. You decide to not reading it anymore further, because the more you see it, the more your heart crumples in pain. You hate this. You hate knowing this. Why? Why does he choose to hurt you among all of the people he knows? Why does among all people you know it has to be him that hurt you? Why does it hurt so much? Why do you feel like you can not breathe? Why does it feel like your world is ending? Why does it have to happen right now? Why?

The dining table is already filled with his favorite foods, which probably had turned cold by now. The candles that you previously lit a few hours ago had died down by now. You purposely put a small effort to make your simple anniversary dinner a little romantic. You are not the best cooker but you had spent hours trying to cook what he likes, especially for this kind of special occasion. However, in the end, your excitement turns into grief. Your imagination to spend a pleasant dinner with him shatters into pieces.

You drop your head in between your folded legs, as your arms tightly circled around your legs. You can’t control your falling tears, your sob echoes in the darkness of the empty apartment you two shared. Your head aches in a massive throb, it feels like both side of your head are pressed together. And you feel the burning feeling in your chest that slowly makes you suffocate. To a point where it is even hard for you to control your breathing.

You are broken.

The picture your friend sent to you earlier once again emerges in your head. You shake your head in an attempt to erase the memory out of your mind, but you can’t. It is difficult for you to believe what you see, he chooses her. He eventually chooses her over you. The girl he told you not to worry about, the girl he had spent months on working with, the girl he had donated almost all of his free time, the girl he said he would want to help because of her talent that might be gone wasted. And it was the same girl you once asked him to choose between you or her. He chose you, then. But obviously, he had changed his decision.

He missed your anniversary dinner. He missed the celebration for the important day of your relationship so he could attend her birthday party. Is she more important than you now? The answer is probably yes. You are less important, you are no longer his top priority, you had been replaced.

After another hour passes and you finally hear your front door being unlocked, you instantly know it was him as none else knows the password of your house, unless he tells his side chick your house’s password. You are standing in the hallway, waiting for him to come and ready to bombard him with your questions when you hear his footsteps approaching.

He doesn’t bother to turn on the light as he walks, you see him stumble on his step, struggling to walk forward. You squint your nose the moment he takes a step closer to you, from where you are standing you can smell the scent of alcohol coming very strong from his body.

“You’re still awake?”

You feel a pang on your chest upon the first words that come out of his mouth when he sees you standing in his way. He doesn’t even bother to apologize first for missing out something special.

“Have you been crying?” He asks again, without a single slight of concern in his voice. Your eyes are swollen because of the amount of tear you had shed. And even now, you still find it very difficult to fight the tears from falling.

He heaves out a sigh as he nonchalantly walks past you, unsteadily striding to the kitchen. You follow him with your gaze and you watch every move he makes, therefore you don’t fail to witness the way he doesn’t bother to take a glance at your dining table as he goes straight to the refrigerator to grab himself a cold water.

Despite the amount of alcohol he drank, Yoongi is still aware of his surroundings, let alone the stare that you had been giving him. He knows you had been watching him. He soon places his drink on the flat surface of the kitchen countertops and he turns around while leaning against it, folding his hands in front of his chest as he stares back at you.

You are standing a few meters away from him. But he can see the anger that is boiling inside of you. He can feel the unpleasant atmosphere plunges against him. He slowly raises his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose. He is physically and mentally tired of having a fight with you, to him most of the arguments you two had are completely unnecessary. He is already having a rough night, also the alcohol is currently consuming most part of his system.

He doesn’t want to deal with you right now. He makes his way out of the kitchen, ignoring your presence and he moves his body towards the bedroom. But the hand that grabs him by his arm had successfully stopped him on his track.

“Tsk! What now?” He lazily asks, turning his face slightly to peek at you. “I’m so tired, if you want to fight, can we do it tomorrow?”

“No, I need to know where have you been? What were you doing? And why did you not reply to my texts or answer my phone?”

“I was out with friends and we had a little celebration. That’s it.”

“Celebration of what? Of your side chick’s birthday party?” Your voice sounds sarcastic.

“My side chick?! I thought this topic is over.”

“It is not over when you’re literally out there, hugging her and kissing her cheek!”

“It’s her birthday and it’s just a friendly gesture. How did you even know? Are you spying on me? Oh God! You are so disgusting. This is why I’m so tired of you.”

“Friendly gesture?! If I am so disgusting to you, why don’t you just live with her?!”

“You don’t have to tell me. I will, I will! I am so done with you anyway! When will you stop being such a sensitive and jealous bitch?!”

Your temper is flaring and rage boils through your body. Your body shaking at every single word he says to you. He just calls you a bitch. You lift your hand and you throw it forward as hard as you can, whipping it across his face. There is a crack sound of skin contacting with skin echoes off the walls. Your palm is red, just like the mark he has on his cheek. He shuts his eyes and slowly his hand makes its way to his red cheek.

“Fuck you, Yoongi. We do not need an asshole like you!” You nearly scream at him, despite the sob that chokes you. You lunge forward, hitting him on his shoulder as you march toward the front door. You do not even bother to take any of your belongings out with you when you leave the house. You just do not want to be there, you just want to go, far away from him. You do not have extra clothes, you do not have anything but your phone.

The weather outside is pretty chilly, and the cardigan you are wearing isn’t thick enough to block the cold wind that blows hard against your body. You rub your palms against your arms while you are dragging yourself away from the place you called home for the past two years.

You don’t know where to go, you just let your feet drag you along the way. You had a thought of making a call to your friends. However, if you do, you are scared you will only bother them because it is already dawn, and they are probably peacefully sleeping. So you choose to keep on walking, hoping you may be able to find a place for you to wait until morning comes.

You place your hand on your stomach, stroking it gently. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry I couldn’t able to tell your dad about you. I guess it will be just the two of us from now on.” You say quietly, you had already planned to tell Yoongi about it on your anniversary. You even had pictured his reaction on your head. You know he will very happy to hear the news.

You deeply sigh. But then it was only the reaction you imagined by yourself. After what you heard from him today, you are not so sure anymore. He said that you were disgusting and the way he said it sounds like he really meant it. He probably thinks you and your baby are just a burden to his life. He doesn’t love you anymore, so why would he want a child coming from your womb? He definitely will hate your baby. No, you can’t let it happen. You can’t let him know about your pregnancy.

“Ack!” The sudden pain in your lower stomach makes you wince. You crouch down and bite your lower lip as you are enduring the pain. You press your hand against your stomach. You raise your head up, looking around for a help, but there is nobody in sight.

“Don’t worry, honey. I will make sure you’re alright.” You whisper. “You will be alright.” The last few sentences are barely passing through your mouth before your vision becomes extremely disorienting and darkness starts clouded your eyes.

You can feel the pain in your head as you are slowly opening your eyes, the light that shines throughout the room is a little bit too bright for you. You blink your eyes few times, adjusting your vision, everything seems so unfamiliar, you look around and it takes you a few minutes before you realize that you are in a hospital, your gaze finally lands on the head of the man that sleeps on your stomach. You don’t even need to see his face to know who that is.

“Yoongi…” You call him almost inaudibly, your throat feels so dry, you are so thirsty you need to drink yet you can’t move as Yoongi presses you against your bed. “Yoongi.” You call his name again, trying to wake him up and finally he raises his head up to look at you.

You notice the worried expression on his face and you also notice his eyes are red and moist, just like yours. He must have been crying himself to sleep.

“How are you feeling? Are you okay? Do you need anything? Does anything feel hurt? Do you want me to call the doctor?” His questions come out like a train.

“I’m thirsty.” You tell him and without a second, he grabs the glass of water beside your bed. You gulp down the water and mutter a small thank you at him.

“I’m so worried about you. The moment you ran out of the house, I feel like I’m the shittiest person in the whole world so I ran after you and I saw you lying on the ground. My heart almost stopped. I’m so scared. I can’t think straight. Oh God! I’m so sorry.” He says as guilt washes all over him.

You keep on silence and you avoid his gaze. You do not want to let yourself be fooled by his words. The only reason why he says this to you now is just because he sees you almost dying on the street.

“And…when are you going to tell me about our baby?” His question caught you out of guard.

“H-How do you know?”

“I found your pregnancy test on the floor. You must have dropped it when you rushed out of the house. You told me, ‘WE don’t need you’. We. It just somehow comes in place together. So, when are you going to tell me?”

You sigh, trying to suppress the anger that starts building inside you. “On the day you forgot our anniversary, the day you missed out anniversary dinner, the day you chose her over me, the day you called me a bitch, the day you said you would leave me for her.”

“Baby…”

“Don’t baby me. We’re over, Yoongi. I will raise this kid by myself. So you don’t have to worry about it. You can leave.”

“Babe, don’t be like this. I know I’m such an asshole. I’m such a jerk. But please, don’t cut me out of your life and also my own child’s life.”

“No, Yoongi. You don’t deserve to call it your child.”

“Honey, I know you’re still angry with me, but please let me be there throughout your pregnancy. Let me stay by your side. Let me be the father of our child.”

“Let me be the father my ass.” You mutter to yourself as you slowly regain your conscious back from your sleep. Your mind is still hazy but you already feel so irritated. You look over to your side and you find Yoongi still caught in his own deep sleep. The sight alone annoyed you, how dare he sleeping soundly when he just ruined your sleep. How dare he putting his arm around you after being such an ass and coming to your dream. How dare he looking so beautiful while sleeping with his shirt off. You moan in annoyance. It is still early in the morning but everything is already so aggravating to you.

Hence, you remove Yoongi’s arm from your middle part and roll a little bit to the other side of the bed before you swing your leg to his side until he falls down from the bed. You can hear a loud thump sound as his body hit the floor along with his voice groaning in pain soon afterward. And somehow, bothering him in the morning brings a satisfying smile to your face.

“What is wrong with you!?” He rubs his bare ass that just collided with the cold tile floor of your bedroom. His voice sounds a bit hoarse from his sleep. His hair is messy, his eyes are slightly squinted but he looks so beautiful as the ray of morning sun light kisses his bare skin.

“Yoongi. You are naked and so ugly in the morning.”

“Good morning to you too, beautiful.” He says sarcastically. You roll your eyes the moment his sarcasm rings through your ears. “Why are you attacking me early in the morning?” He slides back onto the bed, under the converter.

You get up to sit on your bed. “Because you cheated on me! You kissed that wine lady! You called me a bitch! You said you would live with her and leave me and my baby alone! So I left you and I fainted on the street and you didn’t even care! You, careless idiot cold hearted bastard.” You point your finger at him as you huff.

“Huh? Babe….” He looks at you with a confused look crossed over his face.

“What?!” You snap.

“What are you talking about? None of it ever happened.”

“It happened last night Min Yoongi!”

“What? What do you mean? All I can remember from last night was you seducing me and begging me to go harder and faster until you fall asleep.” As he finishes his sentence, a smirk makes its appearance on his face.

“Shut up! Min Yoongi, you missed our anniversary dinner! I cooked everything but you just left me waiting for you to come home but you never come!” You take a deep breath after you finish your sentence. You don’t remember the last time you ever speak that fast until you run out of breath.

“Wha-?” He raises his eyebrow in confusion. He knows that your anniversary is not last night, it already passed and you two celebrated it together two months ago. “Uh, oh my God! Are you talking about your dream last night?” He said as the realization starts hitting him. It has been happening frequently ever since your pregnancy reaches its 2nd stage. You always wake up, getting all worked up because of your dream. You had told him once that all of your dreams feel so real. Sometimes you will wake him up while crying your eyes out and starts blaming Yoongi for being mean to you. And also some of the time you will become so clingy and giggly, saying that Yoongi is the sweetest man you ever met and you are lucky to have him. From the bottom of his heart, Yoongi wishes that kind of dream comes more often but unfortunately the most frequent one is the one that always makes you angry the moment you open your eyes in the morning.

“Yes! It feels so real. So annoying!” You pucker your lips forward. Yoongi shakes his head at the view. Well, your pregnancy symptoms do annoy the hell out of him but he can’t help but think you are cute. He always thinks you are cute but looking at you having a hard time controlling your emotions because of what-he-gave-you is even cuter to him. He chuckles and pulls you into his arms.

“It was just a dream, baby. You know I shouldn’t risk my life by calling you a name you don’t like. You also know I did nothing but attend her birthday’s party, just to show my respect. And I would never leave you or our baby.” He gently shifts his hand to your showing bump. “Ah and you also know, I’m the one who always cooks in this house. You don’t even know how long does it take to cook a rice.” He chortles a short laugh and kisses the side of your head.

You lightly hit his arm that is wrapped around you, annoyed by his insult. Although you find yourself relaxes into his embrace. Yoongi always has his way to make you feel better. Yoongi isn’t someone who will show how much he cares for you in front of you, but you know he is the most caring person you had ever met. Yoongi will sometimes insult you or annoy you, but you know he will never let you get hurt. Yoongi isn’t someone who will buy you flowers on a date, but he is someone who is always there whenever you need a shoulder to lean on. Yoongi isn’t someone who says I love you every day but you know, he is the one who loves you the most. And you know you are lucky to have each other.

“Baby, can you promise me one thing?” He murmurs against your head.

“Hm?”

“Please remind me not to get you pregnant again.” He tightens his hold on your body and nestled his chin on your shoulder. You click your tongue against the roof of your mouth while rolling your eyes in disbelief. He continued. “Babe seriously. Be me for one day and enjoy your mood swings.”

“Be me for one day and enjoy the overflowing hormones.” You retort back.

“I can never win against you.” He says, placing a quick kiss on your cheek.

“So?” You reply with another snappy answer.

“So?” He copies the way you speak before he starts pondering. “Umm, soo..”

“What?” You side glanced him, curious of his thoughts. He probably thinks for another witty retort to say to you, you thought to yourself. You know how he hates losing in an argument.

“Nothing. I’m just thinking probably we should call our child with that.” His shocking answer makes you choke on your breath. You immediately snap your head to look at him with your furrowed brow.

“What? Isn’t that cute?” His expression shows how persistent he is with the name.

For the past few months, you could feel the relationship you once cherished the most had turned shallow. The person who once made you feel like you owned the galaxy was no longer there, the person who once gave you his everything turned into an unknown that would only give you a restless night to accompany your swollen eyes and crippled heart.

You once thought to yourself that the only thing that could make it easier for you both was him quitting his job. Which obviously not in the choices because it would only make you be so selfish.

“This is it?”

With a faint smile on your face, you slowly nodded your head, unsure whether you were actually agreeing with his statement or you just spontaneously nodded so he would leave without having to see you drowned in tears.

The air suddenly felt too suffocating for you to breathe the moment you felt his hand coming in contact with the side of your neck. Too close. He was too close.

Your fingers curled down into a full fist when he brushed his lips against your forehead. The kiss that was last only for a few seconds still made your whole body shiver. At that point you felt pathetic to yourself, realizing he still had that effect on you.

“I’m sorry.”

His voice sounded very quiet and croaky where it seemed like he had a ton of bricks stuck in his throat as he let the words out of his mouth. You clenched your jaw upon hearing the two unpleasant words ringing in your ears. Was it because you heard it too often? Or was it because he did not sound like his usual self?

“And I will always lo-“

The way you shook your head furiously while placing both of your palms to cover your ears had him stopped himself from finishing his sentence.

“Don’t Jungkook. Please just leave.”

You tried your best to not stutter your sentence. And you were slightly proud of yourself when you heard your voice loud and clear without a slightest brittle in within. In contrast, the man standing in front of you could not hold himself back from heaving out a shaky breath.

As you gathered your courage, you bravely looked at him straight into his eyes. You saw sadness, pain, and sorrow covered his face which made you feel you had just witnessed your own reflection on him.

He dragged his tongue along his bottom lip, taking a deep breath, and was going to say another word when you repeated your sentence once again, telling him to leave. His eyes that were still fixated in your face wavered in a shock as if the realization just hit him.

It was the moment where he finally got the message that it was over, he was no longer in a situation where he was able to fix his relationship. He knew he already stood at the end of the line, yet you were no longer standing in the same line.

The look on your face made his heart dropped to the lowest point. As if you were boldly telling him that there was nothing for him to change because he had lost his chances. There was nothing left.

He pulled himself away from you with his hands were hanging limply on his sides, his shoulders looked like it had shrunk a few inches, his head was hanging low. And you almost could not believe the sight in front you. You had never seen him this weak before. But there was no choice for you and him, you knew it was the best for both of you.

Every breakup was always tough at first. But it would slowly be alright, wouldn’t it?

You saw his bare and broad shoulders moved up and down as he exhaled a long frustrated breath. You pulled the converter along with your body as you shifted to sit. You brought your back to lean against the headboard of your bed. You took a slight glance to your bedroom’s floor where your clothes and his were still scattered all over it.

He still had his phone pressed against one of his ears. His breath quickened with every word he let out. You could see how tense he was. It was a little bit surprising to you as the spoken tone he used to speak to the person on the phone was far from his usual tender voice.

Some part of you hated when he had an argument with anyone but at the same time, some part of you wished this argument that he was having would last longer, or possibly forever.

You probably sounded very selfish but that was the only way for you to have him all to yourself. That way you did not have to wonder when he would give you a call, a text or even come to your place. You could stop worrying if he would ever find you again to vent his needs. And you did not have to cry yourself to sleep whenever he left you right after your making love session.

Well at least, for you, it was a love making. But, unfortunately for him, it was just a plain sex.

The fortress you built inside yourself began to waver the moment he changed his tone of voice. It was turning into something softer with each word he threw out. And every single word successfully broke every little hope that was just piling up inside of your heart.

“Baby, you know I love you. I always have, and always will.”

“You are the only one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. No one else.”

“So please, wait for me at home, okay? I’m coming right now.”

“Please, stay. Don’t go.”

“Yes, love.“

"I love you so much.”

He hung up the phone, throwing it back to the bed. He ran his hand through his hair before pinching the bridge of his nose. He stood up on his feet and began collecting his clothes. He saw you awake but he chose to not saying anything, ignoring you. He had enough drama for the day and he did not want to talk because he was afraid he might possibly vent his anger at you.

You followed every movement that he made. He managed to get all dressed and was ready to head out when you broke the silence.

“Don’t you think we should stop this?”

He stopped on his track. He was just one step away from your doorstep.

“I don’t think what we have right now is enough to make both of us happy.” You cast your gaze down and you darted your tongue to wet your bottom lip. “The sex is not even good anymore. I know you feel it too. You and I are a mistake.” You turned your head to look up his direction.

“I mean, you have your girlfriend there in your luxury penthouse, meanwhile you? Fucking with me in my studio apartment. You do not belong here, I’m too filthy for you.”

“Don’t start now.” He said lowly.

“What, Seokjin? I bet all of my fortunes that your girlfriend is thousand times prettier than me. Heck! You even told her that she was the one you want to marry. But why are you here?”

He shut his eyes and fisted his palms on either side of his body. He kept on silent. And you felt like it was a cue for you to continue. "Why? Because she cannot blow you as good as I do? Because she cannot fuck you as good as I do?”

“Shut up. How dare you to say that!” You could hear anger burning in his voice.

“What? Am I not stating the truth? What about me, Seokjin? What about us? We have been doing this for how long now? Almost a year? Don’t you ever think about me? I’m also a woman with feelings just like her.” You continued.

He sighed in exasperation. “I thought we had agreed on the rule that this is a no string attached relationship? You can’t develop any feelings towards me.”

“Well, I am sorry that I broke the rule.” Your voice was stiff. You thank God that you could hide your anxiousness pretty well while digging your nails into your palms.

“But I am tired of being the side chick that you always come to only when you need a release. When you are seeking for the pleasure that your girlfriend can not provide you with. Why are you even together with her when you keep coming back to me?” You continued, you could hear your voice started to shiver.

You suggested that you two should stop but why you were afraid of what might actually happen. You felt scared that he would agree and leave.

“Can you not being ridiculous?” He asked, taunting both of his eyebrows together.

“I’m not! I just wish you will leave her and stay with me. Is that ridiculous to you?”

“Very.” He growled.

Your breath hitched at his reply. Not just because of his word but also because you were pretty sure you heard him spoke like he was disgusted by you. Were you so disgusting to him all this time?

Very?

It was just one word but why was it so powerful to you?

You were so close to breaking down right at that moment, in front of him. Yet you chose to shut your eyes tightly and biting on your lower lip, holding back a sob that was ready to escape from your mouth.

“Then don’t ever come back.” You hissed.

“Never.” He said coldly and left your house along with the most hurtful three words that you did not wish to hear.

You broke into tears as soon as you heard the loud noise of your door being slammed.

That was it.

The closure of your uncertain relationship.