hiraeth

when i said i would be the bad guy in this situation i knew i was right. I knew. Because Im always the bad guy. Even if its not said, its implied because circumstances always turn out that when I finally decide ive had enough and walk away or disengage or stand my ground, something was happening in the background i had no idea about that was irrelevant to the situation that in the future, can be held up like 'well this horrible thing you had no way of knowing about was happening while you decided to be an insensitive shithead (ie finally having enough of whatever was going on) so youre actually the terrible one and im the victim, now feel guilty forever. and also we can never actually talk about the pervading issue because its rendered moot by virtue of me having this thing happen. So sit on that forever and feel like shit."