fushiguro

this blog is a museum of my heart

and before i forget: the revenge porn was worse than the decapitations. kill them (especially lestat) makes sense in armand's plans, but expose lestat's abuse like that was a low blow even for daniel.

i really do think the lestat and gabriella relationship is so well done when it comes to the incestual abuse. lestat is obviously struggling with it, dreaming about their relationship and waking up unsettled. he hides that gabriella is his mother because he knows the questions and comments he will get, he lies to everyone to make sure no one finds out the truth. he becomes defensive when trying to explain it. he's ashamed and confused and agitated. when he sets boundaries, she crosses them; when he rebuffs her, she abandons him. he spirals in her absence, growing increasingly desperate for the love he craves so badly, the love she used to get him into bed the first time, and he will take it any way he can get it, because that's the only value he's been taught to see in himself for other people, partly by her.

3x06 again hitting such nuanced and strong beats for their relationship. lestat's obvious discomfort with kissing gabriella, his reluctance and hesitance to fully commit to them running away together after the concert. his distress and terror at seeing himself exposed in this for the whole world to see, vomiting uncontrollably. his worst fears being confirmed when louis is disgusted and calls him sick, confronting lestat with his own shame and disgust he can barely acknowledge. lestat devolving into a full blown panic attack, barely being able to keep himself upright. him trying to constantly separate his mother gabriella (saying she's dead) from sofia, almost to make it more acceptable because if she's not gabriella, then she's not really his mother. trying to say that it only started when they were vampires, so it's not really so bad, but then staying silent when louis presses further on whether anything happened before. saying to louis that maybe he wanted someone to know what was going on, maybe for someone to acknowledge that this is wrong, to get him out.