hella shit

when your math teacher is moving on to the next chapter but you still don’t know anything

This shit catchy

This slaps

@puncromancer

the oompa loompas are a greek chorus

First of all, I hate this so much. Second of all, imagine if the two switched places. (Veruca falls into the trash chute) Chorus: Pray thou no more; for mortals have no escape from destined woe. Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness; and reverence towards the gods must be inviolate. Great words of prideful men are ever punished with great blows… (Oedipus stabs his eyes out) Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa doopity do I’ve got another riddle for you What do you get when you sleep with your mum? A curse on your kids for decades to come~

1) this is hysterical and 2) think about the eons of culture that have lead to the creation of this joke. I am humbled by this.

isn’t rick and morty that thing you get when you die and your body gets all stiff

goodbye

“hey man, thanks for teaching me the german word for humans” “don’t menschen it”

This is rad af.

Got Dayum

Raise a glass for Slytherin heroes

story time: i taught my little cousin her first longer word when she was very young. i taught her to say “tax benefits”. and to this day my aunt still doesn’t know where she got it from, but it was a hilarious sight to see a little toddler waddling around the house, wearing a big diaper, all the while yelling “TAX BENEFITS!!!!”

My parents did this with me and “nuclear disarmament”.

I taught my little brother to say “micro-surgical vasectomy reversal” (saw it on a billboard) on a road trip, and he didn’t stop saying it for literal years.

My parents taught me to chant “Get your laws off our bodies!” for a pro-choice rally when I was like four and I went to preschool and taught all the other kids the chant and led them on a mini-parade around the playground and the teachers were like ?????????? ?????????? ????????????

whenever my brother threw a tantrum as a baby my parents would chant “live free or die” until he calmed down it was fuckin weird

when i was a kid whenever we got stuck in traffic my dad would say “what the fuck?!?” in a very comic voice and i would repeat it and then he would say it with a slightly different inflection and i would repeat that too and so forth and so basically my poor mother would be stuck in standstill traffic listening to her husband and 4 yr old daughter swearing at each other without end

i’m a preschool teacher and we like to joke around using radical vocabulary with the children, the other day i overheard one kid say ‘this is my truck’ and the other one said ‘no, this truck belongs to the collective’; they all say it now

That last one.

This is too good not to reblog.

help