queer mess

I just used “oh ok” like 2 mins ago

my dad was saying how he thinks that at every birthday after 18 more and more things should become legal. so by the time you’re like 60 you finally get your meth and arson liscence

if you make it to 100 instead of getting a card or whatever it is from the queen you get to commit treason

your dad is a fucking innovator

hey for no reason whatsoever at what age would i completely hypothetically be able to murder jeff bezos

Why should i, sexy tramuatized bitch that I am, have to go to work?

Being sexy and traumatized doesn't pay the bills

This is what conversations in my head sound like.

who is this… who is this question directed to? People who have some actual dietary reason to avoid fruit? Who looks at a fruit plate and goes “nuh-uh, not unless I have a week and a 20k cash prize on the line.” Is the fruit platter actually the size of a four door sedan?? Has it been poisoned? Who made this??

you wet idiot

Godspeed you! wet idiot