My Hidden Thoughts

i have a favourite person again fml :////

i have the choice at staying in a home with my brother who abused me or with my best friend who doesn’t care about me anymore... i wish i could just die

but i told everyone i was getting better...

it’s so unsettling that at the slightest bit of stress i consider just giving up

i rlly fucking wish i had friends that cared about me more

hearing my housemate giggle in her room with her boyfriend while i’m after stepping out of the shower and texting her 3 times to ask her if she knows what to do makes me want to scream. her fucking boyfriend is the one that messed up the shower anyway

the absolute rage of not being able to shower for days because you’re stressed about exams and it not working as soon as you get in there, still have shampoo in my hair i feel like the world is fucking against me

it sucks cos i’m seeing my favourite person choose her boyfriend (who overtime has just showed more and more red flags) over me and it makes me think that i must be the worst person on the planet

i feel bad because whenever i eat more than one meal my housemates think i’m getting better but i’m just binging :/ i’m not even trying to get better because i hate myself a lot and i feel really bad about it bc i know they just care a lot

someone i thought was cool dismissed my trauma today and honestly it really fuckin hurts i never feel like i’ve gone through enough to have bpd and no matter how much my therapist and my own research tells me otherwise it still fucks with my head

hate hate hate hate when scars get itchy

the girl i like is talking to a skinnier, prettier version of me and i dunno what to do :(

i feel like my cat was trying to stop me from self harming and i feel so bad, he was following me around while i looked for blades and tried to sit on my lap when i was doing it. i’m sorry kitty i’m just hurting