Hey Hey Haley

@swaggestswag

even if girls did have pillow fights @ sleep overs why do ppl assume they would be cute/sexy … If we’re pillow fighting it’s going to be a straight up brawl there will b no boundaries. I will try to pillow punt you into the next dimension. I didn’t come here to make friends I came here to win

My girlfriend leaves so much hair all around the house it would be impossible for me to clear her DNA and prove she was never here.

@swaggestswag

I am currently living in this haunted house.

“I don’t use Facebook” is the new “I don’t own a TV”

@swaggestswag

People who make radio ads with traffic sounds deserve a special place in hell

If i became a vampire, the hardest part would be not being able to eat garlic.