pure fear.

Something happened yesterday that made me notice that I need to take care of my health a bit better.

I unknowingly copied hcs from another person and didn't realized it until I've been called out ( the person rightfully soft blocked me and i sent an ask apologizing ).

This is not about that, but this event made me realize how shitty my memory is now. And i know it has something to do with my physical health.

It's been worse than ever and so has been my anxiety due to irl stuff. So I've decided to take a time out from all social media, and that includes tumblr.

I'll be back eventually and this blog still has a lot of queued posts to go through, so you won't be missing me that much. But I'll be gone for a couple of weeks until I'm feeling more confident in my health state.

“    𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆    IS    THE    ROAD,    𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓    IS    THE    LIFE    …    ”

lowkey starter call because i miss my chaotic child.  i still haven’t written her verses but feel free to tell me if you want a specific one :  supernatural ( she’s an actual demon ),  non-disney ( aka mythology , she’s a demigod ) ,  tvd / legacies / to / sabrina ( aka witch babe ) ,  human ( mama i’m a criminal )

basically i got soap in my eye while i was taking a shower and now i'm angsty so. bon appetit!

" i needed you. i needed you, and you weren't here! so where the HELL were you?! "

" i... i'm so tired... "

" everything's falling apart. "

" i loved you! i l loved you so bad it hurt! and now i'm over you, and you're telling me it wasn't all for nothing?! when it's too late?! "

" how dare you! "

" i'd move all the stars in the sky if i thought it would ever make you happy. "

" please... please, tell me how to fix this. "

" i did this. i ruined everything... "

" don't go. please. i... i don't want to be alone... "

" i tried fixing this. i knelt down and put it all back together, but... it's never going to be like it was before. is it? "

" could... could you just hold me, a while? "

" oh, love... what have you done? "

" i just... don't care anymore. "

" you aren't a monster. "

" you never talk about your past... why? "

" i never want to see you again! "

" you asshole! you asshole, i hate you! i hate you, i hate you, i hate you! "

" why would you DO that?! "

" i don't hate you. god, i could never hate you... "

" i would've done anything for you. but now... i mean, it seems so clear how one-sided this whole relationship was. "

" i think this is where we part ways. "

" for what it's worth... i always liked you. "

" do you have any better ideas? because trust me, i'm all ears! i don't want to do this! but we're literally out of options! "

" if i could take it all back, i would... but i can't. "

" i should've listened to you. why... why the hell didn't i listen to you... "

" you're not your past. "

" you know what? you're on your own. i can't watch you get yourself killed. "

" if you could only see yourself through my eyes... "

" we've all done stupid, terrible things. but it's not about that. not anymore. all that matters is how we proceed now. "

" none of it was real. "

" to me it was real! it felt real! "

" don't do that. don't act like you don't give a damn. "

" we both know there's nothing here for me. not really. but you... you have a whole life here, ready and waiting to be lived. "

" don't be angry. please, don't be angry. i can take it from just about anyone, but not you... "

" i can't let you do this... "

" why are you still here?! why?! i destroy everything i touch! and yet you still stick around! "

" i love you. always have, and always will. i... i need you to remember that for me. please. "

" this is what your plan is? hiding? disappearing and running away when the going gets tough? fuck you. "

" they've/you've taken EVERYTHING from me! "

" i trusted you! "

" i lied. "

" i'm sorry. "

" you/they don't get to walk away! you/they don't get to act like nothing ever happened! "

" i forgive you. "

" i'm not angry. anger is a luxury i afford for the people i love and care about. but you... well. i'm just resigned to it, i guess. "

" we're done. "

" i don't love you anymore. "

" you don't get to be mad at me! "

" don't touch me. "

" please... say something. "

normalize losing motivation.

normalize smaller blogs.

normalize less notes and reblogs.

normalize lack of inspiration.

it’s okay if you don’t write, post or publish everyday. it’s okay if you don’t feel like finishing that work in progress. it’s okay if you can’t mentally or physically come up with something. it’s okay if you don’t have this many followers, notes, or reblogs. any of this does not define your worth. your value. your talent.

golden rule, support and love others as you’d want to be. don’t be afraid to reach out and self-promoted. it’s okay. it really is.

→     𝐈 .    GENERAL

❛   hush .   raise  a  finger  in  a  gesture  to  silence  my  muse . ❛   sit .   gesture  for  my  muse  to  sit  down . ❛   door .   hold  a  door  open  for  my  muse . ❛   tap .   tap  my  muse  on  the  shoulder  to  garner  their  attention . ❛   hunger .   give  my  muse  something  to  eat  /  drink . ❛   cook .   present  my  muse  with  home - cooked  food . ❛   brush .   work  a  brush  /  comb  through  my  muse’s  hair . ❛   read .   silently  read  a  book  alongside  my  muse . ❛   hand .   hold  out  a  hand  for  my  muse  to  take . ❛   dressed .   help  my  muse  put  on  an  article  of  clothing . ❛   note .   give  my  muse  a  note  saying :   [ content ] . ❛   amplify .   turn  up  the  music  in  the  car .

→     𝐈𝐈 .    ANGST

❛   patch .   help  my  muse  patch  up  a  wound . ❛   night terrors .   hold  my  muse  after  they  wake  up  from  a  nightmare . ❛   company .   silently  sit  with  my  muse  to  comfort  them. ❛   hospital .   my  muse  is  told  that  yours  is  in  the  hospital . ❛   revelation .   show  my  muse  evidence  of  a  lie  they  told . ❛   indulge .   find  my  muse  drinking  to  cope . ❛   downfall .   find  my  muse  collapsed  on  the  ground . ❛   console .   comfort  my  muse  as  they  cry . ❛   nurse .   give  my  muse  company  in  the  hospital .

→     𝐈𝐈 .    AFFECTIONATE

❛   wink .   wink  at  my  muse .  ❛   wrap .   wrap  an  arm  around  my  muse’s  [ shoulders  /  waist ] . ❛   caress .   gently  caress  my  muse’s  face . ❛   tousle .   mess  playfully  with  my  muse’s  hair . ❛   chest .   place  your  head  on  my  muse’s  chest .    ❛   comb .   comb  fingers  through  my  muse’s  hair . ❛   grasp .   run  to  my  muse  &  jump  into  their  arms . ❛   lean .   lean  on  my  muse’s  shoulder . ❛   tender .   kiss  my  muse  on  the  [ forehead  /  cheek  /  nose ] . ❛   abrupt .   kiss  my  muse  out  of  the  blue . ❛   chaste .   chastely  kiss  my  muse . ❛   good morning .   kiss  my  muse  the  morning  after . ❛   volumes .   gaze  at  my  muse  in  a  way  that  silently  says  ‘i love you’ .

→     𝐈𝐈𝐈 .    VIOLENT

❛   strike .   [ slap / punch ]  my muse in the face . ❛   gun .   wield  a  gun  at  my  muse . ❛   twist .   twist  my  muse’s  arm  behind  their  back . ❛   throttle .   aggressively  wrap  your  hands  around  my  muse’s  throat . ❛   parch .   burn  my  muse  with  a  hot  object . ❛   take down .   forcefully  bring  my  muse  to  the  ground . ❛   gouge .   wield  a  sharp  object  at  my  muse . ❛  shunt .   shove  my  muse  backwards . ❛  stickup .   yell  at  my  muse  to  put  their  hands  in  the  air. ❛  shoot .   [ fatally  /  non-fatally ]   shoot  my  muse . ❛  stab .   stab  my  muse with a  [ knife / other object ].

→     𝐈𝐈𝐈 .    NSFW