inhale

“Just open up. For once.”

“Oh my god, just grow up!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!”

“Stop it, you’re being childish!”

“I told you I’m fine, stop asking.”

“Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Don’t you owe me an explanation?”

“Why don’t you ever listen to anyone?”

“I’m so tired of listening to you lie, lie lie!”

“Stop, I don’t want to argue. Just let it go.”

“Stop talking down to me. I’ve had enough.”

“Why are you sneaking around here like that?”

“What made you think that any of this was ok?”

“Why… why would you say something like that?”

“Don’t tell me you’re happy. I can see you’re not.”

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do. Start talking.”

“You’re not perfect! Stop pretending that you are!”

“Why does everything have to be a fight with you?”

“Have you ever told the truth about anything, ever?”

“Talk to me. That’s all I want. Just talk to me, please!”

“Just keep your mouth shut for one second. Just one.”

“Why are you acting like this? What’s gotten into you?”

“You expect me to believe you? After all you’ve done?”

“Can’t you just give it to me straight, for once in your life?”

“Tell me what’s been going on. I deserve that much from you.”

“Why are you always trying to stick your nose in my business?”

“You can’t keep secrets from everyone and expect them to trust you.”

regrets

lokelani tries to not have regrets but that would be a major lie

she regrets not standing up to her parents abuse most of all, but refused to talk about this or acknowledge it

kel also regrets not believing her grandmother’s stories of magic, because maybe she would’ve come into her powers earlier

I use no Generative AI to write for me.

I use no Generative AI to create images for me.

I do not wish to write with people who actively use Generative AI.

If you write with me, you won't ever have to fear any AI being used to doing my replies for you. I will not feed your writing to ChatGPT and the like, and I would appreciate it if you don't feed my writing to any kind of Generative AI either. You do not have my consent to do so.

general mental health related trigger warnings apply.  feel free to include more or exclude those facts / test results that take too much time or don’t apply, you can check out this list for more personality-related quizzes to include!

QUICK FACTS ,

diagnoses: none triggers:  guns, violence positive coping skills:  chewing gum, swimming, running negative coping skills:  skipping meals, drug use, binge drinking, unsafe sexual activity attachment style:  disorganized/ fearful-avoidant love language:  myers briggs / mbti: 

HISTORY EXPLORATION ,

are their diagnoses formal ( via a doctor, therapist, etc. ) or informal ( self diagnosis, a hunch, unrealized, etc. )     no diagnoses either way. although she should be diagnosed with ptsd maybe cptsd, depression, and substance use disorder.

have they ever been treated / medicated? she was forced to go to conversion therapy which was considered treatment by her parents

have they ever been hospitalized or treated on an inpatient basis? nope

how old were they when they first started experiencing / realizing symptoms? symptoms of depression in childhood

do they have a family history of mental illness?   none that either parents would admit

how was mental health handled / discussed in the family / community? it wasn't

what are their thoughts on mental health / their diagnosis? she doesn't think or talk about but doesn't have any sort of issue with people that do go to therapy and seek treatment

in what ways has their diagnosis shaped their life or experiences?   a diagnosis would likely have helped her out significantly in coping with her trauma

SYMPTOMS: note that all of the below are, on their own, normative and typical aspects of human functioning. they become “symptoms” when they last longer than “normal” or when they pose a significant impact on someone’s life / functioning.

BOLD  all that are present,  ITALICIZE  those that are resolved or in the history.

depression.    anxiety.    panic attacks.    dissociation.    derealization.    depersonalization.    suicidal ideation.    self harm.    homicidal ideation.    psychosis.    auditory hallucinations.    visual hallucinations.    delusions.    mania.    hypomania.    racing thoughts.    hyperactivity.    attention difficulty.    flashbacks.    nightmares.    hyperarousal.    hypoarousal.    hypersexuality.    hyposexuality.    psychopathy.   risky behavior.    catatonia.    somatic / bodily concerns.    mutism.    phobia.    agoraphobia.    hoarding.    obsessions.    compulsions.    body dysmorphia.    hair picking.    skin picking.     amnesia.    illness anxiety / hypochondria.    sensory loss.    speech difficulty.    comprehension difficulty.    communication difficulty.    tics.    defiant behavior.    irritable mood.    vindictiveness.     aggression.    pyromania.    kleptomania.    paranoia.    attention seeking.    narcissism.    avoidance.    dependency.    pica.    rumination.    food restriction.    food binging.    purging.    soiling the bed.    insomnia.    fatigue.    sexual dysfunction.    delirium.    developmental delays.

explanations / elaborations on any of the above symptoms:

tagged by:  @seesgood

origins + the unknown

atlas doesn’t know a lot about herself and her origins, but she does not have parents.

the ways in which humans classify and describe themselves can apply to atlas but they are often confusing to her and the are newer terms and identifiers.

this is due to atlas being born before the human race was, so although she has a birthday, a zodiac sign, and even appears to be a certain ethnicity, these are not ways in which she would describe herself.

atlas was born on the vernal equinox, when the day and night were equal time. this is typically march 20/21 in the northern hemisphere and september 22/23 in the southern.

atlas was born in the northern hemisphere and so her birthday is on march 20/21, making her an aries. this information means nothing to her. in human aus she was born on march 21.

atlas uses the sun, moon, and stars to tell the date even now with clocks existing.

atlas uses she/they pronouns and this has evolved over time.

atlas wasn’t so much the first of her kind to be born, as she is the only one of her kind. they believe that they were created by a powerful being as they do not have any parents or family.

most of the species she created are unaware of their origins, but several have stories and legends that can be traced back to atlas.

atlas is the only of her species, something with more innate magic than a witch with a unique set of abilities. her appearance is a mix of attributes from demons and angels, but she isn’t either.

atlas was created by a cosmic being, something that is one with the universe itself. she never had a family or parents to raise her and instead learned to survive herself.

often atlas is referred to as the unknown by other creatures as it is not just who she is but what she is.

tw for chronic illness / chronic pain and body dysmorphia 

“Shit, it hurts!”

“I’m used to it hurting.”

“It’s nothing. It just hurts, again.”

“I just can’t ever get comfortable.”

“My whole body just feels… wrong.”

“No, it’s normal pain. I’m used to it.”

“I wish these scars would just go away…”

“It hurts too much to stand up, I need to sit.”

“I’m tired of feeling off all the time, that’s all.”

“I think I need a hot shower and some painkillers.”

“It doesn’t even feel like this body is… me, anymore.”

“God, I wish I could be healthy for one day. Just one.”

“No, it doesn’t really hurt today. It’s just uncomfortable.”

It’s a bad day, again. I might need some help getting up.”

“It just feels like there’s something in me that’s not… me.”

“I don’t even remember what it’s like to get a good night’s sleep.”

“What’s it like waking up and NOT always hurting? Must be nice.”

“Man, if I hurt this much already, it’s really gonna suck to get older.”

“I need a hand up. If I start crying, don’t stop, it’s manageable pain.”

“I’m only (age)! I shouldn’t have the aches of a 90 year old woman.”

“I feel like a burden. I wish I was healthy so no one has to look after me.”

“This doesn’t even feel like a body, anymore. It’s just a big ball of pain and ick.”

“It feels like my body’s never… right. Like there’s always something wrong with it.”

“I don’t want to stay in bed, ‘cause my brain’ll tell me I’m lazy. But, it hurts too much to stand up today.”

what does your love taste like?

almond milk

yours is a bittersweet love. your love is human, mature, tame, down to earth. you’re not one to believe in fairytales. fireworks and stomach butterflies are great, they are fun, but you want something solid, rooted. you want a companion. as almond does, your love has some natural sweetness to it. the one that comes from sharing life with someone. but you do not like sugar coating, you do not like excessive sweetness. it can get nauseous. why do you leave that bitter aftertaste on your lover’s mouth? has anyone ever complained to you? is it because you’re too disenchanted? it really took you a while to let your guard down. were you hurt on a previous relationship? or did you spend so much time alone, that now you value your independence more than everything? you also value honesty and loyalty. your love is not made for ambiguity. i think you might not be a fan of “situationships”. again, you are and want something warm, enduring, a cane you can lean on just in case you need to. your love feels like slow mornings, like a routine that anchors you to reality. it’s not loud or flashy, but it’s rich in memory and nuance.

tagged by: @hcrctic

atlas' pokemon team

i based this a little bit on aesthetic but mostly on atlas’ ability and what elements she may feel the most connected to.

stolen from: @shesnipes