Dear Lord, I love hockey.

Merry Christmas! For Chris “Chowder” Chow, my fave Wellie, prince of babs, fictional goalie of my heart, a gift of holiday-appropriate SJ Sharks apparel (◡‿◡✿) 3 guesses which Samwell men’s hockey team upperclassman gifted him that (Bitty, it’s Bitty)

Looking to adopt an NHL team into your heart and home to ruin your sofa and teach you about love, patience, and dehydration but not sure where to start? Here is a handy guide to matchmake you with the exact right fit.

If you would rather host a BBQ and make everyone leave your house at the stroke of 8:30 p.m. than show up at the function after midnight: Consider the Edmonton Oilers!

If the precise opposite of that is true: The Boston Bruins.

If you’re an Aquarius: You just might love the Carolina Hurricanes.

If you’ve ever gotten into a fistfight with a smarmy STEM major and been applauded afterward: The Nashville Predators.

If you love to say, loudly and repeatedly, that you don’t care what people think about you but you actually really care, you care so much: Accept the Pittsburg Penguins into your heart.

If you’ve ever tapped a parked car with your car, gotten out and inspected the damage, decided there PROBABLY isn’t any, there’s that teeny scratch but that was probably there before, and actually it might be dirt anyway: The Montreal Canadiens, my sweet baby. The Montreal Canadiens.

If your DVR is super full of old House Hunters episodes that you FULLY intend to watch SOMEDAY: The Minnesota Wild.

If you’ve ever screamed at a loved one for deleting said episodes of House Hunters off your DVR even though they’ve been there for over a year: I feel you, and might I direct you to the Detroit Red Wings.

If you’ve ever felt an inexplicable thrill while lighting a fire outside of the context of a camping trip: The Anaheim Ducks.

If someone has ever forgotten to invite you to their birthday party, and then after the fact someone else who was at the party says “Why didn’t you come to the party?” and you have to lie and say you were busy that night even though you weren’t: The Ottawa Senators.

If you’ve ever leaned against a neighbor’s railing on a patio and broke it and offered to fix it but were told sincerely not to worry about it, it’s totally fine: The San Jose Sharks are your big goofy goodboys.

If you think butter and noodles make a legitimately satisfying meal: Columbus Blue Jackets.

If you’ve gotten dumped three times in the past calendar year but still have a good attitude about dating and think your next OkCupid date just might be the one! You never know! Gotta put yourself out there!: The Colorado Avalanche.

If you have mood lighting in your bedroom for when you want to sulk in bed and tell your cat how nobody understands you in an aesthetic way: The Arizona Coyotes.

BEYONCÉ

happy birthday lardo!! (x)