1) the risk to take when you choose to either “pretend & present the best side of yourself” or “really be truthful of everything”, because ultimately, interview is a process where both you and your interviewers really assess and decide if you fit the job & the job fits you. And you just don’t want to end up with a job that isnt really suitable for you at the end of the day. 

2) To be a teacher should not just only be the case where you want to teach, it should also about inspiring students, inspire them to learn and study. Do not try to be too overly confident in yourself, in a way that you want to impart your knowledge/teach the entire class etc. And thats simply because the higher your expectations, the more disappointed you will be. It is satisfying to know if you manage to teach/inspire at least that one student. Furthermore, nowadays, school aren’t focusing that much on imparting theory and knowledge to students, they focus a lot on providing internship experiences to students as well. 

3) Dont limit yourself too much in the field that you are looking at, yet try to also be selective. 

I really am at a lost in life. I am so so indecisive that i can never seem to be able to make a decision on my own, for the fear of making a wrong decision, feeling regretted, and then wishing that i could turn back the time. This is so bad. I just wish i could make a profound decision and never to look back.

Ultimately, i wanna have a good life in the future. But no one seems to be able to give me a really good advice and i cant possibly ask anyone to make a decision for me. Because this is my life anyway. 

Sigh.

I wish i can somehow predict the future. 

Going for summer studies at Korea? 

Pros:

1. To freeze my GPA

2. To get an easy life (clearing 2 mods in one month)

3. To experience and explore the world outside of Singapore and Malaysia

4. To graduate early to find a job earlier than all my peers

Cons:

1. There might be slightly more chance to get to first class, given that i have 7 more modules to clear. By going to korea, i would have to score exceptionally well this sem in order to get up to first class. (Even if my result drops, i can still be in the boundary of second upper class)

Sigh. 

Am I starting to get too demanding now? Asking more and more from you? Or that you are getting too complacent now? I really have no idea. 😞

It’s not that I really enjoyed picking on almost everything that you have done/ are doing; but it’s just that after I learnt and seen how others are being treated by their boyfriends, and the way how you are treating me, I feel sad. It’s not that you aren’t good to me. You are good to me, in fact, I don’t even believe that someone can be so nice to me at times. But, I cant help to feel that all these are just not enough as compared to others. Not really that I am comparing, but it does make sense for a boyfriend (being a guy) to carry heavy stuff for their girlfriend right? Especially when the stuff is so heavy and I am already carrying other things on hand! It does make sense for a boyfriend (in fact, just anyone) to hold onto another person when he/she crosses the road and fails to notice an oncoming car right? It does make sense for a boyfriend to share with his girlfriend first for just about anything before he chooses to let the whole world knows by posting onto Facebook right? (I mean do you need your girlfriend to know what happened to you through Facebook?) And it does make sense for you to ask if your girlfriend is alright when she injured herself?

He's cute, he looks like a really good, clever guy. A good catch that, you know, you have to grab it before he's taken. (I've no idea if he's already taken though).

I dont feel as much, as strong, when I think of him now; or when memories flashes across my mind. And it seriously makes me wonder if Im really desperate or fickle-minded. Because it hasnt been a year that I last saw him, and we had so much common interests/topics to talk about. I dont think I will ever meet someone like him anymore. Reason being, Im not good at talking and expressing myself; Its so hard for me to find someone whom i can talk to so comfortably.

Maybe all along coming to polytechnic is a wrong choice that i had made. Seriously? Is not that my gpa is not good enough, i even got a diploma with merit. What is this? Did i not study hard enough? Is my gpa not good enough? Just a life sciences course and i still couldnt get in. Or maybe it was just as simple that ladyluck is not on my side? As always. Since when, after praying hard countless of times that i didnt get the things that i wanted? Or all that.... is all because i didnt work hard enough? Hard, but not hard enough.

I havent reached 20 this year and yet i already feel so sick and tired of life. So tired. 好累。没一次都拼了那么多,却一无所有。从来只能被别人选择。自己呢? 选择,这东西,从来都没有我的分。

Utterly disappointed. Caring too much about someone you love seriously doesn’t pay off. My pure intention is to get some food to you just purely because the dishes were placed far (at least to me) away from you. Yet, what did i get in the end? I get a reprimand from you, because from the way you see it, i am actually “trying to help you get more food” for in case the food would be all eaten up by him -.- Isn’t getting food for the person you cared about in a dining table a form of concern? Do you think I would even give a damn if you are a nobody to me? I wouldnt even bother about you at all. Can you even reach the dishes? I wouldnt care. I admit that sometimes when I did something like this, i was doing so because he had been eating up all the food that he likes and leaving none for you. But that wasnt my intention at all. Why was i even told off for doing such a thing, for caring for you way too much because you can take the food all by yourself?! 

And then you continue again, reprimanding me of my bad attitude, studying way too much, book smart but lack of manners. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I studied hard, because I know how it feels to be poor, how it feels to be look down by others especially your own relatives, how it feels to be wanting to do something but was held back due to financial issues. And i want to study hard, work hard to get a well-paying job in the future, to prove to others that we are capable, i want you to lead a better life, i want to provide the best for my future family and children. I do not want the same stupid history to repeat itself again; that my children constantly have to worry about money issues too. No, i dont want that. And do you think I enjoy burying myself in these notes for 24/7?