moonshine

“And would’ve pulled it off if people knew to stay in their lane,” Unlike Jeremiah Justus had never wanted to come back alive, he was fine being gone. “Yeah, I guess you are right,” When push came to shove Justus was still a family man and that was not going to change, this time it happened to be Thea before that it had been Felicity and Alejandro and Preston – they had all taken their turns of when Justus came and did his best to protect them, that was his innocence at the end of the day. Believing that with everything as fucked up as it was with the Adolphs there was still a family to fix and now he was involved in two fucked up families – it was the gift that never stopped giving apparently. “I’m dramatic? Funny because I swear last time I saw you, you were doing the drama role about your powers and you’re still in that act,” Watching Jay panicing somehow brought him some laughter in his life, it probably was not a good sign for their relationship – their nonexistent relationship. “I’m glad I can help you appreciate the small things. Lord knows you need to be more humble and thankful for shit,” he concurred as he cracked his knuckles, “It never goes out of style.”

“That wasn’t an insult, you’ve come closer to dying more than any immortal I know.” Justin had never pulled it off but he had come close many, many times.  Jay rolled his eyes at Justin’s words. He was starting to think that Justin was so stuck in the past he would never see what was in front of him. “You know it’s almost funny because before all of this, you were still on the ‘I’m not an Adolph’ train. Interesting how you’re suddenly back on.” Jay had always known that Justin was an Adolph and a Clark but Justin had lost sight of it. “I chalked it up to you being dramatic, not the fact that you didn’t have your younger sibling in town. You make me grateful for my father being cursed.” Jay was an only child because his father had been exceedingly stupid and getting himself cursed that he’d never have more children. Which was perfect for his mother who had seduced his father in order to get his wealth and power. Jay had betrayed his family, his friends, everyone he ever loved. It was good he was an only child, all things considered. “Is that different from your regular suit? All you ever wear is black anyway.” 

“Make sure you leave plans for someone to do just that,” Justus had been trying to track down who had decided it was a great idea to bring back Jeremiah, especially right now. They should have waited for Juliette to give birth or something like that. “I am not going to be spilling anything out. You made it very clear last time that there is nothing to spill. But right back at you I don’t want some cheap ass death bed confession from you.” Not that Jay was going to die any time soon but if he told him that then he would connect the dots and that was not something he wanted to deal with. The fact that Jay was annoyed with him was a normal that he was okay with and didn’t want to change it. “No, she has her own life to live and it’s not like we’re sharing secrets. She just needed to see who she could trust.” And have someone on her side since everyone just got their things and left. “Shouldn’t you be trying to hide and not be open to threats or are you still going on with your suicidal moods? I can tell you Jeremiah has about twenty things to do before he gets to you.” 

“If your brother pulls off killing me, I will bring myself back and kill myself out of shame,” Jay snapped. He was absolutely not going to let that stand. Of all the enemies to polish him off, an enemy by proxy was not how he was going to go down. He wouldn’t let it be that way. He could stomach the idea of Justin killing him. Not Jeremiah. “To be completely honest, I really don’t want the last thing I hear in this world to be you dialing back your feelings out of guilt,” Jay said. He couldn't;’t stand the idea of them making up in any way because Justin was feeling guilty. He may have known the reason that Jay had lost his magic, but that didn’t make things any different. And if Jay was being completely honest, it was the fact that Justin knew and didn’t tell him, it was the fact that he didn’t care either way.  Anything past that and what the hell did Jay care if Justin didn’t tell him the truth. Did they really owe each other anything like that after all that happened. “Shouldn’t you be with your sister? Sharing secrets and braiding each others hair and shit?”

“It wasn’t your fucking choice to make!” Justus followed Jay’s line of sight, before their eyes met. “It wasn’t your choice. It wasn’t your secret – what are you not getting?! If you want to hide behind the fact that it was your duty. Fine. But don’t expect that lame ass defense to make me pardon you.” Because it wasn’t going to. Justus had broken his orders a million times for Alejandro; specifically when it came to Christal – so yes someone could break the protocols and the regulations for someone that they loved. If it was important to them they would find a way otherwise they would locate all the excuses. Maybe he would’ve had a worse childhood or maybe he would’ve stopped bending as far back as he could and breaking himself to look for the approval of someone that was not even his father. Why would he even expect for Jay to understand that? Even his own brother hadn’t understood that and kept that promise from him all these years. At least Justus was was treating both of them equally when it came to this. “Then my mistake Jay, I should’ve listen. Right toss it onto Alejandro I am sure when I get the lovely chance of talking to him he will toss it over to your side. It’ll be a great time I am sure. My bad, Jay. I should’ve listened to you, but don’t worry I will never trust you again. Won’t make that mistake twice.” And it was because of that, that he was going to just keep the fact that he knew that Jeremiah was alive to himself. Why would he walk back into another trap and expect a different solution. Jay had said it himself he had warned him, it really did fall onto Justus for putting faith in him. For allowing for his emotions to gather up expectations for someone that had no intent to every living up to them or wanting to carry that burden. “Alejandro knew and didn’t tell me shit – how the fuck do you expect me to treat him? Preston and Thea have been gone and sadly with them I am alright with and have a decent communication skills with and the issues that Felicity and I have are far more troubled than the simple fact that we do not share DNA. Yeah, it’ll be easier if everything was because I believe DNA makes family but it doesn’t – but the family I grew up – they’re all too self invested to be a family and the other half who I share DNA with well my morals don’t particularly align with them. But I am doing due, Jay. It’s what you have missed while you’ve been gone. That isn’t the issue.” Like he had told Felicity he wasn’t angry anymore. Rather there was a peace that he had – could call it. He didn’t know – maybe it was a somber sadness, was that even a thing? He had talked to Felicity about this, He didn’t know how to get through life anymore. Though the anger was gone so was the drive and push that had managed to push him through. “It wasn’t just that I am half Clark that fucked up my family or made me leave them. It’s the fact that I was lied by my older brother and you – two people Ithought I could trust – but you even said it,” He paused as his lips smacked against each other, “You had warned me and I guess Alejandro’s behavior should’ve told me better – so yeah. I just suck at choosing who to trust. At least Tabitha would’ve told me,” That he could stand behind one hundred percent. At least he had managed to have one person that he knew had his back no matter what. “Again go back to the first fucking point I made about it not being your choice. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, you should make it your damn motto.” He wasn’t even go into the fact about how he was physically beaten by his father, emotionally fucked by the years of not knowing and how everything had managed to come undone had managed to fuck him over ten times worse than if he had just been told the truth. Or how if it had been about his protection he clearly should seek up a new job because the only person that ended up with cuts was him – did his siblings fucking care that they were all fucked? No. Was Alejandro dying? No and his whole self loathing state he was in wasn’t a new development. Thea and Preston were surely fine. Juliette had accepted him with wide opens and Jeremiah was dead. So yeah – the only one that had gotten damaged had been he, “I really would hate to see what not being protected by you looks like,” he added referring the to protection comment. “You didn’t create me, Jay. My mother being a whore managed to do that. Guess she had more power than you. You know what? Thanks Jay.” He ended, knowing that perhaps he was just delaying the only outcome that could happen from here. “You’re right. I am stuck in the past because I know there is no present or future for us.” Because at least in the past he could think of a life that this - that they would’ve ended up differently, “Guess it’s just a closure thing. Sorry about your magic. Really.” After all he wasn’t going to get it anytime soon with how the cards were laying down but he knew Jay would fine a way because he always found a way to look after himself and now Justus had to do that as well. “There is nothing to discuss and there never will be.” Mostly because this time it would be Justus that would betray Jay. “I’ll get out of your hair, Thea has a place for me.”

Something in his words made Jay pause. A simple truth that he was fairly sure Justin hadn’t meant to say. He knew that Justin would never forgive any of them for the lie, he had known that even when his mother had hope that one day he would understand. Jay had drunk the poison willingly but at least he had known what he was doing. Not lived in the hope that one day things would improve after the dust had settled. “I’m sorry, heal you?” Jay repeated, “you think that growing up as a hybrid, with the Clark magic coursing through your veins while your father beat you and your siblings would have helped you?” Jay had very little sympathy when it came to ruined childhoods and less when it came to parental issues. If it was up to him, the man that he was, the man who had grown up as he had, would have stayed hidden until the end of his days. Jay didn’t let his past rule him because he got over it. Simple as that. He’d still like to dig up and kill every member of his family himself but that was a passing fancy. Nothing he would actually do. “One of the beauties of being an adult is not having to depend on your parents and their opinions for your survival,” he said. Jay rolled his eyes at Justin’s words. “I told you not to trust me. I told you I wasn’t as I seemed. I tried to warn you,” he said, “in every way that I possibly could. Your truth wasn’t mine to tell. You spent centuries glued to Alejandro’s side. I figured he was waiting for the right time, that he would tell you and your love and trust of your family would be enough to get you through it.” What a joke that had been. Alejandro had never told him and Jay had been forced to make peace with the fact that the oldest Adolph would rather have saved his own side of the relationship than reveal the truth. Family had wound up telling Justin, but not the family that Jay had thought would get him through it. Ironically it seemed less of Justin’s anger was directed at the brother who had ripped the bandaide off than the one who had tried to keep it on. “What everyone wants is for you to see that the only person who thinks of that family differently is you. You are still more wolf than witch. You still share the same amount of genetic material. The same past experience. Logically you know all of that. I’m just not sure you wish it was the case.” Even before all of it, he wouldn’t have called the Adolph’s the picture of a happy family. Or even a particularly well put together one. All being alpha’s from the curse, they constantly fought for power and to be in charge. But for some they seemed to want the pack to be together on an almost genetic level and others refused to think of another as the leader. Wolves. “Oh come off your high horse. You may hate me for what I did, but you know I was trying to protect you. Do you think the magic counsel would have let me create a super charged Clark hybrid? Someone else would have gotten that curse and you all would be bones in the ground. I turned against the only place I ever felt I belonged because of you. I spent a millenia lying to everyone so you would have a chance at--at being a person. Having a life. Being ready when you got your magic so you wouldn’t immediately turn into your brother. Not the lying one the murdering one. I am not saying what I did was right or that it turned out the way I was trying to make it, but I was on your side. I am on your side which is why I have no fucking magic at the moment and spent the past decade as a housepet.” That was his issue. When his demon side came in full he didn’t lose his humanity in the light, loose sense of the word. He lost his physical form. “There is no us to belittle, why can’t you see that?” the hybrid demanded, “I don’t want to be with you anymore than you want to be with me. You’re stuck in the past and I have no interest in joining you there.” Jay hated the past and Justin was wed to it, maybe that was their fundamental difference. Jay could and did move on. Constantly. He took what he wanted and needed and discarded the rest. He could hear his grandfather’s disapproval and he reveled in it. The past had been the justification for Jay to lie to the world. His life had belonged to the past from the moment he was old enough to understand the concept of a lie and the necessity of it. Worst of all he had believed the words. Believed the past and history was worth more than his own life. And now that past was nothing but he was still here. “ There’s enough to deal with in the present and a hell of a lot more in the future. But until you realize that, then there’s nothing about us to discuss.” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Jay.” Justus was already missing the anger that made these talks escalate so quickly that both of them would just walk out of the room. Instead here he was taking the rather passive avenue in life. Jay had done what he had thought was right and Justus truly did believe that people could do whatever they wanted but they also had to deal with the consequences that would come out of those choices this just happened to be theirs. “I am not the one that selected this topic for conversation you decided to,” Dear lord they were already doing this dance, he pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to understand what was going on here. People were coming back from the dead; people from the past were rally up and yet both of them were doing this god damn dance that Justus had no intention nor desire – yes for the first time – he did not want to do this fucking dance. The longer his frustration brew he could feel the anger wanting to slip back in. “Don’t want you dead. Trust me if I did you would’ve known.” Even Christal who he was never allowed to kill knew that he wanted her dead; at least back then he had now he just wondered how she was doing. Alejandro had managed to lose the love of his life and at the same time their bromance. That had never been an ending he had ever dreamt nor Justus. He had always thought no matter the bs and lies that happened between the two of them that they would always come up on top. “There is more to life than your fucking magic. So you got no magic. so you feel fucking exposed and naked welcome to my fucking life. That’s how i feel with magic. You go on. You make the best of a shitty situation isn’t that the hallmark bullshit you were all feeding me? Or do you need more pity parties for yourself?”

“Since when has what I think ever mattered?” It truly had no dent in Alejandro or his father. Then his sisters had been to preoccupied thinking about their love life to put their family – him first. There was no need to even get into Preston and he wasn’t even going to do it. Let’s just wrap it up in the notion that Justus was used to not truly getting his two cents appreciated. At this point he was annoyed with the conversation and how it was going. “I really don’t know.” Lie. But hey when everything was done and said then they could consider each other equal, right? He had lied to him about his entire existence and now he was not telling him why his magic was all fucked up even though he knew why. “Well I will put it this way. If I blame you it doesn’t get better and if I don’t blame you it’s the same result – at least this way I can placed the blame correctly, don’t you think? I mean aside of you I could blame my dead parents; which I do. Every other week I go to their graves and curse them. Then Alejandro – well I just pretend he’s dead and haven’t talked to him within the past decade. So I guess you just got the semi decent deal, would you not agree?” He ended up processing his entire life mess and the fall out. “Jay if I wanted you to die I think I would’ve taken the act a couple of minutes ago. So no I don’t want you dead. And no it doesn’t make me feel better. Any other fun questions you want to throw out at me?” The question was left in the air as he made a fist and and allow his chin to rest upon it, after all, it had been a while since they last played 20 questions.

“Then change your actions, you don’t want other people getting the wrong idea.” If Justus stayed in the angry stage for the rest of his life he would be fine. There wasn’t anything that he was missing truly. His relationships with his siblings were beyond destroyed, any effort he tried to fix it he was just reminded that he wasn’t an actual Adolph; and the impossible had actually taken place. Now whenever he saw them he could constantly hear his father yelling how he was not good enough. His relationship with Jay was perhaps at the moment the most civil it had ever been but it wasn’t like it was a solid foundation for anything; and how many centuries or years it would take for him to get over that little action was beyond his possible knowledge. So being angry – well at least it kept the conversation moving. “Just think about it as a payback – you know the whole losing magic. Maybe this time you don’t fuck someone else over.” It was a petty shot. One he knew he didn’t even want to take but whenever Jay ended up starting something Justus always had to go a step further and try to win a pointless fight. “You’re the one that came here and addressed me. Next time do you want me to just ignore you? I can do that. I got no trouble here. If you don’t want to talk then we can resume silence.” 

“Contrary to the impression my actions have given, my life doesn’t revolve around you,” Jay snapped, “it revolves around my magic which, I repeat, is missing.” It was messing with his head, not having it. He’d never been without it this long without knowing where it was. The last time he’d even come close was when the magic counsel found out he’d hidden a Clark for a thousand years, but at least they had the grace to take his consciousness with it. Now he was standing there powerless, without any of the illusions that let him function day to day. It was torture. “I know someone in your family has something to do with this and we all know what side you fall on when it comes to that.” Family man, through and through. Sadly Jay had once been a family man. Family above all. He’d just woken up to the cruelty of them. Justin was still asleep, probably always would be. Let him have his ignorance. Jay was in no position to protect anyone at the moment. And Justin would never accept that from him. “I’m sorry, are you trying to make small talk? Why don’t you just skip to the part where you tell me I ruined your life. I can fast forward to the part where I try to justify it. You ignore me and then we go our separate ways. There. I just fast forwarded the whole conversation and saved us both a lot of trouble. You're welcome." 

Justus wasn’t upset or disappointed by the words that Jay spoke. In many ways he had already known that they were going to come out. You played this game long enough and you found yourself knowing every move that was going to take place. In his entire life the only thing he had never seen coming was the fact that he himself, had been a bastard. That his own mother hadn’t had the guts to tell him about the truth and that his brother had justified himself for keeping it to himself all these years. Just like Jay had. In his mind his mother, Alejandro and Jay were all in the same level. The only difference was that Justus did love Jay,  no one could ever know the pain of going from not being able to love someone because you still could not accept yourself to accepting yourself and not being able to love someone because they had a cross a line that you did not know how to forgive. So for the rest of their lives Justus and Jay would be playing this bickering game and flirt with the line. In the back of his mind he hoped that he would become a better man and learn to forgive Jay – but that would mean he would have to forgive Alejandro and his mother and well if anyone knew anything about Justus it was that he didn’t do that too well. Not when a line had been crossed, he had rather died from the cancer than come back to his family and ask them to cure him. Perhaps he was a selfish prideful dick, but at least that was done on his own choice. “I don’t think you would be standing in front of period if things had not played out the way that they did.” He didn’t care about the physical exterior, he had known Jay’s soul. At least he had thought that they had. “Or maybe she will and no one will be able to save her. But who cries over a Clark, right?” This town had the habit of wearing their asses like hats for way too long. “People die all the time Jay, how many have you killed that were innocent? Even better who made you judge? The elders? A higher magic board? Your blood – sounds like pretty fucked up reasons but what would I know, just a hybrid too scared to reach my magic.” Maybe if people were honest with each other and spent a little less time judging others and more on themselves they would be able to see all their wrongs and fix what they could actually fix. “You can owe up all you want and people will still talk shit and think they actually have a idea of what you’re going through. Got an entire lifetime experience so you can fuck off with that logic. Don’t touch any of my family members Jay, you’re already on a thin line with I as it is. So if it means anything hopefully you’ll do the right thing.”

“I’m amazed you were able to narrow it down the top three since your life just appears to be one giant joke after another.” As much as he loved to take note about how this entire relationship came undone Justus was not one to actually say I told you so. Now that Thea was back in town that didn’t help cases. The only person that they needed in order to make it is a home run was for Preston to come out of the woods and say that he was alive – though he had to be. Surely they would have been able to tell if it was otherwise. At least that was what he was banking on, “I have no opinion on my sister’s love life.” Which he didn’t. What was he suppose to say? That Everett was an asshole? What room did he have? Justus was known for playing the field as well. He would want to say he wasn’t a manwhore but he did go from Hannah to Bridgette to – well by this point they all managed to just blur all in. So in reality he was the last person to pass any judgement on the man. Felicity’s horrible choices were hers as well. All he could hope for and actually wanted was for his sisters to actually make up and be siblings, was that too much to ask for? “Hey if that is the opinion you have about yourself and you don’t like it, fix it.” And just like that they were back to the Jeremiah debate; one that he did not even know his own position. “I think the final say goes to Juliette. As much as you love to flaunt your power and all that shit that is her brother and only reason she has not turn the world upside down on Everett is because he is somewhat of a family limb.” And even Juliette as much as she proclaimed to hate Everett and that one time she almost did kill him at the wedding, she didn’t. “Telling you to think twice of your steps that’s all.” Justus was barely getting over the fact that Jay had lied to him all these years. Sure in the name of his protection – but lying nonetheless.

“Isn’t that funny?” Justus always imagined that he was the only one in the world with such a terrible twisted humor that somehow had some honor mixed into it but Jay had to come out of his closet and trump him at moments. He was aware that half – if not all of their issues came out of everything that they did not talk about. Which was not something that should be tackled right now; not when Juliette was probably expecting the actual spawn of the devil and Felicity was walking around missing her heart and everyone ready to jump to say I told you so – not to mention if Everett was back that meant there was another cluster fuck waiting to happen which triggered Jay’s returned to just do something that he should not do. It was a fucking rabbit hole that Justus had to stay at the edge and watch. Or at least give his reasonable effort to do just that. “Everett loves Felicity,” And there was a sentence that he never thought he would utter; the disgust could not be hidden from his face. Instead he just shook his head as he did his best to forget that this was the same man that had been with his younger sister, “It’s just a classic example about why you should not get into a relationship if you’re not ready. – I am sure he will be fine. What can I say? I take joy in being consistent in all my spots.” He knew it probably should’ve rubbed him the wrong way; but after centuries of being the black sheep and joke nothing seemed to actually do any damage to him. “No. Jeremiah is family and perhaps instead of us all jumping to murder we should think twice. – Jay don’t get involved. Just don’t.” Not till Juliette actually figured out what the fuck she wants.