Look Good, Feel Good, Live Well

The bottom line comes early, but it is the most crucial part of the post:

There is a clear line between loving someone and/or something, and being in love with someone and/or something.  Love can mean so many things to so many different people.

For example, couldn't this picture mean love to someone?

(Photo by Thai Jasmine via flickr)

I know plenty of people that love sunflowers.  They are very appealing to the eye.  They grow in fields as far as the eye can see which can offer a sense of company to the person seeing them.  There are very few pictures of sunflowers that make them unappealing.  They can be given as simple gifts to a meaningful person in one's life.  They are a beautiful centerpiece to bring together a room.  Many people love them for many different reasons.

Or how about this picture...

(Photo by Ahmed Rabea via flickr)

Everyone knows someone with a coffee addiction.  Coffee can have a simple affect to it, much like the above picture, that symbolizes love.  It can also create love, taking two strangers on their first, fiftieth, or last date as a sign of compassion.  It can be seen as a necessity to some, being added to the weekly grocery list to guarantee it being in a household.  To some, it is just a warm beverage, but to others it is a lifestyle.  Many people love it for many different reasons.

(Photo by Doug88888 via flickr)

Another picture simply titled "Canon love" by the photographer, simply showing his compassion for a camera company.  The camera means so much more to the photographer than "just another camera."  The camera is treated as if it was a child, being brought everywhere, treated with respect and delicacy, and helping the photographer grow as a person and as a professional.  Much like coffee, photography is seen by some as an activity to kill time, but seen by others as a way of life.  Many people love it for many reasons.

These things are loved.  They are appreciated beyond measure by individuals and groups across the world.  Many people love, appreciate, and use these items to relax, to remain sane, and to get through the day.  These things are loved.

However, no matter how much they are appreciated by an individual, the items previously stated do not come close to the level of love that is between two people when they are inlove.

(Photo by karamsingh via flickr)

The bond between a parent and their child is unmatched.  The connection between the adult and the child is a bond that through thick and thin, cannot be broken.  A soul-to-soul connection that can't be understood unless you have it yourself.  As hard as a child tries to act like they do not need their parents, they will always be there for the child, no matter what.  A child and their parents, in love for eternity.

(Photo by Millzero Photography via flickr)

And the obvious, the bond between one and their significant other.  The love that makes them inseparable.  The love that makes them live for each other.  The love that creates a feeling inside that can't be recreated anywhere else.  The deep feeling of butterflies in the stomach when you see them.  The feeling of immediate happiness the second they cross into your field of vision.  The sigh of relief that you get to see them again, no matter the amount of time you spent away from them.

The bond between parent and child, the bond between one and their significant other, these are signs of being inlove.  These are not bonds that are used to create happiness, these are bonds that go beyond that.  These bonds create a feeling of relief, relaxation, and happiness.  However, they also create anger, uncomfortableness, and fright.  These emotions are to enhance the love, the relief, and all of the good that comes after the negative emotions.

I won't sit here and say I've been in love.  Even though I feel as if I have, the constant reminder about being in love is that "you'll know" when it happens, and I'm not totally sure if that's what it was between me and the person I believe it happened with, so I'm going to admit that I don't think I have been.  However, my parents have been in love since their high school days.  They are still madly in love as they both approach their 50th birthdays together.  Being around them with the constant reminder that this future is out there for everyone is a great feeling.  They are happy, they work well with each other, and although they have some disagreements, they always manage to work it out.  They are the bond of being inlove that everyone strives to have.  And I love them just as equally as they love me.  My sister, my parents, and I, as a family, are one great big loving family, but there is a level of love that will be reached eventually by people eventually, for me and my sister, that accomplishes the level that my parents first had for each other, and continue to have for each other today.  When that day comes, the cycle of love will continue within the family until the world ends.

Being in love means you are inseparable; loving something or someone means that you don't mind having them around.

Truth be told, when meeting new people, the best thing you can do is to be yourself.

Going back to my last post about being treated the way you way you want to be treated, the same idea should be followed with personality.

I know that when I meet people, I'm the same as everyone else; I want to find the people in a group that are going to be the exact same person when I first meet them as when I have to part with them for what ever the reason may be.  So when I meet people, I try to remain as realistic as possible.

Now, I am a very sarcastic, very open person.  When I meet people, generally speaking, the first thing I do is make a sarcastic remark about the situation at hand.  My goal is to get someone to laugh.  When I see that person that laughs, I immediately know that they have the same sense of humor as I do, so I find myself being friends with them more often than the people that are not laughing.  However, I also take my first test to the next level.  Often times, I ask the people that have laughed at my incredibly stupid joke a very serious question, or a very "deep" question.  If that person can answer the question and be open about the question I ask, then I have reason to believe that they will be open and honest with me from that point on.  I know I have started a new, and very promising, friendship.

The bottom line?

Society gives everyone this idea that we have to fit in, that we have to act different to fit a societal norm.

But the truth is that it only causes more harm than good.  Think about how many times you or someone you know has had to end a relationship, a friendship, or gotten totally angry with anyone over the fact that they weren't the person that had originally been met?

It all starts with figuring out how you want to be treated.  If you are the type of person that wants to hear the truth, regardless of how much it hurts to hear it, then you need to be up front and honest with the people you care about.  If you are the type of person that likes to hear good news, then you can't run around being the bearer of bad news all the times.  There has to be an understanding within yourself of who you want to be, and who you want others to be around you.

You then need to remain true to yourself.  Once you have found out the type of person you want to be, there should be no change.  If you want to hear the truth, you shouldn't go back on who you really want to be just because you heard something negative.  There has to be a point that you're going to have to cope with the negatives in order to keep getting the true positives.

However, there are exceptions.  There are always opportunities to make a statement.

(Photo by Celestine Chua via Flickr)

Regardless of the type of person you are trying to be, recognize the opportunities that are presented to you.

For example, if you can really tell someone is down, don't tell that person something that will bring them down even more.  Take an opportunity to compliment the person, or make an effort to bring their spirits back up.  Don't be afraid to make an exception every once and a while to take a break from your normal self.  Not only will it make you feel better for making someone else's day better, but it will surprise others and keep them on their toes with you, which is always good.  It's never good to become predictable.

The bottom line?

So why is it that we never want to have a heart-to-heart with anyone?  Why is it that even though we know we're going to feel better, we never willingly give the information off of our chest?

As a person that loves to listen, no matter what the situation, I always offer to people that I am a good person to vent to.  I am always willing to take time out of my day to listen and talk if it means the person I am talking to will walk away feeling better.

But I am also very guilty of the whole "will listen but will never be the one telling his story."  Normally, I would defend myself with some statement about how I'm not the type of person that needs to tell my feelings, and I honestly would have said that if this was my blog post from last week, but recently I was proved wrong.

Over the course of three days, I had three conversations with people that have been put back on me, meaning I had to talk about myself.  While I am really a person that doesn't like giving my own input and relating back to my life for other people's situations, (I don't like making everything about me, so I try to limit myself to not making personal connections.  When I talk to people, it's about them, it's for them, and I like to keep it that way) the conversations kind of turned to me and my life, and I enjoyed it.

It was the first time in a long time I had given my "story" and it really ended up being life-changing.

See, the reason for this post is not to just give another portion of my life for the rest of the internet to read, but it's to prove a point.  Every person, whether you think you need it or not, could use a heart-to-heart conversation every once and a while.  It is an opportunity to really think out loud and get every stressful situation out in the open.  It really gives you the chance to figure some things out, as well as letting off some steam.

The bottom line is that it's useful.  I promise you that if you decide to go talk to someone about your life, it will be worth your while, even if it's for five minutes and you only hit minor points.

With that being said, I would like all 24 people that are going to get this on their dashboard, plus the how-ever-many people that will click the link to this post in the future, my door is always open, my ask box is always open (anonymous or not), and I am always willing to talk.  I am a very easy-going person when it comes to these situations, so whether you want to meet in person, talk over the phone, email, smoke signals, what ever the case, I am more than willing to do so.  Please, let me know.

See, the way I look at it is that it is nobody's job to dictate how you feel about someone else.  There's no reason that your friend should be able to make your decision about someone else just because of their own experiences.

That's not to say that it can't effect your opinion of someone.  I know there are plenty of times that I've seen friends hurt and it negatively impacts the way I look at someone, but I don't immediately label someone as a person "not to like" because of what everyone else thinks about them.

It's called giving into peer pressure.  It's falling into the social norm.  It's being a follower, not a leader.  It's being lazy and letting society form your opinion for you. 

Why would you let other people decide something for you?  Would you ever let a friend decide for you that you don't like a movie?  Would you never eat a pineapple because a friend told you that you won't like it?  Do you go around telling people that they'll hate a Prius just because you don't like the car?

The answer is no.  You would never let someone dictate that for you.  Why?  Because you haven't tried it yourself.  You've never experienced it for yourself; you'll never really know if you do or do not like it until you try it.

So why change for people?  Why would you let someone tell you that "he's a jerk so you shouldn't talk to him" before you've met him?  Why would you avoid a girl just because "she slept with him and never talked to him again?"

This works the other way, as well.  Don't be concerned about what other people have heard about you before you meet them.  There's no way you can control what people say about you.  Speaking from experience, if you're someone that does everything right, people will make stuff up about you; if you're someone that doesn't follow the rules, the lies become that much more ridiculous. 

The bottom line is this:

"All guys are the same."

Ah, the phrase that has bothered the male sex since the first time the sentence was uttered. A phrase that has one purpose, and one purpose only: to group all males into one category to get every female to come down to the level of anger and hate that one female is feeling at the time the sentence is released.

As a member of the male sex, I can say that I believe that the phrase is based off of anger. I believe that a bad experience, or a string of bad experiences, can lead to this assumption. But it's not true. I promise you that. Not all guys are the same.

Now, I can't defend all guys with this post, because there are some guys out there that I know that talk to girls for one thing, and one thing only. There are guys out there that talk to many girls at once. There are plenty of guys that just can't dedicate themselves to one girl.

However, there are plenty of guys out there that can. There are plenty of guys out there that are more than willing to drop everything they own for one special person. There are plenty of guys that would do anything for the girl of their dreams, yet they can't. Often times, this is a friendly action; doing anything that the girl asks them to do, always by their side, always there to listen, doing everything a good guy is supposed to do, but it's strictly viewed as an act of friendship. This is often referred to as the "friend zone," but that's another post.

The bottom line is that not all guys are the same. Not all guys are in it for the looks first. Not all guys are looking for one thing out of a girl or out of many girls. Not all guys are jerks, pigs, or pricks. It's just a matter of finding the ones that are not.

(Photo by Joshua Ingle via Twitter)

Josh said it best; it comes down to giving guys a chance.

Which is my advice for today's piece. Ladies, if you are looking to get out of the "all guys are the same" mentality, don't be afraid to branch out and try someone different. Don't be afraid to take a little bit more time to find out more about the guys first. And most importantly, and I say this on behalf of almost every guy I know, don't be afraid to give your "best guy friend" a chance. He might surprise surprise you.

An online dictionary has five definitions of the word "perfection." The last two are very simple:

4. A quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.

5. The highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait.

As proven by the dictionary, there is no solid definition for the word "perfection." The word is only able to be open to interpretation. The fact that there is no solid definition in the dictionary to prove what is or is not "perfect" proves this.

But how is this possible? How can a word have no definite definition?

Simple. If there is no proof one way or the other, then there is no such this as "perfect" by the eyes of society.

However, that doesn't mean that perfection is impossible to achieve, it simply means that perfection is different from person to person.

Although the founding fathers are picked on for "incorrect grammar" by using the phrase "more perfect union," they actually may have proved the point.

(Photo by melissambwilkins via Flickr)

See, the union wasn't perfect; there were still plenty of issues in the union, but at the time, the union was the perfect solution for freedom. The union just needed a set of rules that would make them even more of a "perfect" idea.

The point that I am trying to make is that the use of the word "perfect" is overshadowed by the reputation it has gotten.

The idea is what matters. If something solves an issue in the best way possible, it was a perfect solution.

If you feel that the highest level of something has been reached, it is perfect.

At a very important time in my life, I was told something very simple; a quote that would stay with me for the rest of my life.  It was a quote that would be the foundation of how I lived my life from that point on:

"If you lose control of one emotion, you lose control of all emotions."

Some people channel certain emotions a lot more than other emotions, and some people can control certain emotions more than others.  However, there should be a perfect balance of those emotions to create a "zen." or a feeling of complete relaxation.

There are a few things that I have learned to do over the past couple of years that can help relax the emotions that are streaming through your body.

Noise making with your hands - I know it sounds weird, but simple noises with your hands, such as clapping, can be a huge stress reliever, as well as release some anger.  It can be as easy as clapping every other step, or drumming on a desk.  Either way, the physical contact between your hands and an inanimate object is a ton better than striking something or someone that shouldn't be brought into the situation, or worse, keeping the anger or stress built up inside of you, waiting to burst out in a tidal wave of emotion.

Do your favorite activity - Whether it's dancing, playing chess, cheerleading, a sport, or reading, if you love it, it should be relaxing.  Spend as much time as possible with this activity.  This isn't the time to work on something that is impossible, though.  There's no need to make yourself more angry.  Do the easy things.  The basics.  Remember, it is to release the negative emotions, so keep it simple and limited to the things you can do easily.

Watch one TV show that makes you really angry - I know it sounds a little weird and funny, but this is one of my favorite ways to release anger.  All you have to do is dedicate 30 minutes a week to watch a show that really grinds your gears.  For me, it's any Buffalo Sabres game.  I can generally just scream obscenities at the television and demolish any optimism about the Sabres winning.  They're my favorite team to hate, but they actually make me feel a lot better.

Write - A common misconception is that you have to be good at writing to have it be a stress reliever.  The is 100% not true.  Writing is the ultimate emotion eliminator.  It is the only way that someone can literally put anything and everything that is bothering them out in the open other than physically speaking it.  The nice part about writing, though, is that you can write everything, save it, and never publish it or show it to anyone.  Heck, you don't even have to save it.  As long as the thoughts have been put out there and aren't putting fog in your brain, the work never has to be seen.  It's your business what happens with the writing.

What if I told you that rejection is the last thing you need to worry about?  What if I could convince you that it is one of the best case scenarios in most cases?

Two of the best replies to come from any situation are "yes" and "no."  The responses are clear, they are very direct, and they drive the message home.  While hearing "no" in a situation where you'd rather hear the opposite sucks, it's much better than some other options.

Take, for example, the most cliché rejection situation, asking your long-time crush out on a date with you:

You walk up to them, feeling the butterflies in your stomach and the blood rushing to your face with every step you take closer to them.  They turn around to the small squeak of your voice while trying to say their name.  Awkward conversation ensues, causing more and more doubt in the question on the tip of your tongue.  "Would you like to go out with me sometime, on a date?"

"No."

What did you lose?  One guy out of approximately 3.4 billion?  And what else?  Minimal damage to your self-esteem and a little bit of sadness to follow?  Seems to me like it could have been a lot worse.

What happens if "maybe" comes out of your crush's mouth?  What if they string you along for a long period of time and crush you later?  Or what if they keep you off in the distance with the other people they're doing the same thing to?

The bottom line is that there is nothing to lose.  It all comes down to having confidence in yourself.  You need to believe in yourself and that if rejection happens to you, you will move on and find someone that is much better, and quite frankly, deserves you. 

A wise figure in my life used to tell me all the time, "the person that doesn't think you're worth their time often won't be worth your time in the long run."

To keep the streak alive of phenomenal movies teaching us lessons, today's quote is brought to you by "Lion King":

"Oh, yes, the past can hurt.  But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it."

So take rejection with a grain of salt.  Don't let rejection get to you.  Rejection is a natural thing and ultimately will only help you find what is really needed/wanted in your life.

However, in today's society with technology being what it is, cliques being ever so popular, and mixed views on what a "true friend" should be, finding an honest, "true friend" can be difficult.

Have no fear!  With a few simple steps, it is relatively easy to find the people around you that are potential candidates for that "true friend" role currently open in your life:

Step One - Find a general interest that could be a good bonding place for you and someone new to start a new friendship.  For me, it is a very distinct sense of humor, rooted in sarcasm.  Usually a television show or a type of music or something you are very passionate about is a good place to start.  I think where most people are confused when looking for friends is that they search for trust right off the bat.  Trust is something that is built over time, it should not be given right from the beginning. Everyone gains trust in different ways and over different periods of time.  Take your time with it; no sense in rushing something as valuable as trust.

Step Two - We'll start using a quote from the very inspiring movie, "We Bought a Zoo" (Which if you have some extra time and want to be inspired, I highly recommend the film.  Make sure you're in a place that's okay to cry, because I promise the flood gates will open at the end of this one):

"Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage.  Literally, 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery, and I promise you, something great will come of it."

Benjamin Mee (played by Matt Damon) tells his son this quote that he heard from his brother, Duncan (played by Thomas Haden Church).  This 20 seconds of courage is the reason that Ben buys a zoo, talks to his wife for the first time, and why Ben's son tells his crush that he loves her.

But this 20 seconds of insane courage is where you make your move.  This 20 seconds is where in a group of people, you can weed out who is and isn't worthy of your friendship.  This is where step one gets utilized.  Take your most important feature in a friend and put it out there for the world to hear.  Make a comment regarding your interests and see who responds in a positive way.  For me, in a group of people, I like to make a sarcastic joke that is very specific to my sense of humor.  I put the joke out there for everyone to hear, and to those who snarl at me and walk away, no hard feelings, I just won't make the effort to try and get you to like me.  To those who laugh at my stupid joke, hello, my name is Evan, and I'd love to become friends.

If there is one piece of advice that is above all else, it is this:

Do not, under any circumstances, change who you are to make friends.  There are plenty of people out there that have the same interests as you, and I'm sure they would greatly appreciate someone making the first move in trying to find them.