p r i s t i n e

“It’s either talk about that, or think about my friend’s empty eyes as he tried to kill me with his bare hands.” The full-body shudder ran through him and he could feel saliva gathering in the back of his mouth. No, no. He didn’t have time to get sick. Plus it would stink up the car and no way was he leaving this tin can for the next few hours.

Patrick took several deep breaths, trying to find something– anything else to focus on. Just focus on Hilda. He loved her, she was right there, they were both safe. For the moment that mattered most.

“You saw someone you know, too?” He asked, name tripping over the word she’d almost said.

“I would prefer silence.”

        Hilda stubbornly jutted out her jaw, crossing her hands over her chest. What a ridiculous man she had fallen for. She could see all the little cracks more clearly now with their time apart.  She noticed his expression, trying to place the feeling he was portraying. It was interesting the sorts of reactions that he had to things. Although this one reminded her of when she woke up in the morning for the first few months of her pregnancy. 

        Her eyes narrowed, implicitly disliking the question. “You wouldn’t know them.” She responded. Which was true. It was mostly her fault that he didn’t know who she had seen. Hilda had never had the guts to tell him. The thought already plagued her mind enough that she wasn’t sure she could endure much more than that. Wasn’t sure she could let someone else live with the same fear.  

         “Who did you see?” She asked, finally looking over at him. Merlin knew how long they’d be in there. 

As soon as Hilda got herself into the car, Patrick scrambled in after her and slammed the door shut. After he locked the doors he pulled a face at Hilda to indicate the alarm made him want to smash a window, he pushed the driver’s seat back as far as it could go before getting to work on the wires beneath the wheel. It was harder to do with the fear pulsing through his veins but he could get it done. Sure it took longer than he’d like but soon enough the alarm stopped.

He took a shaking breath as he let his hands drop again. Now it was just silence, and Hilda, and car to drive as fast as he could. If they wanted to move he’d have to get back to the wires but he wanted this moment, he wanted the pair of them here. 

“This wasn’t how I imagined spending more time with you.” He admitted quietly. “Does it look like any of them are coming after us?”

Hilda could breathe again. 

        Without the pounding of her heart aligning with the alarm system, the world seemed to slow. She leaned back in the chair, a hand on her stomach. Hilda’s eyes were closed, but the memory of the unhuman body coming toward her couldn’t be erased. The body of a sister who had died on her watch. It was partially her fault, wasn’t it? She bit her lower lip, opening her eyes to the cruel world again. 

       Hilda scoffed. “That’s what you’re thinking about? That’s really what you’re thinking about right now? We just ran -- for our lives -- from those creatures and you want to talk about spending time together? When I just saw Sao - those things - and you - ugh.” She brought her hands to her temples, and frowned. Her gaze was trained on the window but her mind was reflecting on how wildly out of sync his priorities were. 

Zahi made a slight face at her comment, but he stayed.  If she was going to be sick, he was at least going to stay near, even though the idea filled him with a certain level of disgust. He really hoped she could hold in whatever the problem was. Thankfully she didn’t actually get sick. Zahi also relaxed when she was able to sit back and open her eyes.

He raised an eyebrow, confused at getting the question back. “Why do you ask?” Zahi knew he was being cagey, but he didn’t even know her. She had no reason to think that he wasn’t okay or that he would be willing to answer something so personal. Instead he stared at her for a moment as he tried to figure out what the issue was.

He wasn’t expecting her to use the silence to get out chocolate, nor for her to share it. Zahi hesitated, but he eventually accepted the chocolate frog. Zahi opened it and bit off one of the feet first. He flipped over the collectible card to look who it was. “Cyprian Youdle. You want him?” Zahi didn’t collect them. He didn’t see the point.”

“Not actually.”

       Hilda said, rolling her eyes. If she was actually going to vomit she would have done it already. Most people don’t declare that they feel sick and then do it. If anything it happened the other way around most of the time. Hilda took a deep breath, the waves of nausea beginning to subside. She felt partially bad that she had accosted the stranger, but not enough to force herself to leave before she was ready. 

        “Need something to divert attention from the nausea.” She quipped. Hilda did not expect that he would take well to her noticing the sadness on his features. It didn’t seem like he took well to anything to be fair. After a moment she continued. “And it looks like the frown on your expression might be permanent. I just know a few healers who might be able to help with that.” Hilda commented. She thought perhaps if it was a slight joke it might go over better with the audience she had. She looked over at him with a shrug. “You don’t have to answer.” Hilda said, although she felt like he already knew that. She hadn’t meant to pry. 

         Him taking the chocolate frog was a welcome surprise. Hilda took another bite of her own frog, looking at her own card. She looked over at his question. “I have no clue who that is, but sure. Don’t think I’ve seen them before.” Hilda wasn’t generally one to keep the cards, but thought perhaps it might be something she could keep up with the baby. 

Hilda was an oddity to Lucius in many ways. There was of course the scandal of her first marriage- to a mudblood, of all things!- although that had been rectified now, and if her family was willing to take her back then Lucius had no grounds not to follow their lead. After all, Hilda had come to her senses and even if she wasn’t married, she’d stuck to her own social class this time. There was also the fact of her profession- it wasn’t entirely forbidden, but it was unusual for a pureblood witch to maintain a career at all, especially a pregnant one. But Lucius delighted in the fact that Narcissa worked and loved her profession, so Hilda’s choice wasn’t a bother to him as it might have been a source of gossip to others. 

“Oh- how kind of you,” Lucius said, taking the offering curiously. Neither he or Narcissa ever even tried to cook, so this was a novelty. He led her father into the manor, into a sitting room with a warm fire already going and tea set out. Even with he and Narcissa’s influence, the gradual brightening of the manor was a slow process, but the heavy green curtains had been pulled back from the windows to reveal the sprawling garden grounds, and most of the heavier cursed antiques had been stowed in the attic, so it was almost cozy. 

“I apologize that Narcissa could not join us; she’s visiting her mother, but next time I’ll be sure she’s here. I will confess to an ulterior motive in inviting you; I’m afraid that Narcissa might not be entirely settled into a place here, and could use a- well, a warmer companion than I am,” he said, with a small, self-deprecating smile. 

Hilda followed Lucius into the home. 

         The pastries this time around went worse than they had with Aliya. It made sense that it might be received poorly by the Malfoys. In either case she marked it as a net neutral for their current interaction. Hilda took a deep breath, a hand protectively on her stomach. The Malfoy’s were an interesting pair. It made sense to unite two of the stronger pureblood families, and compared to most Narcisss and Lucius seemed to actually like one another. It was advantageous for Hilda to get into their good graces. It seemed to her that they came from the same background that she had grown up with. She could relate and thus blend in better. 

        “You have a lovely home.” Hilda complimented, as they entered the sitting room. It was truly astounding. She could not imagine living in such a big space now after years of smaller homes. Hilda watched as the window was uncovered from the heavy drapes. She looked around the room before settling herself into one of the chairs. There was an immediate relaxation as she sat, her back more comfortable without the weight of her stomach to hinder it. Hilda looked around the room, taking in the sights of it all. 

“You might regret that when I start taking advantage of your apartment-or is it flat, here? You’ll have to educate me in the right lingo around here.” Caleb peered through the window and knew that this apartment was by far better than his. Hilda’s parents had deep pockets and while Caleb could say the same for his own family, he had been spending his own money without the use of his family finances. With that, it wasn’t much that he could afford on rent and bought what he could which was a small square footage apartment that made it look smaller than it was. “It’s just a starting out point. Once I’m here longer I can think about upgrading to something more…roomy.” 

Through their exchanging of letters, Caleb knew what Hilda was doing in the war and what her contribution was. Caleb had been persuaded for more than a few reasons to join the death eaters, but she was the only one who knew about his allegiance and the real reason he wanted to benefit from the Dark Lord. “I’m here now. So no worries about exchanging letters. We can see each other and make more conversation than quill to parchment, right?” Caleb adjusted himself on the couch, knowing that tone and trying not to read her mind, something he promised her he wouldn’t do. “With reason…you can tell me anything. Secrets isn’t really a thing between us.”

“I doubt I would regret it.”

        “If anything it might be nice to have the company.” Hilda commented, glancing out the window. She really didn’t see what could be so intriguing about it. Although much of the same could be said about most of Caleb’s artistic ventures. “It’s flat by the way.” Hilda said with a small smile on her features. “That would be the proper lingo in this instance. Although most of the people you would meet come from old money with Manors and Estates.” Which is what she used to live in prior to the Patrick situation. Hilda nodded along to with his words. “If you end up needing help looking, let me know. There’s a few good ones in this area.” Hilda had picked this one because it had sort of an old charm to it. It made her feel like it was lived in, but not in a run down way. 

        Hilda nodded, turning toward him. “You are.” She remarked, shifting a bit where she was sitting. It was nice to have a familiar face around again. Especially one that knew her so well. Caleb was the only one who she had written to about her sister, or knew her family dynamic. Hilda had kept all of those secrets with him because she trusted him implicitly. He had done the same with her. She meet his gaze at the last comment, nodding. “Okay, it’s just a big ask.” Hilda began, taking a deep breath. She gave a light squeeze to Caleb’s hand, trying to find the right words. “Part of the reason I left my hus - Patrick. Part of the reason I left Patrick was because I didn’t want the world to know that my baby has a muggleborn as a Father. Especially with how the war has proceeded.” 

        Her rationale made sense to her, Hilda had lost enough in her life to know she couldn’t lose this. “It would be useful, to avoid suspicion, if I was able to allow people to think his parentage is elsewhere.” Hilda paused for a moment, searching his face. “Perhaps in a well standing pureblood, who I dated before.”

“Can’t impose if I’ve offered, dear,” Vanja reminded her, giving a friendly shrug before insisting with a motion for the bag. It wasn’t like he was going to run off with it. For starters, he hadn’t the slightest clue what was in it, and therefore had no inclination of whether or not it would be worth running off with. Second, that wasn’t the type of person that Vanja was. Besides, pregnant women weren’t supposed to be carrying heavy things, he knew that much, and it looked rather heavy for someone of her size. 

When Hilda confessed to not remembering his name, Vanja only laughed. To be completely honest, he wasn’t surprised, nor offended. It wasn’t as if they were best friends or anything in school, and in her defense, there had been a large population there. Plus, they weren’t in the same year. She was older, more mature. “Well in that case, perhaps I should keep it a secret,” Vanja teased. “I like driving people a bit mad.” 

That was fair. 

         However, it did not stop the twinge of guilt she felt when she handed over the bag. Hilda liked to think that sometimes being pregnant didn’t change anything. It did though. Physically it took a lot of energy to deal with, as well as mentally. She was aware of who she was putting those responsibilities onto. Perhaps it was because she had willingly left the other half of the partnership that might help her. In any case she felt the weight leave her shoulders as she handed over the back. Suddenly, she felt so much lighter than she had previously. “Thank you, I appreciate it.” She said. 

“Once or twice, but it was awhile ago now.” Jasper said, easily waving the concern off. The staff at Mungo’s was rather substantial and he could hardly expect her to remember his face when he didn’t often leave the sixth floor. There wasn’t much to blame. 

He laughed companionably, a smile still on his face. “It can get depressing at times, especially when you have to watch a patient deteriorate and you can’t do much to help them. But it is rather fun to get to see the same faces every day, build a relationship if you can. It may be pregnancy-related, the memory thing? But I’m not an OBG-YN.”

He was kinder than he should be. 

        “Sorry to have forgotten that.” Hilda said, trying to recall where they might have crossed paths. Hilda was terrible with names, but she was also generally unwilling to talk to her co-workers. She had compartmentalized her spaces. There were social spaces, where she tried to woo figures like the Shafiqs and Malfoys. Then there was work, where she tried to get through the day with minimal incident. Hilda put all of her energy into her patients, leaving little to be spread elsewhere. She gestured with her hand, beginning to lead the way out of the hospital and to the sandwich shop. 

        “I primarily due with emergency intake. If I see someone more than once and make a relationship it’s often due to a series of poor decisions.” Hilda gave a smile toward him. “It’s nice to know that they have such thoughtful staff on their floor.” She said, shifting her bag on her shoulder. Hilda nodded, sighing. “Believe me, I love him already but he does take an awful lot of brain power. Like what is he doing down there that requires me to forget why I have walked into a room. Or if I’ve met someone before.”

send me unpopular opinions and i can only reply with “agree” or “disagree”

The familiar weight of Hilda’s hand in his centered him. Patrick’s jittering pulse slowed to the beat of her heart and he didn’t bother pretending like it wasn’t the only normal thing he could cling to right now. She’d been home for years and he didn’t mind leaning on her now if she’d let him.

“Borrowing without permission, then.” He said, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. Habit had him using his free hand to pat his jacket for the thieves kit that wasn’t there any more. Right. Ex-thief. Magic it was, then. He didn’t know if Alohamora would touch the car alarm but he could deal with that once they got it open. He’d been re-wiring those since he was sixteen. By now he could do it in his sleep.

“Tossed the tools back when we agreed.” Pat said, readying his wand. “The alarm’ll go off but just get in I can deal with it once we’re both inside okay?”

Ugh he hated car alarms, but here went nothing. A swift twist of his wand and the door clicked unlocked. The minute he pulled it open the alarm went off and he winced, gesturing Hilda inside.

She didn’t want to think about his hand. 

        Such a tiny measure brought herself a sense of serenity. The weight of it felt so natural like perhaps it had been there all along. They could get through it. She gave his hand a light squeeze, it was nice to be grounded. They did that with most things. Until this last year or so that is. Hilda didn’t dwell on those notions, too preoccupied with breaking into the car. Turns out with this pair that old habits truly did die hard. Hilda nodded at the phrasing, satisfied that it was just borrowing. “Thank you.” She said softly. 

        Hilda felt her heartbeat sped up of its own accord, as he continued to speak. The invasive thought of how endearing it had been to see that change. She blinked hard, pushing that as far away as she could. “I’ll get in. I swear.” Hilda said, readying herself. She slipped a piece of hair behind her ear, looking over her shoulder at the creatures walking toward them. What an unideal situation. 

       She watched him unlock the car and went for the door as soon as it had opened. Hilda released her grip on his hand and tucked herself into the car. She took a deep breath, the car alarm aligning with the pounding in her chest. It was be all right. It had to be. 

“If that’s an invitation then I gladly accept.” Caleb stepped towards the window, peeking out of it and giving a satisfied nod. “Much better than my view. Only got it a couple of months ago and the rent was reduced because of the undesirable view. “The way it rains, it makes it hard to do anything. Including being inspired.” At least Caleb had not tried to paint outside, where his watercolor paintings would be more water than color. It had been years since Caleb had seen Hilda last, but their letters kept them close enough that he didn’t feel distanced from her. He had heard of course of what happened between her and Patrick, enough so that he sent his condolences. 

“He doesn’t need to know,” Caleb said softly with a short smile. He had joined the death eaters with Hilda, not sensing it was a strong alliance but one that he thought would aid him more than being with the Order as his father advised. Caleb took a seat on the couch beside Hilda, taking her hand in his. “You have nothing to apologize to me for I won’t allow it…if there is anything I can do to help just say the word. I am here to help.”

“Course it’s an invitation.”

         Hilda insisted upon that, it was the least she could offer up. “Someone ought to get some joy from it.” She watched him look at the window, the way he was truly inspecting the view. “Reduced rent is always nice.” She commented, which prior to the last several years she might have had a different stance on the matter. Then again it was easy to dismiss monetary issues when her parents had deep pockets and loose purse strings. Hilda in her youth had taken full advantage of their well being, and sometimes missed the direct access to it. Not that she was destitute. Compared to most she was still well off, just not Manor well off. 

        A grin flashed onto her features at his comment. So he wasn’t following good ole dad’s directive. Interesting. Hilda knew that he was on her side, but she didn’t know how that had played into him moving here. She was thinking about his statement, letting him hold her hand. “You’re too kind.” That was the first thing that sprung from her lips. It was true. He was one of the only long term friends she had kept, through thick and thin. “I do feel back about the slow responses,” Hilda said lightly, not venturing to apologize again. She looked over to him.  “Anything? ”

When she heard the voice behind her she jumped a bit, turning with wide eyes.  This woman looked perfectly normal, but whatever it was that was in front of them… 

“I think we should run,” she admitted.  “Hi, I’m Valerija.  I have no idea what –” she cut herself off, stumbling backwards as it lurched forward and she caught a glimpse of its pale, decomposing face in the moonlight.  “Is that an – is that an inferius?”  She whispered, trying to put it together.  “Yes.  Yes, we should definitely run.”

She turned and grabbed the other girl’s hand and pulled.  “You’re a witch, right?  If you’re a Muggle I’m going to have to erase your memory and I really don’t want to do that, it feels wrong.  But I’m going to send a blasting curse in that thing’s direction and I don’t need you having heart failure.”  She paused before running into the trees.  “Reducto!”

Run. 

        Exactly the thing a five-month pregnant woman wanted to do. “Nice to meet you Valerija,” Hilda said, before noticing how shaken the woman was. Slowly she pulled her wand out from her coat, hand wrapped around the cold wood. As the creature lurched toward the forward Hilda noticed the way the light hit their face. She frowned, nodded with the woman. Valerija had grabbed her hand before she was able to say another word. 

       She was focused on trying to keep up the pace, looking behind them every so often to see the progress. “Yes, I’m a witch! ” Hilda said with some offense in her voice. Although that was partially lost as she returned her focus to moving as fast as possible. There were so many words that could be fit into such a small space, it was a wonder that she had time for them all. Hilda ducked out of the way at just the right moment. 

       “Did you get them?”

“Bland British food, bland hospital food… good for babies and the sick, I suppose, but I also started expanding my cooking skills after I’ve moved here, so now I have this thing where I end up thinking I could do better and figuring out how I’d improve it.” Not that Zephyr always did that, he was perfectly capable of eating things like lo mein without thinking about what could have been done differently, but he was certain that was only because he didn’t actually know how to make lo mein. Maybe he should get lo mein for dinner, that might be nice.

Bouncing Katie on his hip, Zephyr smiled as she tugged at the neckline of his sweater, trying to find ways of entertaining herself. “She turned one back in July,” He commented as Katie babbled, as if aware they were talking about her. “I usually give her fruit as a snack, one of the parenting books said something about encouraging healthy eating habits young.” He may or may not have read that while alternating bites of banana baby food with Katie, but that wasn’t a necessary detail. “Personal experience or is that your first?” Nodding his head towards her stomach, Zephyr wondered idly if she’d ever worked with Emm or with Jasper, or maybe Andromeda. He didn’t think he knew everyone that worked in St. Mungo’s, but he was a little surprised by the number of people he was familiar with there.

Bland British food. 

       That sentence held more truth than Hilda was willing to give it credit for. During her upbringing, there must have been a hoarde of talented house elves because she certainly experienced the blandness less than most. Hilda understood the hesitation to pursue the hospital’s food. As he described the process of wanting to improve a dish and learn how to cook it himself. The thought had never passed through Hilda’s mind. Out of necessity, and time spent away from her family, she had picked up the basics. Despite that though, she had never considered picking it up as a legitimate hobby. “I’m sure that has served you well,” Hilda commented, being at a knowledge loss to say anything more. 

       Hilda’s eyes were still drawn to the child. Primarily out of curiosity. “One,” She repeated. The child looked so big to be one, Hilda thought she was closer to two or so. At that moment she realized just how little of a grasp she had on children and how they aged. “Healthy habits are necessary in maintaining health. That and ensuring that the child is active.” Though for most children that wasn’t a problem. They were like an endless supply of energy. Willing to run around without abandon. 

       Hilda rested a hand on her stomach,“This is my first. What about you? Is she your first?” She paused a moment, considering the jello once more. “Although I haven’t met a child here who jello hasn’t worked for, even without the personal experience.” She said. Hilda scrunched up her nose when she thought of giving it to her own child, a realization spreading across her features. “It is sort of messy though, and fun to smash. Maybe that’s why they like it.” She mused. 

“Honestly I wish there was some way to ban them from the premises. I think i’m at my wits end with them too to be honest. It’s busy enough around here. well, you know that.” she let out a light chuckle. 

“You’re new around here right? I haven’t seen you around much, but that could also be because i’m usually on the fourth floor now.”

“It’s a lovely thought.”