Hy My name is cookies

/ 1st - First scene in the shop (Lucy's spiraling) Here, Lucy is entirely focused on the detective exam. This is about the pressure she is feeling. Taking an exam is already stressful enough, but add the fact that one of the higher-ups is gunning for her, and her anxiety is understandable. I believe that up to this point, she has been trying not to let it get to her. We saw a bit of her distress when she found out about Primm potentially blocking her in 5.19, but that was it. Now that the date is approaching though, the cracks are starting to show. As someone else mentioned, she asked for TO/Sergeant Bradford to help her when really, she wanted (and needed) Boyfriend Tim. You can already see how she is second-guessing herself when she says she should have asked Nyla or Angela for help. And after that, well… She starts spiraling. Part of the reason why she cracks here is that she feels safe : she's in the shop, riding with Tim. This is an environment she is familiar with. So she starts unloading. Only, once she starts, she can't stop. She overthinks everything in a way we haven't seen her do before, not even when she was still a rookie. And Tim in that moment is completely caught off-guard, not knowing what to do. And to be frank, I don't think he realises how bad it is yet. Now, speaking from experience, I'm not entirely sure there was anything he could have said that would have made a difference. I've been on both sides of the equation and you usually feel powerless. What could have possibly helped was doing some breathing exercises with her, making her focus on the here and now, or simply taking a small walk… Like in that scene with Barnes and the ladybug in 3.11. Anything really to take her mind off that exam. But I'm afraid that would have only been helpful in the short term since the issue at heart goes far deeper than the exam.

/ 2nd - The fight in the shop (stake out) This is where the conversation starts to (slowly) shift away from the exam itself. At this point, Lucy is on a downward spiral and is second-guessing everything, including taking the exam. It's clear by the tears in her eyes that she is barely holding it together. Tim's immediate reaction is to protest and reassure her that she is ready. And when she argues that it would be better for her to wait, he tries to reassure her again that there's nothing wrong that. He even makes sure to emphasise that she can still do some undercover assignments while in patrol. Because he knows this is why she wants to become a detective. There is no malice in his words. He is genuinely trying to be supportive and help her deescalate. He trusts her to know what's best for her and if she says it is to wait, then he will support her. Just like he trusted her when she wanted to stay undercover after finding out Rosalind had escaped. Unfortunately, Lucy understands something entirely different. What she hears is that he doesn't believe she can pass the exam. Otherwise he would have insisted. And from there, she spirals even more. Her mind is projecting and creating a whole new scenario. Remember when I said she is second-guessing everything? Well, now it includes Tim. When you spiral, your mind tends to jump to the worst case-scenario. And before they can clarify this, the suspect shows up.

/ 3rd - The final scene And this is when it all comes crashing down. Tim is still trying to figure out what happened while Lucy's mind is already somewhere else. He's playing catch up here. When you think about it, it's not that different from the 'unless it is' scene : when they met outside the station back then, Tim was trying to understand why she didn't want to break up with Chris while Lucy was one step ahead of him and blurted her confession out. When they meet here in the parking garage (a few steps away from where they were in 5.08 by the way), she looks completely defeated. She solved the case but it doesn't feel like a victory. Now, her doubts go far beyond Primm and the exam. Doubts poison everything. And make you question everything. And in that moment, the thing she is questioning is why Tim doesn't believe she can pass the exam.

So why does she jump to Tim's trauma with Isabel? Because, in her mind, that's the reason why he is scared of her becoming a detective. If she passes the exam, she will be an undercover cop. Her words are : "Did you undermine me today because you're scared that I'm gonna make detective?". "Scared" being the operative word here. Like I said earlier, this is where I think the context helps. Ever since she told him about taking the detective exam in 5.19, she has tried on numerous occasion to broach the topic of undercover - to no avail. He has either deflected or walked away. Like in that couch scene at the end of 5.20 : "I'm worried that you won't [be able to handle me going deep undercover] - I'll be fine". Or that scene in the laundry room : "Look, it's not my first time - I know. It's probably what makes it worse - All right, now's not the time to talk about this". Before it finally blew over a little at the end : "If this is gonna work between us, I need to know that you can see the difference - Of course I can". And there's something to be said in the mirroring in the language here : "if this is gonna work between us" in 5.21 / "this isn't gonna work if you're gonna lie to me" in 6.01.

She knows about his trauma and like he said, he has acknowledged it with her since day one. But that was then. That was before they became a couple. Since their relationship changed, with the exception of that final scene in 5.21, he has yet to open up on how he truly feels about her doing undercover work. And because she knows him and his past, she can sense that he's hiding something. She can sense he is scared. He all but admitted it in 5.21 after all. But that conversation just scratched the surface.

The other reason she brings up his past and trauma is because the one time they did talk about this was when he jumped to the conclusion that she was hiding things while undercover, the way Isabel did. But they didn't go deeper, they were too raw back then. Still, this part of the conversation probably stuck with her. She has internalised everything for so long, has bottled up all those feelings, those things left unsaid until she couldn't contain them anymore. And she blurted everything out at the worst time. That's the issue when you don't talk about things : your intentions can get misconstrued. And watching your partner walk away from the difficult conversation, before you can actually talk things through, takes its toll on you. It creates a doubt. Now add all that spiraling, all that second-guessing she has done all day long and you got a recipe for disaster. She arrives at this crashing point where she second-guesses him. Because she is afraid too. She is afraid that the other shoe is about to drop.

Now from Tim's perspective, I believe he is sincere in his support. And I don't think that in this episode, his past even crossed his mind. He genuinely wants her to succeed, to have the career that she wants and deserves. When he says that she's different, that they're going to figure out, he means it. When he said they were worth the risk, he meant it. He already knew she was going to do undercover work. But he's also scared. The most obvious time was in 5.20 where they were sitting on the couch. The fear was written all over his face. That said, I get where he's coming from too : after his reaction in 3.06, I can understand why he is more guarded. That he doesn't want his fears to influence her in any way. "You don't let anyone ever tell you you can't do something. Not even me." I can imagine that he is afraid that should he be entirely honest, it would put Lucy in a situation where she feels that she has to choose between him and UC. And that's the last thing he wants. He doesn't want to be the one to hold her back in any form. Like he said in 5.02. He wants the best for her so he will be supportive, no matter what her decision is.

And here's the irony for you : he wants to be so supportive that he doesn't see that what she needs even more is honesty from him and that without that honesty, it is creating a doubt in her mind. It's a loop they are stuck in. At least, for now. All it takes to break that loop is to talk.

Tim: it’s ok, hope it’s not nothing too bad.

Lucy: she’ll survive, nothing a tub of ice cream can’t fix.

Tim: please tell me that’s not all you two are going to eat?!

Lucy: we would never do that…

Tim: hmmmm

30 minutes later.

Tim: open your door.

Lucy: huh?

Tim: go and open your front door.

Lucy: what have you done?

Tim: just do it, boot.

Lucy: watch it sgt.

Lucy: oh Babe that’s so kind, you didn’t have to do that. You should have knock and come in, that’s enough pizza for 3!

Tim: I didn’t want to interrupt your time with Tamara. I did want you both to eat something other than ice cream though.

Lucy: always look out for me.

Tim: obviously.

Two hours later.

Lucy: go and open your front door.

Tim: lucy it’s late you should be in bed

Lucy: Tim. Stop bossing me around and do as you’re told.

Tim: fine but if there’s an empty pizza box on my door step, I’m going to get you put on front desk duty tomorrow.

Lucy: scary!

The door to Tim’s house swung open, wide. On one side of the doorway stands a tall, semi clothed man, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn. Looking down at the ground expecting to see an empty pizza box, or some such item and instead coming face to face (or as close as they get with there height difference) to a young women, dressed in sweats with what at first glance appears to be one of his sweatshirts.

“Hi” she says simply

“Hi” he echoes, then “it’s late, you should be in bed”

“Well that’s an offer!” She grins widely and he splutters

“I wasn’t…” he chokes out

“I know” Lucy soothes between giggles “I came to say good night…” she takes a step forward, closing the gap between them. Reaching up on to her tip toes and place a hand on his bare chest for balance she kisses him softest on the lips “and… “ she says, breaking the kiss “thank you…” before reaching back up and kissing him again.

This time one hand winds around her waist and the other up into her hair. Keeping her firmly in place. For several moments they stay like that, on his door step, fortunate that the late hour spares them from an audience.

“Are you coming in?” His voice in deep and he stands back a little to welcome her into his house

“I’ve got to get back and get to bed”

“You could just have a drink before driving home” he encourages

“Tim” she looks up at him through her lashes “we both know nothing would get drunk and I would not be getting home and time soon”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” his eyes twinkle

“See you tomorrow” she says firmly

“Fine” he huffs slightly “ see you tomorrow”

And for the last time she reaches up and leaves a gentle peck on his lips.

She feels his eyes on her as she walks to the kerb and climbs into her car, she doesn’t look back. Her resolve can only hold for so long and the sight of him, shirtless in his doorway, wanting her, well… she’s not superhuman.

So she doesn’t look back.

Doesn’t see him swallow hard.

Doesn’t see him watch her car until she is well out of sight.

Doesn’t seem him place a gentle finger to his lips as he turns and finally shuts the door.

20 minutes later

Lucy: I like it a lot more when we do nothing, together.

Tim: I agree. I actually think I prefer doing most things together with you

Lucy: taxes?

Tim: Lucy

Lucy: getting your teeth cleaned?

Tim: you’re so annoying

Lucy: checking the battery on your smoke alarms

Tim: that’ll teach me for being nice!

Lucy: sorry! I’m sorry, I like being with you too.

Tim: good night Lucy

Lucy: good night tim

10 minutes later

Lucy: jury duty