You do it to your self

Imagine a bee rn in a hive muttering "the beekeeper is not real because he is not intervening or helping me at all with this disastrous relationship I have with another bee". now imagine that's you talking about the good lord. now imagine a dog with a propeller hat on

god harvests our misery like honey

the alternative girl with pathetic boyfriend thing has to end

Hi, I run a small Etsy business selling replica Scott Pilgrim cosplay items. You’re personally hurting my livelihood by saying this. Think about the effect your words have on others.

when george h.w. bush was naming george w. bush he was like you can have most of my name... but i'm keeping herbert. ok bro 😂😂

hmm... *gets in evil bed and holds my evil stuffed animal* evil night.. *turns off my fucked up evil lamp*

Acid Reflux is stupid because it's just a grab-bag of every symptom in existence that could scare the shit out of a hypochondriac

Luv 2 feel like I'm dying of problems disorder when I just ate the mayonnaise from Subway

kudos to whatever medical professional named it "toxic shock syndrome". Not once have I forgotten a tampon change and I fully attribute this to whoever gave tss that fucking terrifying name. No way in hell am I gonna find out what that shit is like

Thinking fondly about the entire genre of victorian hauntings that were "everybody who stayed in the house after dark saw weird shit going on for months until the entire structure suddenly combusted of its own ghostly accord" which abruptly ended as soon as we stopped lighting our homes with vast quantities of odorless gas

being in your 20s is just like thinking ''im 19'' and then realizing you are not actually 19 anymore...