to be human

CECIL BEATON  (1904-1980) - Lady Aberconway’s cat, Antonia, Bodnant, 1950.

So today i brought this book because why tf not:

And then i noticed:

Jigglypuff wrote a love letter!!! And pidgey got to deliver it!

ONO PIDGEY DROPPED IT

YESSS SHE FOUND IT!!!!

WHAT LICKYTUNG YOU RUDE LITTLE SHIT

TF LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE

!!!!!!

This is Catherine The Great. She was a legendary Empress of Russia and ruled longer than any other leader, and she did a damn good job by all accounts. People loved her, she worked hard, she was smart, and she was also one of the proudest motherfucking freaks in HISTORY. She proved to the world that just because you look a little like Lady John Lithgow does not mean you are undesirable, and just because you’re royalty does not mean you can’t be a horny goddess of filth.

There’s this rumor that Catherine’s biggest conquest was a literal goddamn horse, but historians believe that it’s just a sick rumor that some hating ass bitches made up because they were intimidated that a woman could not only be in charge of a country but of her own sexual predilections. HMM, THANK GOD TIMES HAVE CHANGED???

Anyway, Catherine used her money to finance this fuck pad room in her castle that was an homage to doin’ the nasty. Catherine’s Pinterest board must have looked like a fucking PornHub screenshot because this is what that beautiful proud slut decorated her lair with:

A chair that is so classically beautiful and…oh my damn…what in the hell..

IS THAT CHAIR SUCKING A DAMN DICK?

THAT IS THE DEVIL AND HE IS EATING A PUSSY LIKE HELLFIRE’S GONNA SHOOT OUT OF IT

YOU NOT A BAD BITCH UNLESS YOUR OFFICE CHAIR HAS A PANTALOON-LESS VULVA AIRING ITSELF OUT ON IT. 

THERE ARE GIANT WANGS GROWING OUT OF GIANT CHI-CHIS HOLDING UP A CORNUCOPIA OF FINELY-CRAFTED, CLASSICAL ASS, BAROQUE ASS, ROCOCO ASS GENITALS, WITH THEIR TORRENTIAL EJACULATIONS. HOW THE FUCK YOU GONNA GO TO IKEA AFTER THIS SHIT?