Gavin's so called mom

Gavin smiled in satisfaction, with such pride with his own self when he just got out from the bakery with a box filled with warm cookies in his hand. He took out his phone, scrolling until he found a name he was so familiar with. Gavin’s smiled got even wider when he imagined the one who would receive the cookies, smiled receiving the the little present from him.

You always liked cookies anyway.

For a certain bakery.

That always sold before noon.

Gavin felt the struggle he had to sacrifice for him to came really early in the morning to get the cookies would be worth it. Fortunately the bakery’s close enough to your shooting location so he walked to you. Gavin already memorized your schedule for that day. The officer would come when he had time to visit you. It was like a routine for him.

(I was walking down the street

When I saw your man

Yeah I saw him

I saw that my hunch was right

I told you he took off the ring you gave him

And linked his arm around someone

I’ll just leave it at that

I don’t wanna hurt you)

Gavin stopped when he passed with a couple beside him. He whipped around in an instant. Knowing the familiar man he just passed by. The girl link her arm to his, like a normal couple. But the thing was, Gavin knew too well that the man’s girlfriend wasn’t the girl who was walking with him right now. Even just for a split second, Gavin saw the man’s finger. The ring wasn’t there.

The ring that was supposed to be in his finger, the couple ring Gavin knew well.

Why?

Because Gavin accompanied you when you bought the ring. 

That man--Chandler, was your boyfriend. And the girl who was walking with him was not you. And Gavin knew too well the direction of that man and girl walked into.

Love hotel? Really? Gavin gulped down his own hatred.

Gavin’s mood turned sour and he hurriedly walk from the street to meet you as soon as possible, gritting his teeth and held the paper bag in his hand tightly.  How many times has it been actually? When you dating Chandler? Was it 2 years? 

(But you actually get mad at me

Why?

Saying that there’s no chance of that happening, sure you’re right

I became aware of you being upset

And I said I must have seen wrong

That’s right, I’ll lie for you

I’m sorry)

“You what?” you asked Gavin as you took the paper bag from him.

“I saw Chandler on the street, on my way here.” Gavin paused. “With a girl.” the older man said bitterly.

You crunched your nose as you bit the cookies. You shook your head. “No, that’s not true. You must see it wrong.” you took out your phone, showing Gavin the chat you had with the bastard--Chandler. “He’s out of town for a work and he just sent me a pict of him with his colleagues, preparing themselves for a meeting.”

Gavin’s eyebrow knitted in disbelief, staring at the lovey dovey conversation made him sick to his gut. That bastard, how many photos he had in stock to fool you?

“You must see wrong person.” you said again. 

But i haven’t told you that he took off your ring and walking to a love hotel at that.

“I’ll call him.” you said, dialing Chandler, putting it on speaker.

“Hey honey.” you smiled. Making Gavin’s heart boiled in jealousy inside the stoic face he had on his face. “Where are you right now?” you asked.

“I’m still at the meeting babe, i’ll call you asap okay?” Chandler’s voice sounded rough and whispery. “Love you.” 

The call ended.

“See? There’s no way Chandler would cheat on me, Gavin. How dare you accused him like that!” you folded your hand and glared at Gavin. You were upset, and Gavin felt bad about it.

“...You’re right. Maybe i saw the wrong person. I’m sorry.” Gavin surrendered.

Just this once, this once i’ll lie to you. Gavin exhaled. 

(You look happy when you talk about him

At least when you’re smiling like this,

You look good, i’m happy

You say that you really love him

That it’s going to last forever

You believing this

I don’t know what to say no more)

“And then we went to the aquarium. He was such a gentleman--”

Gavin took you out for lunch nearby your office since Gavin dropped by for one of your show and he was your guest. Along the way you talked about the date you had with Chandler. You were happy, ecstatic even, when you told Gavin about Chandler. The officer could see the spark in your eyes, the love you had for the man Gavin began to despise.

“It’s good to see you’re smiling like this.” Gavin said out loud, but he couldn’t take it back. You paused to stare at Gavin and the officer just cover his face because he knew that his face went red. 

“It’s because i love him, Gavin.” you said. “I really hope that we would go even further, you know? Like introducing him to my relatives. This way you don’t have to pretend to be my boyfriend anymore.” you added, smiling.

Gavin felt like his heart paused for a second.

“I always feel bad for dragging you like that. You must be uncomfortable when you had to meet my aunt and uncle.” you said, looking at Gavin with sympathy.

Gavin felt like there was a big lump in his throat that he couldn’t swallow. He never mind to pretend to be your boyfriend. He even enjoyed the company of your uncle and aunt. He always like it when they pat his back and asked him to come to their home at least once a year on lunar new year.

“I believe my big family will accept Chandler like they accepted you too. Who knows, maybe they even grant us their blessing and we’ll get married?”

Gavin’s heart sank. 

“I don’t know what to say.” Gavin’s tone turned sad. And you tilted your head, didn’t understand why.

(All of your friends know him well

Yup they know

Why are you the only one who can’t see what everyone else sees?

It’s you

They say love is blind oh baby you so blind

I beg you, please break up with him)

That one night, Gavin went to a bar with Minor after work. Gavin didn’t refuse as he needed a booze to clear his mind. Earlier that day he saw Chandler again. With another girl in his arms. They were lovey dovey and even kissed each other’s cheek on the street like it was nothing. The officer couldn’t even stop to catch the bastard since he was on his shift and he had to meet his superior in the police department. Gavin was still deep in thought until Minor dragged him to sit beside a group of girls.

“What should we do to make her realize?” Willow sighed as she drank her champagne.

“You can’t, Willow. Our boss is too blinded by love that he just dismissed all of our warnings as something offensive.” Anna waved her hand.

Gavin stared at Willow and Anna in disbelief. Minor sat beside those two and he nodded furiously, agreeing to what they just said. “Right?! You guys saw that bastard too walking with a girl on the street, right?!” Minor pitched in, clearly annoyed with their boss.

“Don’t you think so, Gavin? I know that you’ve been trying to warn her over and over.” Anna looked sympathetically at Gavin.

“What? Seriously? Even she wouldn’t hear to Gavin?” Willow said in disbelief.

Gavin finally responded, by a small shook on his head. “No, she was even angry to me when i tried to tell her last time.” Gavin said.

“This is ridiculous. And what’s more? She wants to bring that bastard to her relative’s house next week, to introduce him!” Minor added. All heads whipped to Minor, including Gavin, stared at his friend with almost his jaw dropped.

“What? How come you didn’t tell me?” Gavin asked.

“That’s why i drag you here with me, Gav! To tell you and the others about this!” Minor clenched his fist, followed by Anna’s and Willow’s sigh.

“I knew that guy was up to no good when i saw him walking with another woman. I even took photo of him but you know what? She dismissed it! Saying that girl was his cousin! I mean, what kind of cousin who would walk hand in hand like that?” Willow showed the photo on her cellphone for the group to see.

“She’s too blinded by love.” Anna sighed.

Gavin stared at the photo with his heart boiled inside his head. Like he wanted to explode, wanted to scream at you that Chandler wasn’t a good man. That Chandler was just toying with you. Gavin couldn’t even keep his feelings buried deep any longer. 

That night, Gavin closed his eyes, hoping that you would break up with him.

And that officer would do anything to make it happen.

(Oh I hate you for not knowing me

I hate this waiting

Please let go of his hand now

When you’re sad,

I only feel like dying, baby

What can that bastard do that I can’t?

Exactly why can’t you have me?

That bastard doesn’t love you

Until when are you only going to cry like a fool?)

Smack!

A slap landed on Gavin’s cheek. The officer stared at you in disbelief, he held his stung left cheek, hurt by your slap, hurt because you wouldn’t believe him.

Gavin was coming to your apartment. His sole main reason was when he was worried that you were sad these days. You told Gavin that you couldn’t reach Chandler these days, right before the day both you and him would meet your relatives. You also told Gavin that Chandler was being cold and distant. That you were crying because he could leave you hanging for days, which he never did before. So Gavin took the opportunity to tell you, again. 

That Chandler was not a good man.

That Chandler was never loyal to you like you do to him.

That guy had been hanging around with several different girls. One of those photo showed him kissing another girl at a bar.

Gavin asked Minor’s help to snap some pictures and here he was. Instead of finally listen to what he had to say, you slapped him. Even before Gavin could show you the photos he printed out for you to see. 

“You’re lying! There’s no way Chandler would do that!” you screamed at Gavin.

Gavin was silent, only staring at you as his surprised face calmed down. Almost at the point Gavin was angry, he was so fed up with you being like this. If he got a slap for telling you the truth, he’s rather have it. As long as you got the truth.

“I thought we were friends, Gavin! How would you badmouth my boyfriend? Why would everyone badmouth him!” you spat.

(Yeah

Expensive cars, pretty clothes

Classy restaurants

They suit you well

But that ‘x’ next to you really isn’t it

He does not suit you at all

In front of you, he fake smiles

He touches your cheeks and hair

But inside, he is definitely

Thinking of some other girl

How could he do that?

It’s like a sin)

“Because he is. He is bad.” Gavin replied, almost immediately.

You were taken aback by Gavin’s reply. “No! He wouldn’t do things to hurt me!” you said, in brink of tears as your eyes glistened.

Gavin took your hand, handing you the photos he kept in his backpack. “Until when? Until when you’re going to deny the truth? The proof’s right here. Everyone’s been telling you, warned you.” Gavin said, almost too calmly.

You threw the photos away and it fell to the grey carpet of your living room. You saw the photos scattered, showing that Chandler was walking with another girl, being intimate with another girl. You finally broke into sobs as you kneeled to the carpet. Gavin kneeled in front of you, slowly placed his hand on your shoulder. Seeing you cry always hurt him, but Gavin couldn’t take any more waiting.

“You deserve everything. You deserve happiness. Not this kind of betrayal. He faked everything and i’m sure...you got the hint of it  by how cold he is right now to you.” Gavin said.

“Please just leave, Gavin.” you said between your sobs.

Gavin frowned. Not this again. Not this ‘shutting him out’ attitude again. 

“Please.” your beg has finality in its own and Gavin couldn’t help but obey.

“If anything happen, you know you can always call me.” Gavin said as he patted your head and walked outside your apartment, felt heavy and so wrong for leaving you crying alone.

But

Please let go of his hand. The evidences are enough.

(As much as the tears you’ve shed,

I’ll treat you better baby

The pain you handle by yourself,

Will you share some with me baby?

Just look at me,

Why don’t you know that your love is me?

Why are you the only one who doesn’t know?)

“Hey, what’s up?” Gavin asked as he answered a call from you.

Silence.

“Hello?” Gavin could only hear rain sounds pouring heavily.

“Gavin…” your weak voiced made Gavin’s heart clenched. But the second he heard you crying, Gavin suddenly stood up. Eli, who was in Gavin’s house, looked at him confused as he browsed through the reports both of them had to deal with.

“Where are you right now? I’ll pick you up.” Gavin asked as he reached his coat rack and put on his hoodie.

“....i’m sorry, Gavin.” you said between your sobs. “I really am sorry.” your crying didn’t make anything better.

“Ssshhh. It’s okay, it’s okay. Now tell me, where are you?” Gavin asked as he reached his shoes cabinet.

“At the bus stop near your apartment. It-it’s okay, you don’t need to pick me up. I’ll be there in a minute.” you said weakly, which of course, Gavin didn’t buy it.

“No, it’s a storm outside, you’ll catch a cold.” Gavin said firmly as he caught umbrella and another coat thrown by Eli.

“Then...then i’ll wait here.” you said. “Okay, i’ll be there in a minute. Wait for me.” Gavin said as he hung up the call.

“I’ll take my leave as well then.” Eli said as he put on his shoes beside Gavin. “Don’t worry about the report, i’ll send you the rest when i’m done with my part.” Eli added.

“Thanks, Eli. I owe you one.” Gavin nodded.

“Treat me lunch tomorrow then.” Eli grinned. “Oh and, don’t take advantage of a broken heart maiden. I know you’re dying to see her after a week of her ignoring your chat and calls.”

Gavin muttered annoyed noise as Eli laughed, teleporting himself from Gavin’s apartment.

Gavin ran outside his apartment with umbrella in his hand, trying to searched for you. But his step stopped when he found you, sitting in the corner of the street while hugging your knees as tears poured down to your head. Your whole body was drenched by rain and Gavin could clearly see your shoulder shook as you sobbed silently. Like a cat abandoned by its owner.

Just like that, Gavin brought you back to his apartment. Gavin told you to use his shower so you wouldn’t get cold and gave you his clothes, which of course, too big for you to the point you could wear Gavin's shirt and boxer and it looked decent and cover your body just enough while you wait for the dryer to dry your soaked clothes. You were snuggling in his blanket like a burito, sipping the tea Gavin made for you to warm up your body.

Gavin watched you with a swell in his heart as he stared at you. Your puffy red eyes, disheveled hair from shower that you didn’t bother to dry properly. You looked thinner and hollow. Gavin’s mind screamed to him that he wanted to treat you better, to make you feel better, better than Chandler, better than any man that had been in relationship with you.

“I...i really am sorry, Gavin.” you said as you placed the mug in your palm, staring at the tea, didn’t dare to look at Gavin who was sitting beside you. “For slapping you, calling you a liar.” 

Gavin shook his head. “I understand that it was a lot for you to take in, after all you believed in him. But...i had to do it.” Gavin said.

“I’m sorry.” you apologized, again, as you hung your head low.

“Hey, it’s okay--”

“I broke up with Chandler.” You cut Gavin off. “I came to Chandler’s house to talk about our relationship, turned out he was making out with a girl when i walked in. So--”

Gavin was dumbfounded. Part of him was happy, glad that you finally let go of that bastard. Another part of him was hurt, to see the state you were in. How sad it must be for you. How hurt it must be. Without Gavin even realized he took away the mug from your hand and pulled you into hug.

“Gavin?” you called. “Gavin...i--”

Gavin was about to pulled away but when he felt that your whole body shook and a sob escaped from your lips, Gavin held you closer to him, hugging you. He patted your head as he let you cry. Your cry began to sound louder, clung to Gavin’s shirt’s sleeve tightly.

“Please, share me some of your pain. It’s okay to cry.” Gavin said.

You nodded, snaking your hand to hug Gavin back. “It...it hurts.” you said.

“I believed in him.” 

“I trusted him.” 

“Why? I tried so hard...to make our relationship work.”

“I..even dismissed my coworkers. I even said harsh things to them..to you.”

“I even slapped you, Gavin.”

“I’m sorry, Gavin.”

I promise, i will treat you better than any man.

No one is allowed to hurt you like this.

“It’s okay to let it out. It’s okay.” Gavin said as you turned to saying apologize to him over and over. 

“But..Gavin, I--”

“Take your time to heal. You’re not alone. You have me, you have your coworkers too.

Gavin inhaled his own shampoo on your hair as you sobbed uncontrollably in his hug. Gavin didn’t say anything, he let you cry, let you say anything you wanted to say. His hand only pulled you closer while he buried his face to your hair, without you realizing, kissing the side of your head, muttering something.

When you’re healed, please look at me.

I love you.

(Baby, you and I are best friends

So I gotta keep a distance

'Cause I don't want to risk the thing that we have, no)

Your meeting with Gavin was part of Gavin’s plan. It was arranged. But it would be a lie if Gavin said that he didn’t feel excited meeting you again. You both went from awkward to each other to feeling content to each other. You, who were afraid of Gavin, now would go around, proudly saying that Gavin’s your friend, best friend even. 

You would never know how the term of ‘friend’ made Gavin’s heart flutter, even if he yearned for something else, something more. But Gavin would never do that. Being your friend, being able to protect you from far, not being awkward to each other and have fun with each otehr company was all Gavin could ask for.

It would be lying if Gavin said that his crush towards you had died. Nope.

All the years you were apart and Gavin still had the feelings towards you, even if he dated someone else, it didn’t never last longer than a month because Gavin was never emotionally present for his exes. 

(And my tongue I gotta bite it

But it's oh, so hard to fight it

'Cause I don't wanna mess up all that we share)

“So, what’s your relationship with officer Gavin?” Anna asked one day, when Gavin took you to the shooting location with his bike. You turned to see Gavin, smiling. While Gavin maintained his stoic face, his heart was beating fast.

“He was my senior.” you told Anna. “He was scary back at school, but now i can say that he’s my friend.”

Gavin bit the inside of his cheek.

Friends, huh? That works too. Gavin rather be your friend and keep all of his feelings inside rather than risking it by confessing it and losing it all, losing you. After all these years Gavin tried to find you again, after the attempts to tried to be close, Gavin wouldn’t wanna mess up.

Friends it is.

(You're the needle in the haystack

That I found but need to put back

'Cause I don't wanna you to be that one thing I've lost, no

So the truth remains a secret

And forever I'ma keep it

'Cause I fell there is a line that we shouldn't cross)

“So, what do you like about the target?” Eli asked when both he and Gavin went out for a drink. Gavin glared at Eli and the latter coughed clearing his throat, rephrased what he just said. “I mean, that junior of yours.”

“She’s...the one who saved me.” Gavin hold the glass of cocktail in his hand, playing with the ice cubes by shaking the glass. “My evol was awaken by her.” Gavin closed his eyes, remembering the time when he was free falling from the rooftop and felt something awoken deep inside him when he heard the piano playing and your voice.

Eli hummed. “No, i don’t think that’s all.” Eli smirked. “There’s gotta be more to her, Gavin. If it’s just being grateful to her for saving you, you wouldn’t hung up on several girls you dated in the past like that. It was almost like you couldn’t move on from that highschool crush of yours, for years.” 

Gavin gave Eli an annoyed look that Eli knew that he was right. Gavin sighed.

“True, i did like her even before then. She was an honor student, she had many friends, her journalist talent already exist since she was in journalist club.” Gavin sipped the cocktail. “She was scared of me, back then. But she never ran away from me, unlike some girls, even my classmates. She even gave me a bandaid when she saw a cut on my face.” Gavin chuckled to himself. 

Eli was listening to Gavin rambling stuffs he likes from you, probably because he was under alcohol influence that Gavin bared his other side to Eli. Eli found Gavin amusing, like he was talking with a highschool kid who was in love. The older commander remembered the day Gavin walked in to the commander and literally begged for Leto to give Gavin the mission to keep an eye on you, even it was Eli who was originally supposed to do that.

“Then, since you’re close to her now, why don’t you confess to her?” Eli asked.

Gavin fell silent. For a split second, Eli swore he could see Gavin’s sad smile flashed acrossed his face. 

“There’s a line that i should not cross, Eli.”

Eli wasn’t sure if he felt pity towards Gavin, or wanted to slap some sense to the fellow captain of his for being a coward,

(Oh, baby

Situation's crazy

How you make me love you, love you like that

Love you, love you like that

Don't wanna

Be caught up in some drama

And jeopardize the friendship that we have)

“Gavin, you’re back!” you exclaimed happily when you saw Gavin flew just right outside of your apartment’s balcony. 

Gavin’s eyes lit up seeing you. He did flew back from his missions straight to your home when you send a chat to him, asking if he was okay since you couldn’t contact him for 2 weeks straight. Gavin landed on your balcony, taking off his shoes and walked inside your apartment. Soft pastel colors wasn’t really his fave, but seeing your apartment interior, Gavin just began to like it since it suits you.

“Oh no, you’re hurt!” you said as you saw Gavin’s bruises on his hands. Gavin was about to tell you that it was fine but you were forced to sit on the couch while you walked to your bathroom, getting first aid kit.

Gavin watched you closely as you pat his scarred hand with a disinfectant. You frowned, asking him “Does it hurt?” you asked. Gavin shook his head. He was so used with bruises and scars on his body. Part of the mission.

Watching you tend to his wounds patiently made Gavin’s heart flutter. You checked his other hand, find some cuts on his fingers and you also tend to those wounds too. You frowned, complaining that Gavin should take care more of himself, which Gavin smiled to and nodded as you kept on going on your rambles.

Gavin’s heart would even burst when you prepared food for him later that day. Telling that Gavin always eat takeaways and instant noodle so you opted to cook something for him. You weren’t really a chef like Victor but you thought your cooked meal was pretty decent.

“It’s so unfair, making me love you like that.” Gavin murmured as he watched your back, preparing the food for him.

“Hm? What did you just say?” you asked.

Gavin exhaled. “Nothing.” 

(Being with you is impossible

I can never be too close to you

Baby, I don't wanna lose you no

I ain't gonna be delusional (oh oh)

Emotions start to soar

I lock'em in a drawer

Forever gonna keep it just the way that it is)

“Bro, what’re you waiting for? You should’ve totally ask boss out!” Minor exclaimed as he shoved down his hotdog.

“No.” Gavin deadpanned. 

“But Gav! She’s going to the blind date her aunt set up for her, standing you up! How can you just pass the opportunity! Come on, i’ll help you!” Minor clenched his fist to the air.

“No.” Gavin shook his head. “It’s alright Minor. It’s alright already. I’m fine. Besides, there’s no chance that she would go out with that Chandler guy.” 

Gavin heard from Minor that you went out for a blind date your aunt set up for you. You even told Gavin about it on chat. Gavin could feel that he was being anxious but there was nothing he could do but offering his help, like, he would definitely stand by nearby the restaurant you and this Chandler met and would definitely stormed in if things went south and you needed his help. 

But what Gavin didn’t expect when he entered the restaurant and sat a little bit far from you was, you seemed to enjoy Chandler’s company. You even smiled, laughed. And even…...blushed? Gavin bit the inside of his cheek.

Gavin didn’t even know if having Minor with him right now was a help or a torture to him.

“Gavin, you’re impossible! What if she really go out with that guy?! Seriously i’d rather having my boss dating you! You’ve loved her since high school.” Minor kept on persuade Gavin to came and snatched you away from the Chandler guy.

Believe me, Minor. I’d love to. But--

“One more word, i’ll shut you up myself.” Gavin’s replied immediately make Minor went silent and gulped.

(So that's where it ends 

'Cause baby, I love you

But I am never gonna tell you so 

We can be friends

But never a couple 

I don't wanna I don't wanna lose you, no

So I'll just go, go gonna keep it under

It's good just the way that it is

Go, go, gonna keep it under 

'Cause there's just too much I would miss

I'm gonna keep it under)

“You’re dating Chandler?” Gavin replayed what you just said when he took you home.

You nodded excitedly. “Yes, i’ve been going out with him for several months. He confessed to me last night.” you smiled

Gavin didn’t know what he should react to the news. Happy? Sad? He should be happy because the girl he was so in love with is happy right now. Sad because the source of her happiness wasn’t because of him. It was because of someone else.

That’s how it is, huh? This is how it ends.

Eli or Minor would give him an ear later on but right now Gavin had to deal with the harsh reality. Because he didn’t wanna lose her, didn’t wanna lose the thing that he had with her, Gavin held it all in with him, bury all his feelings deep down. In all honesty, Gavin was insecure. Insecure that he wasn’t good enough to be with her, to make her happy. So he opted to stand by her side, protecting her, like a friend would, while he watched her from far.

“I love you, that’s why, i will let you go.” was what Gavin had in mind.

If you’re happy with your relationship with Chandler, then so be it. At least Gavin would still be able to stay by your side, even if he wouldn’t be able to taste your cooking anymore, or have any excuse to come to your apartment right after his missions.

That was for the best.

“I’m happy for you.” Gavin smiled, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Thank you.” you smiled back at him.

But Gavin had a bad feeling.

A real bad feeling about your relationship with the man named Chandler.

If this Chandler ever hurt you, or he found out that he hurt you, Gavin wouldn’t stay calm about it. He promised himself. He sacrificed his own feelings, keeping it under for years.

How long will it last?

The click of keys echoed through the empty house. The door swung opened, revealing a tall figure in black coat. The figure walked in, taking off his coat and his hands-ever so familiar with the house flicked the lamp. The light from lamp blinded his eyes, he let his eyes were adapted to the light. He walked in, changing his shoes to slipper and walked inside.

Lucien. The scientist.

Who wouldn’t know him? A genius scientist, a head researcher from his own institute under his own name, widely known by national and international for his works in neuroscience. Lucien was known for his private life. He wouldn’t let anyone know or get inside his life, not even his coworker, not even a woman. He would smile all the time, polite all the time, even flirt occasionally. But he would let no one get too close to him.

Lucien walked inside a room, not even caring to changing clothes. His own studio. The room was filled with canvases and paintings. One of Lucien’s hobby that he never show to other people. Painting was one of Lucien’s way to relieve stress and it would let him be himself.

But in this room, there was only one painting hung on the wall.

A special painting.

Very special to Lucien’s heart.

His creation.

A painting of a brunette girl up to her waist. Her hazel eyes were staring back at him. She was smiling, holding out a bucket of red roses in her hand. Her white sundress were flowing out elegantly as if the wind blew it. Lucien approached the painting, a smile finally tugged on his face as he reached his hand to the painting, caressing the girl’s face.

(Let me hear your voice ; getting rid of this sunken heart

I'm hiding away the canvas of falseness again today)

“I’m home.” Lucien said.

Lucien could see her eyes lit up from excitement to see him. She smiled, one of her hand letting go of the rose and held it out to Lucien. “Welcome home, Lucien.” she said, inviting Lucien in.

Lucien took her hand, the girl pulled him in.

(It feels like I have touched the endless illusion

“What should I call it" The unchanging temperature

Before the smile chews up my insides

I locked up today, my racing future is ash colored

If I wish for it, it's just my imagination;

Rust-covered lies)

If it comes true, tell me about it

“Is that so?” she giggled, leaning to Lucien’s chest as he caressed her hair.

“It is. I always wish to come home soon. Being with you ease my fatigue, everyday.” Lucien smiled.

Lucien jolted awake on the cold floor. He was searching for warmth, her warmth, He rolled sideways, laying on his back as his eyes stared at the painting of the girl, with a smile on her face. Feeling cold tugged in his heart, Lucien exhaled, raising his arms slowly, as if to reach her face, to cupped it in his own. 

To feel her face’s muscle contracted to a smile.

To feel her nose scrunches when he touched it.

To feel the dimple on her fair skinned cheek.

To feel her soft lips, tainted coral red by lipstick, smeared it playfully to her cheek.

To feel her warmth breath.

To feel her, everything about her.

Lucien’s stomach felt like it was being turned upside down. He felt dizzy and his world was spinning.

How could he know her color? He was colorblind.

(Adorning the loveliness overflowed from my heart

I piled it with your voice, bliss is far away

If it's something with shape, if it's something breaking down

These eyes are useless, hold me)

“Lucien, you’re teasing me!” she pouted. 

How cute, was all in Lucien’s head. Lucien pinched her cheek playfully as her red was flushed by her being embarrassed. He was amused to see her like this.

“But i was telling you the truth. I would never lie to you. You are perfect.” Lucien kissed her cheek, earning another cute pout.

“Do you know, that i am colorblind?” Lucien suddenly asked. She shook her head slowly. “I can only see colors, when i’m with you. Everything you touched has color in it. That way, i always know that the roses you’re holding are red.” Lucien explained.

A soft peck landed on Lucien’s lips.

“Then i’ll make you see the color of the world.” she said softly.

“Will you hold me?”

(Leia…)

Lucien opened his eyes, facing her smiling smile.

“Lie…” Lucien hung his head, looking at his cold fingertips.

What kind fucked up world Lucien was in? Falling in love with a painting? Even with all girls fawning over him, offering themselves to him. Even if he could just choose one to sleep with, or settle down.

“It’s a lie.” Lucien muttered.

Lucien covered his ears. He didn’t want to hear her voice tonight. Her honey voice, calling his name with such tenderness that his heart clenched each time.

“Lucien.”

Who was he to deny?

He couldn’t.

(The endless illusion laughed sadly

"What should I call it" Resounding words are ash colored)

“Lucien. Oh, Lucien.” her voice calling him.

“Do you even mean it?” her painful expression stabbed Lucien.

He knew. Lucien always knew.

“I love you.” Lucien said, clearly this time.

“But Lucien, you know i’m not real.” she laughed, sadly.

(Softly, eternity stopped breathing

and left me in despair

When the ticking stops this world will end

Words that can only wish couldn't have meaning

Smile a little, pray a little

If it isn't heard, just kill me)

Lucien knew. 

Lucien opened his eyes. Another night passed with him staring at the painting of her. His hand reached her smiling face.

“I love you, i really do.” Lucien said.

No response this time. As if the last sentence she said to him was the finality of his feelings. She wouldn’t respond to his call anymore. She stayed still in the canvas. Smiling. Lucien chewed the inside of his mouth. He clasped and unclasped his hand. 

“Please say something. Please. Anything.” Lucien begged.

The painting stayed still.

Lucien took out a lighter in his hand.

He laughed bitterly.

Loving someone who’s not even real.

Loving someone that would make him feel that he was loved, dearly, with all her heart.

Wanting to see the color of the world.

Wanting to see her.

Her.

Her.

HER.

A name ‘Leia’ was written in the painting. Her name. “Leia. A lie.” was Lucien said when he finished his painting that day.

Lucien ignited the lighter and let go of it. It fell to the ground. Fire slowly getting bigger, Lucien didn’t even move from his place. He still stood, watching her smiling face as the fire slowly burn her. As the fire slowly burn him.

“Please kill me.”

(Let me hear your voice, please get rid of this sunken heart

I'm going to hide the canvas of falseness with you

If I can't leave the evidence for your and

my existence

Engrave me with warmth and kill me

“Lucien. Lucien. What are you doing?”

Lucien smiled. He finally could hear her voice. But the voice sounded sad, she was sobbing. “This way, i can be with you.” Lucien answered.

“No, Lucien. Please--”

Lucien couldn’t feel the burning pain on his lower body anymore, instead he just smiled. Not answering, as he closed his eyes.

(Leia...)

Lucien could feel he was placed on the ground. His lower body was burned, it was painful but he couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t even move. He just let the death slowly taking him, painfully. But in his final moment, he could see colors.

A girl, radiates with color.

She was holding a mic as her partner holding out a camera, shooting her and the burning house.

Her voice was echoed to Lucien’s ear.

“Lucien Xu, a researcher from Lucien’s institute just found in his home after disappearing for a month--”

Same voice.

She turned to Lucien, visibly shocked as she closed her mouth with her hand.

Same face.

She radiates the color. Everything she touched has color. She was colorful. 

(Leia...)

Along with a man who held her shoulder behind her as to not let her fall to the ground upon seeing Lucien, dying. The man, with a police uniform, held her shoulder. He too, has colors with him.

First trimester

Your first trimester of pregnancy? It was hell. You’d throw up over and over you couldn’t even drink water and you got admitted to hospital for a week. Even Gavin who always did his paperwork in his office before coming home decided to bring all his paperwork to hospital so he could accompany you.The craving was also...a little overwhelming. You would woke Gavin at 3AM, because you crave cookie dough, and the poor man decided to made it himself while yawning, visibly tired from a mission. But he did it nonetheless. The smile on your face when you enjoyed the dough was worth it.

There was also a time when Gavin just got home from work and the first thing you said to him was “Sing a song for me, please? With your guitar?” You wished you could record Gavin’s reaction at that time. He had the most confused look on his face. 

“What?” Gavin asked again, dumbfounded.

“I...i want to hear you play your guitar.” you repeated.

“Is it one of your craving today?” Gavin’s look softened, amused even.

You nodded. Gavin, being a doting husband he is, he would listen and make all of your craving came true. So you were sitting on the couch beside him as he played his guitar. He didn’t sing but he hummed to the melody he played. You feel relaxed, yawning even. Gavin stopped playing when he heard your soft snore. One of his hand held your shoulder, while his other hand put the guitar away. He pulled you close to him as he kissed the top of your head.

Gavin also developed a little hobby of his rubbing your belly before and after he went to work. He would smile and told the unborn baby, “Be good, okay?” You just giggled because it was so cute.

Second trimester

Both you and Gavin just got into the apartment from having dinner outside when the doorbell rang, revealing all of your coworker outside. You hugged Anna, WIllow and Kiki and let them in as Minor walked in the last. With a box in his hand, earning a questioning look from Gavin.

“What’s that?” Gavin asked. Minor grinned, “You will like it, bro!” Gavin shrugged and let him in.

All of you were in the living room, sitting on the couch. You sat beside Gavin as he rubbed your back. The box Minor brought in was placed in the coffee table right in the middle of the room. Anna stood up, picking out an envelope from her purse.

“I believe you owe an explanation to your husband.” Anna smiled at you. You chuckled as Gavin’s brow raised in confusion.

“Gavin, last week i went for a check up and the doctor wanted to revealed the gender of our baby.” you began. Gavin’s confusion was getting doubled. “Wait, you did? How come i didn’t know?” Gavin asked.

“You were so busy on the mission. So, i asked Anna to get it for me. I want us to know the gender of our baby at the same time. That’s why they come today.” you answered.

“But then i thought of an idea to make it extra!” Kiki said with an excitement.

“That is to buy the cake with the color of your baby’s gender.” Willow added, as excited as Kiki.

“Yes! Blue for boy. Pink for girl.” Minor said.

“Thus, i want you to open the box together. After that i’ll give you the print out of the ultrasound.” Anna said.

You and Gavin looked at each other. Gavin stood up and brought the box to your lap. Both of your and his hands are untying the white ribbon on the box and opened it. You held your breath and as you saw the color.

Pink.

You turned to see Gavin and the man also turned his head at you. Gavin didn’t waste anytime to hug and kiss your forehead, your cheek. You giggled as you could feel the palm of his hand was sweating and he was trembling. But both of you were smiling, even Gavin laughed. The kind were he was so nervous and relieved at the same time.

“Congratulation for both of you. You’ll have a baby girl.” Anna congratulated them. 

Watching Gavin’s face, letting almost all of his guard down in front of others by smiling a lot with spark in his eyes, you smiled back at him.

It was your monthly check up with your obstetrician and Gavin, for the first time accompany you. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to, it was because he only got some free time from his shift in police station so he decided to came. You were familiar with ultrasound, but it was new for Gavin so he was holding your hand tightly as the doctor put jelly on your stomach and put the transducer on it.

“So this is her heartbeat.” the doctor stopped the transducer on your belly, and with her other hand she tapped the ultrasound machine and both you and Gavin could hear the heartbeat.

Lub-dub

Lub-dub

You stared at Gavin. The man was staring at the screen with a spark in his amber eyes. He was excited. He was smiling all the time, holding your hand tighter and listen to the doctor had to say. He nodded, turned serious. It seriously made your heart warm to see him like that. 

“Y/N? why’re you staring?” Gavin’s sudden question turned you back to reality. You shook your head, smiling at him.

“I always know you’ll be a good dad.” you said, earning a blush on Gavin’s cheek to his earlobe.

Both you and the doctor chuckled. 

Third trimester

“How is it? Better?” Gavin asked as he massaged your feet.

You hummed in approval, closing your eyes in content at Gavin’s calloused hands massaging the pad of your feet. Being in 8th month of pregnancy, your feet began to hurt easily as your belly got bigger. Your back also ache a lot. Gavin, being as understanding as ever, everytime he got home he would massaged your back and your feet.

“Oh, Gavin, do you mind?” you asked Gavin.

Gavin stopped massaging your back. “Now?” Gavin asked back. You nodded. Gavin ruffled your hair as he stood up and walked out from the bedroom. Not even a minute he came back with a guitar in his hand. You smiled at him as he sat beside you on the bed. He began to play the same song he did back in your first trimester. You hummed along with him as you already memorized the melody.

“Ah!” you yelped as you felt something in your stomach. Gavin stopped and put away the guitar, he was visibly worried as it was 1 month left for your due date.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Gavin asked. You shook your head.

“I was surprised. A kick.” you let out a chuckle. Before Gavin could ask more you took his hand and placed it on your belly. Gavin’s eyes got soften as he could feel soft movement in your belly. Gavin caressed your belly softly and somehow the baby in your stomach moved along with his hand.

“She likes you playing guitar to her.” you giggled. 

“Oh? You do?” Gavin was smiling, talking to your belly. “I promise i will play the song to you a lot when you’re born. But don’t surprise your mom like that.” 

“I’m sure she’ll like it.” you caressed Gavin’s hair.

Birth

You groaned in agony as you wait in the hospital bed. Your water broke earlier today when you were cooking for breakfast. Gavin was away on his mission so he couldn’t come with you. You were so glad you could call Anna and she hurriedly call an ambulance for you and accompany you to the hospital. As for Gavin, it was part of his protocol to turn off his cellphone cause he was on mission, but you already left a message for him. 

Giving birth without Gavin was expected, due to his job. But it still made you sad. You wanted him to be by your side, and he said the same thing as well when you discussed with him about the possibility of you giving birth alone. Well, rather than having him accompany you, all you wanted was for him to come back home safely. You were brought to the delivery room and Anna waited outside, just in case Gavin came.

(Gavin’s POV)

Gavin was just arrived from his mission. Today’s mission took his team faster than he expected to finish, and for Gavin to only have minor new scars on his arms. He was just finished taking shower in the HQ. He took his phone from his locker and found a message from you. His heart beat faster when he saw your name but then the door to the locker room suddenly opened, revealing Eli.

“Gavin, call from hospital. Your wife’s water--” before Eli could finish, Gavin already grabbed his bag and ran as fast as he could.

It was probably Gavin’s best record of flying from STF HQ to the Loveland hospital. He flew as fast as he could even if it was cloudy, landed smoothly on the nearby empty parking lot and ran into the hospital building. When he found Anna was waiting outside, he was panting.

“Y/N huff huff...how’s...huff huff she?” Gavin asked.

Anna smiled at Gavin and she didn’t need to answer as the two of them could hear your voice from inside the delivery room. Anna approached another door beside the delivery room and a nurse came out. “Her husband’s here. Can he go in?” Anna asked. The nurse eyed at Gavin, she nodded and let Gavin in.

“Sir, you may accompany your wife but please wear these.” the nurse said. She gave a surgical gown for Gavin to wear, a surgical mask and a slipper for him. Gavin nodded, didn’t hesitate anytime to wear the gown and changed his shoe to the slipper. Gavin followed the nurse to the door connected to the delivery room. 

When Gavin saw you, he immediately came closer and grabbed your hand tightly in his. You looked sideway to see him, half of his face covered in surgical mask. Tears of relieved streaming out of your eyes. “You’re back.” you said.

Gavin intertwined his fingers in yours as he nodded. “I’m sorry, i’m late.” Gavin said. You smiled at him.

Not long after that you held Gavin’s hand tight it might left marks, but Gavin didn’t care. You screamed, trying your best to give birth to your baby. Gavin kept chanting “Breathe. Breathe. It’s okay. You’re doing good. It’s okay. You can do this.” to your ear despite him also worried about you. Gavin couldn’t really remember what happened after that but he could hear the doctor said “Baby’s here!” followed with a crying voice. Your hand went limp in his grip but you were smiling.

“You did it. You did it. It’s okay now.” Gavin said, smiling. You nodded, closing your eyes.

“Sir, please wait outside. We will call you once we’re done.” a nurse tapped Gavin’s shoulder. Gavin nodded. When he let go of your hand, it fell down limply. 

Gavin always said, he could always feel you in the wind. But at that moment, he could feel your life is getting weaker. Along with a little life force Gavin felt minutes ago. 

“She’s bleeding too much! Doctor!” 

“Get blood transfusion ready!”

“The baby’s choked on amniotic fluid. Prepare the suction!”

“We don’t have much time!”

“Sir, sir, you need to wait outside!”

Before Gavin could even understand what was going on, he was pushed outside by the nurse, even with him still wearing the slipper and surgical gown. Anna came to him, realizing the light on the door turned from green to red. Gavin fell on his knees. His mouth went dry, his hands were trembling.

“Gavin? Gavin, what happened?!” Anna asked.

“She...our child…” Gavin couldn’t even complete any sentence in his head. He could feel his stomach turned upside down, his heart felt like it was ripping inside and it suffocated him. Gavin couldn’t control his evol as his anxiety building up inside him. Gavin was choked by his own evol.

“Sheesh, what a troublesome brother you are. Control yours properly.” 

Gavin could feel someone was yanking him, pulling him to stand. Gavin opened his eyes, trying to breathe in air. He glanced to his side, finding someone stood beside him. White shirt, black leather jacket. Purple hair. Amber eyes identical to his.

“...Shaw.” Gavin said weakly, didn’t find any energy to be hostile toward the purple haired man.

“Control yours or that Eli will hunt you down. Even dad will.” Shaw repeated, his face wasn’t like his usual, mocking. He was serious.

Gavin yanked his arm away from Shaw. But his own body betrayed him. He was still shaking. “What do you know? She and my child--”

Shaw let out an exasperated sigh. He rolled his eyes. “Is your faith for her and your baby that slim?” he retorted. Gavin stunned. “You’re the one who can sense her life force.” he added.

Shaw was right. Gavin tried to concentrate once again and, Shaw was right, he could feel the two life, it’s faint, but it’s there.

“Now that my work here is done, i gotta go. Before dad finds out.” Shaw put his hand in his jeans’ pocket.

“Why do you come anyway?” Gavin asked.

Shaw made a thinking pose, hands in his chin while he looked up at the ceiling. Then he laughed, a mocking one. “You might need help to beat some sense to your head.” Shaw smirked, but then he got closer to Gavin’s ear, “And to stop you from getting your evol out of control and end up killing everyone here, including yourself.” 

Before Gavin could say anything, Shaw already walked away from him, waving his hand. “Yes, brother. You’re most welcome.” he said.

But Gavin did mouthed “thank you” behind his little brother’s back.

***

Gavin stared at the nurse placing the baby in his hand. His baby. Gavin was never held a baby in his life so he was scared that he might drop her. After assurance from the nurse, Gavin held the baby on his own. The baby was sleeping, breathing, and Gavin couldn’t help but fell on his knees once again. The nurse was about to took the baby from him but Gavin held the baby close to him. To his chest. His whole body shook uncontrollably as tears streaming out from his eyes. He tried to stifled his sobs.

Gavin was glad. He really was glad that his baby was alive. Her cheek flushed red, breathing evenly. Gavin couldn’t help but cry at the sight. As Gavin wiped his tears away, his daughter opened her eyes for the first time and it was gavin’s first time to see a baby’s eyes, staring at him. She shared his eye’s color. Golden amber.

“...thank you...thank you for coming to this world.” Gavin held his baby tight. “I’ll protect you, always. I won’t let anything, anyone, harm you.”

“Mr Gavin? I’m sorry but you need to go back.” the nurse said to him. Gavin nodded slowly, his tears still flowing out from his eyes.

Gavin stood up and gave the baby to the nurse. The nurse smiled warmly at him, knowing what Gavin went through several hours ago. As she rocked the baby she said, “I’ll bring your baby to your wife’s room, Sir. For now, go and meet your wife.” Gavin nodded.

***

Gavin opened the door to your room to find you were already awake, sitting leaning to the bed. Gavin practically slammed the door shut behind him and ran to you. He pulled you to his chest, hugging you.

“G-Gavin...can’t breathe…” you pat Gavin’s back.

Gavin immediately released the hug, cupping your cheek. You frowned when you saw his puffy red eyes. “Gavin, did you cry?” you asked. Gavin opened his mouth but nothing came out. He was glad, so glad to see you alive. You waited for him, for Gavin to stop panting.

“I...i was scared. I was scared that you’d leave. That our baby would leave.” Gavin managed to say. The flash of image seeing you turned pale and several conversation between the doctor and the nurse came back to his mind. Gavin was shivering, his whole body shook.

“Gavin…” you said softly.

“I was scared and it suffocates me. It was really, really hard to breathe when i couldn’t sense you...even if you were there in front of me. I…” Gavin was cut off by you hugging him, as tight as you could considering your weak state right now.

“I...couldn’t think. Everything went blank.” Gavin finally let go of his defense and cry. His sobs were painful for you to hear, it broke your heart.

“I don’t wanna lose you. I don’t wanna lose our baby. I’m sorry...i--” Gavin went powerless in your hug. Your body were still cold, not to his liking, but you were slowly getting warmer. You cupped Gavin’s face in your hand, wiping the tears away from his amber eyes. Gavin closed his eyes, overwhelmed with feeling relieved.

“But we’re here, aren’t we?” you asked. Gavin nodded.

A soft knock at your room and the nurse came in with your baby. You smiled, thanking the nurse as she helped you to hold the baby in your arms. Your eyes met your daughter’s eyes. Your smile went even wider and it made Gavin smiled along with you too. The nurse excused herself and left you along with your baby and Gavin after explaining and show to you how to breastfed the baby.

“Look, Gavin, she has your eyes.” you said, glancing at Gavin. Gavin chuckled, wiping his tears’ trace on his cheek. 

Gavin held out his finger and the little girl of his immediately caught his finger and gripped it tight in her tiny arms, looking at Gavin with her big doe amber eyes. Gavin automatically smiled. You giggled, seeing how soft Gavin’s expression was when he tried to move his hand but the baby still gripped it tight. Gavin caressed his daughter’s head while his other hand placed on your shoulder, pulling you to lend on his chest.

“I told you that i will always protect you, no matter what happen, right?” Gavin asked. You nodded.

“Now i have another one to protect.” Gavin kissed the top of your head. “I will always protect both of you, no matter what happens.” Gavin said, leaning his head to yours. You hummed. “But you need to protect yourself too, okay? You’re the one who have the most dangerous job compared to me.” you kissed Gavin’s cheek.

Gavin closed his eyes. “Yes, of course i will. So that i can come back home to see both of you.” 

2 months later

Gavin was walking with a bucket of flowers in his hand. It had been a long time since he came to this place. Where his mother sleeps for the last time. Graveyard. He almost never want to come this place. Gavin always avoided cemetery, even if you asked. It reminded of bad childhood he had when his mother died. How cold his father was.

But this time, Gavin didn’t come alone. You were walking beside him, holding your daughter in your arms, sleeping. Gavin was finally ready to face his mother, even if it took years for him to come.

A little promise Gavin told to himself before you gave birth to Anya, your daughter. That he would want to bring you along and Anya to his mother’s grave. You, of course supported him and told him that you were glad to see him finally open up to his past and decided to visit his mother’s grave again.

But in front of Gavin’s mother’s tombstone, there was someone else standing in front of it. The purple hair Gavin knew well. Gavin’s eyebrow knitted in confusion finding Shaw, his brother in their mother’s tombstone. Who would’ve expected that punk man to visit the mother’s grave whom he barely remembered?

“Huh? Isn’t that--” you trailed of. “Shaw..my brother.” Gavin nodded.

Shaw must’ve heard that Gavin was mentioning his name because he turn around to see Gavin and you. He was almost emotionless, but upon seeing Gavin, his lips immediately turned into a smirk and he said something to the tombstone and turned around, walked away before Gavin could even say anything to him.

“Why’s he here?” you asked.

Gavin shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m also surprised how he knows mother’s grave. He was small back then, and i attended the funeral alone.” Gavin replied. You couldn’t answer but nodded your head. You’ve heard about Shaw--you didn’t know if it was his alias name but then it was obvious that he was Gavin’s brother. They shared almost same face feature and identical golden amber eyes. Though Shaw was more into mocking and making fun rather than Gavin who was cold and aloof.

You were sure it won’t be the last time you’d see Shaw.

Gavin put his hand on your shoulder when he found his mother’s tombstone. It was clean maintained well, despite years Gavin never came. Gavin took a deep breath and began to talk. Asking how his mother’s been. Apologized for not coming sooner. Telling how his life now, his job, you, both of your marriage, and then, finally Anya.

Your heart swelled watching Gavin placed his hand on your back as he talked, bit felt like being introduced to your mother in law. Gavin took Anya from your hand and held it in his arm.

“Mom, don’t worry. I’m fine here. I finally find my happiness and i will protect them with all i have.”

“I’m home.” Gavin opened the door, opening his shoes and hung his coat on the coat rack.

“Y/N?” Gavin called. The light was on so you were supposed to be home today. You took the day off because you felt sick and nausea and Gavin did take you to the hospital this morning, but then he had too much work at his station so he couldn’t leave to pick you up.

“Hey.” Gavin smiled upon seeing you sitting on the couch, he bended over and kissed your cheek. You smiled at him in return. “Welcome home.” you greeted him.

“You okay?” Gavin asked, caressed your head.

No answer. Instead your smile got wider.

“Come sit with me.” you pat the empty space beside you on the couch. Gavin obeyed and sat beside you, you snuggled close to him, inhaling his scent. You took out an envelope you’ve been keeping beside you and handed it to Gavin.

“What’s this?” Gavin’s eyebrow furrowed.

“You know, i’ve been feeling sick and nausea for almost a week. That’s the diagnose for my illness.” you said, still smiling.

Gavin didn’t waste any time to open the envelope, only to find print outs. USG printout. Gavin stared at it closely. His whole body went stiff, he looked between you and the USG imaging over and over.

“You’re--” Gavin was loss at words.

You nodded enthusiastically, couldn’t contain your happiness. “Yes, Gavin, i’m pregnant.” you smiled, finishing the sentence for him.

You thought Gavin would be happy. That he would hug you and say how happy he was. But Gavin was just stunned there, couldn’t believe what he just heard. As if he didn’t believe that you were pregnant. That he didn’t want you to pregnant.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, your smile faltered.

“Are you..serious? You’re pregnant?” Gavin asked again. His amber eyes got widen, he couldn’t contain his smile.

“I’m pretty serious Gavin. I’ve been 3 months pregnant.” you nodded, smiling back at him. 

But like a lightning struck beside you, Gavin’s smiled falter. You were confused, anxious by Gavin’s reaction.

“I--” Gavin was loss of words. But he didn’t look happy, which made your heart shattered. Gavin was your husband, legally married to you a year ago. Pregnancy should be expected, right? Both of you and Gavin still use protection, but there were times that both of you would go all the way. Gavin’s reaction confused you. As if he didn’t want this. His child.

“Do you...do you not want the child?” you asked bitterly, trying to control over your emotion, but your voice shook, betrayed you.

Gavin shook his head violently. “No! It’s not like that!” he hurriedly answer.

“Then..then why? Are you not happy?” you asked again, biting your lower lips.

Gavin fell silent once again. That was it...wasn’t it? 

“But i want the child, i won’t abort--” before you could finish your sentence, Gavin pulled you into a hug. You could feel his heartbeat went fast as Gavin rested his head on the crook of your neck. Your vision went blurry as tears began to fall down, against your will.

“No, no, please, it’s not like that.” Gavin said, raising his head from your shoulder, staring at you. Those amber eyes felt….scared.

“If...if i tell you, will you hear me out?” Gavin asked. You nodded. Gavin sighed in relieve as he wiped the tears from your eyes. “I’m happy, i’m beyond happy. Really. But..” Gavin hung midsentence. You held your breath, waiting for him to continue. “I’m...scared.”

“Scared? But...why?” you asked again.

“Because of how i grow up.” Gavin lowered his head, didn’t dare to meet your eyes. “I’m scared of being a father because my own father never give me a good example for being one. I told you before, right? I didn’t have any fond memory of him.” Gavin began.

“I grew up, watching my mother always brushed off by my father. How he was cold to her, not listening to her, treating her like someone he never loved, her wish and want weren’t mattered to him, he treated my mother like i was born without evol was her fault. I grew up with him telling me i was a disappointment to him and he never really cared about me or my mother. All he cared about was my brother, who has Evol.” Gavin took a deep breath. “He didn’t even stay long on my mom’s funeral. He just left me alone, taking my little brother with him” Gavin clenched his fists.

“I.. i honestly don’t know how to be a good father. I honestly don’t know if i can be a good example for my child in the future. That’s why i’m scared. I’m scared i’m not worthy of you, of our child. I--” Gavin was cut off by you, pulling him into a hug.

“Oh Gavin.” you pulled Gavin even closer, feeling overwhelmed by Gavin’s confession.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so happy, but at the same time, i’m scared. I really am scared that i’m not worth of so much happiness that you give me, that you also bear my child.” Gavin said.

“I don’t know that i’ll ever be a good mother either.” you told Gavin. “I never have a mother on my own. I only grew up with my dad.” you released the hug, cupping Gavin’s face in yours. Gavin’s eyes slowly darted at you. “I’m as scared as you.” you said.

“Y/N…” Gavin held your hand on his cheek.

“But..we can always learn together, right? You can tell me what your mom did to raise you, as i’m sure she’s a good mother, raising a son to become a gentleman like you are right now. And in return, i’d tell you about my dad. We can share about what our parents did and take the good points.” you offered. “Being parents doesn’t involve only 1. We’re a team. We can, we should do it together, raising our child. You’re not alone, Gavin. I’m with you.”

Gavin’s lip curled into a smile. “There’s no perfect parents after all. But we can always learn and try to be one.” you said. “Oh, i know. I can ask Anna about parenting classes both of us can take. How about that?” you asked, losing in your own thoughts. “I have handled shows for babies and children too, i can ask some of the guests and--” your sentence was cut by a kiss on your lips.

“Wait--” kiss “please--” kiss “i--” kiss “Gav--” kiss “Gavin!” you pinched Gavin’s cheek before he could kiss you again. “Sheesh, you’re impossible.” you pouted.

“I love you.” Gavin’s sudden confession made your cheek flushed. No matter how many times Gavin said it, it’s always make you blushed. “I love you so much. You’re the best.” he repeated.

You giggled. “You too, are the best husband. I’m sure we both will be okay.” your turn to kiss Gavin’s lips. “I love you too.” 

It was just the beginning of another journey. You and Gavin didn’t know how it would end, but you were sure as long as you’re with Gavin, both of you will be okay. The child in your stomach will be okay.

“Gavin.” you called. Gavin hummed, tilting his head. A habit he took from you. “You’ll be a good dad. I’m sure our child will be so proud of you.” you cupped Gavin’s cheek, smiling at him.

“I will call you once i finish with the mission, okay?” was what Gavin told you 4 days ago.

You stop working on your laptop, trying to reach your phone. Aside from chats from your colleagues about the project you’ve been working on, you don’t see the name you’ve always hope to pop on your screen. Gavin’s name. You threw your phone across the room and it landed on your bed, so you won’t get distracted and wanting to grab the phone for who knows how much since Gavin went for his mission. 

Surely you realize his working can be demanding. Being a captain for Special Task Force who work in the shadow to make sure all people of Loveland can sleep the night and live with peace from EVOL’s terrorists, also a police officer, a captain of SWAT team at that, it surely took most of his time to work. You understand that. Besides, you’re also busy with working projects that seemed like...endless from your superior, Victor. So also being busy keeps your mind off from being lonely. But alas, even if you’re so proud of Gavin, you can’t help but worrying about his safety. But Gavin always come back alive, even if with more wounds and scars, he’s alive.

You yawned, closing the laptop’s screen decide to call it a day and go to sleep. It’s almost 1AM in the morning and you have a board meeting tomorrow with Victor. You can’t be late, of course. Switching the light off, you placed your phone beside you on bed after setting the several alarms to wake you up tomorrow. You got comfortable in bed, covering your whole body with the blanket, inhaling Gavin’s smell from the blanket. Ever since the two of you decided to live together and purchasing a bigger bed, the bed feels so much bigger without Gavin on your side. You frown but quickly shove the thoughts of being lonely away from your mind. You need to sleep.

As I sleep, some time

I feel your voice putting me to sleep

And your hair tickling me

You open your eyes slowly as you can feel someone’s hand on your waist. You see Gavin’s face right across from yours. You blinked several times, not believing that it really is Gavin who is laying beside you right now, still awake. He’s surprised to see you wake up but then smile, caressing your head.

“Did i wake you up? I’m sorry.” Gavin murmurs.

You shake your head. “When did you come home?” you ask, with a hoarse voice from sleep.

It’s 3:45AM.

“Not too long ago. I was about to call you but you must be sleeping and i don’t wanna wake you up.” Gavin says, apologetically.

You smile, snuggling to him burying your head to his chest. “Welcome home.” You practically hugging him by putting your hand on his back. “Did you get hurt?” you ask again.

“I’m home. And no, i’m okay.” Gavin replies, kissing the crown of your head.

Your heart swells with happiness as you inhale Gavin’s scent. You can smell his soap, signing that he took a shower before joining you in bed. Gavin smells like home to you. Refreshing with a light musk, reminding you of summer.

“You should go back to sleep. Don’t you have work later?” Gavin reminds you.

“I do have a meeting this morning.” you groan.

“You’ll do fine. Victor has no way to refuse the project you’ve been working on for weeks.” Gavin rests his palm on the back of your head, rubbing it slowly. Just the right amount to make you yawn again. You nod in his arm, trying to make yourself comfortable as you close your eyes.

“Now go back to sleep, there’s still time until 7AM. I’ll take you to work later.” Gavin says.

How could I be asleep

How could I be asleep

In your embrace, inside it, snugly

I put my hands together and rest

You are the largest star I have

So good night,  A bright light and I

If the daybreak finds me

I’ll be submerged in countless thoughts

You feel Gavin’s even steady breathing as he’s sleeping. You raised your head to see his peaceful face, almost like a child even. His soft vulnerable expression makes your heart swell again, adoring your boyfriend’s sleeping face. He has dark circle on his eyes, he must be tired and haven’t had any sleep while he’s away on his mission. Despite that he has long eyelashes, making you jealous by how long and thick it is. You raise your hand to touch his cheek, afraid that you might wake him up, but Gavin is still sleeping, he must be exhausted from the mission and you take the opportunity to traced your index finger on his smooth skin, along his jaw. Gavin is known as the handsome and a bit lonewolf officer, who is always serious in his work. But this side of Gavin, is only for you to see.

You snuggled closer to him and hold his hand. 

And in the sleepless night

I’ll be in your embrace endlessly

To you at daybreak

More passionately than during the day

You wonder how many nights you spend sleeping next to Gavin like this. If he’s not out on his missions you would lay next to him like this, listening to his heartbeat and his even breathing--sometimes he’d snore but you don’t mind. Gavin’s usually a light sleeper due to him being an officer--being alert at all times and there are times where he would be called for mission right when both of you were sleeping. For him being in a deep sleep like this, it’s kind of rare. But you appreciate all of it. Sleeping in Gavin’s embrace always feel safe and you grow addicted of having arms around your waist, as if keeping you safe, even in sleep.

Between curtains, faintly illuminating me

A white moonlight and yeah

Filling the room, even the cold air

Feels beautiful because of the light that is you

Full moon’s light up the room slightly, it shines right through Gavin’s face. Gavin always tell you that you’re beautiful, even if your mouth was full of chocolate cakes he bought for you, even if you just woke up from your sleep with a trace of drool on your chin, even if you’re crying because of the drama you watched.

“Don’t you know that you’re also beautiful?” you murmur softly, feeling Gavin’s chest rise and fall in sync with you.

You were scared of him back in high school, despite that he was always look out for you from a far. Even if Gavin was really scary at that time, him back then still had the same kindness he had today. The way he carried you when you were passed out in PE class, the way his eyes met yours when you were in library, or the times you found him climbing the old ginkgo tree outside of practice room.

The rough senior has grown into a sweet man he is today. Or maybe, he’s always this handsome from your high school years, if he’s not always covered in bandages and bruises.

I see a shifting image

We have a common dream

Even if it’s imaginary

I pretend to be okay

You probably are the same

But at the end of the day

We are together

Gavin’s line of work always makes you worry. He rarely has days off, even if he does he almost never spend it on rest, he will always spend it with you. There was time when you asked Gavin to go the shooting location at the nearby lake, knowing he was just came back from mission you told him to not come but he did come anyway.

He was visibly tired. But he came anyway.

You remembered your heart swelled when you found Gavin sleeping under the tree after the shooting’s over, waiting for you to finish. You remember you were crying when you saw a bandage peeking through his shirt. He was hurt. But still he came. You remember he woke up, panic was evident in his face as he cupped your face, apologized if he make you angry. And he was confused as you told him “Gavin, you dummy.”

The Gavin said “I come here because i miss you so much. I wanna meet you as soon as possible. Is that...is that wrong?” made you moved in to his apartment.

It’s fine if the same day repeats

Even the reversed day and night

My mind was filled waiting for you

And I’m happier for it now

Like a habit

Hug me tight

And don’t let me go, more

Take me to the dream

“...why don’t you sleep?” Gavin’s sudden question made you flinched. But Gavin held your hand in his tightly. His eyes fluttered open.

You can’t help but peck his lips.

“I don’t know, you’re too handsome when you’re sleeping..maybe?” you tease. Gavin chuckles, pinching your waist playfully. 

“But i prefer you to sleep with me.” Gavin says, kissing your eye. You nods and once again, scoot closer to him.

“I..i hope we can stay like this forever.” you say, listening to Gavin’s heartbeart.

Gavin hummed. “As much as i want that to happen, both of us are working. You have a meeting this morning too.” Gavin states the fact, making you pout.

“Gavin, you’re not fun.” you sigh, poking his chest. Gavin’s light chuckle warm your heart.

“You know, Gavin, i don’t mind waiting for you to come back home.” you say, out of the blue. Gavin hummed, waiting for you to finish. “If i can sleep in your arms again, i don’t mind waiting for you when you’re out for your missions. I do hope you won’t get hurt out there, though. My mind’s filled by waiting for you and it’s okay. I always happy when you come home.” you rambles, sleepiness is beginning to take on you.

Gavin hummed again as he traced circle on your back, as if lulling you to sleep.

“Hug me, don’t let me go.” you mumbles as you fall asleep.

Stepping in from the opened door and white carpet decorated by blue daffodil in front of you, you walked slowly as your white wedding gown swept the floor. Holding your uncle’s hand beside you, you walked down the aisle, seeing people you know were standing from their seat, watching you in awe as you stepped forward.

But none of their awe stare compared to one particular man who were waiting for you at the end of the aisle. The man whom loved you for years, your ups and downs. The man who patiently waited for you and never forced any of his feelings to you. The one you could always count on despite his cold demeanor at first. One who would protect you from danger, comforted you when you needed one.

Once you reached the altar, you let go of your uncle’s hand. He patted your back, giving his proud smile at you. You smiled back at him and watched him went away, leaving both you and your groom. The man who you will take his last name stared at you, smile never faltered from his face.

The officiant, holding the paper in his hand, looking at both of you. The middle aged man smiled. The man who in a minute to be your husband nodded to the officiant. The smile disappeared from his face, changed to a serious one, nervous even.

“I, Gavin Bai, take you (Y/N), to be my lawfully wedded wife. I take you with all your faults and all my strengths as i offer you with all my faults and all my strengths. I promise to honor and care for you, to cherish and encourage your own fulfillment as an individual through all the changes in our lifes. I choose you as the person whom i will spend my entire life.” Gavin said.

He exhaled, relieved that he managed to say the sentence in one go. Gavin was never a really man of words, you know that too well. You smiled at him, saying your own vow.

“I, (Y/N), take you Gavin Bai, to be my lawfully wedded husband. I take you with all your faults and all my strengths as i offer you with all my faults and all my strengths. I promise to honor and care for you, to cherish and encourage your own fulfillment as an individual through all the changes in our lifes. I choose you as the person whom i will spend my entire life.”

Gavin held both of your hand in his. Both of you were smiling.

~~~~

You stared in front of your vanity mirror. You were staring there blankly with your robe and wet hair, didn’t mind to dry it properly. Gavin was just finished with his shower and walking out of the shower already wearing his shirt and boxer, drying his hair with towel. Gavin snaked his arms on your waist from behind, trapping you to his chest.

“What’s wrong?” Gavin asked.

You stared at Gavin’s eye from the vanity mirror, you shook your head lightly, smiling at the man who just became your husband several hours ago. “No, it’s nothing.” you said.

Gavin hummed, taking your hand in his and lead you to bed. Both of you sat on the bed and Gavin caressed your head lightly as you could feel air blowing around your hair, drying your still wet hair with his evol.

“You’ll get sick if you don’t dry your hair properly.” Gavin said. You giggled as the wind blowed your hair, sometimes the air blowing your cheek softly, tickling you.

After drying your hair, both of you snuggled on the bed, covered in blanket. Today was a long day for both of you. The wedding plan took a bit longer than you thought it would. The fact that your an orphan whom only have your relative to walked you down on the aisle and Gavin who didn’t even want to invite his family to come made the preparation took longer than it should, especially from your family. You understood Gavin’s reasons, but it was a hard time to convince your side of family.

You were also still busy with work since Victor still wanted some reports to be done before your marriage. You know Victor was being kind--in his own way. He let you have honeymoon vacation for 2 weeks, but the condition was you needed to finish some projects and reports. And you, being someone who wouldn’t say no to such rare opportunity, decided to took the challenge. Leaving Anna to take care of the planning for your wedding. And surprisingly, Anna did good job on helping and handling all the preparations, also with Victor’s tips and reccomendations. The CEO of LFG did come to your wedding ceremony for a short while, even if he received Gavin’s glare all the time. He did leave early cause he still had work to but managed to congratulate both of you (still Gavin only wear his strained smile at him).

Kiro also came, in disguise. You and Gavin caught him in the corner, smiling while waving his hand. He gave his blessings and congratulate both of you and left in a hurry before someone noticed he was there. Gavin wasn’t really pleased but he didn’t say anything, he nodded his head and gave Kiro his gratitude, which the latter accepted with a grin on his face.

You were lost in your own thoughts as you think about how you should live your life from now on. You weren’t exactly a confident person in the first place. Knowing Gavin, the man whom you secretly had crush after meeting him again after years since high school had the same feeling for you even when you were still school made your heart swell. You were also worried about his job. How dangerous his missions, how demanding it was, how long he could be away from you once he was in missions.

“You’re lost in thoughts again.” Gavin said.

You turned to see Gavin beside you. He wasn’t exactly annoyed but he bopped the tip of your nose with his forefinger. You smiled at his gesture and scooted closer to his chest. Gavin held you close as you listened to his heartbeat.

Having Gavin as your husband was like a dream. The man might look like unapproachable, but he really was handsome. He had several girl collagues fawning over him, despite him being professional around them and didn’t care much. Gavin might be a lone wolf, but he had charms and no one could deny that.

“Are you okay?” Gavin asked. “You’ve been quiet.”

You shook your head, again. Gavin pulled you even closer to him, his hand held your hand close to his chest. Being in Gavin’s hug always calms you down, it was warm. But at the same time, suffocating. You were happy, happy beyond words being with him. But at the same time scared. Scared that you weren’t good enough for him.

“You know, you’re good enough as you are.” Gavin began. “You’re not sure of yourself, aren’t you?” he asked.

You gulped, feeling the tears pooled on your eyes.

“You might never know how lucky i was when i met you again. How happy i was when you let me become your friend cause you were scared of me back in high school. I was like...flying to heaven when you said yes to my confession back then.” Gavin rubbed your back.

“I know, our relationship is still opposed by most of your big family due to my upbringing. I know you tried so hard to convinced them, until some of them accepted me. I know you also worked hard so you could get holiday and leave less stuff to handle for your team and Minor. I know you’re always worried when i’m on mission.” Gavin used his evol to blow soft wind around you trying to calm you down as he felt you stiffen in his hug.

“You being you is enough for me. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for still keep on doing things you believed in, keep on being strong, the cheerful girl i always remember from high school.” Gavin cupped your face, turning your head upward to meet his eyes. You tried so hard to blink the tears away, but you were so powerless in his hand. Gavin’s soft expression, the side he let only for you to see, the way his lips curled into a soft smile.

“You’ve been doing good. You’ve been fighting hard on your own, handling your father’s company. You also tried so hard for our relationship. You’re so good to me, i couldn’t ask for more. You’re the best thing that ever come to my life. You’re the best and i won’t ask anything out of you except for you to be safe, healthy and happy, hoping that me being with you makes you feel all of that.” Gavin said, caressing your cheek.

You couldn’t hold your tears as Gavin poured all of his heart to you. On your first night as a husband and wife. As your tears rolled down from your eyes, Gavin kissed the tears.

“Thank you for being alive. Thank you for still holding on.” Gavin kissed your eyes.

“I love you, with all of me, i love you.” Gavin whispered softly.

Your last defense broke. Tears keep on coming out of your eyes, turned into sobs. Gavin held you close in his arms, caressing your hair softly. You held his back, clutching your fingers at his shirt, clinging to him as if he would vanish if you let go.

“You’re not alone. I’m here with you. I won’t leave you alone. We’ll do this together, okay?” Gavin said. You nodded on his chest.

Gavin kissed the top of your head.

“It’s okay to cry, let it all out. I’m not going anywhere. Life has been so hard on you, hasn’t it?” he soothed you. You nodded again.

“You too, Gavin.” you said between your sobs. Gavin went silent, he let you finish. “You’re not alone. Share the burden to me too. All of your happiness, your sadness, everything. I want to know more side of you, want to share the smile and tears with you.” you said, albeit taking it long cause you were still crying.

“I love you too, with all of me.” you said, raising your head to meet his eyes. He looked sad, but smiling nonetheless. Gavin caressed your cheek and pulled your face closer. He closed the distance, sealing your lips on his. You angled your head, deepening the kiss while your eyes still letting out stream of tears.

The kiss was soft.

He pulled away from you, placing his forehead on yours. He stayed there for a while, closing his eyes and he pulled you to his hug and rubbed your back in circles trying to soothe you. It didn’t take long before you began to feel sleepy and fell asleep while still crying to his chest.

You felt lucky to have him.

Gavin walked inside his apartment, lightheaded. He looked around the empty apartment. He sighed, taking off his jacket and backpack, leaving it on the couch in the living room. The painkiller still had effect on him and all he needed was hitting on his bed and enjoy rare off days with peace.

The rescue team found him trapped inside the debris after 4 hours digging. He was lucky that he was trapped with several holes for oxygen and enough space so he wasn’t crushed. He was sure he’d be dead if he wasn’t so lucky. As soon as he was getting treated in the hospital, the doctors was sure what happened to Gavin was a miracle. He wasn’t badly injured, just a few scratch on his back, arms and bruises. It’d disappear within 2-3 weeks. Gavin was known to have an outstanding healing ability, but to survive such explosion, he was more than lucky.

“Must be the determination to propose her.” Eli teased on his hospital bed as Gavin flipped some papers to make reports.

Gavin rolled his eyes. “You just need to get yourself heal quickly, Eli. I don’t plan on doing your part or paperwork forever.” Gavin said.

“Sheesh, Gav, you know not everyone have your healing ability.” Eli huffed, pointing at his broken forearm. The pole did pierced through him and broke his humerus bone. Poor captain had to undergo surgery and hospitalized for at least a week.

“It must be her ability.” Gavin murmured.

“Oh, right. Both you and her survived the freefall from TV tower back then.” Eli shoved his food to his mouth, winced by the taste.

“Anyway, Gavin. Are you sure you don’t need to go home? She must be worried sick.” Eli asked.

Gavin contemplated what Eli said. He shook his head gently. “It’s okay. I already call her that i’m fine and i need to stay for paperwork for a while.”

“You have a week leave from commander, anyway.” Eli added. Gavin nodded in agreement.”I’d better finish this so i don’t need to work while resting at home. I don’t want any work disturb me while i’m on my break.” Gavin exhaled.

Gavin stayed for 2 days more in the hospital, along with Eli, while doing the paperwork on reports he had to submit. Also the doctors demanded him to stay longer to monitor his health. Gavin didn’t mind anyway as long as he wasn’t forbidden to do his work.

Gavin inhaled deeply. Inhaling the sweet cinnamon scent he was so familiar with. He opened the door to his room, finding the girl he dearly loved for years, sleeping peacefully on their bed. You were snoring lightly, slept on your side while hugging his pillow tightly. Gavin’s heart swelled seeing you. He changed his shirt and jeans into something a comfortable shirt and boxer and walked to the bed. He froze when he saw trace dried tears on your cheek and the pillow was still half wet. You were crying before sleep. Gavin took away the pillow from you ever so careful not to wake you. He covered you with the blanket and laid next to you.

Gavin stared at your sleeping face, your swollen eyes. He cupped your face, wiping the dried tears trace on your face. Gavin got a message from Minor, telling that you took several days off starting yesterday, after making sure Gavin was found and saved. He caressed your hair slowly, afraid that he would wake you up.

“Gavin…” you murmured in your sleep, scooting closer to Gavin, burying your face to his chest.

“Don’t go…” you said. Still sleeping.

Gavin felt another pang in his heart. 

“I’m here.” he said softly, kissing your head. “I’m home. I’m not going anywhere.” Gavin put his hand on your back, trapping you on his chest.

Gavin inhaled, smelling his own shampoo on your hair. You had habit of using Gavin’s shampoo everytime he was away from home for days.. That also explains why you were sleeping in his shirt, which was too oversized for you with (luckily for Gavin) a shortpants underneath. Not that Gavin mind, but he always love smelling your strawberry shampoo. Smells sweet, like you.

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to come back.” Gavin whispered. He knew he would repeat on saying the same thing once you were awake.

“But i’m fine. You see, i’m fine. Thank you for lending me your power.” Gavin continued, smiling.

“I love you, really. I always did, always will. Thank you for choosing me.” Gavin felt his face flushed, but he didn’t care at this point.

Gavin exhaled. He wanted to rehearse the same sentence he had been wanting to say. At least you were still asleep.

“Will you marry me?” Gavin asked. 

“I will.” 

Gavin’s sleepiness faded away in an instant. You stirred in his hug, turning your head to meet his face. Gavin’s face flushed to his ears was what you see when you opened your eyes.

“I thought..i thought you were still sleeping.” Gavin was loss of words.

“I did, but when i awoke you asked me will i marry you or not. So i answered.” you said, with such innocence Gavin wished he could just run away from embarrassment..

“D-do you, do you mean it?” Gavin asked again.

You nodded your head. “I do. I wanna be your bride.” you nodded.

“I..i was supposed to propose to you when i picked you up from work the other day, but the mission came up. I said those as a rehearsal, thinking you were still sleeping--” Gavin was cut off by your lips on his.

It was a short kiss. You let go, smiling at Gavin.

“We can do it properly later. At least you’re here. You’re home.” you cupped Gavin’s dumbfounded face. He blinked several times.

This girl is unbelievable.

“I want it to be special.” Gavin muttered his protest. “Like in those romance movies and dramas you watched.”

“I thought you dislike those kind of things?” you couldn’t keep your teasing.

Gavin cleared his throat. “I don’t really like watching those but it’s your favorite so..” Gavin hung his sentence midway, lost at words and lost at how you smiled teasingly at him. There would be no end to you teasing him when you had chance. Gavin exhaled and pulled you close to him, burying you to his chest. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to get back.” Gavin said. “I’m home.” He kissed your forehead.

“Welcome home.” you said, welcoming his kisses on started on your forehead, the tip of your nose, your cheek. You giggled. Gavin stopped his light kisses right in front of your face. He was close, too close. He could feel your breath on his lips. Your face turned shade of red.

Cute.

Gavin closed the distance by taking your lips in his. You closed your eyes, placing your hands on his neck and the back of his hair. Feeling how soft his hair was. Gavin nibbled your lower lips, earning a little gasp from you and just like that he entered your mouth, lapping your tongue, licking it lightly. Gavin shifted and moved on top of you, angling his head so he could kiss you deeper. One of his hand searched for your hand on his neck. He held your little hand tightly in his and put it beside your head, pinning you.

The way you groaned and whimpered when Gavin sucked your tongue made him feel lightheaded while all the blood rushing south and he realized he needed to let go for you to breathe. Gavin pulled away, leaving a string of saliva between you and him, which Gavin quickly licked from your lips. Your breathing heavily, half lidded eyes staring back at him, and flushed face. You raised your other hand to cup his face. Gavin held your hand on his cheek, kissing your palm and fingertips.

“Gavin, how about your wounds?” you asked.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.” Gavin stared at you, smiling.

You didn’t buy his answer, you furrowed your brows. “You need rest, Gav--” you didn’t finish your sentence when you feel something hard touching your core. You looked at Gavin, he was staring at you, clearly with lust but still trying to restraint the desire. But if you did say the no word, he would gladly stop. It was always like that between you and him. He valued your comfort more than anything.

“...when was the last time we do it?” your sudden question caught Gavin off guard and it was his turn to blushed, right to his ears.

“I..i don’t know? A month? You were busy with the show and always got home tired.” Gavin answered.

“Oh, right.” you remembered you were busy for a whole month and you always went back home too tired to even took off your clothes and Gavin was always there to help you changed your clothes. 

An idea popped in your head. You let go of Gavin’s hand and raised to sit. Gavin took the hint and sit along with you. Once you were both sitting face to face. “Can i be on top of you?” you murmured. Gavin nodded and he laid on the bed while you straddled him. It wasn’t the first time both of you were in this position but it was still embarrassing for you. You laid on top of your boyfriend, claiming his lips once again, which he gladly accepted. His hand found the back of your head and caressed it softly.

When you parted your lips with Gavin, he took the chance to kiss your jaw, down to your neck. You wiggled but his grip was as strong as ever. He kept you in place, trapped in both of his arms as he licked your neck, nibbling on it until he finally bit your neck. You closed your eyes, a moan escaped your lips. Gavin groaned right on your neck and bite it hard. You were sure it’ll leave bruises later on. Gavin licked the place he had bitten and kissed it.

“Are you..okay in this position?” you asked. Gavin nodded on your neck, leaving love marks along your exposed neck.

“You smelled like me.” Gavin murmured. Your face went red, again. “You scent always calms me down so i used your shampoo--ah” you moaned when Gavin’s hands held your hips in place made you feel his arousal.

“You don’t need to do anything, Gavin. I’ll do everything today.” you told Gavin. Didn’t know  where the confident came from. But you were determined to make Gavin feel good. It was always him who worshipped you and always make you feel good, now it was your turn. Gavin wasn’t sure but he finally nodded.

Gavin wasn’t sure if watching the way you took of your (technically, his) shirt was way too sexy or he was really that horny. He gulped hard at the sight of you only with your sport bra and shortpants. You, realizing that Gavin was staring at you, decided not to look at him and fumbling to take off your sport bra. It wasn’t the first time you’ve ever had sex with Gavin, but due to both of your busy schedule, both of you couldn’t do it...regularly like other couples do. If not Gavin busy with his mission, it was your tight schedule with editing and brainstorming some stuffs till late.

You flinched in surprise when you felt Gavin’s fingertips on your waist, tracing the line of your torso to your hips. “Beautiful.” he murmured. You bit the inside of your cheek, flustered. It was your turn, placing your head on his shirt, signaling him to take it off.

Both of you didn’t even care when the clothes were scattered around the room. You’d collected them later anyway. You were sitting face to face to Gavin, both naked. Even if you could clearly see his arousal, your focus was on the fresh wounds on his body. Gavin’s body was what you expected from a SWAT officer who trained regularly, with all the muscle. But he also had wounds, scattered along his body. Your heart swelled. The wounds weren’t that fatal, but it was enough to make you tried to hold back the tears from your eyes. Your fingertips touched one of the wound, looking at Gavin, tried to see if it was hurt. But Gavin was staring back at you.

“You have new wounds again.” you said.

“Well, it can’t be helped.” Gavin said non chalantly. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” he added.

Gavin was about to take your hands away when you kissed near his new wound. He was surprised. “I’m glad you come back.” you said.

It was Gavin’s heart who swelled by your actions. He raised his hand, cupping your cheek, turning you to look at him. When you did, he kissed your lips. “I will always come back to you.” Gavin said. “I won’t leave.” he said again, assuring you. You smiled at him.

You pushed Gavin back to bed slowly and he obeyed. You didn’t waste any time to straddle his hips. Placing your hands painfully slow to your own core, you stared at Gavin. He trained his eyes on you, watching. One finger went in smoothly, you groaned. Gavin tried so hard to not thrust his hips at you. You looked at Gavin, biting your lips trying to stiffled your moan as you took one of Gavin’s hands and you let go of your finger, replacing it with Gavin’s finger instead. Two at once. You instantly parted your lips, moaned.

“...you’re wet.” Gavin commented as he thrust his fingers inside you. You gasped, another moan escape your lips.

Third finger went in and you grinded at his fingers, trying to meet his finger’s thrusting inside you. When Gavin curled his fingers you began to lose yourself to pleasure. But it wasn’t your intention. You wanted Gavin to feel good too. You pulled Gavin’s fingers from your pussy, whimpered at the loss but you still had another work to do. What you didn’t expect was Gavin took his fingers to his mouth, and licked all of your juices in his fingers.

“That’s dirty, you know.” you playfully pinched his cheek.

“It’s...rather taste good.” Gavin grinned. You bite inside of your cheek. “Nothing about you is dirty.” Gavin added.

There Gavin goes, worshipping you.

You held his erection in your hand, smearing the precum on the head. You smiled when you Gavin parted his lips, closing his eyes. His breath hitched. You began to pump his dick, painfully slow. Gavin groaned in frustration. But he didn’t say anything, he just gripped the bed sheet, letting you take lead.

Gavin called your name, pleading. “If you do that slow...i..honestly don’t know how long i can hold on.” he said. “Please--Mmmhh!” Gavin’s sentence cut halfway when he felt something wet enveloped his dick. He threw his head, sinking to the pillow, knowing well that it was your mouth. You smiled as you began to take more of his dick in your mouth.

“Shiiiiiit.” Gavin began to curse and gripping the sheet tightly his knuckles turned white.

You huffed, couldn’t fit his dick anymore in your mouth, you used your hand on the base instead, while licking him inside your mouth, bobbing your head. Gavin groaned. But you didn’t give him blowjob for long, you let go of his dick and began to straddled him again.  You whimpered when you teasingly grind his dick with your dripping wet pussy.

“Wait..” Gavin suddenly said. You looked at him, tilted your head.

“C-condom..” Gavin eyed the nightstand beside you.

“We’re good.” you said, assuring him. “What?” Gavin asked again, didn’t believe his ear.

“I take...pills starting last week so we’re good.” you smiled shyly.

It didn’t take long for you before you grip his dick and lowered yourself, feeling yourself being filled.

Gavin really wanted to just thrust his dick inside you and have his way. The way your inside clenched around him made him lost his mind. It took a while before you finally got all the way in and you moaned by how deep Gavin’s dick filled you to the hilt. You stayed there, trying to catch your breath before you slowly raised your hips and thrusted back at him.

Gavin gripped your thigh and helped you raised your hips. Letting you set the pace as you lowered yourself down at him, grinding him. But Gavin’s self restraint faltered when he heard you moaned his name.

“Ga..vin..” 

Gavin couldn’t take it anymore, he thrusted his hips meeting yours. You placed your hand on his chest, trying to meet his thrust. The way your eyes rolled back, your parted lips right in front of his face, Gavin began to thrust you faster. He raised to sitting position, while still thrusting you. His lips lashed yours as you circled your arms on his neck, pulling him close. The new position made you feel his dick more and you began to lost in the ecstasy but Gavin decided to slowed the pace, made you whimpered.

“Gav..iin..please..more..” you managed to say. You gasped at how Gavin’s dick swelled more. He whispered in your ear. “I’ll give you..everything.”

With that Gavin pounded you faster. You didn’t even care you were moaning mess as he keep on hitting your gspot easily with the new position. “You’re...so good.” you managed to say. Gavin’s restraint was already broken and he pounded at you as fast and hard as he could, making you bounced in his lap. It didn’t take long before you could feel knot in your stomach.

“I’m...i’m close…” you said between your moans.

“Let it out, cum.” Gavin commanded in your ears.

With that you finally let go and cum while Gavin rode your orgasm with painfully strong and fast speed. When you were done you kissed Gavin sloppily, nibbling his lips. Gavin’s thrust became more erratic as you clenched on him as you came. He was close, you could tell. You could hear his moan right to your ear so it was your turn to whisper the trigger to him.

“Gavin...fill me.” 

Gavin released inside you. It took a while before he stopped letting out his seed inside you. He pulled you to him, kissing you sloppily as you could feel his dick went soft inside you. Both of you pulled away. You could feel something wet trickling down your thigh when Gavin pulled out. Gavin already took the tissue box on your nightstand.

“Stood up, i’ll help you clean.” Gavin said but he stopped when he saw his cum trickling down. He gulped at the sight and cleaned your thigh and pussy carefully. He would need to get use to seeing it as he don’t need condom anymore.

~~~~

Both of you had showered and snuggled inside the fresh and new sheet and blanket. Gavin’s painkiller’s drug already lost its effect and now he could feel all of his body felt sore and he wanted to sleep. When Gavin almost drifted to sleep he could hear your soft sob. Gavin cupped your cheek and pulled your head’s up to look at him.

“What’s wrong?” Gavin asked, began to worry. “Why’re you crying?”

You sniffed. Tears coming out from your eyes. “I’m just...glad you come back.” you managed to say between the sobs.

Before Gavin could say anything you opened your mouth to say something. “I..i was scared. I was really scared when you called that night and suddenly i couldn’t hear your voice anymore. I thought you were--” you couldn’t finish your sentence. Gavin pulled you to him, hugging you tight in his arms.

“But i’m back, right? It’s okay. I’m okay.” Gavin assured you.

“But Gavin, what’d i do if something ever happened to you?” you choked a sob.

“You know, before we were together, i thought as long as you’re safe, what happened to me didn’t matter.” Gavin caressed your hair. You could feel soft wind blowed around you, trying to calm you down.

“But you’re here. You choose me. Now i have a reason to come back home alive, because you’re my home. You’re..the only place i turn to.” Gavin said softly. “I’m sorry i always make you anxious waiting for me to come back from mission. But i promise you this.” Gavin hold your hand, entangling it with his.

“I promise that i’ll always come back to you, no matter what, no matter how.” Gavin kissed your teary eyes. “I’m here, i’m home, so please, don’t cry.” Gavin said.

“You promised.” you said to Gavin, staring at him with your puffy tired eyes. “You promised you’d propose to me once again, properly. If you really want to be my husband then you have to stay alive.” you told him. Gavin wiped your tear’s trace on your cheek away. He smiled, nodding his head.

“I will.” Gavin said. 

Gavin stared at your sleeping face as sleepiness began to take him.

You were the one who saved me when i was about to die.

You showed me that world is beautiful, even without you realizing it.

You choose me.

I wouldn’t waste away this life you’ve given to me.

“I really am sorry for dragging you in this. Direct order from commander.” Eli apologized again in Gavin’s earpiece.

“Can’t do anything about it.” Gavin stared at his wrist watch. 8PM.

“How’s the situation there, Eli?” Gavin asked.

A pause. Gavin could hear several footsteps, hurried ones.

“Not that good, i’d say. We’ve encountered the suspect, but he keeps on resisting and decided to use his evol against us--” Eli was cut off by a gunshot. “And he can use gun. It’s the matter of time before his evol goes out of control.”  he continued. 

“Is there any casualties from your team?” Gavin asked again as the driver parked the car he was in nearby a van. Eli’s squad’s van.

“...I lost 2 from mine already.” Eli said bitterly.

Gavin knew from the tone of Eli’s sentence that this will be a long long night. When he met at the rendezvous point with Eli the captain’s slick hair was disheveled. The suspect ran away and they had limited time to catch up to him. Both of them didn’t waste anytime and began their chasing. Eli was driving with Gavin beside him, on his passenger seat.

“His evol’s manipulating wind, just like you.” Eli began.

“It’s not a rare evol.” Gavin shrugged. “Several people have the same as mine.”

“Unless, this guy can fly certain objects and use them as weapon.” Eli paused. “He could stab your back without you even know it. 2 of my squad was stabbed on their neck by pole from behind.” Eli gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“...we need to get this one soon then.” Gavin nodded.

Just like Eli said, the suspect was dangerous. Gavin luckily didn’t lose any of his comrades while chasing him all the way inside empty factory building. But the suspect kept on resisting and didn’t let other people got close. He even had bomb in his body. Shoot at him, he’ll explode and Gavin knew from the looks of it, it was a medium scale bomb and if it explode, the whole building will collapse.

The young captain knew that he couldn’t talk it out to him, since Eli failed using that kind of approach to the suspect and Gavin recognized Eli’s ability as a negotiator. The only option they got left was capturing him alive, or kill him on site. But Gavin rather capture him alive.

But that wasn’t as easy as Gavin thought. There are remnants of the factory everywhere, can be used as weapon for the suspect.

The suspect decided to attack one of Gavin’s squad and effectively kill him, stabbing the pole to his neck. Gavin saw in horror as another, right beside him, fell. The air around Gavin turned violent. Seeing the suspect glaring at him, Gavin shot a bullet to suspect, easily avoided.

“Gavin, watch out!” Eli ran towards him and pushed him to the side. A pole almost stabbed Gavin’s heart, instead stabbed Eli’s arm deep, even the end of the pole got to the other side of his arms.

Eli fell to the ground, wincing in pain. Gavin hurriedly drag Eli to a nearby wall.

“Shit, Eli! Eli!” Gavin called Eli’s name, holding him in his arms. 

The captain shook his head. 

“Leave me, it’s okay. I can teleport outside on my own. You need to disarm the suspect.” Eli managed to say.

Gavin nodded, let Eli sat leaned to the wall slowly his whole body enveloped in faint glow and started fading, while Gavin stood and walked away leaving him. Gavin glared at the suspect, now became angry. The current air around him turned sharp and glowing dark. 

“Don’t come closer, or i’ll push the trigger!” warned the suspect.

Gavin didn’t care.

Gavin used the same technique the suspect used. Using his evol, he lifted a brick from behind the suspect. Gavin eyed at his remaining squad, then to the sniper. He nodded slowly, making finger signal behind his back. The sniper shot the brick, dividing the brick into two and one of them hit the suspect’s back. When the suspect looked the other way, Gavin used the wind evol to tackle him to the ground. Gavin managed to grabbed his hand and snatched the trigger away from him, tackling him with his weight.

Beep

Beep

“You would never catch me, officer.” was what the suspect said. The red light flickered on his body. 

The bom has activated. And display the countdown.

2

Gavin’s blood drained from his face. He wouldn’t have time to run.

“Everyone, take cover! Bomb’s activated!” Gavin managed to shout.

1

****

You jolted awake from your sleep. You were sweating and felt your lips dry, burn on your throat. You sat, grabbing your phone from the nightstand. 

1AM

You stared at your phone’s wallpaper. A photo of you and Gavin on your last year’s winter holiday. Both of you were smiling happily. You traced the phone’s screen, smiling. But the smile turned into frown. You knew how demanding Gavin’s work is. You knew you couldn’t make him stop or quit his job. Gavin took pride on what he does, protecting civilians, protecting you. But still the thought of him constantly on mission and it even took him days make you worried. 

And no incoming chat from him, meaning that he wasn’t finished with his mission.

You almost dropped your phone when it suddenly buzzing and ringing. You stared at the name of the caller. 

Gavin.

You didn’t wait any second to answer the phone.

“Oh thank God you called! Gavin, are you done with the mission?” you asked.

No answer.

“Gavin?” you called again, began to sound worried.

You heard Gavin’s coughing.

“Gavin? Gavin, are you okay?” your hand began to shake.

“Yeah, i’m ok.” you could hear Gavin’s hoarse voice.

“...are you sure?” you spat out. You knew Gavin. You know him too well that he was lying. But you told yourself that he wasn’t. 

You heard him chuckling lightly on the other side. 

On the other side, Gavin exhaled. He was leaning to the wall, he barely managed to escape and the wind evol he had managed to shield him. He could have died. He was still intact but all his body felt hurt and he could feel blood trickling from his head and shoulder. It would take a while before the rescue team managed to find him and picked him up. He already gave signals on his earpiece that he was alive, luckily again, most of his squad also survived.

Gavin was trapped. He couldn’t get out as his surrounding was filled with debris. He hoped he would last until the team found him. Gavin held the phone on his right ear. Listening to your voice soothe him. At least he wouldn’t be as anxious as if he had to wait alone.

“Will you come home in the morning?” you asked.

Gavin hated giving you false hope.

“I still need to work on some papers. Maybe i’ll come home at evening or the day after tomorrow.” Gavin managed to say. Wasn’t technically a lie. Also, he wouldn’t want to come home with fresh injuries like this and made you more worried.

“Oh...oh i see.” she said softly.

“Oh, by the way, the steak you cooked. It was so delicious.” you said, trying to make a subject.

Gavin smiled. “I can make you another one later.”

If i could come out alive out of this.

“You promise?” you asked.

Gavin froze. He felt a small box on his pocket. He took the box out and opened it. Staring at the ring, he frowned.

“...i promise.” Gavin said.

There was a silent.

“Hey, don’t cry.” Gavin said.

And there it was. He could hear your soft sobs on the other side. He felt the pang on his heart. He wished he could come home soon, hug you tight and wipe the tears from your eyes away. He didn’t call you just to hear you cry. Gavin slipped back the ring and the box and shoved it to his pocket.

“Please wait for me, okay?” Gavin hoped that would ease your worry.

“Always. I always wait for you.” you said, choking a sob.

“Then don’t cry. I wanna hear your laugh.” Gavin said, staring at the dark ceiling.

“You’re..weird.” you managed to say, your sobbing has stopped. Gavin smiled.

“I always love your smile, you know. I’ve always been, ever since we were in high school.” Gavin said.

“But i used braces back then.” you retorted.

“I don’t mind. You were still pretty. Even back then, even now. I want you to smile more often. I hope, i can always make you smile when you’re with me.” Gavin honestly said.

Gavin’s smile got wider when he heard you lightly chuckled.

“I always happy when i’m with you.” you said.

“I’m glad.” Gavin closed his eyes.

Silent.

“It might took a while for my rescue team to find me. Before then, i wanna hear your voice.” Gavin said.

“Oh, i see. I hope you’re not badly injured.” you said.

Gavin’s turn to laugh.

“Please lend me your power. I’ll come back to you. I promise.” Gavin exhaled, feeling light headed.

“I’ll be waiting for you at home.” you said.

“Hey.” Gavin called. His conciousness began to fade away. But he tried to stay awake. He needed to say this.

“I love you. I always do.” 

You froze. You tried to call his name but he didn’t respond. Tears coming out from your eyes and your eyes got blurry.