Christmas Writing Prompts!
1. “Did you break into my house??” “You refused to put up any Christmas decorations! What choice did I have?”
2. “We made too many cookies.”
3. “We are not getting that tree. It looks worse than the Charlie Brown one. Its not even charming.”
4. “You’re impossible to shop for!”
5. “Quick, the carolers are coming! Turn off all the lights and pretend you’re not home!”
6. “Don’t feel bad… you didn’t COMPLETELY ruin Christmas dinner. There’s still this… jello stuff.”
7. “Who brought the fruit cake? I just wanna talk…”
8. “ALRIGHT, WHO SPIKED THE EGGNOG?”
9. “Wait, that wasn’t sparkling grape juice? I drank like 5 glasses of it! No wonder everything is so funny!”
10. “I can’t believe I got stuck on a ski lift with you, of all people.”
11. “Listen, it isn’t my fault you broke your wrist trying to snowboard down that hill.”
12. “Who walks on an ice covered pond anymore? Don’t you know how stupid that is? You should’ve died in that pond. Natural selection.”
13. “Did you really take the time to knit me an ugly Christmas sweater that you know I’ll never wear?”
14. “I’m really nervous to meet your family…”
15. “Why are you so unphotogenic? I just need ONE good picture for the Christmas card.”
16. “Everyone shut up and pretend to be happy.”
17. “Everyone knows you have to pretend to like your in-laws.”
18. “*opens terrible gift* Oh… I.. I’m speechless. Thank you.”
19. “You’re either terrible at wrapping presents, or you’re one of santa’s elves. There’s no in between.”
20. “Don’t you think gingerbread houses with gingerbread men in them are kinda morbid? I mean, it’s a house made out of flesh.”
21. “Everyone knows you’re not actually supposed to eat the gingerbread house. Those things are stale as hell.”
22. “It’s not what’s under the tree that matters, it’s those who are gathered around it.” “Shut up and give me my present.”
23. “You’re getting coal this year.”
24. “Oooo, we’re under the mistletoe!” “No No No No- mphh!”
25. “Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.”
26. “Leave a little sparkle wherever you go!” “Im so sick of this holiday positivity BS.”
27. “The tree isn’t the only thing getting lit this year.”
28. “Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?”
29. “Christmas is so close, I can almost smell the mistletoe I’m never going to get kissed under.”
30. “You’re like a Christmas tree, you light up my world.” “I’m breaking up with you.”
31. “You’re the reason Santa even has a naughty list!”
32. “We all know damn well that Mariah Carry cares about the presents underneath the Christmas tree.”
33. “Parent hack; wrap empty boxes, and whenever your kid misbehaves, throw the box into the fire.”
34. “Forget Santa, we all know I’m on the naughty list. I’ll just buy my own stuff.”
35. “So, still no boyfriend this year, huh?” “Still no job, huh?”
36. “You could’ve put a little more effort into your appearance. You could be so pretty.” 37. “You could’ve seasoned this chicken a little better. It could’ve been edible.”
38. “So… when am I going to get a grandchild?”
39. “Who makes spaghetti for Christmas dinner?”
40. “That Christmas sweater is atrocious.”
41. “Don’t you dare bring that snowball in the house, DON’T YOU DARE-“
42. “Come outside and and have a snowball fight with us.” “I don’t really feel like it…” “That’s because you know that you’ll lose…”
43. “Who even came up with ice skating? Do you know what a terrible idea it is? Its like,,, strapping knives to your feet before getting on ice which you may or may not fall through.”
44. “Your Snowman looks a little like Hitler, maybe you should drop the mustache.” “Oh my god, you see it too?”
45. “We all know the only good thing about the holidays is my wine advent calendar.”
46. “How the hell do you even roast a chestnut. Do you have to crack it first, or what? And can you put them in the oven? Starting a fire is sooo much work.”
47. “My secret Santa got me a trashcan from Walmart.” “Mine got me a half eaten bag of chips and a tube of chapstick.”
48. “Stop eating all the popcorn! It’s supposed to go on the tree!”
49. “So you wanna… hot chocolate and chill?” “If you ask me that one more time, I will dump my hot chocolate on you.”
50. “My mom got me that ornament! Stop breaking them!” “Its not like Im TRYING to break them!”
51. “There’s more tape on that present then wrapping paper.”
52. “Can we PLEASE watch something else? This is the 3rd time we’ve watched elf today. And it’s November 1st.”
53. “Are you sure your family can eat all these cookies?” “What? No! These are just for us!”
54. “Santa is just a fat man who breaks into your house with little men who know if you’re good or bad. How do they know?” “Stop. You’re ruining Christmas for me.”
55. “Why can’t our house look like that?” “Are you kidding? Do you know what our electrical bill would look like if we put all those lights up on the house?”
56. “You know what’s terrifying? Those damn elf on the shelf things. They watch you all the time. All. The. Time. Think about that.”
57. “I let the kids decorate the tree, then when they go to bed, I completely start over. Because let’s be honest, they make a crap tree.”
58. “I have a decoraton in my bathroom. It’s a snowman holding a plunger and it makes stupid bathroom-christmas related puns. ‘Ho ho ho, whose gotta go?’”
59. “Who invented stockings? Like… why would I ever think to put presents in a giant sock?”
60. “In church I learned that some cultures, for Christmas, dress a log up with googly eyes and clothes, then beat it with a bat.”
