100 MPH

Today, a coworker showed me an online preview of an art gallery called I Don't Believe in You, Either.  San Francisco artists Dave Eggers, Lisa Congdon, Jessica Hische, Alan Dye, Erik Marinovich, and several others have collaborated on a Sasquatch inspired gallery.  Guys, this is easily the best thing I've seen on the Internet in MONTHS.  

I've included some of my favorites:

Naturally, I emailed the link to my best friend, Jenna.  She works at a bank, so I knew to use her work email address so that she'd get it right away.  I'm supposed to only use it for official things, since IT often screens their messages, so I usually try to make things sound at least a little professional:

Did I mention that she's my best friend?

I've figured out a 9 step plan to getting someone to seriously critique your work

Set up camp. Preferably in a public area.  Let's say, Break Espresso, since I happen to be here right now.

Make an animation.  Of anything.  Mine happens to be of a drug addict in an alley.

Make a PERFECT animation.  Seriously, watch it a million times until you are sure there aren't any mistakes or anything you could have done better.

Batter eyelashes at attractive young man at next table.  Get him to come over to your table.  Reel him in.

Notice Photoshop open on his Macbook and instantly start chatting him up about the pros and cons of Adobe Products.  Insert kill phrase: "yeah, I'm working on this bit in After Effects today."

Make him want to watch said bit.

Use this line: "I've watched it about a thousand times, and I always notice this one issue that's bugging me.  If you don't see it, then maybe it's just me."  This way, he'll watch it more constructively and watch for that "one issue" you're talking about, even if you're sure there is nothing.

He either finds the "issue", or he doesn't.

Marry the attractive gentleman because he passed the test.

Did a fall shoot with the lovely Lauren Dursma.  Check out her blog, yo.

Watch out, world.  There's another Dillon on strings.

It all started a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Believe it or not, I actually started playing guitar before my brother did.  I started taking lessons from my school principal in 7th grade.  I did this for about 18 months, and then decided that cameras were way more fun.  I gave my guitar to Zak and then watched as he started taking lessons from the same guy, and loved it way more than I ever did.  Also had way more talent than I ever had.  I'm not kidding.  My brother is a stud.

Two weeks ago, I was hanging out with a friend, busking in the park.  He plays a mean g-fiddle, and I like to sing for him.  (We've actually made some significant money doing this, but that's another story.)  Anyway, he mentioned that he put strings on his second guitar and handed it to me and said I should learn.  Then he tries to teach me a G chord and I rattled off The Who's Behind Blue Eyes before I even knew what happened.  You should have seen Adam's jaw dropped.  You should have seen MY jaw drop.  Neither of us could believe that had just happened.  Apparently I remembered a lot more than I thought.  Before we knew it, we were jamming and harmonizing a rendition of Belfast Food's Kad Se Probudim, this sweet little Croatian tune.

Well, that happened.  I forgot how much fun it is to play an instrument.  How awesome you feel when 11 year olds in Caras Park ask you to play for them.  How I have to clip all my nails on my left hand so that I can properly play.  How I have sweet calluses again.  I see the draw all over again.  Needless to say, I commandeered my guitar from my brother.  I'm never going to be the next Jimi Page or anything, but when you think about it, no one else is either.

I never do app reviews.  But here, I have no choice.  I must share.

Sigmund is a project developed by MIT and Harvard that is designed to influence dreams.  There's all kinds of science involved to it, and I'll let you read a review here.  But to make a very very long story into a short story, you select 5 words that you'd like to dream about.  There's a list of 1000 you can choose from.  I like things like castle and space and planets and unicorns.  Then you set your phone volume according to the specifications and pick the time you want to wake up as well as an estimated time that you'll fall asleep.  Then, you actually wait to fall asleep.

The algorithm calculates at what time you'll fall into your REM cycle of sleep, and then once you hit that time period, the app speaks those five words you picked in some sort of pattern, and it's supposed to influence what you dream about.  I picked safe words for my first try like wedding and happy, as I was trying to avoid a particularly bad dream.  I was a total unbeliever.  But-

IT WORKED.  I had a dream about my wedding.  The goal is to incorporate as many words as you can into your dream, and I think I got three out of the five.  And it was weird.  However, I have to play with the volume settings.  I had it too loud, and I woke up to a word once.  But if you play it too quietly, you won't hear it at all.  Tricky business.  But I am a believer

There's an old Australian stockman lying, dying. He gets himself up onto one elbow and 'e turns to his mates, who are all gathered around and 'e says:

Watch me wallabies feed, mate

Watch me wallabies feed,

They're a dangerous breed, mate So watch me wallabies feed Altogether now!

Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down

Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl, Keep me cockatoo cool Ah, don't go acting the fool, Curl Just keep me cockatoo cool Altogether now!

Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down

'n' take me koala back, Jack Take me koala back He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac So take me koala back Altogether now!

Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down

Let me abos go loose, Lew Let me abos go loose They're of no further use, Lew So let me abos go loose Altogether now!

Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down

And mind me platypus duck, Bill Mind me platypus duck Ah, don't let 'im go running amok, Bill Just mind me platypus duck Altogether now!

Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down

Play your didgeridoo, Blue Play your didgeridoo Ah, like, keep playin' 'til I shoot thru, Blue Play your didgeridoo Altogether now!

Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down

Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred Tan me hide when I'm dead So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde And that's it hangin' on the shed!! Altogether now!

In a sweater poorly knit, and an unsuspecting smile, little Moses drifts downstream in the Nile.  A fumbling reply, an awkward rigid laugh and I'm carried, helpless, by my floating basket raft.  Your flavor in my mind goes back and forth between sweeter than any wine and as bitter as mustard greens, and it's light and dark a honeydew and pumpernickel bread.  The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead.

Go plow some other field and try to forget my name.  We'll see what harvest yields, supposing I do the same.  I planted rows of peas in the first week of July.  They should have come up to my knees, but they were maybe ankle-high.  Take the fingers from your flute to weave your colored yarn, and boil down your fruit to preservers in mason jars. And the books are overdue, and the goats are underfed.  The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead.

You're a door without a key, and a field without a fence.  You made a holy fool of me and I'll thank you ever since.  And if she comes circling back, we'll end where we've begun, like two pennies on a train track that the train crunched into one. If I'm a crown without a king, if I'm a broken open seed, if I come without a thing then I come with all I need.  No boat out in the blue, no place to rest your head.  The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead.