her scale

I haven’t gone to the gym in a few days.  i been a bit in a grief state lately, not trying to break.  i want to be better at emotional control.  i know the gym will help so much more.  then anything that i could possibly do. i have been going to yoga.  i am going tonight too.  i need to move more.  i have lost quite a bit of weight in 2018 - 30+ pounds.  i am so very proud of myself and so very blessed to have been able to move to that state.  

i hope to lose 51lbs for 2019 - i know i can do this too.  i will be more focused. i am going to the gym tomorrow morning.  

i’ve been working with a trainer now for almost 4 months.  i am super nervous about getting injured but i definitely see progress.   even if its just a tiny bit of progress. my friends see it too.  i am in my 180s now.  

i want to say “back” at the 180s but i know i’ve been working hard.  even though i also know that i could be working much harder.  i deserve the recognition for the effort that i am putting in. 

i hope i get to a flat belly soon.  i hate the saggy belly look.  

it feels like its going to take forever to get to my goal weight but i just want to keep going. 

i am grateful for my life. it feels lonely at times. but it is still rich and generous towards me.  i just have to keep faith that everything will work out much more beautifuller than i ever anticipated. apparently beautifuller is not a proper word according to spell-check. oh well! 

to the stars,