smiles await you when you rise.

“ frankly speaking, i wanna give up. ”

“ they love me cause i’m hot. ”  

“ just try to guess the answer. ”

“ everyone here knows you don’t care. ”

“ fine, do things your way. ”

“ i want to be in love. ”

“ no, i would rather make money. ”

“ shut up already, i’m not going. ”

“ because you said that, fuck you! ”

“ i hate you more than anything. ”

“ just sit down? let me explain? ”

“ can i be a little nasty? ”

“ there’s nothing wrong with being sexual. ”

“ i want you to like me. ”

“ don’t you dare lie to me. ”

“ i’m way too scared to fall. ”

“ terrified of my love for you? ”

“ we were both afraid, shut up. ”

“ it wasn’t anyone’s fault. not really. ”

“ life’s too short to care anymore. ”

“ i dreamt about you last night. ”

“ really? what did you dream about? ”

“ i dreamt you chose me instead. ”

“ how did you become like this? ”

“ this isn’t any of your business. ”

“ i’m losing my mind, losing control. ”

“ you weren’t there! i needed you! ”

“ please don’t start with me, okay? ”

“ why do you always leave me? ”

“ this is all we have left. ”

“ i turned around. you were gone. ”

“ all i can think about is you. ”

“ wow, you look like shit today. ”

“ i called and you didn’t answer. ”

“ i wanna be a child forever. ”

“ today, my love is in mourning. ” 

“ your words felt like sharp knives. ”

well, hello there. who are you?

you like a little attention.

that’s sad – people buying books because of what’s popular, not because they want to be moved or changed in some way.

at the end of the day, people really are disappointing, aren’t they?

are you not wearing a bra? and you want me to notice…

if this was a movie, i’d grab you and we’d go at it right in the stacks.

my parents were assholes with the whole naming thing.

i was in love once. s/he broke my heart. s/he really did a number on me.

you are burning through that book, aren’t you?

all for one and one for all.

love is tricky. a guy/girl needs to protect him/herself.

you want to be seen. heard. known. of course, i obliged.

candidly, it’s the least appealing thing about you.

your online life isn’t real. it’s a collage.

jesus, it’s like you’ve never seen a horror movie. or the news.

you want people to watch, don’t you?

why don’t we spend the day together tomorrow, just you and me?

can we get real for a second? you have questionable taste in friends.

he didn’t even get her something that nice, and she finally let him do anal.

open my gift next and tell me how much you hate me then.

you always do this. you make a big gesture that you can’t afford because – i’m sorry – you’re too nice.

why don’t you let me loan you some cash, okay?

you know i’d do anything for you. don’t forget that.

uh, who the fuck is this?!

that’s your apology? “i didn’t cum”?

she said she had good coke and i’ve been seriously stressed.

i don’t have time to keep hooking up or whatever it is you’re even capable of.

i don’t wanna be just some guy/girl that you sleep with.

not to sound judgy, but this guy/girl is everything wrong with america.

you fall for the wrong wo/men. you let them in. you let them hurt you.

if he came anywhere close to making you cum, you’d have made a broadway show out of it. but you didn’t. ‘cause he didn’t.

looks good on you, by the way. the extra weight.

vegan cheese tastes like asshole.

something’s in the air tonight, ‘cause everyone but me is getting action.

if the zombies come, this is where i’m hiding.

the most valuable things in life are usually the most helpless. so they need people like us to protect them.

this whole nice-guy act… this might work on other people, but i can see what you are.

so stay away from them, because if you don’t, i’m gonna grab a steak knife and i’m gonna cut those freak eyes out.

there are scary people in the world. that’s why it’s important to be safe.

i can still smell you on my fingers.

i’ve seen enough romantic comedies to know guys/girls like me are always getting in jams like this.

whatever it is, there’s nothing we can’t fix.

all my life lately has been about surviving.

some guys are assholes, and you just have to realise that.

you were the one who told me to keep reminding you s/he’s a bastard.

why are you so sad?

what if some sicko had followed you down here?

you’re too drunk to be alone.

i’m not always like this.

i don’t wanna sound like a stalker, but i think i know you.

i have a pretty bland face.

all books add up to one essential truth which is, if your IQ is above a certain number, life is pretty much unbearable. and the number is not even that high.

i do think i’d be happier if i was stupider.

thank you for sobering me up. and for saving my life.

i told you, people are basically good.

what you really need is someone to save you.

the first step to fixing something is to know that no matter how destroyed it seems, it can always be saved.

i’m not always right. i’m human. i make mistakes. you’ll see.

we all have baggage. but i feel like i’m dealing with it the right way.

i kind of thought i took care of that for you.

i just knew s/he was the worst kind of poison. the kind you know is bad but can’t stop taking.

i don’t know who you are, i don’t know why i’m here.

whoever you are, you’re not a killer.

sometimes you do things on instinct because you have to, and then you scramble. you know?

i totally didn’t google you, but if i did, i might discover you aren’t on social media.

i’m an old fashioned guy/girl. i like real life.

i know it’s not cool to say and it’s not big and flashy, but i love ___, and i want my life to be about what i actually love.

you somehow think this guy/girl is all you deserve.

s/he’s branded the living shit out of her/himself across the internet.

a lot of people find a direct wo/man irresistible.

don’t touch me. it’s not sexy, it’s repulsive.

something has to be done about someone like him/her.

i’m starting to think i’m some kind of magnet for, like, dudes/girls with serious issues.

hey, do you wanna come to a party with me tomorrow?

just take the cheque and stop stressing.

if you want to kill me, what the fuck are you waiting for?

why would i want to kill him? who wants to kill people?

you’ve probably read more of these books than i have.

i don’t think i have a lot in common with your other friends.

it just feels like i’m getting sucked in and i could just be me, yet that somehow never feels quite good enough.

sometimes, to survive you have to show some teeth.

grown-ups are assholes.

some people used to yell at me, too, you know. and i don’t want to be like them.

you are not responsible for my feelings, i am. but for the record, i feel like congealed, day-old egg rolls right about now.

you left me here to die!

it’s a whole 'call you daddy, spank me’ thing.

they were too scared to come forward, but we realised it’s harder to dismiss seven women with the same story.

blackmail is not something you live down.

should i have tried to kiss you sooner?

i’d go as far as to say you create the problem when you assume this stuff.

you’re worth waiting for.

how exactly does one get rid of a body? i can’t just google this kind of thing without creating a pretty damning evidence trail.

fun fact: spatchcocking a chicken and dismembering a human involve the same six essential steps.

these are officially the darkest days in the history of the world.

i wonder if s/he’s a virgin.

s/he sounds like a pretentious bitch if you ask me.

why do men think disembodied members equal foreplay? you know, they’re not aesthetically pleasing.

more power to them, but your friends kinda treat sex like it means nothing.

i hooked up with some guy last night.

if you wanna bone him/her out of your system, more power to you. i just wanna make sure you’re respecting yourself.

if i wanna win your heart, i’m gonna have to show you that i’m not a 'maybe’. i’m the one.

do you think i’m unremarkable?

unremarkable people don’t worry about being unremarkable.

you want down and dirty, you got it.

i’ll deal with it when i get back.

you thought that i wanted to get arrested while you’re going all bush diver on me in public?!

you don’t wanna be spanked. you wanna feel safe. loved.

i’m having a really bad flare-up.

i think i need you to take me to the emergency room.

there’s like a sort of putrid aroma that keeps wafting in the backseat.

i was hoping i could make the world a better place.

s/he’s a sicko. i feel it in my gut.

people believe whatever supports their world view.

you need someone to take care of you.

i don’t mean to be harsh, but you know you’re sending some mixed messages, right?

that’s one hell of a bonfire.

if that’s the case, i should warn you, i have this facial thing where i can’t hide what i’m thinking.

i don’t know who i am. how am i supposed to know what i want?

if i didn’t know better, i’d think you were hiding something.

i’ve never seen your place, and you never talk about any of your friends. i mean, who are you?

that’s it. i am officially out of the tinder business.

“Do you smell that?”

“Did you see it?”

“It is behind us.”

“My phone isn’t working.”

“Are you sure you’re alone?”

“Is anyone there?”

“Don’t let it get you!”

“Something is out there.”

“It’s going to find you.”

“Do you feel that?”

“I heard a voice.”

“There’s a thing out there, following us.”

“Don’t move.”

“It’s still out there.”

“I don’t think that was ____.”

“Don’t look in there.”

“I just saw someone!”

“Are you sure the only you is you?”

“Someone is in there.”

“Did you hear that?”

“There’s a body in there!”

“Who was just with you?”

“Don’t fall asleep.”

“You’re going to die out here.”

“I saw something in the woods behind us.”

“Who was that?”

“That’s not me.”

“Help me!”

“Don’t leave me here alone!”

“I can’t move.”

with  the  last   star  wars  :   the  rise  of  skywalker   having  come  out   ,   i  figured  i’d  make  a  meme  out  of  it.   i  can’t  promise  these  are  spoiler  free   ,   but  luckily   ,   it  won’t  spoil  that  much.   feel  free  to  change  pronouns  if  needed.