“And when the dragon heard this, he stared at the King and his advisors and his retainers and his guards, and he reached up and scratched his forehead.”
“And after a long and awkward silence, the dragon said: So let me get this straight. I got all cleaned up with scale polish and everything for no reason, because there’s no actual dragon who might hypothetically go out on a date with me.”
“And the King said: I am afraid not.”
“And the dragon sat and thought about this for some time, while the royal court got more and more nervous, until he spoke once again: I don’t know what I find more infuriating. The fact that you’d prey on your own kind who are at least attempting to help you, or the fact that I just got catfished.”
“And the King said: What???”
“And the court wizard said: It is a term referring to misdirection and exploitation of romantic interests.”
“And the King said: Oh. I see.”
“And the dragon opened his mouth and walked towards the King, and the royal protectors charged forward to protect their liege, but their simple lances and pikes and swords and arrows shattered against the dragon’s scales, for in their greed, they had sold all of their ill gotten magical equipment, never expecting to actually need it themselves.”
“And the dragon ate the king in three bites, for while the dragon’s jaws were wide and mightily strong, the king was just that big around.”
“And the dragon licked his lips, and the rest of the court thought very carefully about what would happen when the dragon was done licking his lips.”
“And the court wizard said: The King is dead! Long live the new King!”
“And the rest of the court followed: The King is dead! Long live the new King!”
“Because nobody wanted to be the last to say it.”
“And that, young children, is the story of how His Majesty, King Talon Gemhoarder the First, became the ruler of our fair land. And he instituted many reforms of the feudal system that had allowed lesser lords to abuse and exploit the serfs and freemen who toiled in their fields, eating all the barons and dukes who defied him, and also introduced the Kingdom of Five Falls to the strange but wondrous inventions of the northern lands, such as black powder, and enchanted flying boats, and toilet paper. But that is another story, for another day. The End.”
snowghoul
2087
prguitarman
titsay
jbbartram-illu
