i feel like when you encounter subs who have little regard for their doms or their aftercare etc. etc. its very telling about the sort of mindset that they have about subbing/play in general- like they view subbing as this sort of ideologically pure position in which the recipient of violence can do no wrong, and domming as this like, release of inhibitions and sadistic pleasure. which, yes in a way domming is a release of inhibitions, and many people do get a sadistic pleasure from it, but at the end of the day domming is an altered state- it's not the same as who someone is when they're acting as their vanilla selves, the same way that someone may act different drunk vs. sober. so like it feels weird to me that they might think of it that way because it makes me think that their idea of what a dom should be is someone who actually wants to hurt you in a seriously dangerous, abusive way and fuck up your long-term wellbeing, which is NOT at all what it is.
if you're a sub and you think of domming that way you should really step back and reflect. i think most good doms view domming as a privilege, a mutual power exchange, and hold their sub's safety and wellbeing at the highest priority. if you view it as a position which should be abusive then you are going to get yourself into bad situations with abusive "doms" and you are ALSO going to abuse regular doms by pushing them past their limits and leaving them without aftercare bc you view yourself as ontologically good and them as ontologically evil. as a sub, even if you might be in a physically vulnerable position, you have to remember the power you have and you have to use it to protect yourself and protect your dom. if you sense that they're pushing themselves too far you have to ease up, just like a good dom would ease up if their sub was choking, exhausted, hurting in a bad way, etc. etc.