honestly, fuck you to hell. I know I shouldn’t be mean, I shouldn’t be attack you with negativity to looking at the past and seeing it so cynically but a part of me just can’t help me. I assume I see it this way so that the angry part of me knows I would never want to go back. I made peace, but yes I feel anger and annoyance about how things are and came to be. Yes im thankful we parted way, but to think that you are living your life ignorantly and not growing or owning up to your bullshit.... Pisses me offffff. I wish you would just be held accountable and get the bad karma you deserve, but I dont want to be disappointed so I rather wish you well. Sometimes I hope you are still dying and hurting over losing me. I hope you still cry over me or want me. I hope you believe ill be the best you’ll ever have, however, if you were to ever to even tell me such a thing I wouldn’t even believe you. Youre a liar, youre scum, you dont respect anyone. Anything you could say to me would mean nothing, you aren’t a good respectable person. I hate everything you did to me, and it sucks how it makes things hard for me to trust other or to believe in myself. But for this exact reason, I would never want you in my life ever fucking again. I dont think you’ll ever amount to what I deserve. In my truth, you’ll always be scum, a piece of shit, and you probably dont deserve true happiness. But to wish you anything would be too much, too good for you ANYWAYS. I HOPE that SOOON, youll fully be nothing to me, not even a stupid ass ex.

i’m okay with my path ending here, i like watching the people around me succeed and do better. i’m okay with leaving, i mean i’m not completely at peace with it but i’m more at peace with it than i am than most ppl i assume. i feel a lot of guilt for my family, i know they won’t understand and i know it would hurt them so much... but they’re strong enough to overcome it bc i know they can. i know my friends will be okay, bc they’ve always been okay. i don’t think i’ve ever made a home in another person— not enough for them to truly grieve and die over my own passing. i just want everyone to be happy and i know they will, i just want to end my path here. my choice, my control..... i’ll make my life long imprint here for those around me and just fade into the blackness.

i think about if i ever went through another heartbreak how i’d prob just drop dead from the stress n pain lol

i think a large part of me regrets loving you despite how much it made me grow