HIGHER THAN A PROPHET VELEN

i sense that someone has shat out a glut of eggs…. or diarhhea?

Oh, sorry, that was me. i figured since i’m dying soon i should get these eggs out while i still can. 

why the hell are you dying??? is it something you ate? i told you only i can handle spicy food :(

it was a rly spicy tear of elune. i think. idk the dream was weird, also velen was poledancing in it. 

*He whips his head around really fast and wafts the smoke away from his face.* HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY THURSDAY BINGO NIGHTS?

we go to the same bingo hall you absolute weapon

Yeah then how come I’ve never seen you

i sense that someone has shat out a glut of eggs…. or diarhhea?

Oh, sorry, that was me. i figured since i’m dying soon i should get these eggs out while i still can. 

why the hell are you dying??? is it something you ate? i told you only i can handle spicy food :(

it was a rly spicy tear of elune. i think. idk the dream was weird, also velen was poledancing in it. 

*He whips his head around really fast and wafts the smoke away from his face.* HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY THURSDAY BINGO NIGHTS?

you ever just see a dog and ❤️❤️🐶❤️❤️

Kil'jaeden....

sexy velen

sexy velen in lingerie

…oh no this isn’t google, is it?

nice

But prophet, I am still your student! :-O

god anduin not everything is about you this was a rhetorical question

*pulls out light’s heart* my bong.

*looks at it* so did i ever tell you about the time my son died 

*dissolves*

*growls at you* hurmph

*notices your bulge* OwO whats this

*pulls out light's heart* my bong.

An angel like draenei old man would all a sudden fall out of the. Crashing into the water* hey

*blushes* hey

*growls at you* hurmph

*sniffs as a tear runs down his face and outside in the cold* im so useless to this world it nothing but drama why

An angel like draenei old man would all a sudden fall out of the. Crashing into the water* hey

Huh? Oh. *He looks genuinely shocked.* Ah, yes! The legion! We will beat them somehow, don’t you worry your pretty little whiskers. *He leans in to whisper.* Maybe consider tossing that green cat of yours at them? Might scare them with it’s growling and red eyes. *He shrugged.*

Uh, thats not a cat, Velen, that’s Gul’dan. And I’m not sure throwing him at the Legion is a good idea but, uh, I’ll make a note of it probably. 

*looks pretty fucking pissed off and is actually growling*

Huh? Could have fooled me. *He grabs a pipe from up his sleeve and begins smoking, the entire room glazed in the white fog and when it dissipates... Velen is gone. But light's heart is on the fucking floor.*

*Looks down at Light’s heart and begins to stroke his massive beard.* Ah, yes! Finally. My amazon light express delivery of my na’aru bong has arrived. Blessed be this day. *He puts Light’s heart under his robes.*

*looks confused* …Oh. So… you getting as high as possible is somehow instrumental to the Legion’s defeat? 

Huh? Oh. *He looks genuinely shocked.* Ah, yes! The legion! We will beat them somehow, don't you worry your pretty little whiskers. *He leans in to whisper.* Maybe consider tossing that green cat of yours at them? Might scare them with it's growling and red eyes. *He shrugged.*

*seems to change his mind about destroying Light’s Heart at this moment and turns the Scepter on Velen instead for that horrible entrance* 

*turns around* No no, don’t kill him Gul’dan, he’s important! *takes hold of Velen’s elbow and leads him to Light’s Heart* So this thing fell from the sky and told us to bring it to you. Does this… mean anything to you? 

*Looks down at Light’s heart and begins to stroke his massive beard.* Ah, yes! Finally. My amazon light express delivery of my na’aru bong has arrived. Blessed be this day. *He puts Light’s heart under his robes.*

*seems even more disgusted now* How can I make sure I never have to see that horrible human again? Can we destroy this device?

*is still staring at Light’s Heart with complete contempt and is slowly reaching for the Scepter while he thinks Khadgar won’t notice*

*A cloud of smoke begins to emanate from Khadgar's asshole and suddenly it forms into Velen, he looks around and notices Gul'dan.* Strange toad, where am I?

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SEE IN HIM? AM I INSUFFICIENT?!?!?!?!

YOU’LL NEVER BE HALF THE MAN VELEN IS, YOU SLIMY TREE-HUMPING FUCK

Pfft. YOU’RE ONE TO TALK. He faked his own people’s extinction just to get away from you.

nah i actually did that for a dare lol