i'm the one who determines how i live.

         COMFORTABLE IT WAS TO SIT down with chinnie. he’s someone that he can trust forever, someone he hopes to have in his life forever. his friend does not know, no one knows, and chaewon doubts if he knows it truly himself, but he has feelings for his friend. it’s difficult to comprehend, for he questions whether they are genuine feelings or if they stem from the fact that chinnie is someone consistent; therefore, someone he can depend on with romantic emotions. regardless, he knows he has them, and the more time they spend time with one another, the more they hold hands and act cute, he realizes that this is perhaps genuine. he won’t say a word, though. “only my face? that’s all you missed about me? i’m wounded … but, at the same time, flattered. i am pretty handsome.” he laughs, facing the other with all his focus. “oh, woah, what is it? what’s the big news?” he leans forward to show he is interested in the conversation, eyes lighting up. “oh don’t worry about, but here,” he pulls his phone out, opening the food delivery app. “i’ll order us dinner. don’t worry.”

KIB: was it truly a mistake?

KIB: what if him and i right now wanted you

KIB: and you had to pick someone

KIB: who would you pick?

KAI: yes, kibum.

KAI: what kind of question is that ?

KIB: do you actually have feelings for me?

KIB: because if you do

KIB: then why . . .

KIB: nvm i just idk what to think

KAI: why would i lie about that ?

KAI: why would i what, kib ?

KAI: sleep with taemin ?

KAI: because i did

KAI: because he asked me to love him like i used to

KAI: and i did

KIB: because you still love him

KAI: of course i still love him

KAI: he was my first

KAI: but that doesnt mean i dont want to move on

KIB: you slept with him.

KIB: literally tangled up with him

KAI: ... so you're saying you cant be with me

KAI: i don't know, because it's true maybe

KAI: obviously

KAI, [ READ ]: ....

KAI: what ?

KIB: i. like. you. dumbass.

KIB: but it's not so simple

KIB: you are still tangled up with your ex

KIB: and ur ex is also close to me

KAI: i'm not still tangled up with him

KAI: it's over.

KIB: why do people always say that wtf

KIB: want me to be selfish kai? blunt to you?

KIB: i like you dumbass

KAI: i don't know, because it's true maybe

KAI: obviously

KAI, [ READ ]: ....

KIB: because . . . he dated someone i consider a brother

KIB: it won't be fair

KIB: besides

KIB: maybe i like someone else

KAI: so ? you're too nice for your own good.

KAI: be selfish for once.

KAI: oh

          AFTER A LONG DAY OF PRESS WORK, chaewon wanted nothing more than to lounge about and rest. however, at the same time, he wanted to spend time with chinnie, his best friend for many years. he still recalls meeting the younger male, having been a neighbor; therefore, becoming a babysitter when parents were not available. since then, though, the two have grown closer as friends. when entering the place, he smiled wide hearing that chinnie has been watching him on television. regardless of his years in fame, he still becomes flustered, especially when it’s someone close to him watching his performances. “which show were you watching? romance is a bonus book or my older projects? or were you watching one of my violin performances?” he sits on the couch, glancing at the other. “do you have anything with onion flavoring? i’m craving that …”

KIB: it's obvi not whatever

KIB: you wouldn't have brought it up

KIB: look he was a former fling of mine & he wanted to try a relationship with me

KIB: but that's not possible

KAI: it is whatever

KAI: i just wanted to let you know i wasn't completely avoiding you

KAI: oh, okay

KIB: oh . . .

KIB: yeah i was with a former friend of mine

KIB: you could have interrupted

KIB: it was nothing

KAI: looked more than nothing

KAI: well it's whatever now

KIB: i looked busy?

KIB: how so? what was i doing?

KAI: you were with someone

KIB: fine . . . we won't talk about it

KIB: what do you want to talk about then?

KIB: i just don't know what to say because . . .

KIB: i miss you.

KIB: a part of me feels as if you've been avoiding me on purpose

KIB: so this text was surprising

KAI: okay

KAI: i.. don't know ?

KAI: i.. maybe i was but...

KAI: i came to your apartment the other day to apologise

KIB: i'm sure i'm always here to talk to you

KIB: no it wasn't fair because you didn't do anything to me

KIB: i can't blame you for sleeping with other people

KIB: esp your ex

KAI: okay the same goes to you

KAI: i hurt you, clearly

KAI: yeah, well idk