infinities

I made up a story in my head 

When can i ever stop dreaming

Eternal abyss 

Falling from the sky 

Only air

It’s only fair 

To create 

and smile  

With my mate 

If the rain stopped 

And blackbirds could fly again 

The breeze brought in darkness 

Only for it to pass away 

Layer upon layer 

Of unfolding with time 

A song that i sang with just a few

Could be heard 

And the beauty in this monochrome now

The wind is calm. I'm tired of crying, I long for a cigarette, for the one minute of calmness to let my emotions bury within. Don't know if it's tobacco or just the fact that you are taking a moment to breathe which calms your emotions for a moment which were otherwise going all over the place

It's my birthday, I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't want anyone wishing me, I don't want anyone being happy about me or trying to cheer me up. I don't feel like pretending. I don't want anyone to wish me because I'm sick of pretending to put up a smile. I want to left alone with my pain and grief, I don't have to smile when I don't feel it.

Then they'll say do this, do that. And I'm tired, honestly I'm tired of trying again and again, doing everything possible to work on myself or to make my situation better only to fail again and again. Honestly it feels just fine to sink into this hole, it's safe, it's comforting to know that life won't get any better, because it doesn't. I'm tired of disappointment. I just want to be left alone with my pain and disappear into oblivion

Sometimes I don't need people around

A little earlier I felt like what if I could be blown away with the wind, it would be such a nice feeling. And what if there was rain And it was a bit cold And I would take each breath with the wind Letting it fill me up completely , my hair and my chest. 

You scream in your pillow, drenching it with tears 

Night after night, you cry till everything crashes

Swollen eyed you wake up, wonder if there is an end to this despair  

Maybe you needed closure which never came 

cos he never even felt your pain 

or worse, ran away to avoid the guilt 

one moment, and everything was spilt 

‘Why me, what wrong did i do to you’

Then a voice says at the end 

He never called you or ever cared 

You were led on and used, why cant you comprehend 

And maybe once again, you erred

You dreamt too much on what was never there 

You kept forgiving thinking they never had it fair 

But 

What happened to the woman who despised such men 

Men who never grew up, who only look for their gain  

Who hurt women and make them cry

Who leave them hanging, without a word as to why

They say they never intended it so its alright

That woman who had fire in her heart, bigger than the sun 

Who protected herself and her sisters fiercely; braving all the guns

From the players, abusers and all such foe

That fire mellowed down a while ago

To take a chance, to believe in something good

To hear everyone out, empathise like she could

But 

Again, she didn't realise this would also cost her, her mind

You wonder, if there is a middle ground

For a person of extremes, if peace of mind can ever be found 

Where is that fine line, between believing and disbelieving?

Between anger, and care, between closing off and opening

To move what is to to be moved, to still and explode what is to be removed

To free fall, to flow, to rush the invisible energy flowing through each every atom particle matter 

To connect the stars, move the time, and the invoke the invisible force, the love, the gravity, the energy, the destiny, the inevitable 

Across the universes, across time, across endless nights, across our little imaginations, across our little dreams