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My love,

Your voice brings me a warmth and joy that only you can give. Even through the phone, I hold onto it so closely, like you’re right next to me. I replay the sound of you in my head, trying to keep you near in every way I can.

I think about the cuddles and the little kisses we used to share, and it makes me smile… but then a sadness I never knew before we went long distance starts to creep in. It sits quietly in the back of my mind, but it’s always there—getting louder in the silence.

And lately, the silence feels like it fills my whole day. There are times I don’t want to talk to anyone but you. I try to distract myself—gaming, being around family and friends—but it only turns the volume down. It never really goes away. I can still feel it, even when I’m surrounded by people.

No one can fill me the way you do, my love.

You’re the sunshine in my world, the music in my ears, the love in my heart, and the sunset in my eyes. You’re the medicine when I’m hurting… the only place that truly feels like home, no matter how far apart we are.

I love you more than words can fully hold, and I miss you more than I can explain.

Always yours,

May 23rd

Today, I woke up, prayed, and made my bed. I spent time studying the law of attraction and took a lot of notes. I also practiced manifesting for the first time, and it was amazing to realize how much your thoughts truly matter. Self-negativity only holds you back from success—you have to love and believe in yourself.

For the first time, I genuinely felt good about myself.

After studying, I went on a 3.6-mile walk (of course, I had to log it on Strava). During the walk, I listened to successful people talk about manifesting and how it changed their lives.

I’m really happy with how my day went, and I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow and do it all again.

Don’t fail yourself—you’re more powerful than the problems you face daily. You have to wake up with purpose and a drive to succeed. You are the only person who can hold yourself back from achieving the dream you’ve always had.

If you can visualize it, you can hold it in your hands. The brain can’t tell the difference between seeing and visualizing something—so if you can imagine it, you can do it.

Godbless

My relationship of 20 months has transitioned into a long-distance relationship. I hate it. Every second of the day I’m not with her, I feel like I’m slowly losing it. Before this big move, my baby and I had never been separated for this long. Mind you, I don’t even know when or how soon we’ll see each other again. It’s been on my mind even before we moved. Because of that, I haven’t been 100% myself. I feel like fragments left behind in a memory. It hasn’t even been a week yet, and I already feel so lonely.

My baby girl… I love her so much. More than she even knows. And trust me, it’s not just me — she’s been down too. It’s been sad for both of us.

To go more in detail, I’ll start from how we met.

Before I met my girlfriend, I had no hope for love whatsoever. Honestly, I thought I was going to die alone. A part of me was okay with that. I was tired of constantly trying to talk to people. It was always draining, to the point where I’d rather just be alone. Mind you, I had never been in an official relationship before. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out.

It was June 2024. A friend and I were smoking and drinking one random afternoon. That’s when my girlfriend (who was my coworker at the time) texted my friend about a small function. Suddenly, one of her friends called my friend Ben and asked who he had with him. Once Ben said my name, I heard a very surprised and happy voice in the background.

It was her.

I had never heard anyone get that excited over hearing my name before. I was shocked. Once I found out who it was, I was starstruck. A woman I never thought would even look my way was excited for me to come over. I was already crossfaded, so I started getting a big head lol. To the point where I thought it was a good idea to pull up wearing a Mario hat 😭.

The moment we made it to her gated apartment, we were met by another coworker at the function — someone I had only spoken to a few times. But I wasn’t there for him. I was there for my girl.

From the moment I stepped into her apartment, she was like a beam of light. So pretty and bright. I’m honestly lucky I was still a little drunk because I would’ve been shy as hell otherwise. I just remember staring at her the whole time, trying to spark a conversation and getting lost in her eyes. I was literally in a trance. I knew she was different from any girl I had ever met. I wanted her so bad.

Unfortunately, the night ended early because of some conflict with another guest. I was furious and in my feelings at the same time. I even remember yelling about someone “cockblocking” lol.

The next day, Ben and I managed to get back to our rooms somewhat safely. But I didn’t get her socials or her number. I was devastated. I kept wondering if she’d even be interested.

Turns out she was more than interested lol. She texted Ben that same day asking for my Snapchat. I was so happy she felt the same way I did. We started texting back and forth for a while and even talked at work — even though it wasn’t allowed.

The following week, I asked her to come to a bingo night as my date. Another coworker asked to tag along too, but just as a friend of course. I didn’t have a car or license at the time, so she had to pick me up in her truck. I knew right then that I’d have to step it up soon for her.

When we got there, I made sure we sat somewhere with a little more privacy, even though we were in a group. We had fun. We held hands. For someone like me, with no dating experience, it felt amazing. I felt a connection, even though we were still getting to know each other.

That same night, we thought it would be a good idea to go back to her place and drink a little more. That’s when I started getting nervous lol. It was just me and her. I didn’t know what to expect, but at the same time, I felt comfortable. She’s just such a warm, big-hearted person. I felt that right away.

After we got to her apartment, my nerves slowly settled. That’s when I met Kiko Boy (her dog). We sat on her small couch, watched Madame Web, and drank Twisted Tea lol. I won’t go into too much detail, but the thought of having sex with her didn’t even cross my mind until we were on the way to the bedroom.

This part is embarrassing, but I was so timid that I just couldn’t. I didn’t fully feel comfortable yet. She was so welcoming and warm. She held me and whispered in my ear that it was okay. I had never felt that kind of peace and warmth in my entire life. In that moment, I knew she was special.

We shared the same bed and slept so well. I had work the next day, so she dropped me off. I was in awe. I didn’t want her to leave. I watched her drive off, waving at her with the biggest smile on my face.

Usually, this is the part where two people never talk again after a night like that. But we’re not like that. She didn’t hold anything against me. If anything, she seemed even more intrigued by me. I was dumbfounded — but I felt so blessed at the same time.

I couldn’t get her off my mind. I even started following her around at work. She loved it, but I had to chill — too many eyes on us lol. And mind you, I was never in a good mood at work before that. I never talked to any girls there either.