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Suction cup boi
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he flatten
“Scully, you’re not gonna believe this”

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straight up, the rules of misogyny graphic changed my life. it's such a simple and practical tool for identifying patterns of patriarchy
@eleta @starlight-in-any-other-form here it is!
the unimaginable power of saying "huh, guess that's not for me" and moving on with your life
Even in left wing circles it’s literally like pulling teeth trying to get people to take misogyny seriously as a real problem that is killing women and ruining their lives everywhere all the time and not like a haha silly 1950s problem we just make jokes about now
Yall ever read a book you really love then get scared to start a new book because you worry you won’t love your next read as much as your last?

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It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!
this is actually really helpful and affirming thanks
*in tears* Thanks kitty, I needed this...
Truck comes first and if there is any money left over the kids may eat. - Modern Consumer Patriarchy
she got her degree and started removing the parasite 🙏
Tinfoil hat moment but I don't think he was dumb, I think he was strategic. He put her in a situation in which she had to either: sell her car (so the only means of transportation is now in his name), or maybe even to drop out (to have time for the second job) if she wants to feed the kids. He did it right when she was aaaaaalmost done with her degree. Either way, it's sabotage.
Sometimes when an action makes NO sense to us ("he's like a stupid alien"), it's bc we are not understanding its true motivation/purpouse. If his goal was control, financial pressure and limiting her options due to lack of funds, it makes perfect sensie to buy the truck.
Tinfoil hat moment over!
I wanna add that a lot of times people look at abusers like they are Moriarty, and assume that their actions are planned ahead of time. But I think most abusers are actually really impulsive and really bad at planning more than a few moves ahead.
Therefore, here is an alternative explanation based entirely on his impulsive feelings:
She's getting near the end of her degree, she's going to be making a lot more than him when she finishes. This makes him angry and jealous. The closer she gets to finishing, the stronger his anger and jealousy gets.
Well, if she's gonna be making so much more than me, the least she can do is pay for my truck. And maybe if she had to pay for this truck she wouldn't even be able to finish school. Then I'd still be man of the house. That would really show her whose boss. Now I feel more in control and less jealous.
"Honey, I bought a truck."
I think we often talk about abusers like we talk about evolution. We say polar bears evolved to have white coats for camouflage. We talk about evolution like it has a plan and is doing things on purpose. But evolution doesn't care about camouflage. Birth rates are all that matter, but evolution doesn't even "care" about them.
I think the majority of abusers don't actually plan things out. They just act impulsively on malicious feelings. It makes them feel good to have lots of power, so they take whatever power they can find. It makes them feel good to make their victims uncomfortable so they do that.
Most abuse tactics can be explained (and should be defended against) as if they are strategic. Just like evolution, it's just easier to talk about that way. But I think most abuser tactics are really just the consequence of impulsively acting on malicious feelings.
Basically: I don't think you need a tinfoil hat. Abusers like gaining power. And they don't need conspiracy or long term planning to get that power.
I would like to highlight the distinction between Strategy and Tactics.
Strategy is big picture. It’s about asking “what do I even really want here?” You say you want to Win. What does Winning mean? What does Winning look like?
In an argumentative context, Strategy is about the frame around the picture, so to speak. Are you approaching the conversation as a confrontation or a confession or a Conversion?
Tactics are about individual goals. In wargaming, Tactics are things like pincer attacks and flanking maneuvers; things like armor penetrating ammo and anti-cavalry fortifications.
In an argumentative context, Tactics are things like making an attack ad hominem, or shifting the goalposts, or turning the tables.
Abusers tend to be excellent Tacticians but terrible Strategists. They often do not even recognize good/healthy relationships as such. Their Strategy is a mess. They would not recognize victory if they stood in the midst of it.
But. They are very good at not losing. They are very good at making sure that the other person doesn’t win.
A good relationship is win-win; both parties benefit mutualistically from the symbiosis.
Abusers only know how to not lose.
sometimes i wonder if the decline in social skills and loneliness epidemic among young people is linked to the decline in reading, especially complex books
i was a socially awkward nerd as a kid but i learned a ton of social skills from books, and they also made me more empathetic and better able to understand why people behave the way they do in relationships (eg. 'oh my friend is being really difficult, but i guess shes going through this experience that ive never had, but i read a novel where the main character went through that so i can understand why she might be doing the things she is and maybe i can help her)
i think those complex books about difficult topics are so important and we gotta get people back into them

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http://www.nola.com/politics/index.ssf/2017/05/what_state_prisoners_get_to_wo.html
OMG
Things that I knew about: that the mass incarceration of people in the USA , particularly black men, has direct ties to/is an extension of slavery. Things I did not know: this specific shit about Louisiana HOLY FUCK this is evil.
OH MY GOSH????
When activist Sam Sinyangwe was awaiting a meeting with the governor’s office at the Louisiana state capitol building in Baton Rouge, he not
The 13th Amendment provides a loophole that allows for the legality of unpaid prison labor, which is sometimes called "modern-day slavery."
Grew up next to Angola. It’s much worse than you think
I wonder how many people are imprisoned for weed
I’m from Mississippi and it’s like this in my home town. Enslaved prisoners clean roadways, pick cotton, everything they’ve done since before slavery was supposedly ended. What they teach in schools is nothing but propaganda.
feminist killjoy hours again, what the actual fuck is “weird girl literature” and how often do we acquiesce to the latest degrading gendered advertising campaigns
Women did not fucking pioneer horror, thriller, and science fiction as we know it for publishing to infantilize it into a high school phase
is Stephen king “weird boy literature”? Or does he get to be an adult horror novelist?
She got the idea for the study while walking with her advisor at Stanford to discuss her thesis topic, and the paper she eventually published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology in 2014 is sharp enough that it should have ended the seated meeting on the day it came out.
She ran 4 experiments on 176 people. Same person tested twice. Once sitting, once walking. The creativity tasks were the standard ones psychologists have used for decades to measure how good a brain is at generating novel useful ideas.
81% of participants in the first experiment produced more creative ideas while walking than while sitting. In the second experiment, 88%. In the third, 100%. Every single person walked into a more creative version of themselves. On average, people generated 60% more novel useful ideas the moment their legs started moving.
The skeptical question is the obvious one. Maybe it was the fresh air. Maybe it was the scenery passing by. Maybe it was the change of environment doing the work, not the walking itself.
Oppezzo killed every one of those explanations with one experimental decision. She put people on a treadmill facing a blank wall. No scenery. No fresh air. No environmental change. Just legs moving in place while staring at white drywall. The 60% boost held.
Then she ran the experiment that closed the case completely. She took participants outside in two conditions. Half of them walked through a Stanford courtyard. The other half were pushed through the exact same courtyard in a wheelchair. Same outdoor stimulation. Same scenery passing at the same speed. The only difference was whether the legs were moving.
The walkers produced dramatically more novel high-quality ideas than the wheelchair group. The outdoors did almost nothing on its own. The walking did everything.
She also tested the opposite kind of thinking. Convergent thinking. The kind where there is one right answer and you have to narrow down to it. Word puzzles where 3 words share a hidden fourth word that connects them. The seated participants did slightly better on these. Walkers got slightly worse.
Walking is not a general intelligence enhancer. It does one specific thing. It opens up the divergent search inside your brain. The part that generates options. The part that produces unexpected connections. The part that takes a problem and finds five ways into it instead of one.
When you need to converge on the single right answer, sit down. When you need to find the answer in the first place, get up.
The mechanism is now well understood. Walking selectively activates what neuroscientists call the default mode network, the system inside your brain that runs when you are not consciously focused on anything. The DMN is where mind-wandering happens. Where memories cross-reference each other. Where ideas that have been sitting in separate folders inside your head finally bump into each other.
When you sit at a desk and force yourself to concentrate, you suppress the DMN. When you walk at a natural pace, the executive part of your brain gets just busy enough handling the walking that the DMN comes online and starts doing the work that focus was blocking.
The most useful finding in the entire paper is the one almost nobody quotes. The boost did not turn off the moment people stopped walking. Participants who walked first and then sat back down stayed elevated. Their next round of seated creativity work was still significantly better than people who had been sitting the whole time. The rest lingered for at least several minutes after the legs stopped moving.
You do not need to do creative work while walking. You need to walk before the creative work. The brain holds the state.
Edited down a long tweet. (x)
here is the full pubmed article
At a certain point in every woman’s life she needs to disappear from the lives of everyone she knows and do her own thing because otherwise she would go crazy

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There's an open pit in the middle of our office plan that drops down into a bunch of very sharp spikes that kill you instantly. This is bad. People keep falling in there and dying. Someone put a sign up, the other day, all bright yellow so you can't miss it, that says "Beware!!! Spikes!!!"
The office immediately split into two factions over it. One says that if anyone falls in the spike pit it's their own fault for being so stupid and not watching where they're walking, so we should remove the sign. The other says that the sign is an insult, there shouldn't be a spike pit in our office at all, and having the sign up like that is just normalising the existence of the spike pit, so we should remove the sign.
We ended up removing the sign. Probably for the better. Still... for a while there it looked like it might have worked...
Nobody has ever been capable of writing a scathingly harsh and well formulated satire about the perils of modern capitalism, that doesn't just get immediately one-upped by some random food service worker talking about their actual week.
Or month in this case.
disturbing amount of rapist-sympathy these days. "the sex offender registry shouldnt exist" "they cant get housing" yeah thats the point, nobody wants to live with a convicted rapist. parents dont want a pedo in their neighborhood. people want this, society is safer. whatever problems it causes for rapists is the natural consequence of their repeated choices. die slow in the street for all I care. shouldnt even be out of prison, be grateful.
A big thing this person is missing from the conversation is that shit like public urination can get you put on the sex offenders registry lists. Have you ever had sex in a car outside of the driveway(in some states)? Have you ever shared / been sent explicit photos before the age of 18 by someone your age? If you answered yes than you can be put into the sex offenders lists. Not only that there's been individual cases of queer people being jailed or threatened to get put on the list for shit like kissing in public(this happened in Florida). And some gay men convinced of consensual anal sex have not been removed from the list.
I'm not at all advocating for the lack of having a sex offender list but when you trust our government to decide who's going on that list you're going to have shit like that happen
no they dont <3 most men who get put on the registry for public urination are repeated offenders who would deliberately do it near places like elementary schools and playgrounds. it is a myth that theres a bunch of innocent people (lets be real, you mean men) who are put on the registry. as for your other examples, i invite you to go onto the registry online for your area and see what crimes the offenders near you are posted for. are they gay men? are they queer people who kissed in public? did they get one nude picture by a minor without their consent? nope. theyre child rapists and solicitors. as for your last point, it is careless to expect women to wait for the government to be trustworthy and to work perfectly before we can have resources to protect ourselves against predatory men. you use these fringe cases as an argument against the registry because you prioritize literally anything else above the safety of women and children because of your unacknowledged implicit sexist bias. no more, no less.