#v angst

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The furniture arrived on Thursday.

Two men from a moving company carried everything up the narrow front steps with the efficient, slightly aggrieved energy of people who had seen too many Victorian staircases, and by two in the afternoon Y/N had a bed, a sofa, a dining table, and a bookshelf that she immediately began filling because an empty bookshelf was the saddest thing she knew.

Taehyung watched from the corner of the living room.

He did this sometimes, appeared without announcement and settled himself into the periphery of a room with the stillness of someone who had learned, over a very long time, how to take up very little space. She had grown used to it faster than she would have expected. By the third day, she had stopped startling. By the fifth, she had started talking to him the way you talk to someone in the next room; not always expecting an answer, but directing the words somewhere specific.

He answered more than she expected. Not always in words. Sometimes it was the quality of his attention, the way he tilted his head or looked at something she mentioned as if turning it over in his hands. Sometimes it was a gesture — a slow nod, a faint smile that arrived and left without making a production of itself. Occasionally he spoke, and when he did, she found herself putting things down to listen.

They had reached, without discussing it, a kind of equilibrium. He was dead and she was alive and they were both in the same house, and they were managing.

It was on a Saturday — her first full weekend in the city — that she found the paintings.

She had been meaning to explore the upper floors properly, beyond the cursory walkthrough she'd done when she moved in. The third floor had two rooms: her bedroom, which faced the street, and a second room at the back that she'd earmarked as a study. The study still had its previous tenant's built-in shelving — deep, floor-to-ceiling, painted the same off-white as the walls — and she had assumed they were empty.

They were not.

Behind the lowest shelf, pushed back against the baseboard and covered with a drop cloth so old it had fused slightly to the floor, were canvases. Dozens of them. Stacked carefully, facing inward, in the manner of someone who intended to come back for them.

Y/N crouched on the floor and lifted the corner of the drop cloth and sat very still for a moment. Then, she called down the stairs.

"Taehyung?"

He appeared in the doorway behind her with the particular quality of his arrivals — no footsteps on the stairs, no creak of the floorboard, just suddenly present in a room as though he'd always been there and she'd only just noticed.

She gestured at the shelves.

He looked at them for a long moment without speaking.

"I wondered where those had gone." He finally said. 

They carried them out together, which was to say Y/N carried them and Taehyung directed, because his hands, she had learned, could make contact with some things and pass through others in a way that seemed to follow a logic she hadn't yet worked out. He could touch the walls of the house. He could not move the paintings.

"Here," he said, from the center of the room, as she leaned the first one against the wall. "Turn it."

She turned it.

The canvas was perhaps twenty-four by thirty inches — not large, but substantial. It was a street scene, San Francisco unmistakably, the hills and the particular quality of fog-light and the way the buildings crowded toward each other like people sharing warmth. But the colors were not the colors of a postcard. They were interior colors — the blue-grey of early morning not quite arrived, a deep amber in one lit window, a streak of something almost violet at the horizon that had no name she knew. The brushwork was confident and strange, visible but not showy, the kind of painting that took years to look that effortless.

Y/N sat back on her heels.

"This is extraordinary," she said.

Taehyung looked at the painting and not at her.

"It was the view from the corner of this street," he said. "In winter. I used to stand there in the mornings before Claire was awake. I liked the city when it was still deciding what kind of day it wanted to be."

Y/N looked at the painting and then at him. "How old were you when you painted this?"

He considered. "Twenty-six. Maybe twenty-seven. I had been here for about two years." A pause. "I didn't speak very much English yet. Painting was—" He stopped, seeming to search for the right word with the care of someone for whom words in any language were still a second system of thought. "It was the thing I could say without having to translate."

She looked at the next one without being asked.

This one was larger — a figure painting, a woman at a window, seen from behind, the light from outside turning her into a near-silhouette. The woman's shoulders had a particular quality of stillness, the light around her was almost violent in its beauty. Y/N stood in front of it for a long time without speaking.

"Claire," she said. Not a question.

"Yes."

"She was beautiful."

"Yes." Simply, without weight. "She knew how to stand in light. She understood it as a painter, I mean. Where to put herself. I used to think it was unconscious, that she just naturally found the good light the way plants do." A pause. "Later I thought it was more deliberate than that."

Y/N glanced at him, but his face was even, undisturbed, and she didn't press.

They worked through the afternoon like that — she pulled canvases from the shelf and propped them against the walls, he stood in the center of the room and watched each one appear as though relearning something he had half-forgotten. A harbor in fog. A figure asleep on a narrow bed. A series of three small paintings of hands, just hands, unattached to any body, each one doing something different: one holding a brush, one pressed flat against glass, one curled open and empty.

It was the hands that made something in his face finally change.

She saw it happen, saw the control he'd maintained all afternoon loosen, just slightly, at the edges.

"Taehyung." Her voice was careful. "Are you alright?"

He looked at the three paintings for a long moment.

"I forgot I made those," he said. "I painted them the winter before—" He stopped. "The winter before."

She didn't ask before what. She understood.

She set down the canvas she was holding and sat on the floor, the same way she'd sat that first night, cross-legged, at his level, and she waited.

He sat too. This surprised her; she had never seen him sit on the floor before. It was always in chairs, and always with the particular posture of a man who had been taught to hold himself a certain way. But he sat, and folded his hands in his lap, and looked at the hands in the three small paintings.

"I came here from Busan," he said. "Do you know it?"

"I know of it. I've never been to Korea."

"It's coastal. Loud. The light is very different there — harder, more direct. Southern light." He was quiet for a moment. "I came to Seoul first, and then I thought — if I'm going to go, I should go entirely. So I came here." He looked around the room — at the walls, the window, the soft north light. "San Francisco reminded me a little of home. The water everywhere. The hills."

"Were you frightened?"

He looked at her as though the question surprised him. "Constantly," he said. "But I was twenty-four and I thought being frightened was the same as being alive, so I mistook it for a good sign." The faint smile again. "I was not wrong, exactly."

"And the painting?"

"I had always painted. Since I was a boy. My father thought it was impractical and he was correct, but some things are going to happen regardless of whether they are practical." He looked at his hands, his real hands, not the painted ones. "When I came here, I had nothing. Very little money, very little language. I shared a room in the Tenderloin with two other men and I painted on the fire escape because there was no light inside." A pause. "But the work got better. It got better very fast, actually. I think difficulty is useful, if you are the right kind of person."

"What kind of person is that?"

"The kind who gets angry instead of small."

Y/N looked at him.

"Is that what you are?"

"I was," he said with a chuckle. Then, with a kind of equanimity that she was beginning to understand was simply how he was built: "I don't know what I am now."

She didn't have an answer for that. She thought, privately, that whatever he was, it was more than most living people she knew.

"How did you meet Claire?" she asked.

Something warmer moved through his face. "A group show in North Beach. 1953. We both had work in it — three pieces each, in a gallery the size of this room that smelled of turpentine and someone's dinner from the night before." He shook his head slightly, remembering. "She was arguing with the gallerist about where he'd hung one of her pieces. Very calmly but completely immovably, the way she did everything. I stood there and watched her for ten minutes and forgot I was supposed to be looking at the art."

"And she noticed you?"

"Eventually. When she was done winning the argument." He smiled a full smile this time, rare and devastating. "She said, ‘You've been staring at me.’ I said, ‘You're more interesting than the paintings.’, and she said, ‘Including yours?’ So I said, ‘Especially mine.’ She laughed, and that was… that was it, really. That was the whole thing."

"She sounds remarkable." Y/N smiled.

The warmth in his face didn't leave, but it became more complicated. "She was," he said. "She was remarkable."

The particular way he said it — past tense, weighted, something unresolved underneath — made Y/N look at him more closely. But his expression had settled again, and she understood this was as far as he would go today, and she didn't push.

"These should be seen," she said instead, looking around at the paintings. "All of them."

He looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean—" She gestured at the room, at the stacked canvases, at the street scene still propped against the wall with its unnamed violet at the horizon. "You were a painter. This is your work. It shouldn't be in a back room under a drop cloth." She paused. "The museum where I work — we're putting together an exhibition. Mid-century San Francisco. Your name came up this week, actually. There's already a piece in the collection."

Taehyung was very still.

"My name," he said.

"Yeah."

He looked at the paintings. She watched something move through him, something complicated, not entirely happy. A feeling that had more rooms in it than one.

"Claire's name is the one they know," he said quietly. "Not mine."

"I know," Y/N said. "I know that's true. But I don't think it has to stay that way."

He looked at her for a long moment — this woman who had been in his house for eight days and had found his paintings and was sitting on his floor looking at him like he was something worth preserving.

"You don't know the whole story yet," he said.

"No," she agreed. "But I'd like to."

Outside, the city moved through its Saturday — noise and light and the distant sound of someone's music from an open window down the hill. Inside the small back room, the paintings stood around them like people at a gathering, patient and present, waiting to be introduced.

Taehyung looked at the three small paintings of hands.

You sit up and look around, you’re in a hotel room. You see an iphone on the table and a laptop on the desk. Thank god, you must be somewhere close to where you started. You fling the orange blanket off of you and sprint to the desk, wiping your cheeks as you turn on the computer, thankful that it doesn’t have a password. You immediately bring up the search engine and type in the only name you care about at the moment: Jeon Jeongguk, Hawaii. You thank god it isn’t a popular name, because the first result that comes up is the one you’re looking for. 

“Local Japanese veteran suspected in the disappearance of his fiancee.”

Disappearance? Oh no… You keep reading.

“After the clearing of prime suspect Paul Smith, police turn their attention to Jungkook Jeon, fiancee of the missing girl.”

You scroll to the next article.

“Fiancee cleared, girl still missing.”

This doesn’t help, you need to find him now. You go to the whitepages website and type in his information: Jeongguk Jeon, Honolulu, Hawaii. Ding! One result. Kahala Nui Nursing Home. Nursing Home? You look at the date in the bottom of your computer screen. 2012. You suppose Jeongguk would be in his nineties now, you’re just thankful he’s still alive. 

You immediately look for a wallet anywhere in the vicinity, finding one inside of a purse; inside waiting is a sleek black credit card with your name on it. Literally. You immediately search for a travel website before realizing you should probably figure out where you are first. You open the map on your phone and click the current location to see you seem to be in Daegu. Perfect. You find the first flight out to Honolulu and purchase the ticket, hoping you have enough money on the card to do so. Transaction Complete. You download your boarding pass just as you hear a beep and then the door to your room opens. 

“Y/N, are you ready?”

“Actually I’m going to need a ride to the airport.” You state, turning to see a young man standing there. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Uh, family emergency. I have to leave for a week.”

“A week?” The man squeaks. “You have three shows this week and the make a wish thing today.”

“Reschedule them.” You insist, standing up and gathering your things, quickly grabbing a change of clothes and starting to undress until you realize the man is still staring at you in disbelief. “Uh, do you mind?”

“You’re kidding right?” You shake your head and he turns to face the wall. “When did you get shy?”

“Since I just got back from the 40’s.” You joke.

“What?”

“Nevermind.” You say as you change your clothes. 

“I’m not taking you to the airport. You can’t just dip out like this.”

“Just reschedule things.”

“Reschedule things. Reschedule a whole week? Oh yeah, that’s fine. I’ll just push back your entire tour. Reschedule every interview. That’s fine. I’m just your manager. I’m just trying to do what’s best for you. ‘Reschedule it Jin’. It’s fine.” He shrugs, throwing his hands up in the air. “Now that you’ve tied the rope around my neck, are you going to kick the chair out from under me too?”

“I don’t have time for this.” You roll your eyes, grabbing your suitcase and heading for the door. “Can you check me out of the hotel too since I assume that’s your job?”

“You assume?” He nearly chokes. “I’ve only been your manager for six years, but apparently that doesn’t mean anything to you.”

“Goodbye Jin.”

“Y/N,” He grabs your arm. “You have to do the make a wish thing before you go.”

“Just push it back a-”

“He might not have a week.”

You sigh. “Three days. Just give me three days and I promise I’ll be back.”

“Where are you going?”

“Hawaii.”

He scoffs. “I’m supposed to believe you’re going to Hawaii for a family emergency?”

“I’ll be at a nursing home the whole time. It’s my… my grandfather.”

“I didn’t know your grandfather was still alive. After your parents died I thought…”

“Just barely. And I’m the only one left. I have to go see him. Please Jin.”

Jin sighs, letting go of your arm. “You have three days. And the moment you come back you’re right back on schedule. You won’t have a day off in between your next three shows.”

“Deal.” You agree, opening the door.

“Alright, put your mask on. Let’s get you to the airport.”

You dig through your purse, pulling out a face mask as you walk toward the elevator while Jin calls about a hundred people. You find out his full name is Kim Seokjin as he leads you out of the elevator and out to a black SUV. 

“To the arena?” The driver asks. 

“There’s been a change of plans Michi. Take us to the airport please.”

“Yes sir.” Michi starts the car and pulls off, obediently driving you to the airport, no questions asked. When you arrive at the airport, Jin grabs your arm before you can get out of the car. 

“Remember. Three days. And be careful. No one knew you were coming so you shouldn’t get mobbed, but you don’t have security so stay under the radar.”

“I’ll be careful.” You nod before hopping out of the car, grabbing your bags and heading into the airport. 

You breeze through the airport, no one except the security agents that read your name recognize you, and before you know it, you’re sitting on the airplane in first class. Before the airplane takes off, you take the opportunity to google yourself to see why you have a manager.

“Y/N is a Korean singer/songwriter.” Apparently you debuted when you were sixteen under IM entertainment and have been active ever since. During the flight you listen to your own music, thankful that it all sounds familiar to you and you know all the words. Damn. Never in your wildest dreams would you ever think this was a possibility for you to live, but here you are. 

You hardly sleep through the twelve hour flight, your mind is too anxious. Will he even remember you? Will he want to see you? When you land you grab your bag and hail a cab to the nursing home, your stomach twisting in knots the entire time. When you arrive, you pay the driver and then head inside, taking off your face mask and walking up to the desk where a woman in scrubs is sitting. Please let you know english. 

“Can I help you?”

“I’m here to see my grandfather.” Thank god.

“What’s his name?”

“Jeongguk Jeon.”

She types on her computer and then looks up at you in confusion. “Mr. Jeon doesn’t have any family listed in his file. You said you’re his granddaughter?”

“After my parents died, they were probably taken off his file. I’m all he has left.”

She eyes you suspiciously for a moment before shrugging. “Very well. Name please?” 

“Y/N J-Jeon.”

She types in your name, prints out a visitor name tag for you and then stands up, motioning for you to walk with her. You follow her down several long hallways until you reach a door with Jeongguk’s name on it. She knocks as she opens the door. “Mr. Jeon, you have a visitor.” There he is. Sitting in a wheelchair facing toward the window opposite you.

“I don’t want to see the doctor.”

“It’s not the doctor Mr. Jeon. It’s your granddaughter.”

“I don’t have one.” He rasps, waving the nurse away.

She shrugs. “He has some memory problems, but maybe you can help jog them? I’ll be at my desk if you need anything.” The nurse states before disappearing, shutting the door behind you, leaving you alone with Jeongguk for the first time in, well, about seventy-one years. 

You take a deep breath, steadying your nerves before crossing the room; the only sound being that of your footsteps, accompanied by your rapidly beating heart. You come to stand in front of him, but he doesn’t spare you a glance and it gives you a chance to study him as he looks out the window.

His hair has greyed to the point where it’s almost white, his face is filled with lines and creases that come with age, but his bunny teeth are still the same, his nose is still too big for his face, and his eyes are the same warm dark brown that you know, only now, they seem laced with an unknown sadness. 

You kneel down in front of him, the movement causing him to look at you for the first time, and when he does it’s as if time itself stops. He stares at you, confusion written on his face, like he’s trying to place you and why you look so familiar, and then you see it. You can see the exact moment the memories come flooding back; his mouth drops open with the slightest gasp of recognition as his eyes grow wide, taking in the sight of you, the one he lost so long ago, appearing in front of him as if nothing has changed. 

“Y-Y/N?” He whispers, one of his hands coming up to cup your face as if to make sure you’re actually here and not just a figment of his imagination.

“Hi Kook.” You offer a small smile, finally meeting his gaze.

You watch his eyes immediately brim with tears right before he grabs you and pulls you into his chest, holding you tightly as he sobs softly. You stay like this for a few minutes, enveloped in Jeongguk’s natural scent that you remember so vividly, taking comfort in the feeling of his arms wrapped around you until he pulls back, wiping the tears from your own eyes that you hadn’t even realized were falling. 

“I… What… How?” Is all he can manage, staring at you in disbelief. “How?”

“If I told you, you’d think I was crazy.”

“I already do.” He teases with a smile. 

You pull a chair up next to Jeongguk and take a seat before explaining everything to him; your childhood, the first jump, the haze and everything that happened after that up until now.

“So I hopped on the first plane here, hoping that you were the you I was looking for.”

“You jump through time?” He clarifies. You nod. “And you couldn’t have told me that sixty years ago?”

“You wouldn’t have believed me.”

“I would’ve believed anything. We thought Paul killed you. We thought his goons took you from the bar and killed you. I… I looked everywhere for you. I never stopped. I looked until I couldn’t walk anymore.”

“Jeongguk I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you wasted your life looking for me. I-”

“Shhh.” He shakes his head at you. “Just the thought that one day I might find you, that you might come back to me, it made it all worth it.” He smiles. “And here you are. You haven’t changed at all.”

“Neither have you.”

Jeongguk scoffs. “Have you seen my hair?”

“I have,” You chuckle, brushing his hair back. “But your eyes let me know that you’re the same Jeongguk I fell in love with.”

The two of you sit and chat for a long time. Hours. Jeongguk has you dig in his closet for an old photo album so he can show you everything he did while you were gone. He shows you picture after picture; the day his parents arrived in Hawaii, a week after you disappeared; him and Kono saying goodbye to Bits and Clara; one christmas when the girls came back to hawaii to surprise Kono and they all had dinner; his mugshot from when he was a suspect in your disappearance; a puppy he got; his enlistment photos from joining the US Army; photos from when he was stationed in Vietnam, the friends he made there, and the ones he lost. Overall, Jeongguk lived a good life, but a lonely one.

“Why didn’t you ever get married?” You ask.

“Can you grab my book off the nightstand there? And inside the drawer, there’s a wooden box, that too.” He points to the table beside his bed.

“Are you avoiding my question?” You tease as you stand and retrieve the book.

“No, I’m going to explain it. Give me the book.”

You hand the book and the box to him and sit back down in your chair, watching as he cracks the book open and pulls out his bookmark, handing it to you to look at as he digs through the box. You look at the bookmark closely and let out a soft gasp; it’s a very old, very worn picture that’s been taped up again and again to hold the pieces together and prolong its life, but it’s not the state of the picture that makes your heart ache, it’s what’s in the picture. It’s you. It’s the picture Clara took when you finally got your engagement ring back; you, standing nose to nose with Jeongguk, smiling as bright as the sun, your hands on his chest and his on your waist, the ring shining in the light. 

“Jeongguk…” You whisper, turning to see him holding up your ring.

“You were the only one that ever deserved to put this ring on your finger.” He states, taking your hand and placing the ring in your palm. 

“You kept it?” You ask, turning the gold band over and marveling at the ruby. 

“Getting rid of it would’ve meant letting you go, and I could never bring myself to do that.” You sniffle as you wrap your arms tightly around Jeongguk, placing a kiss on his cheek before pulling back. “I want you to keep this. However long you’re here, in this life, I want you to have it.”

“J-Jeongguk I-”

“It’s yours.” He reminds you. “It always has been.” You nod, unable to speak as you take off your necklace and slip the ring onto the chain, fastening it back in place as Jeongguk begins to cough, bringing a handkerchief up to cover his mouth and then removing it once he’s finished and turning back to look at you.

You look at the corner of his mouth to see something red smeared on his bottom lip. 

“Is that… blood?” You mumble, pointing to your own lip.

Jeongguk sighs. “Ah, I was hoping you wouldn’t see.”

“Jeongguk, what is it?”

“Lung cancer. Turns out smoking cigarettes isn’t good for you. It’s a good thing you came when you did, noona. I’m due to go soon.”

“Go…?”

He shrugs. “I’m ninety-two; I didn’t expect to live past thirty. I’ve made my peace with it. And now that I know you’re okay, I’m even more ready.”

“Come back to Korea with me.” You blurt.

“What?” He looks at you, confused.

“I-I have money in this life. I can get you doctors, medicine, anything you need. I can keep you safe.”

“Y/N, I wouldn’t even make the trip home.”

“Why not?”

“I saw the doctor yesterday, but I’ve known for a while. I’ve only got a few days left. My body isn’t strong enough to fight it anymore.”

“Kook no…”

“I’m afraid so.” He smiles sadly. There’s a moment of silence as you think of what to say.

“Jeongguk, would you mind if I stayed with you? Until…”

He nods as a tear slips down his cheek. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”

.

It doesn’t take long at all. You spend all of the next two days together, reminiscing, but Jeongguk’s body is deteriorating rapidly and he only grows weaker. On the third morning, when you wake up in the cot the nurse dragged into Jeongguk’s room for you, you look over and notice Jeongguk is unusually still. You quickly leap up and rush to his side to find that at some point during the night, he passed in his sleep; silently, peacefully; his last words the night before being ‘I love you, noona. Sleep well’. 

You weep, devastated at the loss, expecting the haze to come over you at any moment, but in the hours you sit there, nothing changes. You have to accept the fact: you’re stuck here. You gather yourself and when the nurse comes in to check on you again, you tell her you have to go.

Technically Jeongguk’s belongings have been left to the facility, but she lets you take whatever you want. You grab the photo album, the wooden box, and Jeongguk’s book, cradling them in your arms and walking back out to the front desk to work out a few details. You have Jeongguk’s body sent back to Busan so that you can bury him there, along with any of his things the facility doesn’t want, and then you pack your things and head back to the airport; you promised Jin you’d only be gone for three days. 

.

When you arrive back in Daegu, Michi picks you up from the airport. He doesn’t say anything, simply giving you a sympathetic glance as he starts the car and immediately drives you to some sort of a stadium where things already seem to be busy, and it’s only eight in the morning.

When you arrive, Jin immediately escorts you inside. You arrive backstage where you’re fitted with a microphone, your in-ear monitors, and then pushed out on stage where things are still being set up. “Okay, we’re just going to run through the opening to get the sound adjusted and then we’ll take it from the top.” You look down at the soundbooth to see someone giving you a thumbs up.

“Got it.” You nod, walking out to the center of the stage and looking around. A strange and yet familiar melody starts playing as you take in the size of the stadium. There’s no way you sold tickets for all these seats. There’s nothing you wanted more when you were little than to have a life like this, but you never imagined it’d happen, not even in this bizarre way.

You run through the rehearsal with no problems and are escorted back to the green room afterwards to eat lunch while Jin barrages you with a thousand questions, but you ignore him mostly, stating that you simply don’t want to talk about it until after the concert is over. He sighs and nods in understanding before leaving the room. You relax for a few hours before you’re escorted to hair and makeup.

It takes about an hour and a half for them to get you fixed up, and then on your way to get changed, Jin stops you and pulls you back toward the green room.

“Jin, I have to get changed.”

“No, remember you have the make a wish thing first.”

“Oh, right. Okay.”

“His name is Taewon. He’s eight years old and he was diagnosed with leukemia when he was five.”

“Oh my god that’s awful.”

“I know. He was in remission for a year before the cancer came back and they say he’s… not doing well. His older brother takes him to some sort of children’s hospital in the United States that allows him treatment without having to pay. Their parents were killed in a car accident two years ago, so it’s just the two of them and Taewon’s greatest wish was to attend one of your concerts. I figured a small meet and greet wouldn’t be too taxing for you, but please be nice.”

“Of course I’ll be nice.” You scoff. How could he think you wouldn’t be? Jin knocks on the open door of the green room and pokes his head in.

“Taewon! I’ve got a surprise for you.” Jin enters the room and waves you in. You walk in after him to see a small, frail looking boy with a face mask on and a beanie covering what you assume to be a hairless head. Though you can’t see his mouth, the way his eyes light up tell you that he’s beaming.

“Oh my goodness…” He whispers.

“Hi Taewon! It’s nice to meet you!” You bow politely before walking over to him and shaking his hand.

“Oh my gosh it’s really you!” He squeaks. “You’re really Y/N!”

“It’s really me, how are you doing?" You crouch down in front of him.

"I'm great now!" He tugs on the sleeve of the tall blonde man next to him. "Hyung look!"

"I see her bud." The blonde man nods and smiles a rather dazzling half smile. "Why don't you tell her what you wanted to say?" Taewon looks down at the ground and shuffles his feet, seeming embarrassed. "Go on." He urges.

"I-I wanted to say that you're my most favorite-est singer in the whole world."

"Aw, thank you so much Taewon!" You smile brightly at him. "What's your favorite song?"

He perks up at this. "My favorite is 'Keep Going'! It's my theme song during treatment! My mommy used to sing it to me before she died." Your heart breaks a little when you remember that this boy is incredibly, and most likely, terminally ill, and to make life worse, his parents were also taken from him.

"Wonnie, she doesn't need to know that." The older boy scolds.

"No, it's okay." You shake your head before looking back at Taewon. "I just lost someone very close to me as well." You tell him, reaching up to grab the ring that hangs from your necklace.

"You did? Who was it?"

"Someone I loved very much."

"I'm sorry for your loss." Taewon whispers, patting your shoulder.

"Thank you." You smile at him again. "I really appreciate that."

"Do you need a hug?" He asks.

You nod. "That would be great." You get down on your knees and allow Taewon to wrap his arms around you for a quick hug. "Are you ready for the show?" You ask as he pulls away, allowing you to stand back up.

"Yes!" He shouts, clapping his hands together.

"We should probably go find our seats. I'm sure you have to finish getting ready." The older boy states.

You turn to Seokjin and whisper to him. "Did they get front row seats, or...?"

Seokjin looks panicked at your words. "You didn't specify so we gave them the best that was still available."

"Hm..." You think for a moment. "Can we let them watch backstage or something?"

Seokjin nods. "Sure, that shouldn't be a problem."

"Great." You turn back to the two boys. "Taewon, I've got a surprise for you. How would you like to watch the show from backstage?"

His eyes light up. "Backstage? Really?!"

"Of course! Anything for my biggest fan."

"Oh, thank you!" He cheers, running over to wrap his arms around your legs. "See hyung?" He turns back to his brother. “I told you cancer has perks!"

The elder boy throws his hands up. "You got me there."

"Right. Y/N, you have to get ready." Seokjin reminds you before turning to one of the guards. "Choi, please take Taewon and..." He pauses as he looks toward the elder boy.

"Oh, um Taehyung." He stutters. “Kim Taehyung.”

"Take Taewon and Taehyung to their new seats please." Choi nods and begins to usher the boys out of the room. You follow them, waving goodbye in the hallway.

"I'll see you guys soon!" You state before heading to your changing room. "Seokjin?" You call as you walk.

"Yeah?"

"I want you to get that little boy anything his heart desires. Food, toys, merch, anything, got it?"

"Got it." He nods as you reach the changing room door and turn to him.

"And I want to change the encore to 'Keep Going'."

"Alright. I'll let them know." Seokjin reaches for his headset. "Now go get changed, you're on in ten!"

You fly through the concert no problem before finally reaching the encore. you stand just off stage as you hear everyone chanting "one more song!". An addicting rush floods through your body as you check your mic before walking back out on stage as the crowd starts to cheer.

"I've got one more song for you tonight Daegu, how does that sound?" You smile as everyone cheers in excitement. "Good, I'm glad. I'd like to dedicate this song to a very special friend of mine." You look over into the wing where Taewon is watching you. "He told me today that this was his favorite song, so if it's okay with you, I'd like to sing it for him." Your fans cheer and you wave over at Taewon, beckoning him out onto the stage with you. He looks up at his brother for permission, and when Taehyung nods, the younger boy scrambles to his feet and sprints out onto the stage with you. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet my friend, Kim Taewon." You hold your hand held mic out to him and whisper, "Say hello."

"Hello!" He smiles. "My name is Kim Taewon. I'm seven years old and I have leukemia!" He states, causing everyone in the crowd to "Aw" in sympathy as you nod to the sound guys to start the song. As the first few notes play, Taewon's face lights up. "This song's my favorite!" He exclaims into the mic.

You pat him on the shoulder. "This one's for you."

You sing to Taewon, letting him sing along whenever he wants to, bringing tears to the eyes of many of your fans. When the song ends, you say one final goodbye, give a grateful bow and lead Taewon off stage. You have the two boys wait in the green room while you change and wipe the mountain of makeup off of your face. As you change, you ask Jin to call Michi to take them home in the nicest car.

When you're clean, you walk back out to the green room in some shorts and an old shirt, knocking as you enter. "It's me."

"Y/N!" Taewon runs over and wraps his arms around your legs. "That was the coolest thing ever! You do that every night?"

You giggle at his enthusiasm. "Not every night, but sometimes it feels like it."

"I wanna be a singer when I grow up! Do you think they liked me? Do you think I could?"

"Definitely! You can do anything you want Taewon." You smile bittersweetly, knowing it's likely he won't live long enough to even graduate high school.

"I'm gonna start working really hard on my singing!"

Just then, Jin walks into the room. "The cars are here." He states, and you nod at him.

"I guess we should head out then." Taehyung says.

"Actually, one of the cars is for the two of you."

Taehyung's eyes go wide. "Really?"

"Yeah," You nod. "One last bit of fun. Taewon!" You turn to the younger boy. "Follow my friend Jin here, for your last surprise!"

"Okay!" Taewon takes off out of the room after Jin while you and Taehyung follow a bit farther back.

“Hey.” Taehyung whispers as you walk.

“Hm?” You look over at him.

“I… I just wanted to say thank you. You know… For being so nice to him.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” You shake your head.

“No.” He grabs your arm and stops you. “I really do.” He bows deeply to you in gratitude. “Thank you so much. I know it must’ve been difficult to see him during your busy schedule; and I really appreciate everything that you’ve done for him tonight.” Taehyung stands back up and looks ahead to where his brother is tugging on Seokjin’s arm. 

"Really, it's no problem. Taewon's a great kid, and he's lucky to have you as his brother."

"Nah." Taehyung shakes his head as you start walking again. "I'm lucky to have him."

You walk in silence until you reach the back bay of the stadium where Taewon is currently scrambling to climb into the SUV you provided. Taehyung helps his brother in the rest of the way before turning back to you.

"Thanks again, for everything."

You nod, smiling at him. "Get home safe, and if you ever need anything, just let me know."

"Ah, don't worry about it."

"I'm serious. Here, give me your phone." You hold out your hand. Taehyung hesitates, but eventually unlocks his phone and lays it in your hand. You quickly type your number in, send yourself a text, and then hand him back the phone. "There. That's my personal cell phone. Please call, and I mean for anything." He nods, climbing into the car and rolling down the window. "Taewon!" You call, getting the younger boy's attention. "Your brother has my number. If you need anything, even if you just want me to visit while I'm in town, just let me know, okay?"

His eyes light up. "Okay!"

Taehyung gives you a small smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." You return the smile and wave as they drive away.

.

You text Taehyung everytime you're in Daegu for the next three months. You even invited him to a music video shoot nearby, but he never responds. Did he change his number? Does he not want your help? You can't figure out why it upsets you so much, you only met him once; but something about Taehyung draws you to him.

A month and half later, on a rainy afternoon in May as you're relaxing at your house discussing possible TV appearances with Jin, your phone starts to buzz beside you and you pick it up to finally see his name flash on the screen. Kim Taehyung. Suddenly you're scrambling to answer.

"Hello?"

"Um, hi Y/N. I don't know if you remember me or not-"

"Of course I remember you Taehyung." You can't help but smile.

"O-oh. Okay. Um... Sorry for not messaging you back, we've been a little busy."

"It's alright, don't worry about it. How are you?"

You hear him sigh on the other end of the line. "To be honest, I'm out of options..."

"What do you mean?" You inquire, concerned by the tone of his voice.

Another sigh. "How quickly can you get to Daegu?"

"I'm in Busan so maybe an hour and a half if I drive?

"Okay." It's quiet for a moment.

"Taehyung-" You're interrupted when your phone buzzes against your ear.

"Can you meet me at the address I just texted you?"

"Sure, but Taehyung, what's going on?"

"I... I'd rather tell you in person." His voice cracks just a bit. "Just please meet me as soon as you can."

"Okay, I'm on my way right now."

"Thank you..." Click. Your phone beeps, signaling the end of the call.

"What was that about?" Jin asks, his interest clearly piqued.

You ignore him as you plug the address into the GPS on your phone. "Daegu Gyeongsang Hospital?" You think for a moment before realization hits you and you gasp. "Taewon."

"The cancer kid?"

"How fast can we get to Daegu?"

"Like you said. An hour and a half maybe?"

"Call Michi, we're leaving now."

"Y/N, what's going on?" Jin gets up and follows you to your room as you begin throwing clothes into a bag.

"I think Taewon's in the hospital."

Seokjin sighs before grabbing his phone and dialing a number. "Michi? Get ready. We're going to Daegu."

An hour and fifteen minutes later, you walk through the front door of the hospital and walk up to the counter with a mask and a hat on, Jin trailing close behind.

"Kim Taewon?" You ask as you walk up to the front desk.

"Your name?" The nurse questions as Jin walks up.

"You cannot tell anyone that she is here." Jin tells the nurse. "We don't need the press blowing this out of proportion."

The nurse looks confused until you pull down your mask and her eyes go wide. "O-oh my god..."

"Sorry, but I'm in a bit of a hurry. Can you freak out after you tell me where Kim Taewon's room is?"

"Right, s-sorry." She looks up his name on her computer. "He's in the pediatric ward, room 532. C-can I have your autograph?" You smile at her and take the piece of paper and pen she hands you, signing it for her before looking back at Jin.

"You go ahead, I'll get things sorted here and then be up." Jin states. You nod and then head off in the direction the nurse points you in, taking the elevators to the fifth floor and searching for room 532.

It takes you a few minutes, but you soon recognize a mess of blonde hair standing at one of the nurse's stations, staring at his phone. "Taehyung!"

His head snaps up to locate your voice. When his eyes land on you, he smiles. "Y/N."

"What's going on?" You ask, slightly out of breath.

His smile disappears. "Come with me." He leads you across the hall and around the corner to room 532 and opens the door to reveal Taewon fast asleep on the bed. Taewon has all sorts of wires and tubes hooked up to him; his breathing is shallow and harsh; and he looks so pale and frail; nothing like he was just a few months ago.

"What happened?" You ask quietly, not wanting to wake the sleeping boy.

"He relapsed..." Taehyung whispers, looking as though he's holding back tears. "And he's just getting worse by the day, I... I don't know what to do." Taehyung collapses to his knees and you crouch beside him to hold him up, helping him back to his feet and escorting him out of the room over to the small seating area, shutting the door to Taewon's room behind you.

You allow Taehyung to cry on your shoulder, doing your best to comfort him as you wait for him to speak again. He gathers himself faster than you thought he would and sniffles as he explains.

"It was about two weeks after we met you. He started getting headaches and was getting sick at night so we came in for a checkup and..." He sighs. "It's back. And it's worse this time around. He can barely eat or walk, all he does is sleep. They've got him on this medicine and even though he says it's helping him, I don't think it actually is. And I don't have the money to fly back to the children's hospital in the United states. I can't even afford to drive to Seoul." He shakes his head. "Not that it matters, he can't travel. You saw him."

"What are they doing for him here?"

"More chemotherapy." Taehyung states. "But I don't know if he can do it any more. He's just so tired. I'm afraid... I don't think his body can continue to fight. And I don't want to force him, but I don't want to lose him." His tears start rolling down his cheeks again, but he does his best to hold it together. "Honestly I don't even know why I called you. It's just hard doing this alone..."

"Taehyung I'm so sorry... Is there anything I can do?"

"I can't ask you to do anything. I'm sure you have a busy schedule. I guess I just wanted you to know. He looks up to you so it would mean a lot if you talked to him."

"Of course. Anything."

Just then you hear a voice from inside the room. "Hyung!"

Taehyung leaps to his feet and hurries over to open the door and pokes his head inside wearing a forced smile. "Finally awake?" You don't hear the response, but Taehyung motions for you to join him. "Bored? Well, it's a good thing I brought back a surprise!"

When you walk up behind Taehyung, you hear an excited but exhausted voice. "What is it? Show me!"

Taehyung looks back at you and you nod, watching as he opens the door to reveal you to his little brother. You watch Taewon's eyes grow wide in amazement. "Y/N! You're here! What are you doing here?!" He squeaks.

"I heard my biggest fan wasn't feeling well. I had to come check on you!" You explain.

"I'm okay!" He smiles. "It's just a relapse, I've been through it before."

Your heart breaks at the way he says it so nonchalantly. "Well I'm glad to see that! You had me worried for a moment."

You go in and sit on the end of Taewon's bed, casually chatting with him for hours while Taehyung sits in a chair and watches silently. You don't realize how late it's gotten until the nurse comes into the room to give Taewon his nightly medicine and not so subtly states that he should be resting.

You agree, and help tuck Taewon in before saying goodnight and following Taehyung out to see Jin waiting on the bench outside of the room. You forgot he was here.

"All finished for the night?" He asks as you shut the door behind you. You nod. "Good." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a card. "Here's your room key, you're booked across the street."

"You don't have to stay." Taehyung shakes his head. "I couldn't ask you-"

"I want to." You assure him. "My tour’s over and I have a couple weeks off in my schedule. I'm here for as long as you need me." You give his arm a squeeze.

Taehyung's eyes well up with tears again. "Thank you. So much, I... I don't know how to repay you."

"Don't worry about it. Anything you need, just ask."

He nods, sniffling a bit as you say goodnight before heading back to your hotel with Seokjin.

.

For the next two weeks, you spend every day with Taewon and Taehyung; talking, laughing, sneaking the younger boy snacks, keeping him company when Taehyung has to run errands for a few hours every day; you enjoy befriending them both, they're both incredibly sweet and funny, and you like spending time with them, Taewon reminds you so much of the little brother you left behind with your parents.

Unfortunately, Taewon's condition only worsens the longer you stay, and it seems as though Taehyung's energy is being sapped along with his younger brother's. By the end of the second week, Taewon sleeps more and more, eating and laughing less, it usually ends up just being you and Taehyung watching TV or playing cards together, letting the younger boy rest as much as possible.

At the end of the second week, after Taehyung loses the last round of poker that he can possibly stand losing, you pop one last cookie in your mouth before you start gathering your things. You look up as Taehyung runs his fingers through his hair with a sigh.

"Tired of losing?" You tease.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Just... a lot on my mind."

"Wanna have a drink?" You blurt.

"A drink?" He repeats.

You nod. "Why not?"

Taehyung hesitates as he looks over at the bed where his brother is sleeping. "I should... I should stay with him."

"Come on, the nurse is here, she'll give you a pager. Taewon's asleep and will be for hours. Let's go have a drink."

Taehyung looks over at his sleeping brother once more before he nods. "You're right, I could use one."

The nurse gives Taehyung an emergency pager, and after he tells the nurse a million times to page him when Taewon wakes up, you manage to drag Taehyung out of the hospital and up to your room across the street. You open the door and lead him inside, raiding the mini fridge. "What's your drink of choice?"

"Um. Soju? Or vodka."

You take all the bottles of soju out and carry them over to the bed, taking a seat on it and then gesturing for Taehyung to do the same. He carefully takes a seat on the bed with you, watching as you crack open a bottle and take a long swig.

"Thirsty?" He smirks.

"Just a bit." You nod before handing him the bottle. "Your turn."

He takes the bottle with a smile. "I've never had a drink with a celebrity before."

"Just think of it as drinking with a friend." You state. He smiles wider, raising the bottle to you before chugging nearly half of it. "Ah, apparently someone else is thirsty."

.

Two hours and four bottles later, the two of you are absolutely wrecked. You're rolling on the bed cackling as you watch TV and tell stories.

"I'm telling you! He walked right in there, and screamed his new favorite word. Our parents were mortified. You should have seen the look on my dad's face."

"Just screamed it?" You snort.

"He said 'Fucking bastard!' I thought she was going to fall over."

"I'm glad he's always been just as spirited as he is now."

"Oh yeah." Taehyung smiles bittersweetly, suddenly quieter. "Always has been."

You roll over to face him, seeing the sadness in his eyes. "He's a great kid."

Taehyung nods. "I just wish I could see him grow up."

"Hey, there's a chance, isn't there? He could get better again."

"Even if he does, I won't be around to see it."

"What do you mean?" You sit up on your elbows.

"Oh, um... It's nothing."

"No," You shove his shoulder. "You can't just say something like that and not explain."

He sighs. "I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry... Um, I..." He rubs his forehead. "I also... h-have... I have cancer."

"What...?" You ask in disbelief. "What kind?"

"It's in my heart. Well, the tumor is. Apparently it's rare, and there's no known treatment."

"So... When you disappear every day-?"

"I'm getting experimental tests done." He rolls up his sleeves and shows you the numerous bruises on his arms from different IV's and medicine injections.

"Taehyung, why-"

"Because I didn't want Taewon to worry. The focus should be on him, not me."

"But-"

"There's no point in worrying about me when nothing can be done. He could still pull through."

"Don't you think in two years he'll want to know why he's still alive, but you aren't? You're all he has, Taehyung."

"I guess... I never thought about it. I don't think about the future much..."

"Taehyung, I'm so sorry."

He shrugs. "It's okay. I've come to terms with it, there's just still so much I wish I could do."

"I can only imagine. Never growing up, or graduating college, or going on a date, or-"

"Woah, I've been on dates."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to assume."

He chuckles. "What did you think, I was a virgin or something." You hesitate a second too long and his eyes go wide in disbelief. "You did, didn't you?!"

"I mean..."

"Do I give off that vibe?" He sounds panicked.

"Not necessarily. I just figured since you've been taking care of your brother so long-"

"That I've never done anything?" He snorts in disapproval. "I can prove I'm not a virgin." He points at you and a sudden heat flushes your cheeks. It takes a few seconds for him to realize what he said, but when he does he quickly becomes shy. "I just meant... I know what I'm doing." He finishes his drink and sighs. "I should get going."

"You can sleep here."

"Oh god, no I couldn't."

"Come on, they gave me a room with two beds. You can use one of them."

He sighs. "I guess it's better than that cot I've been sleeping on."

"Exactly."

.

Two weeks later, Taehyung has been staying at the hotel with you every night since the first night you invited him to use the spare bed, getting to know each other better, growing closer as the days pass. Last night, you and Taehyung got drunk again, and you don't remember falling asleep, but you wake up to the sound of very loud beeping.

"Hm? What the..." You realize what it is and sit up in a panic, chucking a pillow at the sleeping figure in the other bed. "Taehyung."

"Huh?" He jumps. "What?"

"It's your pager."

It takes a moment for it to register before he leaps out of bed and scrambles to scoop the pager off the table. "It says it's an emergency." He quickly jumps into action, grabbing his jacket and throwing it on as you do the same before you both run out of the room and across the street to the hospital.

.

"What happened?" Taehyung asks as the elevator doors open on Taewon's floor.

"Taehyung, what’s wrong?" The head nurse smiles when she sees you both walk in, until she sees the look on your faces.

“You paged an emergency.” Taehyung states, waving the pager in front of himself. 

“No I didn’t.” She takes the pager from Taehyung and looks at it before her eyes widen in realization. “Ah, I think I know what happened here. Follow me.” She leads you to Taewon’s room and opens the door. “Taewon, is this why you wanted to sit at my desk earlier?” She gestures to Taehyung as he walks in the room.

“I was booooored.” Taewon whines, causing you and Taehyung to breathe a sigh of relief. Taehyung scolds the younger boy, explaining to him why he should only do that when there’s a real emergency, otherwise he just needs to text one of you.

It's hard to watch as the younger boy lays there smiling at the two of you, clearly not seeing his own wrong-doing, or simply choosing to ignore it. If only he knew that even if he gets better, from here on out, Taehyung will only get worse. He's already starting to show signs of fatigue, and the new medicine they're trying has the older boy losing weight at a rapid pace. You don’t want to acknowledge it, but you can see it in Taehyung’s eyes, he's already starting to give up.

Around dinner time, you head to the cafeteria with the boys, pushing Taewon in his wheelchair down the halls, doing your best to keep them both laughing. The elevator doors open on the floor where the cafeteria sits and you immediately hear, "There she is!".

You're assaulted by the flashing of cameras and instantly move to cover your friends faces as paparazzi call out your name, bombarding you with questions as you slam your hand on the door close button. The doors finally shut and you press the button for the children's ward again.

"W-What just happened?" Taehyung asks.

"I'm so sorry." You whisper. "I should've been more careful."

"Y/N-"

The doors open and you walk up to the nurse's station on a mission. "Taewon needs to be moved to the private wing."

The nurse jumps at your words, your sudden demand startling her. "Why?"

"I'll explain later. Can we move him now?"

"The private wing is um... a bit more expensive." She states, looking over at Taehyung.

"I'll take care of it. Just get him moved now."

Five minutes later you're walking down the hallway of the private wing, on your way to Taewon's new room. His new room is bigger, with a better bed, tv, and even room service. There is also a guest bedroom with a king sized bed attached to the room. 

"Woah!" Taewon gasps as you wheel him in. "This is so cool!" Taehyung helps his little brother move to the bed just as Seokjin appears in the doorway, out of breath.

"I've been looking for you all over this damn hospital."

"Seokjin." You scold his language, nodding your head at Taewon.

"It's okay Y/N. I've heard hyung say damn before!" Taewon states, making the three of you laugh as Seokjin catches his breath.

"Jin, what happened?"

"This," He hands you a tabloid. "Came out this morning."

You take the paper from him and open it up to see the headline, ‘Y/N's new secret boyfriend, and a baby on the way?’ above a giant picture of you and Taehyung walking out of the hospital just last night along with a second picture of you both going into the hotel across the street.

"Shit..." You mumble, turning to the older boy. "Taehyung, I'm so sorry."

He takes the paper from you and his eyes go wide. "What the... Oh my god."

"Y/N, you're having a baby?!" Taewon squeaks with joy. "I knew you two were in love!"

"Taewon-" Taehyung rolls his eyes.

"Um, no sweetie." You shake your head, your cheeks flushing red. "Sometimes newspapers like to say things that aren't true.”

"They lie?" You nod. "Why would they do that?"

"To make people read their stories." Seokjin sighs. "To get people's attention."

"I would rather read the truth." Taewon states matter of factly.

"And that's why we keep you around." Taehyung laughs, ruffling his brother's hair.

"What do we do?" You turn to Seokjin.

He rubs his neck. "You should be safe here." He states. "But the company is furious and wants you to post the truth to your social media before rumors get too out of hand."

"Okay, I'll do that tonight."

Alright." He nods. "I have to go make arrangements with security, but I'll see you later." And with that, he leaves.

The next few hours are spent getting Taewon adjusted to his new room, ordering food, watching tv, and figuring out a script for your video. As you're filming, you introduce the two Kim boys, reiterating that you're not pregnant, you've been visiting Taewon in the hospital to make sure he gets better.

You send the video to Seokjin who quickly approves it, allowing you to post it on your social media. Fans quickly comment their support and understanding and you breathe a sigh of relief, ignoring the hate comments as per usual. Taewon seems amazed at how quickly the video blows up as you show him all the comments cheering him on and telling him to feel better; and thus the three of you can relax again.

When the movie you're watching is over, Taewon sighs and turns to you. " Noona, are you sure you're not in love with hyungie?"

You choke on your water as Taehyung scolds the younger boy. "Taewon, enough."

"But you guys are together all the time! And you're always laughing and whispering together! Just like in the movies!" Taewon whines.

"We're just friends, Taewon." You shrug. "Just good friends."

"Well, can you fall in love already? I want you to be happy."

"I'm afraid it's not that simple." You explain.

"Exactly." Taehyung agrees. "Besides, I'm sure Y/N has a famous idol boyfriend already."

"I actually don't, but that doesn't change the fact that you can't force people to fall in love. And you can't choose who you fall in love with either..." You trail off as your fingers play with the ring dangling from your necklace. You haven’t thought about him in a few days but your heart aches the same. “Anyway, I should probably get going so that someone can get some sleep.” You stand up and walk over to Taewon, ruffling his hair before saying goodnight and walking up to the door. 

“You aren’t staying here?” Taehyung asks, following you out into the hallway. 

“And give the papers more to talk about.” You shake your head. “I’ll just be across the street if you need me.” He hesitates before nodding, letting you go.

As you settle into your bed, you can't help but notice just how quiet your hotel room is without Taehyung in it. You didn't realize how soothing his snoring had become. You toss and turn in your bed, unable to shut your eyes for more than a few seconds until your phone buzzes on the nightstand. You pick it up to see a message from Taehyung.

Taehyung (11:37pm): Can you sleep?

Can he read minds?

You (11:37 pm): Not without the sound of you snoring Taehyung (11:38 pm): wow. Here I am being a good friend, checking on you. and you insult me! You (11:39 pm): lmao You either? Taehyung (11:39 pm): Nah. This room feels weird. You (11:40 pm): It feels weird? Taehyung (11:40 pm): Yeah, I don't know how to explain it. I guess I got used to sleeping without the sound of hospital machines beeping. You (11:40 pm): Turn on the tv? Taehyung (11:41 pm): I tried that already. I don't even feel tired any more You (11:42 pm): Do you want to go for a drive? Taehyung (11:42 pm): A drive? You (11:43 pm): Yeah. You know, like in a car? Taehyung (11:44 pm): Won't you get in trouble? You (11:45 pm): Meet me out front in fifteen

After getting dressed and convincing Michi to let you borrow the car without telling Seokjin, you're parked outside the front entrance of the hospital waiting for Taehyung. You jump at the sudden knock on the window until you see it's Taehyung and unlock the car. He climbs into the passenger seat and the two of you take off.

"Your driver actually let you take the car?" He asks.

"Yeah, apparently I do it all the time."

"Apparently?" He looks confused.

You hesitate. "It's uh, hard to explain..."

"Alright. So where are we going?"

"I don't know." You shrug. "You know the area, is there anywhere we can go to just chill?"

"I know just the place."

Taehyung directs you the rest of the way, and before long you pull up a driveway to a small house surrounded by trees. As you get out of the car you hear nothing but crickets chirping and bugs buzzing, even the stars seem brighter out here.

"Where are we?"

"Welcome to my house."

"Your house?"

"You didn't think we lived at the hospital, did you?"

You shake your head as you follow him. "So this is where you grew up?"

"Mhm." He leads you around the yard to the back of the house where there's a small patio with a firepit. "S'mores?"

You can't help but smile. "Sounds great."

.

After your fifth s'more, as you lick your fingers clean, you catch Taehyung staring at you. "What?" You ask.

"Nothing." He shakes his head, going back to poking at the fire, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. "You're just... You're not what I expected."

"Well what did you expect?"

"Definitely not someone who can down five s'mores in twenty minutes."

"Shut up." You giggle as you shove his arm. "You've had like thirteen."

"I'm just saying, the media does a great job painting you as a dainty... block of ice."

"Ice?" Your eyebrows furrow. "Do you think I'm that cold?"

"No, no not anymore." He explains. "But I definitely didn't think you'd be this chill. You seem so proper in your interviews, I was worried when Taewon chose you as his wish , I didn't..." He clears his throat. "I didn't think this sort of stuff meant anything to you which is why you kept putting it off."

"Not at all. I had to reschedule because of my hus- uh... s-some family problems." You reach up and twirl the ring in your fingers. Taehyung observes you, but doesn't press the matter.

"I'm glad you called me out here actually, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"What's up?" You look up to see his face has become very serious. "Taehyung?"

He sighs. "Next week I've decided to have experimental surgery to try and remove the tumor."

"W-what?" You gasp.

"Don't try to change my mind. If there's a chance I can get rid of this thing, I want to do it."

"Taehyung, that's insane. There's still other treatments you could-"

"Y/N, don't." He scoots closer and grabs your hands. "I told you I've already made up my mind."

"But-"

"No but's." He shakes his head. "However, there's something I need you to do for me."

"Anything." You nod.

Taehyung sighs again. "Unfortunately, there's only a ten percent survival rate for this surgery."

"Taehyung-"

"Listen." He scolds. "I don't plan on going anywhere, but if I do, I want you to take care of Taewon for me."

"You want me to be his guardian?"

He nods. "I know it sounds crazy , but you're the only one I trust. And you're the only one he has. I can't let him go into foster care. I can't do that to him. Please, promise me you'll take care of him?"

"As if he were my own brother." You agree.

"Really?" Taehyung seems surprised by your answer.

"Of course." You mumble. "But Taehyung..." You sniffle, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. "You're... You're not allowed to go anywhere, okay?"

"Y/N..." He reaches a hand up and wipes away a tear that has slipped down your cheek as you meet his gaze. "Don't cry."

"Don't go." 

He offers you a small smile. "I'm not going anywhere."

.

The two of you sit out until early in the morning when the fire dies before Taehyung leads you inside the house and into what must be his bedroom. When he flicks on the light, he realizes a problem.

“Um. I can go sleep in Taewon’s room if you want to sleep here. His bed’s a little small.”

“We can share.” You state. He looks at you, bewildered, and you just nod.

You pull the covers back and both climb under, turning face to face as you close your eyes and breathe in, inhaling Taehyung’s now slightly smoky scent. You open your eyes again to see Taehyung observing you closely and you raise your eyebrows to ask why.

It's quiet for a few seconds, the two of you locked in this moment until Taehyung leans forward and presses a gentle kiss against your lips. He rests his forehead against yours as you breathe out shakily. He places another kiss against your cheek. "I'm not going anywhere."

He pulls back and your eyes meet once more. You can't tell if it's all the emotion in the air, the underlying loneliness and feelings you've been repressing, or a mixture of both, but as you look into Taehyung's eyes, you realize you're ready. 

You both silently agree on what's about to happen and Taehyung immediately reaches for you, pulling you against him and planting his lips on yours. You wrap your arms around his neck, lacing your fingers in his hair as an attempt to get closer. His lips are soft and plump and it doesn't take long for his tongue to flick against your mouth which you happily accept, tugging on his blonde locks and eliciting a soft grunt from him as he slips his tongue into your mouth.

Taehyung's hands are all over your body until he finally reaches down to unbutton your shorts before yanking them down your legs and then shedding his own pants. He quickly climbs on top of you, settling himself between your legs as his lips find your neck. He licks and bites at your skin as one of his hands slides under your shirt and under your bra to fondle your breast. He does his best, but your bra keeps getting in the way.

"This won't do." He mutters, sitting up and pulling your shirt off over your head before reaching around and unhooking your bra while he kisses you deeply. You're left short of breath as Taehyung tosses your bra aside and focuses his mouth on your breasts instead. He plants wet kisses on your chest before flicking his tongue across your nipple , making you gasp. He squeezes your breasts together as he smirks up at you. "You're beautiful, you know."

"Me?" You scoff. "Have you looked in a mirror?"

Taehyung simply shrugs, rubbing his thumbs over your nipples; back and forth, back and forth; making you squirm beneath him. He watches you closely, relishing in your reaction and occasionally letting his tongue graze across the hardening buds.

When he's finished teasing you, he kisses his way down your body, tugging off your underwear before laying on his stomach in front of you and trying to spread your legs. 

"W-What are you doing?"

"What do you mean what am I doing?" He giggles until he sees the look on your face. "Wait, has... No one's ever gone down on you before?"

"No..." You admit.

He stares at you, shocked. "Are you serious?"

"I've only had sex with one other person!"

"Oh. Really?" You nod. "How long has it been?"

"70 years technically." You mutter under your breath.

"How many?"

"Uh. S-seven years."

"Wow, so since you debuted basically."

You guess that's when you debuted. "Yeah, I haven't really had a chance since."

"Do you want me to try and see how you like it?" He asks.

You hesitate. "I-I guess so."

"You sure? I don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable."

"N-no. Go ahead."

Taehyung nods, keeping your legs closed as he pushes them back into your chest, beginning by placing soft kisses all over the backs of your thighs as his lips wander closer and closer to your center until finally you feel the first brush of his fingers against you. He lightly drags his thumb down over your folds, pressing ever so lightly before running his tongue up in the opposite direction, making you gasp. He tries to spread your legs again, but you still hesitate.

"Do you trust me?" He asks, looking up at you. You nod, and finally allow him to spread your legs.

You watch as he brings his mouth down to your center and flicks his tongue out once more, licking a long stripe up your center before poking his way into your folds and gently prodding his tongue at you until you're begging for more. He happily obliges, settling his face between your thighs and rubbing his tongue against your clit, making you shiver.

You've never felt anything like this before. It doesn't feel this good when you do it yourself; how does his tongue even move that fast? Your hands automatically tangle themselves in his hair, tugging gently whenever his tongue presses down particularly hard. After a few minutes of this blissful torture, Taehyung's thumb returns, rubbing lightly around your soaked entrance. When he realizes how wet he's made you, he smirks against you.

"Damn, you get worked up easily." He teases.

"Shut up." You mumble, pulling on his hair harder to get him to go back to what he was doing.

Taehyung obeys your wishes and this time wraps his lips around your bundle of nerves, sucking on it delicately. You feel his thumb pull away and it's quickly replaced by two of his long fingers which he presses against your core until they find their way deep inside you. You let out a strangled moan, thrusting your hips up into his face, making him chuckle as he continues his ministrations.

He slowly pumps his fingers in and out while his lips and tongue stay focused on your clit, his tongue picking up speed as his fingers do. Suddenly he curls his fingers forward inside you and your breath is taken away as he rubs against your g-spot.

"Oh fuck!" You whimper, squirming beneath his touch. You chance a glance down at Taehyung to see him staring back up at you, smirking, and you immediately look away, blushing.

You're panting now, your body unable to hold back as you feel your orgasm creeping in on you. Taehyung moans against your center, vibrating your body as you look down at him again; this time his eyes are closed, and you can see him rutting his hips against the bed, chasing his own friction. He sucks harder, his tongue moving faster as he tries to get you off so he can stop teasing himself more than anything. It doesn't take much more, just a few good flicks of his wrist and you start to unravel beneath him.

"T-Taehyung, I'm... I'm gonna-" You try to warn him. He only nods against you, sucking on your bundle harshly as he helps you fall apart with a cry of his name. "Taehyung!" You gasp as your body is flooded with the warmth of your orgasm, your thighs quivering around Taehyung's head as you drench his chin and fingers with your release. Your body shakes and your core pulses as Taehyung coasts you through, pulling off as you calm down and resting his head on your lower abdomen as you attempt to catch your breath.

"Okay, that was hot as hell." He states, reaching up to absentmindedly play with your breast. "You good?"

You nod as your breath comes back to you. That was way more powerful than your last orgasm. "Holy shit."

"I told you I knew what I was doing." He smiles.

"And you were right." You admit. Taehyung seems pleased by this as he climbs up your body to kiss you, the taste of yourself lingering on his tongue as he slides it past your lips. That's when you feel Taehyung's length pressing against your thigh as he lays on top of you; hard and throbbing, aching to be inside you if the way his hips press against you is any indication. "Do you want me to, um. Return the favor?" You ask.

He shakes his head. "I just want to be inside you. You felt so tight." He groans in your ear, sending heat flooding back between your legs. You wrap your legs around him and pull him close.

"I'm ready if you are."

"Already?" He asks, surprised.

"Mhm." You nod shyly. "Please?"

Taehyung quickly sits up and sheds his boxers. You watch as his hard length bounces, amazed to see it dripping. "Wait, shit. I don't have a condom."

"Don't worry about it, I’ve got it covered." You hurry him, pulling him back down to you.

"Hey," He cups your face as he leans over you. "Let me enjoy this. Slow down."

"Sorry." You giggle.

"It's not every day I get to fuck an idol."

"Hey!" You roll your eyes, laughing as you smack his chest. "Come on."

He smiles as he leans down and kisses you again, scooting forward and rubbing against you, coating himself in your juices before lining himself up with your entrance and pushing in. You gasp as he fills you, the sensation overwhelming you as you moan low in your chest. Taehyung grits his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut at the feeling of you wrapped around his length. When he fills you to the hilt, you both breathe out as he opens his eyes again to gaze down at you. 

“Damn. I didn’t think you were going to be this tight.” He grunts, leaning down to kiss you once more. 

“Please move.” You beg, your hands squeezing his shoulders. 

Taehyung nods, pulling his hips back to smack them into you again, and again, and again. He builds a slow, but satisfying rhythm, filling you completely each time before pulling out again. You get lost in the feeling of Taehyung thrusting into you, both of you caught up in this intimate moment with each other. You tug on his hair, eliciting the sweetest of moans from his lips moments before they reattach to yours. 

“Harder…” You whisper when you come up for breath. He groans in agreement, obeying your wishes as he fucks you harder, his hips slapping against yours with a sweet smacking sound as you wrap your legs around his waist. 

Suddenly he angles his thrusts upward and his cock brushes against a spot that has you keening against him, loving the way it makes you feel.

“Oh fuck~!” You whimper.

Taehyung smirks as he repeats the motion, over and over, he slams into the spot so hard you see stars. Suddenly you feel that now familiar feeling swirling in the pit of your stomach. “T-Taehyung…”

“I know, I know.” He pants, picking up his pace and watching your breasts bounce as he does. “Whenever you’re ready.”

You can only nod, too far gone for words at this point. It’s only a few more thrusts before you come undone in his arms, your entire body quivering as you moan from the force of your orgasm. Taehyung rides it out with you, making sure you’re finished before he pulls out and strokes himself to completion on your stomach, groaning softly.

The two of you stay there panting for a while, relishing in the moment with each other as you both come down from your highs. Taehyung eventually gets up and slips his boxers back on, shuffling over to the bathroom and returning with a damp washcloth. He cleans you off and then tosses the cloth aside, giving you his shirt to put on before he crawls back onto the bed with you, curling up behind you and wrapping an arm around your waist. 

Taehyung kisses your cheek softly, pulling you close.  You lay there in the silence for a while, neither of you wanting to disturb the moment, but as you’re about to drift off Taehyung speaks. “Y/N, can I tell you something?”

“Mm.” You mumble an acknowledgement. 

“I think Taewon was right.”

You roll over to face him. “How so?”

“I think… I think I’m falling in love with you.” He whispers, brushing a piece of hair out of your face.

Your heart thumps so hard in your chest, you’re afraid he can hear it. “Really?” You ask. He nods, meeting your gaze and looking for a response. You decide to tell him the truth. If this is the last moment you have with him, you want him to know. “I love you too.”

.

A week later, you wake up and sunlight is filtering in through the blinds. You slowly stretch, feeling someone’s arms wrapped around your waist. You smile to yourself, settling back into his embrace when your phone buzzes on the nightstand next to you. You pick it up to see it’s a message from your lawyer who you contacted the day before. 

Lawyer Sooyoung (10:22 am): Hey, I have everything together for you if you want to meet today and sign it! You (10:23am): Perfect! If you could bring it by this address later, I'll be here all day!

You send her Taehyung’s address and then put your phone back down. Today’s the last day before Taehyung’s surgery, so you told him to spend the entire day with Taewon instead of you, knowing that if things don’t go well tomorrow, it could be their last day together. 

You roll over and gently rouse Taehyung, wanting him to go over as soon as possible. 

“Tae, wake up.” 

“Mm… Y/N?” His eyes flutter open and he looks up at you. 

“Hey, it’s sunday.” You remind him. “You should get going.”

Realization spreads over his face and he nods. “Ah, right.” You sure you don’t want to come?”

You shake your head. “I have things to do today. And it should really just be the two of you.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“And please, don't forget to tell him what’s happening.”

He nods again, still not fully awake as he places a kiss on your forehead and then sits up, rubbing his hands over his face. Taehyung dresses and then gives you one last kiss before heading to the hospital.

You spend the rest of the morning puttering about the house, watching tv, playing on your phone before you get a text from Sooyoung that she’s on the way. You change out of your pajamas and wait for her to arrive, hearing her car pull into the driveway before long. You head out to the front door to greet her.

“Sooyoung!” You cheer as she gets out of her car with her briefcase. 

She scoffs at you, shutting the car door behind her. “Since when do you use my full name? Am I in trouble?”

Ah, you forgot. You’ve met Sooyoung a few times since you ended up here and had to listen to her talk about how close the two of you seem to be. “Sorry, Unnie! Just glad to see you.” You offer a smile as she reaches the front door and gives you a quick hug. 

“I don’t know Y/N, something’s off about you lately. It’s like you’re this whole different person.” She states as she walks into the house, quickly setting her things on the kitchen table and taking a seat. You hurry over and do the same, sitting across from her. 

“I feel different.” You state. 

“Mm.” She eyes you carefully before waving the conversation away. “Anyway, I drew up everything you asked for, you just need to read over and sign everything. And Taehyung needs to sign a few things too.”

“He won’t be back until tonight.”

“That’s fine, just have him sign everything and you can have Jin bring it by tomorrow.”

“Where do we start?”

Sooyoung pulls several documents out of her briefcase, all organized neatly as she reads over each one with you before showing you everywhere to sign and initial. The first one states transfer of guardianship for Taewon if anything happens to Taehyung. The second is about you. If anything ever happens to you, you’re designating everything you have to Taewon when he turns 18, well, if he turns 18. Until then, Jin will be in charge, helping watch over Taewon until he is grown and able to manage things himself; and of course a healthy portion of your funds go to Jin directly; if only as a thank you for putting up with you all this time, especially the last two weeks.

After everything is signed and finished, Sooyoung begins to pack up her things. “Okay, that’s everything.” She states, smiling. “If you need anything else just let me know!”

“Actually, there is one more thing. I need you to open a safe deposit box for me.”

She nods. “Sure. I’ll get a key for you sometime in the next few days.”

“Thanks.” You nod, giving her a hug before walking her back out to her car. “For everything.”

“Hey, it’s what you pay me for.” She jokes. 

“Right…” You wave goodbye before heading back into the house, shutting the door and taking a deep breath. The rest of the day is spent relaxing. You take a bath after dinner and drink a glass of wine, enjoying having some time to yourself. 

.

A little after 11, Taehyung arrives back at home. You look up to see his eyes are puffy as he walks through the door. 

“Aw, Tae…” You whisper sympathetically. 

“I’m fine.” He shakes his head. “I just… I didn’t realize how hard it would be to say goodbye.” He admits, flopping on the couch next to you.

“How did he take it?” 

“Pretty well honestly. I mean, I feel like if anyone understands what’s happening, it’s him.”

“That makes sense.”

“He is, however, very excited to possibly live with you.” Taehyung chuckles, tucking a stray hair behind your ear. “He really adores you, you know that?”

“The feeling’s mutual.” You assure him, smiling lovingly at him.

“I’m so glad I met you.” Taehyung whispers, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Me too Tae.” You sink into his embrace, his arms warm as they wrap around you. The two of you sit like this for a while, enjoying the feeling of being together for what could be the last time, until you have to ruin it, of course. You sit up and grab the folder from Sooyoung, handing it to Taehyung.

“What’s this?” He asks, opening it to sift through the contents.

“Those documents we talked about… You should sign them before tomorrow.”

“Right, okay.” Taehyung nods, standing and walking over to the table to find a pen. You follow him, sitting next to him and helping as he works his way through it, pointing out all the places he needs to sign and initial. When he’s done, he turns to the second document and then looks up at you. “Is this just a copy?”

You quickly move to shut it inside the folder, you should’ve taken it out before giving the other one to him. “T-that’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” You try to shake him off, but Taehyung holds the document out of reach and reads the beginning of it. 

“Transfer of estate in case of… Y/N, what is this?”

“It’s just a precaution.”

“A precaution to what?” He asks, his eyes wide with worry.

You sigh. “I just… If anything ever happens to me I want you guys to be taken care of.”

“What’s going to happen to you?”

“Nothing!” You blurt a bit too quickly. “I mean, I don't know, things happen all the time.”

“Y/N…”

“I… I can’t tell you. You’ll think I’m crazy. Just trust me. It’s a safeguard, okay? Just in case.”

Taehyung puts the document down and takes your hands in his. “Nothing you ever say would make me think you’re crazy.”

You scoff. “You have no idea.”

“Then tell me.”

The way he looks at you, it makes your heart hurt. Do you want to just leave him hanging like you did Jeongguk? You don’t think you could ever do that to another person. Jeongguk gave up his life to search for you, and you know Taehyung is the kind of person to do the same, but can you really tell him your secret? Two people in the same timeline knowing what happens to you, is that too many? Can you risk it? You don’t know what the rules are… Or if there even are any rules.

“Wait here.” You mumble, standing.

“Y/N-” He tries to grab your arm, thinking he upset you, but you hold up your hand.

“Just… Just wait here.”

You walk back into the bedroom, digging through your things until you find what you’re searching for in the bottom of your bag; a photo album, a wooden box, and a book. You return to the kitchen, setting the things on the table as you take your seat next to Taehyung. He eyes the items curiously, but waits patiently for you to explain. 

You gather your thoughts, trying to find the best way to phrase everything before you begin. You explain the first time it happened to you, how it was the weirdest deja vu feeling, and how it changed after that, longer jumps, stranger jumps, putting you in places and times you never thought possible, until your last jump. You explain your time with Jeongguk, and everything that happened to you up until now.

“At any point I could disappear, just like I do every time. The haze will happen and I’ll be gone.”

“So, wait… You jump through time?” He doesn’t believe you. He can’t believe you. Not without proof. You grab the book off the table and slide the bookmark out of its place, handing it to Taehyung. He stares down at the picture of you and Jeongguk, studying it closely until his eyes go wide. “Your ring.” He mutters, more to himself than you as he looks up at your neck, seeing the very same ring dangling from its chain around your throat.

Your fingers automatically fiddle with the jewelry in question as you open the photo album, showing Taehyung more pictures of your previous life with Jeongguk. He takes it all in, watching in silence as you explain things to him. When you’re finished, he’s quiet for a long time, mulling it all over in his head until he finally speaks.

“When you cancelled for a family emergency, that was…?”

You nod. “I had just arrived here, and I… I needed to find him.”

“And he’s…”

“He’s gone.” You smile bittersweetly. “Cancer, ironically enough.”

Taehyung lets out a half-hearted chuckle before he nods in understanding. “I believe you.”

Your eyes go wide at this. “R-really?”

“Of course.”

You breathe out a huge sigh of relief, your head falling forward into your hands. “Thank you.” You whisper.

Taehyung doesn’t answer, as if he knows the thanks weren’t entirely meant for him, but for someone else, something else. Instead, he simply grabs your arms and pulls you up with him, tugging you into the bedroom and laying on the bed next to you, wrapping you tightly in his arms for comfort.

“Tae if anything happens to me, I need you to take the things I showed you and give them to Jin. Tell him to put them in my safety deposit box, he’ll know where it is.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Kim Taehyung.” 

“I love you.” He breathes in your ear as you both drift off. 

.

When you wake up the next day, the sun is streaming in through the blinds and you quickly realize that Taehyung is not beside you. You bolt upright and scramble for your phone, checking it to see the time. 11:13 am. Taehyung’s surgery started at 8 am. You fling the covers off your body, throwing on some pants and a shirt before grabbing your purse, a mask, and a hat, and heading directly to the hospital. 

When you arrive, you immediately go to the surgical wing, checking in at the desk to see where he is and following a friendly nurse to the waiting room. You see his name and status flashing on the board across from where you sit: Kim Taehyung, OR. You can’t focus on anything except those three words, completely lost in your own anxious thoughts as you wait for Taehyung.

Waiting…

And waiting…

And waiting…

Kim Taehyung, Recovery.

Your heart pounds in your chest when the board changes, relieved and terrified at the same time. A few minutes later, a doctor walks into the room and calls his name. 

“Family of Kim Taehyung?” You quickly stand and walk over, trying to seem as calm on the outside as you can. “Follow me.” He leads you back through the doors he came through and back past several drawn curtains down a long hallway and into a room where you finally see him, wrapped in blankets fast asleep in the bed.

“H-how is he?” You question, your voice cracking as grateful tears well in your eyes.

“He’s going to recover fine from the surgery, it was strictly exploratory.”

“Exploratory? I thought-”

The doctor sighs. “It was bigger than we thought. There’s no safe way for us to remove the tumor. It’s grown around one of the chambers of his heart. If we tried to remove it…” The doctor trails off. 

“It would kill him…” You finish for him, scooting your chair closer to Taehyung. “He’ll die either way.”

“I’m sorry ma’am.” The doctor moves to take his leave. “He should wake up soon.”

“Thank you.” And with that, you’re left alone with Taehyung. You sniffle as you grab your phone out of your purse, quickly calling Taewon.

“Hello?”

“Taewonnie! Hey, it’s Y/N.” 

“Noona!”

You try to choke back your tears, wanting to assure the boy everything is fine. “I just wanted to let you know that Taehyung is out of surgery and should wake up here in a few minutes.”

“Really?? Yay! Hyungie is okay!”

“I’ll bring him by later, yeah? Let me know if you need anything and I’ll have Jin bring it for you.”

“Okay, thank you noona!”

You hang up the phone and lean your elbows on the side of Taehyung’s bed, silently sobbing to yourself as you look down at his beautiful face. Even with all the money in the world, there are some things that just aren’t possible, and it hurts you to think about. Taehyung and Taewon are as nice and selfless as they come, and yet one of them, if not both of them, will leave this lifetime so soon, whereas you will be here for who knows how long, living a thousand lifetimes, none of which you feel you deserve. 

Maybe that’s the whole point.

Maybe it doesn’t matter how many lifetimes you live, or how many things you succeed in. What really matters are the people. People like Taehyung and Taewon, like Jeongguk, and Jin, and Kono and Bitsy and Clara. People that you can make a difference for. 

You grab Taehyung’s hand in yours, rubbing it with your thumb as you wait for him to wake up, silently making yourself promise that no matter what happens from now on, no matter where you end up, you’ll force yourself to be a background character. You will only be there to support those who need you, and then you will disappear from their lives, leaving no trace of yourself. And you will not, under any circumstances, fall in love again after Taehyung. You don’t think your heart can take another break.

Taehyung stirs next to you and you feel him squeeze your hand as his eyes flutter open. “Y/N…?” He mumbles, looking around before his gaze finds you and he smiles softly. “There you are.”

“Hi handsome.” You sniffle, kissing his knuckles. 

“How mad are you?”

“For leaving without me? I’m already over it.”

“How’d it go?” He asks weakly. You know he already knows, he just wants to hear it.

You shake your head. “Exploratory only.”

“Really?” He sighs. 

“Apparently it’s bigger than they thought, and it’s um, it’s wrapped around one of the chambers of your heart, so even if they try to take it out…”

The room goes silent, Taehyung only nodding in understanding before settling back against the pillows. He doesn’t speak much when the nurse comes in to check on him. A few hours later, they allow you to wheel Taehyung up to the private wing with Taewon. You hope it will help cheer him up for a little while at least.

Taewon cheers, greeting his older brother with excitement as you push Taehyung’s bed, aligning him next to Taewon’s. Taewon quickly clambors over to his brother’s bed, rambling about all the things he did while waiting for Taehyung’s procedure to be over. Taehyung smiles softly, nodding along to the things Taewon says, his eyes heavy. You quickly remind Taewon that Taehyung needs to rest, and turn on the tv to turn the younger boy’s attention elsewhere, allowing Taehyung to close his eyes. 

You remain at Taehyung’s side, sitting in a chair, resting your forearms on his cot, one of his hands laced with yours. You must doze off at some point, barely waking up when you hear voices. 

“No, let her sleep.” It’s Taehyung. “We can tell her when she wakes up.” You feel his hand on your head, brushing your hair out of your face and hum happily as you fall back asleep.

.

The next time you wake up, you’re in a bed. You look around confused, slightly terrified that the haze came in your sleep, until you recognize it as the guest room adjoining Taewon’s. You realize it’s morning as you sit up, adjusting your clothes before walking out to the next room to see Taehyung and Taewon enjoying breakfast together as they watch some show.

“Breakfast without me?” You ask, walking over to the table between them and snagging a piece of toast.

“Hyung said not to wake you!” Taewon explains. “He said you were really sleepy.” 

“I guess I was.” You nod. “Um, how exactly…?” You look back towards the room you emerged from before meeting Taehyung’s gaze. 

“Jin moved you.” He answers. “He came up to check on you and saw you asleep so I asked him to move you to the bed so you’d be more comfortable.”

“Ah, well thank you.” You smile, sitting down at his side. 

“Hyung, can I tell her?” Taewon suddenly bursts. “Please please please?”

“Wonnie, let her at least eat something first.” Taehyung scolds.

You finish your toast and reach for a piece of fruit. “Tell me what?”

Taewon looks to his brother for permission and Taehyung nods. “Go ahead.”

“My last set of scans came back clean! I get to go home!”

Your eyes widen in shock. “Really?”

“I'm in remission!” He cheers.

You look at Taehyung for confirmation. “He comes back for repeat scans in a few weeks, but as of last night, he’s cancer free.”

“Taewon, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you.” You put on a smile, but your heart aches. If he’s truly cured, Taewon’s going to have to live the rest of his life without his brother. Who knows how long Taehyung has left. Why does life have to be so unfair? To survive years of cancer, just for it to take your brother, the only family you have left. 

“Noona? Are you okay?” Taewon rips you from your thoughts and you realize a few tears have slipped past your defenses.

“Of course! These are happy tears.” You lie as you wipe them away. “Taehyung, when are they discharging you?” You turn to the blonde. 

“Tomorrow morning.” Taehyung states. “Since it was just… You know. I don’t have to stay too long.”

“Tomorrow morning.” You repeat, thrilled at the prospect of returning to a normal life for as long as you can have it.

The rest of the day is spent relaxing, the three of you spending time together, filling your heart with warm memories. Taewon falls asleep early and you tuck him in, turning down the tv volume before Taehyung pats the bed next to him. You smile, sliding onto the cot and curling up next to Taehyung in the small space. 

“I can’t believe things are finally going to be back to normal.” Taehyung whispers into your hair, pulling you close.

“But for how long?” You ask, looking up at him. 

“Let’s not think about that right now.” Taehyung chides. “Let’s just be here. Together.” He leans down and presses a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against your mouth.

“Tae,” You return his smile, tears slipping down your cheeks. There’s so much you want to say to him, so much you want to tell him… 

But it’s too late.

You’re too late.

Before you can see anything, you feel it begin, dancing around the edges of your mind.

The haze.

It’s here to sweep you away. 

“No, please. Not now.” Your voice is panicked as you sit up and Taehyung immediately catches on, alerted by your tone. “I’m not done!”

“Y/N, your eyes…” His own gaze widens in fear. “T-they’re white. Are you okay?”

You huff in frustration as you see it begin to creep in on the edges of your vision. You try to blink back your tears, moving your hand over Taehyung’s where it rests on your cheek, placing a kiss against his palm. “Thank you for everything Taehyung. I’m so sorry. Take care of Taewonnie.”

Realization dawns on his expression. “N-now? No, Y/N you can’t go now.” He tries to sit up, but the pain from his incision stops him from reaching for you. 

“Taehyung, I love you…” Your field of vision gets smaller and smaller, your limbs growing weak from the sensation. 

“No, please. I love you… Y/N, I love you!”

It’s the last thing you hear before everything goes black.

Opening your eyes, you're greeted with an unfamiliar sight and though it hurts, you know Taehyung is long gone.

And you loved Taehyung, with whole your heart and you couldn’t think of being without him anymore. He had become to be such a huge part of your life in such a short amount of time. He was the one who was always there for you when things got hard. The person who always made you smile when you were said, who took better care of you than you took care of yourself. He always knew the right things to say and he always made you smile if you were feeling bad, which was exactly what you needed today. You made your way back to your apartment which you shared since a month ago. It had been a big move from his side him, asking you to move in with him and get a place together. 

He had been so nervous, afraid you’d turn him down, afraid he was moving too fast. But the only thing you wanted to do was be close to him and since you didn’t saw him that often, living together seemed like the perfect solution to you. It had been a real adjustment though, being with each other during those crucial parts of the day, taking care of each other. But after you’d both gotten used to it, you both knew that you were perfetc for each other. You knew Taehyung inside and out, he was no longer a mystery to you.

As you finally got home you quickly made your way up the stairs. You noticed the light at the front door was off, and you frowned. Usually when he knew you were getting home late, he left the light on for you. You shook your head, telling yourself to get over it and act normal. He probably just forgot. Seemed like that history project had made you lose your mind. You sniffed at the thought. Looking for your key in your bag, you muttered softly underneath your breath. Feeling around for the metal before you found it and fumbled slightly to get the key in the keyhole in the dark. But when you threw the door open, you didn’t feel anything but relief, so happy to finally be home. 

You kicked off your shoes, too tired to loosen up the shoelaces and walked in. When you saw Taehyung lying on the couch with one of his arms covering his eyes your heard fluttered in your chest. He was the cutest thing you had ever seen, you couldn’t get enough of him. “Taetae…” You called out, waiting for any kind of reaction. Normally when you’d see each other after such a long day he’d sit up and look at you a little dazed, waking up by the sound of your voice calling out for him. Or he would smile with his eyes closed, trying to pretend he was asleep but not being able to hide his happiness because you were finally home.

But today he didn’t seem to show any kind of response to your return at all. He just laid there on the sofa, neither looking at you nor greeting you back. You frowned and immediately felt slightly worried by his behavior. Was he unwell? If so, then why hadn’t he called you? You dropped your bag on the table and made your way over to the sofa, slightly hovering over him to check on him. His face didn’t look pale, though the skin underneath his eyes seemed to have a slightly darker color than usual. He looked exhausted and for a minute you thought it best not to disturb him. He needed to rest, he and his members had gone through a rough time lately and you wanted him to think about his health. 

How he could function the way he did while taking naps in dressing rooms and while constantly being in the move remained a mystery to you. The last thing you wanted was for him to sacrifice any of his rest for you. As quietly as you could, you pulled a blanket from the back of the couch to tug him in. You let out a little squeal when suddenly someone grabbed a hold of your wrist and locked eyes with the guy in front of you. Taehyung blinked rapidly at you, as if he had no idea where he was at the moment and seemed seriously confused. You had no idea how long he’d been asleep, but he’d seemed to be pretty far off.

Then his eyes landed on you and he smiled softly, stretching his arms out in front of him and making a cute peeping sound while doing so. It made your heart melt. He let go of your wrist just as fast as he’d grabbed onto it and tried to sit up, but you shook your head, placed your hands on his chest and pushed him back down. “What are you doing?” He asked and shot you a questioning look while grabbing your hand and squeezing it inside of his own. That frown on his forehead, those dark circles under his eyes, that worn look one his face, it only made you even more. 

“Don’t get up TaeTae. You should sleep some more, you look exhausted.” You mumbled while giving his hand a little squeeze in return. He scoffed at you as he sat up, immediately letting go of your hand as he buried his hands of his hair, his elbows leaning on his knees. You had no idea where this sudden reaction came from, you just wanted to take care of him. “I’ll be fine __________.” He said but there was a slight sound of annoyance in of his voice which made you feel a little bit suspicious. Once again you shook your head and you tried to convince him to take his rest, telling him you’d be fine. But he blocked all your wills to help.

“I said I’m fine!” His voice raised slightly and stood up from the couch, shaking the blanket off himself which you had laid on him with so much care. His behavior bothered you. Normally Taehyung wasn’t someone who was this jumpy and frustrated all of a sudden. It was another reason which indirectly let you know that he was running out of energy. You didn’t want him to get a burn out or to cross the line with his body, he had to take better care of himself. “You’re not fine Taehyung.” You threw back and he looked at you with squeezed eyes, it was almost a slightly threatening gesture and you felt goosebumps appear all over your skin. 

“How can you expect to know that better than I know it myself?! I know myself better than you think __________, and I’m telling you that I’m feeling fine. Why are you being like this?” He asked it as if it was weird for you to react like this, as if you shouldn’t be asking him to take it easy. As if you didn’t see all of the things he went through. As if you weren’t there with him when he worked himself so hard he could barely stand. “I’m being like this because I’m worried about you, that’s why! Am I not aloud to get worried about you when I see you laying on the couch all exhausted? Is that so weird?”

For the first time in this conversation you raised your voice at him and he didn’t seem to react to that very well. Even though your shouting was the result of his own stubbornness, it seemed to make him even more thwarting than he had been at first. “I can take great care of myself you know!” His face was showing you the anger he felt by and you had no idea what you had done to deserve him treating you like this. Had you actually done something wrong? Had something happened which you didn’t know about? Why was he trying to push you away and shut you out? 

“Tae, I’m your girlfriend! What do you expect me to do?!” You asked, sounding completely desperate. You simply wanted to know why he was behaving like this. This was how he was. Where was your bright and bubbly boyfriend? He shook his head at you and wanted to walk away from you, but you grabbed the sleeve of his sweater and held him back. The action didn’t seem to make him much happier and he harshly pulled it out of your grip, making you pull your hand back in surprise. You cuddled your hand against your chest while eying him, waiting for him to say something.

Just when you thought he was about to apologize for his silly behavior he fired back at you. “As my girlfriend I expect you to understand __________, why can’t you do that?!” He was still raising his voice at you and you were scared the neighbors might be able to hear. The walls weren’t that think around here. “Then tell me what I should understand! Tell me what’s wrong Taehyung! What the hell is going on?” By this time you were trying to match the volume of his voice and the fact that you were both raising your voices against one other made that you were both getting carried away in this whole thing. 

You couldn’t believe you were having a fight over something like this. You didn’t even know what ‘this’ was. “Never mind, you wouldn’t get it anyway.” His voice was so cold that for a second you felt as if you were being iced over. Right, you wouldn’t get it, because after all you didn’t live in his world, you weren’t an idol. Even though his comment felt like knives cutting you, you still went on, you wanted him to tell you what was bothering him.“Taehyung, I’m your girlfriend! If I’m not able to understand you than who is?!” 

Did that title mean nothing to him? It wasn’t just showing up and looking pretty for him. It wasn’t just cooking for him or cuddling with him. It wasn’t just the kisses or the hugs or everything else. Being a girlfriend also meant trying to get your boyfriend through a hard time, trying to talk to him about difficult things, but it seemed like he wasn’t up for any of that right now. “I don’t know! Fuck, why are you being like this?!” He asked again as he pulled his hair in frustration and shot you a furious look. 

“Because I love you… That’s why.” The volume of your voice had dropped to a whisper and all of a sudden you felt really fragile, as if one more word would be enough to break you into a thousand pieces. A silence fell over the apartment and Taehyung just stared at you for a long time in silence. He stared into your eyes which were filled with tears by now. Then he let out a big and long sigh before dropping his arms next to his sides and closing his eyes. “I’m sorry __________.” he then said and you shook your head, as if you didn’t want to hear it.

“What does it matter? I wouldn’t get it anyway.” With that you got up from your spot on the couch and walked briskly past him towards your room, wanting to be away from this for a moment. Wanted to get him out of your bubble. If he was just going to burst it, then what was the point? But you felt a long and strong arm capture your waist. You looked up to the ceiling, trying to keep your tears from falling as you realized he wasn’t going to let you go. He pulled you back into him until your back met with his warm chest and you pressed your lips together when a sob threatened to escape from your throat. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m so sorry princess, I’m just… I’m just so…” You knew he was struggling with his words so you waited for him to try and find the right ones. After a while he sighed and you felt his breath his against your ear. 

“I’m just so stressed and tired and I feel as if everything I’m doing is wrong and I just… I feel as like I’m useless. Have you ever felt like that before?” With a surprised look you slowly turned around to face him. When you did he had a sad look inside of his eyes. His face pulled together in a painful expression when he saw the tears on your cheeks and he pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his hands to wipe them away. “You’re not useless Tae, don’t you ever think that. You work so hard, you give your all and you would give everything to make everyone happy. I know that and I’m sure everyone around you knows it too. You shouldn’t pressure yourself that much.”

He closed his eyes and he looked so tired, so weak, so drained. You felt sorry for him, sorry that he always had to work so hard, that he had to push his body to the limits, that he had to give everything up to do what he loved. “I just feel as if I can’t do it anymore.” His voice cracked at the end of his sentence and you were overwhelmed when you saw tears in his eyes as soon as he opened them. “Taehyung…” You whispered barely audible and you placed both your hands on his cheeks. 

He stared into your eyes and you felt like crying along with him, seeing him like this, it killed you. “I’m sorry.” He said again, making you frown at him. “You don’t have to feel sorry. Everyone reaches this point at a sudden moment, this is your moment. It’s not your fault.” When the first tears fell from his eyes you pecked them away and when you pulled back you noticed he was smiling softly. You were glad you were able to make him feel better, even though there wasn’t much more you could do than talk to him.

“Why don’t you rest a little now? We’ve got the time.” He looked at you for a while before nodding. You were glad he was finally giving into your pleads. Once again you tugged him towards the couch and this time he willingly sat down. He looked as if he’d fall asleep as soon as his head would touch a pillow. You sat down beside him and without saying anything he placed his head on your lap and made himself comfortable. You giggled and pulled the blanket over him once again, knowing that this time he wouldn’t stop you. For a moment he played with your hand which was on his chest while your other hand combed through his bangs. 

Then his dark eyes looked up at yours, you sent him a soft look, one that told him everything was going to be okay, that you weren’t angry… That you understood. It seemed as if he had been looking for that because he smiled peacefully at you before closing his eyes. In no time his breath became regular, his chest rose and fell in a steady pace. While looking down on your boyfriend you brushed his hair out of his face and placed a kiss on his forehead. “I love you…” You whispered and thought you could see his eyes flicker for a moment before he quietly said. “I love you too…”