War Child

society really lost the war when dressing nice / slutty = “gay” “metrosexual” “is he 💅🏻”. we had decades of men wearing crop tops and short shorts without blinking an eye and now it’s ye ole pilgrim standards and talk of scandal if they show their knees

alone on a    night? god youre . go to bed

Every night I pop my dick off and point it in a direction so it can go fuck while I sleep. Unfortunately, it can only see via wetness, so if it ever gets near a body of water it'll go "That's one big pussy!" and dive in. It can't swim well, so when it makes it back in the morning my dick will be covered in fish bites.

ok!

One time I read that post that goes "once upon a time an adult put you on the ground and never picked you up again" and it made me sad so now I lift everyone. I'm 5'3" and kinda dumpy but the trick is to plant your feet, get 'em in a gable grip low near the hips with your knees bent, and then just tuck in your Elbows and straighten your legs. Gets those fuckers right on up there. I'm the oldest of eight and also the shortest but that sad shit lives with me so I'm hauling around these kids around like it's nothing. My little brother is a hockey player and a full head taller. I carried him around when he was a baby and I carried him around last weekend. My Papa is a 230lb Bavarian man who watches Stargate in a bath robe, he's smoked a pack a day for forty years. You think I haven't lifted him? I have. He said I couldn't do it but I did. God didn't give me social skills but I'm full of love and jacked as hell and he's not here to stop me

Death is not the end! You may go on to become the skeleton who fucks a hot chick painted onto some dudes harley

Wait hold up this is awesome. So not because I'm ugly?

Me and the bitch I found in a little hole in the yard

Me and the bitch I pulled from the tender earth

I fucked up so badly on this sudoku page no ones ever gonna wanna have sex with me

Back in 1066 if you were out of cash you could just go to a castle by the sea and pretend to have washed up and say to the lady when she finds you in the morning “verily was my vessel thrashed uponne y rockes, and was I threwn theroute, and nighly drownèd, but spied I a maiden seated on a cresting waive, and she spoke unto me thus, Thou shalt upon a new land happen, and the Ladie who ruleth there will do good unto thee, and robeth thou in the coloures of her house, and take thy hand in marriage upon y dethe of her Lord, and then that sea-maid sung an a daulphin issued me from y tempest to this gentle cove” and she would just believe you. And then when her husband died the next day of “stomach upset” she would marry you and you’d be fine. It happened so often