i'm too young to go to frog jail!

Question: if Agimus took over the universe, which current AI would he use?

Joe Dove: Siri, Gemini…

Jeffrey Combs: <mutters>

Jeffrey: I don’t know. I think he’d just take them all over.

Everyone: <laughs>

Jeffrey: AI… FUCK AI!

Everyone <cheers>

FIC LINK /// ISLAND TAG

Due to highly improbable events, Herbert and Dan switch bodies, and things only get worse (better?) from there. Dan’s technically the one that insists they keep touching to a minimum, but the re-agent running through his veins is making him feel… Well…

Recommended if you like: pining, fictional drugs and, as someone coined in my tags and I still think about, “dubcon realness.”

(Rated E. Technically the very first island! The first of many bits that got too serious… Comes off to me as a very baseline Danbert to me now, I was just figuring them out, but I’m very fond of this island still. Respect your elders!)

FIC LINK /// ISLAND TAG

Herbert shows interest in a new co-worker at the hospital, and Dan slowly sinks into confusion and biting anger. He’s never been possessive like this before, and Herbert keeps pushing him to new limits, but he can control it. He can control it. 

Recommended if you like: biting, psychological torture, and Daniel Cain finally snapping

(Rated E. Look at the tags if you’ve never read it before, there’s some realll freaks out there.......)

FIC LINK /// ISLAND TAG

Daniel Cain bisexual crisis time, in which he’s torn between desire and per-conceived notions (his roommate really isn’t helping), and decides the thing to do is have anonymous sex in a gay bar… How do we think this goes…

Recommended if you like bisexuality, slutting out, and the long drive home after a wild night out

(rated Extra E, for Everything, and dedicated to people who spin Dan around in their minds… and also like it when he begs)

FIC LINK /// ISLAND TAG

At age 26, Herbert has left his religion, built his own body, and become the scientist he always wanted to be. He hasn’t needed anything else for years, until he meets Dan, loves him, and watches it all fall apart. He can’t stand to stay, he can’t bear to go, and he can’t shake the feeling there’s so much more to them than a few months in Peru should allow.

Recommended if you like: unbearable tension, the dark before the dawn, and being trans even if it pisses people off. Especially if it does. 

(My Bride analysis about christian america, nuclear families, interacting with trauma through sex, physical transitioning, and a million other things. But most of all, this story is about iguanas.)

HARDER TO KILL LINK /// SICK FREAK LINK /// ISLAND TAG

H2K covers bother I Should Be Harder To Kill AND Sick Freak, because it’s the same danberts

In “I Should Be Harder To Kill," Dan and Herbert are in their early thirties, a new town, and an intensely codependent relationship. After 5 years of being constantly together, they have to spend a week apart. Herbert finds it easy at first, but as time drags on, he gets lost in memory and there’s few limits to what he’d do to feel like Dan’s still with him.

“On The Sick Freak” takes place two years after the first fic. Dan decides it’s time to deal with Herbert’s recurring terrible attitude while sick once and for all, using all the manipulation he has at his disposal. He recounts their 7 year relationship as he goes, and learns new things about his husband, too. (currently updating.)

Recommended if you like alternative forms of affection, the ins-and-outs of long-term companionship, and getting banned from the library

(This Danbert is criminally easy to write, so I spend a lot of time here. Adorably weird, morbidly sweet, and absolutely freak4freak. Mwah)

ISLAND TAG

Dan’s quiet life as a priest is upturned as Herbert, an exorcist, pulls Dan into a strange world of demon hunting and dark magic, one that costs him his religion, his wife, and his body. Now, as they attempt to expel the powerful demon possessing Dan, both find themselves tested; Herbert by unexpected attachment, and Dan by the demon is far too similar to himself.

Recommended if you like sharp teeth, being drenched in blood, and strange gay sex on level previously unseen

(comparatively ancient, first Danbert AU. What happens in this story is not particularly cohesive; I tend to go by TLC rules: if it’s crazy, sexy, or cool, I’m there.)

ISLAND TAG

Hundreds of years in the future, on a small winter planet called Arkham, Dan finds himself drowning in medical bills and completely broke. He works as an assistant to the eccentric Dr. West and his glowing green alien companion, Remi. It’s romance, comedy, horribly long work days, and finding warmth in even the coldest places.

Recommended if you like workplace romances, campy space hijinks, and meddling in Dan and Herbert’s relationship

(This is my comfort island. I love it here. Find me here any day.)

ISLAND TAG

On a dark and stormy night, in a castle on a hill, Herbert West creates life! Dan, as the creature calls itself, is Herbert’s finest creation and an ideal assistant. Or he was supposed to be; instead he’s disgruntled, argumentative, and worst of all, growing more and more interested in being more than co-workers. It’s not easy having a good time…

Recommended if you like rocky horror picture show, particularly mad science, and clocking out after a long shift

(This AU is similar to Exorcist x Priest in that it’s low on the rules, but in this case, I’m aiming for campy, sexy, and whatever bit is funniest.)

ISLAND TAG

Dan works as a mechanic at the track where Herbert races, and spends many afternoons patching up Herbert’s bike and the man himself. Herbert fears no death, a daredevil and a dominant in equal capacity. Dan grows slowly more obsessed, and agrees to be Herbert’s submissive; the click of the lock around his neck marks a swift departure from the life he once knew.

Recommended if you like: Bondage and bootlicking, leather and latex, or maybe just the smell of gasoline.

(okay listen, there’s like 2 things in this tag but you have to understand the way this AU lives in my mind. Truly called motorcycle au because it’s my excuse to draw moto gear and machinery. Rare Danbert relationship that’s actually negotiated tho… Few and far between…)

Daniverse tag - it's Dani's universe and we're just living in it! all-encompassing Dan trans content tag, which includes a couple different islands in it (It’s fair to assume Dani uses they/them unless otherwise stated)

Westosterone tag - everything (specifically) trans Herbert, which I say because my Herberts are almost always trans men (we don’t need to talk about Saturday Night okay)

Danbert AU Variety Show - this is where AUs live, but specifically anything that isn’t plain old Danbert but doesn’t have it’s own island (yet) will be. There’s all kinds of stuff in there. Lesbians, comically large hammers, etc...