beguiled

That actually happened to me a couple hundred years ago

i could add a few more stages to grief if they let me

dj got us lapping up blood again

I dont even jerk off i just think

ok well it has been real but i am going to kill you with a hammer now

If you've ever felt good when you did something, that's because youre an addict. You are a fucking junkie and you need to stop right now

Naming the female razor brand Venus is so personally offensive to me....you think Venus the goddess of love and sex and beauty was shaving her PUSSY? Go kill yourself

lollll dude have you seriously not realized that all things are delicately interconnected yet? at your age?

GORDON RAMSAY: Alright, mate. I'll forgive the cockup with the soup course, but I want that caprese salad, and if there's any more forbidden knowledge of the future in it I'm going to need words with the chef de cuisine ME: Absolutely, chef. We have your caprese salad coming out now *additional member of waitstaff brings out a dish on one hand, and lifts the cloche to reveal basil leaves, fresh mozzarella, and slices of San Marzano tomato artfully arranged to spell out "MARCH 15, 2048 - AUTO ACCIDENT"* GORDON RAMSAY: Hold on a moment. Is that when and how I die? ME: I don't know, chef. It seems at odds with the concept of free will that knowing such a thing would even be possible GORDON RAMSAY: Not even through the antipasti and I'm already being asked to subscribe to a non-deterministic universe. Fuck me

having a demon boyfriend would be so great because you could hang your shopping bags on his horns and hold hands while buying groceries

Put an egg in your ramen. Put scallions in your ramen. Put chili oil in your ramen. Put kewpie Mayo in your ramen. But nori in your ramen. Put tofu in your ramen. Put miso paste in your ramen. Put mushrooms in your ramen.

turns out i simply cannot handle things or situations

The "girlboss movement" is literally just women buying planners and men rebranding the same fauxgressive kind of movies they've been making for decades. You need to worry about real things. Like the chupacabra and saving up beans for when the big one hits

good morning sufferers of unexplained stigmata, anyone who was hanged as a witch in a past life, baristas who hate their jobs, people with catholic guilt, alchemists and occultists, bearers of forbidden knowledge, communists, bad liars with saviour complexes, hysterical women, people who keep their third eye closed, pre-raphaelite muses, hermetics, magicians, zealots, false prophets, and of course, the goths. to the rest of you….good morning i guess 🙄🙄🙄

"i can fix him" i like him evil actually. i can help him (kill people)

mike's hard past couple of months