ayy lmao

Everyone around here is a faster runner than I am. This is because of natural selection. [pulls out a massive sword engraved with the words "NATURAL SELECTION" on the blade] Start running.

watching my promised afternoon thunderstorm slip from a 90% chance to a 20% chance.... baby come back i can change

i was a kid asking questions like "when you say to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10 do you mean relative to what i have experienced before or what i could theoretically experience in the future because what if i say 8 and then later i get twenty billion papercuts and i realise relative to that this pain is a 1" and they would reply "just focus on what you know, you literally had your foot ran over by a ford focus" and id say "well exactly but it could have been both feet which i know would surely be worse" and it still took years to diagnose me as autistic

Trying to take care of yourself when you're sick is so annoying. Like you know you should probably eat something and you're trying to question yourself on what you'd want to eat, and the only answer is your inner voice of dying Jane Austen going "I desire nothing but death". well ok you dramatic sickly bitch do you want that with garlic or hot sauce.

Hey! All of your drawings do not need to be completely unique from one another. Do you know how many versions and replicas of his Sunflowers Van Gogh actually did? Just draw that naked guy ten times. Reuse that colour palette. Do that pose again. Follow your heart for real, no one can care as much as you do.

save: floppy disk -> up your ass

Do not the floppy disk up your ass!

its me boy I'm the floppy disk talking to you inside your brain listen to me boy put me up your ass

You know for the first 18-ish years of your life everyone your age is mostly doing the same things and then all of a sudden every year for the rest of your life somebody your age is getting divorced while somebody else just learned what a leaf is and you have no idea what’s going on or what you’re supposed to be doing

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

i like the phrases "it's not for me," "it's not my thing," and "i'm not the target audience" because they're the most concise way to express "this thing that you enjoy has merits but idgaf about it" without being aggressive