BEAUTIFUL LIAR

Makakoa decided to give me an animal cracker in celebration, which is all I can ask from a four year old and more. 

My daughter drew me a card that says “Happy Mam Day” in green crayon, with a drawing of herself on the inside. 

I dread the day Makakoa and Devon end up going to school and bringing back somebody else’s gross child with no home training and they pee on my furniture because I told them no or something.

I don’t actually like children, much. I think they’re cute sometimes and deserving of basic decency, I like my children, but I can do without most other ones. 

Maybe I’m selfish. You have to earn your d/milf badge through half-chewed snacks placed in your palm by your gross little offspring. 

The willingness to see people older than you as a parental figure by default on this website is a little too telling. You are weird. Milf stands for mother I’d like to fuck, not random forty year old without children on the internet I’d like to fuck.  

I’ve been preparing a new habitat in the greenhouse for a few new arrivals. I am now in possession of a red-headed and Malayan krait, and a two month old striped coral snake. 

Blasphemy is a gateway drug. 

Feeding snakes in captivity is very funny when they strike. The babies take themselves so seriously. You are a little shoelace.

Ah. Thirty-six notifications. I see you all have been busy.