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i can’t believe how many people in their mid-20s are buying the amazon alexa and like hooking it up to their home security systems and lights and phone and shit like i know we all saw the 1999 disney channel original movie smart house. they warned us and you are playing with fire

a girl in one of my classes sent out an email saying “you’ll be having a furry classmate this semester” and my heart stopped but she was talking about her service dog

movies are so weird people hang out like twice and theyre all like “im in love with you” calm down maybe

Me as a doctor: So I’m gonna need you to just keep that baby in for another 5 minutes. It’s the difference between a Scorpio moon and a Sagittarius moon, thank me later lol