Herself & Himself

Himself: How was your day? Herself: I saw 24 dogs. Him: So it was a good day. Her: A very good day.

Himself: (Jokingly) Maybe I should just put it in the microwave with the metal lid on. Herself: Great idea, I've been wanting to meet a firefighter.

Herself

"Do Basic Bitches have a secret handshake? I feel like they should." - Himself

Himself: What are you eating? Herself: No, YOU shoved a bunch of stolen candy from your moms house in your coat pockets! Himself: What just happened?

Himself: What day is it? Herself: Friday. Himself: You mean Hooker Fridays? Herself: Hooker Fridays? Who calls it that? Himself: I feel that this conversation has taken a very judgmental turn. I'm not sure I like your tone.

(After receiving card that says "Happy Valenniversary) Herself: Oh no, no, no. I didn't Birth-mas you, you don't get to Valenniversary me! Himself: Looks like I just did.

Herself: Look this is normal... And this is me smizing. (Smizes) Himself: What's wrong with you? Do you have a tic?

Herself: I don't think we should get rid of the bookshelf. We currently have a storage deficit. Himself: No, we just have a Books surplus.

Herself: My arm hurts because I got my rabies shot at the doctors today. Himself: …. You mean tetanus? Herself: Uh, right. That.

Himself: What are you doing? Herself: Having a glass of wine with dinner. Himself: But we're having mac & cheese. Herself: Yeah and I think that pairs nicely with a dry Sauvignon Blanc. Himself: You're ridiculous.

Herself: Do you want a sip of my Irish coffee? Himself: Are you sure you want to give me coffee, sugar, AND alcohol? Herself: Uh, yeah. Nevermind.

Himself: My ice cream tank is empty. Herself: Please don't ever refer to your stomach that way in public.

I'm going to start referring to the dog as a "doghole." - Himself

"If you really wanted me to have a happy birthday you would have skipped the balloons and given me a tank of helium." - Himself

Himself: Why are you hiding things from me? I will fight you to the death for this! Herself: That seems an appropriate way to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. Himself: Happy anniversary! Herself: Fight to the death!